Revision

english2revision.docx

6

Revision English 111

Perry May

Durham Tech Community College

English 111

Professor Frank Merksamer

November 2, 2025

Part B: Designing/Mapping the Toulmin Essay.

Overarching Claim: the Showshank Redemption is the greatest movie ever made

Paragraph 1: Backing

Component	Content
Connection to the overarching claim	This paragraph supports my claim that it is the greatest movie ever.
Claim	It attains this status since it offers most profound satisfactory emotional payoff in the cinema, a feeling of cathartic joy earned through suffering of the character.
Ground	The final sequence of the film is when Andy escape through sewer pipe and his arm is raised in the rain; bed’s parole board speech about “rehabilitated”; red finding Andy’s letter and the cash under tree; their reunion on the beach in Zihuatanejo.
Warrant	Based on my perception, the overall role of the great film is to bring a feeling of something powerful and true. The feeling of joy towards the end of the scene is not cheaper or unearned; it is a direct outcome of having endured the decades of hardship by the character. Such particular blend of hardship and quiet victory is a feeling that has not been delivered by any other film in a perfect manner. Therefore, it stands above all other films.

Paragraph 2: Qualification

Component	Content
Connection to the last paragraph	Even though I believe its emotional payoff is making it perfect, I have to confirm that this is particularly authentic for its group; it is the greatest film concerning friendship and hope ever made.
Claim	Its claim to “greatest ever” is the most defensible when narrowing the focus to the character-driven movies regarding human spirit.
Ground	It lacks the basic visual impact associated with the matrix, the complicated mythology of the Godfather, or the rapid-fire comedy of a film like the Airplane! Its strengths are purely in its narrative and the emotional execution.
Warrant	My personal standard regarding the “greatest film” gives priority to the emotional resonance and thematic power over the aspects such as innovation or genre-specific excellence. Through recognition that it is not the “best” at special impacts or comedy, I am actually making my core argument stronger. I am defining the terms of the debate concerning some of its exceptional strengths, making the claim more focused and sensible.

Paragraph 3: Rebuttal

Component	Content
Connection to the last paragraph	Even in its category of the profound films, it is possible for one to argue that another movie, such as The Green Mile, is simply satisfactory.
Claim	Nevertheless, the Green Mile, despite being perfect, it delivers more spiritual fantastical and psychological shocking assumption. It makes it less unanimously inspirational, hence less satisfying compared to the grounded, earned hope of Shawshank.
Ground	The Green Millie depends on the supernatural element brought by John Coffey’s healing powers and ending with the disastrous execution. It leaves a long-term feeling of sorrow and injustices. Conversely, the triumph by Showshank are human made. Andy’s knowledge and patience makes him and he is saved by the Red’s choice towards “getting busy livin.” The Showshank magic non-literal, but a metaphorical.
Warrant	The personal definition of “greatest” covers the sense of uplifting, the human-centered triumph. Even though Green Mile is considered a masterpiece, its ends brings a feeling of melancholic sense of loss for what it could have been. Nevertheless, Showshank makes me believe in the power associated with human will. According to me, this particular feeling of optimistic catharsis is pinnacle of cinematic success and it is a feeling deliberately avoided by the Green Mile in favoring a more tragic tone.

Part A; Draft of the Three Paragraphs

Overarching Claim: The Showshank Redemption is the greatest movie ever made.

PARAGRAPH 1: BACKING

This is the primary factor that makes The Shawshank Redemption the best film ever ever produced because it provides the ultimate emotional payoff, the feeling of cathartic ecstasy that is gained solely through the suffering of the characters. The last scene of the movie is a brilliant emotional discharge. Andy Dufresne is finally liberated by crawling his way through a river of sewage and is standing in the cleansing rain with his arms stretched in every direction. Red is finally heard telling the parole board the truth, and he is no longer uttering prepared lines; his tired heart is speaking. We find him heading in the footsteps of Andy to the hayfield and discovering the letter and cash who represent a new life. And finally, our friendship is shown by the reunion of the two friends on a sunny beach in Zihuatanejo. On a personal level, I suppose that the final aim of a movie is to make the viewer moved to something significant and authentic. The sheer exuberance of happiness and expectations that I feel in these closing scenes is not a cheap or unmerited feeling; it is the direct payoff of having survived almost two hours of injustice, brutality, and despair alongside these characters. The flawless combination of suffering and eventual silent triumph is an emotion not yet put across by any other film effectively. Therefore, I believe that the film is at the top of its own. ( Transition) Of course, it is a bold statement to refer to any film as the undisputed greatest ever, and it requires some elucidation before one can take it seriously.

PARAGRAPH 2: QUALIFICATION

To make clear my blanket statement, I must be more exact in stating that The Shawshank Redemption is better and most plausibly better when we narrow our horizons to its own field, the sphere of a character-driven film on the subject of hope and friendship. It is necessary to observe what the movie fails to be. It is not as famous as The Matrix in terms of its revolutionary bullet-time visuals, nor as multi-generational crime saga Godfather was. It certainly does not do anything as wacky and high-paced as a typical example of a genre, like Aeroplane! Its merits lie virtually in its story, characterization, and the overwhelming emotional impact it produces. This perceptual, emotional impact, or thematic strength, is what takes precedence in my personal criterion for a great movie over all other cinematic elements. The fact that I have publicly admitted Shawshank is not the best in terms of special effects and comedy actually reinforces my main point. I am setting the conditions for the argument about its particular strengths, which makes my statement much more acceptable and dedicated to the reasons why it is the final accomplishment in its own path of narration.

[ Transition] Even within this narrowed category of the g=significant human films, a skeptic is likely to point to a movie with same themes as an equal contender.

PARAGRAPH 3: REBUTTAL

It might be said that the same emotional impact is produced by another Stephen King adaptation, directed by Frank Darabont, The Green Mile. Nonetheless, as much as The Green Mile is a masterpiece, it has a more spiritually fantastical ending that is more devastating and thus less uplifting to most than the Shawshank grounded and earned hope. The Green Mile depends on the supernatural miracle of the healing powers of John Coffey, and its denouement consists in his wicked execution, which leaves the viewer with the overwhelming feeling of deep injustice and a sense of grief. Conversely, the successes in The Shawshank Redemption are obtained through the help of purely human resources: the smarts of Andy set him free, and the self-control of Red makes him avoid the same destiny as Brooks. The wizardry in Shawshank is the wizardry of the human heart and not a miraculous gift of God. I have already defined greatness as something uplifting and humanistic in its victory. The Green Mile evokes a melancholic feeling of loss for its tragic hero. Nevertheless, Shawshank makes me sure without a single doubt in the power of perseverance and friendship. To me, it is the pinnacle of cinematic accomplishment, and it is an effect that The Green Mile intentionally sacrifices to achieve a more sombre and ghostly atmosphere.

revisiontoluminworksheet.docx

revision worksheet for the Toulmin essay

Instructions: Use the revision paper to answer these questions. I have attached the original paper you did for me. Use this paper to answer these questions.

This revision worksheet has three parts.

Part One (33% of grade):

Address the following two prompts in informal paragraphs (led by a claim and backed up by supporting details, totaling 4-6 sentences).

1) What is the big claim in your first draft (of the Tolumin essay) and how do each of your paragraphs help prove that big claim? Be specific in mapping out the relationship. If there is not a strong one, point out how and why the relationship is breaking down.

2) How do the three body paragraphs in the first draft relate to each other? Think about the different Tolumin pieces when you answer as these pieces describe the parts and relationships within a good argument! Be specific in mapping out the relationship. If there is not a strong one, point out how and why the relationship is breaking down.

Part three (33% of grade):

Go into the resources folder and answer all questions on the following slides within the powerpoint called revision workshop (you will find this under files):

* chunking

* transitions

Part 3 (final 33%):

Use the same revision workshop slides but go into those entitled introductions and conclusions. Answer all questions there, culminating in outlines (not drafts) for an introduction and a conclusion. As we will see in class, intros and conclusions are not previews or reviews of what happens in the body. They are frames, heightening the significance and contextualizing the body, adding depth and meaning to it, kind of like when you put an important photo into a beautiful frame.

Closing remarks:

Make sure to answer the questions thoroughly and not to draft. Overall, I want to see you thinking about the questions that I am asking in the worksheet and above. I do not want to see more essay writing / drafting. This is the time for planning and re-planning, not the time for writing. Once our plans our good, writing gets clear and easy. If you just write for me now, you will likely make the same mistakes as the first draft!

english2revision.docx

6

Revision English 111

Perry May

Durham Tech Community College

English 111

Professor Frank Merksamer

November 2, 2025

Part B: Designing/Mapping the Toulmin Essay.

Overarching Claim: the Showshank Redemption is the greatest movie ever made

Paragraph 1: Backing

Component	Content
Connection to the overarching claim	This paragraph supports my claim that it is the greatest movie ever.
Claim	It attains this status since it offers most profound satisfactory emotional payoff in the cinema, a feeling of cathartic joy earned through suffering of the character.
Ground	The final sequence of the film is when Andy escape through sewer pipe and his arm is raised in the rain; bed’s parole board speech about “rehabilitated”; red finding Andy’s letter and the cash under tree; their reunion on the beach in Zihuatanejo.
Warrant	Based on my perception, the overall role of the great film is to bring a feeling of something powerful and true. The feeling of joy towards the end of the scene is not cheaper or unearned; it is a direct outcome of having endured the decades of hardship by the character. Such particular blend of hardship and quiet victory is a feeling that has not been delivered by any other film in a perfect manner. Therefore, it stands above all other films.

Paragraph 2: Qualification

Component	Content
Connection to the last paragraph	Even though I believe its emotional payoff is making it perfect, I have to confirm that this is particularly authentic for its group; it is the greatest film concerning friendship and hope ever made.
Claim	Its claim to “greatest ever” is the most defensible when narrowing the focus to the character-driven movies regarding human spirit.
Ground	It lacks the basic visual impact associated with the matrix, the complicated mythology of the Godfather, or the rapid-fire comedy of a film like the Airplane! Its strengths are purely in its narrative and the emotional execution.
Warrant	My personal standard regarding the “greatest film” gives priority to the emotional resonance and thematic power over the aspects such as innovation or genre-specific excellence. Through recognition that it is not the “best” at special impacts or comedy, I am actually making my core argument stronger. I am defining the terms of the debate concerning some of its exceptional strengths, making the claim more focused and sensible.

Paragraph 3: Rebuttal

Component	Content
Connection to the last paragraph	Even in its category of the profound films, it is possible for one to argue that another movie, such as The Green Mile, is simply satisfactory.
Claim	Nevertheless, the Green Mile, despite being perfect, it delivers more spiritual fantastical and psychological shocking assumption. It makes it less unanimously inspirational, hence less satisfying compared to the grounded, earned hope of Shawshank.
Ground	The Green Millie depends on the supernatural element brought by John Coffey’s healing powers and ending with the disastrous execution. It leaves a long-term feeling of sorrow and injustices. Conversely, the triumph by Showshank are human made. Andy’s knowledge and patience makes him and he is saved by the Red’s choice towards “getting busy livin.” The Showshank magic non-literal, but a metaphorical.
Warrant	The personal definition of “greatest” covers the sense of uplifting, the human-centered triumph. Even though Green Mile is considered a masterpiece, its ends brings a feeling of melancholic sense of loss for what it could have been. Nevertheless, Showshank makes me believe in the power associated with human will. According to me, this particular feeling of optimistic catharsis is pinnacle of cinematic success and it is a feeling deliberately avoided by the Green Mile in favoring a more tragic tone.

Part A; Draft of the Three Paragraphs

Overarching Claim: The Showshank Redemption is the greatest movie ever made.

PARAGRAPH 1: BACKING

This is the primary factor that makes The Shawshank Redemption the best film ever ever produced because it provides the ultimate emotional payoff, the feeling of cathartic ecstasy that is gained solely through the suffering of the characters. The last scene of the movie is a brilliant emotional discharge. Andy Dufresne is finally liberated by crawling his way through a river of sewage and is standing in the cleansing rain with his arms stretched in every direction. Red is finally heard telling the parole board the truth, and he is no longer uttering prepared lines; his tired heart is speaking. We find him heading in the footsteps of Andy to the hayfield and discovering the letter and cash who represent a new life. And finally, our friendship is shown by the reunion of the two friends on a sunny beach in Zihuatanejo. On a personal level, I suppose that the final aim of a movie is to make the viewer moved to something significant and authentic. The sheer exuberance of happiness and expectations that I feel in these closing scenes is not a cheap or unmerited feeling; it is the direct payoff of having survived almost two hours of injustice, brutality, and despair alongside these characters. The flawless combination of suffering and eventual silent triumph is an emotion not yet put across by any other film effectively. Therefore, I believe that the film is at the top of its own. ( Transition) Of course, it is a bold statement to refer to any film as the undisputed greatest ever, and it requires some elucidation before one can take it seriously.

PARAGRAPH 2: QUALIFICATION

To make clear my blanket statement, I must be more exact in stating that The Shawshank Redemption is better and most plausibly better when we narrow our horizons to its own field, the sphere of a character-driven film on the subject of hope and friendship. It is necessary to observe what the movie fails to be. It is not as famous as The Matrix in terms of its revolutionary bullet-time visuals, nor as multi-generational crime saga Godfather was. It certainly does not do anything as wacky and high-paced as a typical example of a genre, like Aeroplane! Its merits lie virtually in its story, characterization, and the overwhelming emotional impact it produces. This perceptual, emotional impact, or thematic strength, is what takes precedence in my personal criterion for a great movie over all other cinematic elements. The fact that I have publicly admitted Shawshank is not the best in terms of special effects and comedy actually reinforces my main point. I am setting the conditions for the argument about its particular strengths, which makes my statement much more acceptable and dedicated to the reasons why it is the final accomplishment in its own path of narration.

[ Transition] Even within this narrowed category of the g=significant human films, a skeptic is likely to point to a movie with same themes as an equal contender.

PARAGRAPH 3: REBUTTAL

It might be said that the same emotional impact is produced by another Stephen King adaptation, directed by Frank Darabont, The Green Mile. Nonetheless, as much as The Green Mile is a masterpiece, it has a more spiritually fantastical ending that is more devastating and thus less uplifting to most than the Shawshank grounded and earned hope. The Green Mile depends on the supernatural miracle of the healing powers of John Coffey, and its denouement consists in his wicked execution, which leaves the viewer with the overwhelming feeling of deep injustice and a sense of grief. Conversely, the successes in The Shawshank Redemption are obtained through the help of purely human resources: the smarts of Andy set him free, and the self-control of Red makes him avoid the same destiny as Brooks. The wizardry in Shawshank is the wizardry of the human heart and not a miraculous gift of God. I have already defined greatness as something uplifting and humanistic in its victory. The Green Mile evokes a melancholic feeling of loss for its tragic hero. Nevertheless, Shawshank makes me sure without a single doubt in the power of perseverance and friendship. To me, it is the pinnacle of cinematic accomplishment, and it is an effect that The Green Mile intentionally sacrifices to achieve a more sombre and ghostly atmosphere.

revisiontoluminworksheet.docx

revision worksheet for the Toulmin essay

Instructions: Use the revision paper to answer these questions. I have attached the original paper you did for me. Use this paper to answer these questions.

This revision worksheet has three parts.

Part One (33% of grade):

Address the following two prompts in informal paragraphs (led by a claim and backed up by supporting details, totaling 4-6 sentences).

1) What is the big claim in your first draft (of the Tolumin essay) and how do each of your paragraphs help prove that big claim? Be specific in mapping out the relationship. If there is not a strong one, point out how and why the relationship is breaking down.

2) How do the three body paragraphs in the first draft relate to each other? Think about the different Tolumin pieces when you answer as these pieces describe the parts and relationships within a good argument! Be specific in mapping out the relationship. If there is not a strong one, point out how and why the relationship is breaking down.

Part three (33% of grade):

Go into the resources folder and answer all questions on the following slides within the powerpoint called revision workshop (you will find this under files):

* chunking

* transitions

Part 3 (final 33%):

Use the same revision workshop slides but go into those entitled introductions and conclusions. Answer all questions there, culminating in outlines (not drafts) for an introduction and a conclusion. As we will see in class, intros and conclusions are not previews or reviews of what happens in the body. They are frames, heightening the significance and contextualizing the body, adding depth and meaning to it, kind of like when you put an important photo into a beautiful frame.

Closing remarks:

Make sure to answer the questions thoroughly and not to draft. Overall, I want to see you thinking about the questions that I am asking in the worksheet and above. I do not want to see more essay writing / drafting. This is the time for planning and re-planning, not the time for writing. Once our plans our good, writing gets clear and easy. If you just write for me now, you will likely make the same mistakes as the first draft!

english2revision.docx

6

Revision English 111

Perry May

Durham Tech Community College

English 111

Professor Frank Merksamer

November 2, 2025

Part B: Designing/Mapping the Toulmin Essay.

Overarching Claim: the Showshank Redemption is the greatest movie ever made

Paragraph 1: Backing

Component	Content
Connection to the overarching claim	This paragraph supports my claim that it is the greatest movie ever.
Claim	It attains this status since it offers most profound satisfactory emotional payoff in the cinema, a feeling of cathartic joy earned through suffering of the character.
Ground	The final sequence of the film is when Andy escape through sewer pipe and his arm is raised in the rain; bed’s parole board speech about “rehabilitated”; red finding Andy’s letter and the cash under tree; their reunion on the beach in Zihuatanejo.
Warrant	Based on my perception, the overall role of the great film is to bring a feeling of something powerful and true. The feeling of joy towards the end of the scene is not cheaper or unearned; it is a direct outcome of having endured the decades of hardship by the character. Such particular blend of hardship and quiet victory is a feeling that has not been delivered by any other film in a perfect manner. Therefore, it stands above all other films.

Paragraph 2: Qualification

Component	Content
Connection to the last paragraph	Even though I believe its emotional payoff is making it perfect, I have to confirm that this is particularly authentic for its group; it is the greatest film concerning friendship and hope ever made.
Claim	Its claim to “greatest ever” is the most defensible when narrowing the focus to the character-driven movies regarding human spirit.
Ground	It lacks the basic visual impact associated with the matrix, the complicated mythology of the Godfather, or the rapid-fire comedy of a film like the Airplane! Its strengths are purely in its narrative and the emotional execution.
Warrant	My personal standard regarding the “greatest film” gives priority to the emotional resonance and thematic power over the aspects such as innovation or genre-specific excellence. Through recognition that it is not the “best” at special impacts or comedy, I am actually making my core argument stronger. I am defining the terms of the debate concerning some of its exceptional strengths, making the claim more focused and sensible.

Paragraph 3: Rebuttal

Component	Content
Connection to the last paragraph	Even in its category of the profound films, it is possible for one to argue that another movie, such as The Green Mile, is simply satisfactory.
Claim	Nevertheless, the Green Mile, despite being perfect, it delivers more spiritual fantastical and psychological shocking assumption. It makes it less unanimously inspirational, hence less satisfying compared to the grounded, earned hope of Shawshank.
Ground	The Green Millie depends on the supernatural element brought by John Coffey’s healing powers and ending with the disastrous execution. It leaves a long-term feeling of sorrow and injustices. Conversely, the triumph by Showshank are human made. Andy’s knowledge and patience makes him and he is saved by the Red’s choice towards “getting busy livin.” The Showshank magic non-literal, but a metaphorical.
Warrant	The personal definition of “greatest” covers the sense of uplifting, the human-centered triumph. Even though Green Mile is considered a masterpiece, its ends brings a feeling of melancholic sense of loss for what it could have been. Nevertheless, Showshank makes me believe in the power associated with human will. According to me, this particular feeling of optimistic catharsis is pinnacle of cinematic success and it is a feeling deliberately avoided by the Green Mile in favoring a more tragic tone.

Part A; Draft of the Three Paragraphs

Overarching Claim: The Showshank Redemption is the greatest movie ever made.

PARAGRAPH 1: BACKING

This is the primary factor that makes The Shawshank Redemption the best film ever ever produced because it provides the ultimate emotional payoff, the feeling of cathartic ecstasy that is gained solely through the suffering of the characters. The last scene of the movie is a brilliant emotional discharge. Andy Dufresne is finally liberated by crawling his way through a river of sewage and is standing in the cleansing rain with his arms stretched in every direction. Red is finally heard telling the parole board the truth, and he is no longer uttering prepared lines; his tired heart is speaking. We find him heading in the footsteps of Andy to the hayfield and discovering the letter and cash who represent a new life. And finally, our friendship is shown by the reunion of the two friends on a sunny beach in Zihuatanejo. On a personal level, I suppose that the final aim of a movie is to make the viewer moved to something significant and authentic. The sheer exuberance of happiness and expectations that I feel in these closing scenes is not a cheap or unmerited feeling; it is the direct payoff of having survived almost two hours of injustice, brutality, and despair alongside these characters. The flawless combination of suffering and eventual silent triumph is an emotion not yet put across by any other film effectively. Therefore, I believe that the film is at the top of its own. ( Transition) Of course, it is a bold statement to refer to any film as the undisputed greatest ever, and it requires some elucidation before one can take it seriously.

PARAGRAPH 2: QUALIFICATION

To make clear my blanket statement, I must be more exact in stating that The Shawshank Redemption is better and most plausibly better when we narrow our horizons to its own field, the sphere of a character-driven film on the subject of hope and friendship. It is necessary to observe what the movie fails to be. It is not as famous as The Matrix in terms of its revolutionary bullet-time visuals, nor as multi-generational crime saga Godfather was. It certainly does not do anything as wacky and high-paced as a typical example of a genre, like Aeroplane! Its merits lie virtually in its story, characterization, and the overwhelming emotional impact it produces. This perceptual, emotional impact, or thematic strength, is what takes precedence in my personal criterion for a great movie over all other cinematic elements. The fact that I have publicly admitted Shawshank is not the best in terms of special effects and comedy actually reinforces my main point. I am setting the conditions for the argument about its particular strengths, which makes my statement much more acceptable and dedicated to the reasons why it is the final accomplishment in its own path of narration.

[ Transition] Even within this narrowed category of the g=significant human films, a skeptic is likely to point to a movie with same themes as an equal contender.

PARAGRAPH 3: REBUTTAL

It might be said that the same emotional impact is produced by another Stephen King adaptation, directed by Frank Darabont, The Green Mile. Nonetheless, as much as The Green Mile is a masterpiece, it has a more spiritually fantastical ending that is more devastating and thus less uplifting to most than the Shawshank grounded and earned hope. The Green Mile depends on the supernatural miracle of the healing powers of John Coffey, and its denouement consists in his wicked execution, which leaves the viewer with the overwhelming feeling of deep injustice and a sense of grief. Conversely, the successes in The Shawshank Redemption are obtained through the help of purely human resources: the smarts of Andy set him free, and the self-control of Red makes him avoid the same destiny as Brooks. The wizardry in Shawshank is the wizardry of the human heart and not a miraculous gift of God. I have already defined greatness as something uplifting and humanistic in its victory. The Green Mile evokes a melancholic feeling of loss for its tragic hero. Nevertheless, Shawshank makes me sure without a single doubt in the power of perseverance and friendship. To me, it is the pinnacle of cinematic accomplishment, and it is an effect that The Green Mile intentionally sacrifices to achieve a more sombre and ghostly atmosphere.

revisiontoluminworksheet.docx

english2revision.docx

revisiontoluminworksheet.docx

english2revision.docx

revisiontoluminworksheet.docx

English english toulman assignment 111