Memor Final

RECOMMENDATIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT:

Thesis:

Your proposal should be focused on the need for this program. The thesis (although not a typical thesis) for this assignment should be the proposed issue. The rest of the proposal must support your thesis.

You write: “Concerning the above remarks, we are planning to recycle printing papers and computer products.” This statement definitely presents part of the plan, but it can be more comprehensive. Why do you want to solve this problem? What is the purpose of your plan?

Keep it simple. In a typical essay, your thesis would come at the end of your introduction. In one sentence, what are you proposing and why? You are proposing a recycling initiative that will save the company money and improve its reputation while attracting more customers. You should to state that idea up front and again in the objective (later in the proposal).

Thesis strategies:

·  First of all, ask yourself, what is the point of this memo? What am I trying to do and what specifically do I want to have happen?

·  Write 20 titles as fast as you can.  Choose the title that most closely expresses the main point you want to make and rewrite it as a thesis.

·  What is the focus of your entire memo? Try making an idea map or a reverse outline: Number each paragraph, and on a separate sheet of paper, write the idea or most important and formative element of each paragraph. Then, write one sentence that weaves them all together. This does not have to be part of your essay, but the exercise helps you see your main objective.

·  Try filling in this model thesis: I am writing to an audience of _______________ who believes _______________________________________________________ in order to persuade them to __________________________________________. This is an idea that you will want to include in the thesis statement that you end up with.

·  Use the language of the assignment sheet: take the objective your professor has given you, rephrase it as a question, and then answer that question.

Organization:

The assignment page gives you a standard organization for this proposal that should meet the expectations of your Professor. Use what you already have and edit it to follow the recommended structure. Each area has a heading in bold to help you organize the information you already have and add more where needed.

• A standard memo heading section that contains To, From, Subject, Date.
• An introduction that clearly states why the memo has been written and what topic the memo will discuss. This is an overview section that addresses the overall issue.

Body paragraphs that explain exactly what you want to say regarding the topic that include:

• A Description of the problem or challenge that will be identified and researched in your Recommendation Report and why the problem/challenge is important to address.
• Objective of your upcoming Recommendation Report (i.e.: What should your audience know and do/change as a result of your Recommendation Report?) also, the point of your proposal. How to solve the problem and what you recommend.
• Information (researched evidence) you will need to gather to support your recommendations in the Recommendation Report, where you anticipate finding your research information, and how you will use or analyze the information. Can you provide research to help convince the powers that be that this proposal is needed? (Do not conduct any research for this memo assignment; just describe your research plans.)
• Targeted audience for your Recommendation Report (e.g.: your boss, a community organization, etc.) and how you anticipate the audience’s needs shaping the way the Recommendation Report will be written and which details will be included. Consider your intended audience’s position(s) in the organization, any opposition you might anticipate toward your recommendation, and the demands, pressures, and expectations (financial, social, political, personal, etc.) that your audience might encounter as a result of your recommendation. Basically, who are you writing to and what benefits does this propel offer them?
• A conclusion that tells the next step(s) in the development of your Recommendation Report and when the next step(s) will commence, and who will be responsible for the next step(s). This section will probably be a single paragraph in length.

Paragraphs:

Objective:

Your objective is really just your proposal. You want a recycling program that will benefit the company and the environment.  You need to address the audience later, but you also need to address them in this portion of your draft. You are writing this proposal to them/ him/ her.  The goal is to get them to see the value in your ideas. What should they do after reading your report? Your objective is to get your audience to act.

Audience

The audience of this memo is unclear. Is the purpose of the proposal to get the plan approved? Or to convince the employees to participate?

I think management is addressing the employees simply to inform them of the new plan. However, the audience should play a key part in how you word your memo. Would there be resistance to this plan? Why? Why not? Think of these things while developing your audience. If you want your target audience to agree with your proposal, then you need to make it very clear that there is a need for change. See organization above for more details about how audience should be included in your memo.

Objections

You do not mention any objections to your proposal.  If you are addressing management to approve your idea, then brainstorm reasons why they might object. Money is usually a factor Keep thinking about this, because people can find lots of reasons to decide not to give you money!

If you are addressing the employees to convince them to participate, then think of reasons why they would resist.

Sentence Structure

You make some minor local errors in this draft. Local means errors that do not interferes with your intended meaning - the reader can understand what you are writing.  For example, you write:

The management has identified that the company is allocating a lot of resources on printing papers and computer products. There is a lot of misuse of documents across all the departments.  Also, there have been too many uncollected jobs from the printers. We are also buying a lot of computer products while as doing away with the old computer products. This challenge has made the management to carry out a recycling program that will reduce cost in printing papers and find a way of dealing with the available computer products. The program is intended to reduce the liability incurred getting rid of the solid waste.

In the paragraph above, the yellow highlighted words means you need a different word form or a different word.  For example the preposition “on” should be “to.” The crossed out words are not needed.