Intro and body

Feedback for Introduction

Add the title to the first line of page 2 of your document in addition to the title page.

Your hook still needs some work. Take another look at the video lesson on writing an introduction and make sure that the next version of your hook is more refined. Here's the link for the video lesson, starting from the section that goes over hooks: https://youtu.be/-I-0Yz6hosc?t=83

The thesis is well-constructed, but it needs to list FOUR subtopics, not just three. Remember that the paper will have 4 body paragraphs, each covering a different reason why fast fashion is a bad idea, so you need 4 reasons.

This is a more minor style thing to clean up later, but avoid all personal pronouns in formal writing. These include the following: I, me, my, mine, myself, you, your, yours, yourself, we, us, our, ourselves. Personal pronouns are informal and therefore not appropriate for academic writing. Scan for any of them when you finish writing something and make sure to remove any you have.

The reference goes on a separate page, and remember to include a link for the source.

Overall, strong work structuring this intro and creating flow from sentence to sentence. Start with adding the subtopic to the thesis and revising the hook. Then you can worry about the little personal pronoun issue and the minor APA fixes

For this assignment, you will revise your introduction from last week based on your feedback AND you will add your first body paragraph. The two paragraphs should be submitted as a single document.

Use the feedback you received on your outline and on the introduction to make any necessary improvements for these two paragraphs. The following elements must be included in your submission:

Introduction:

● Start your essay with a hook designed to quickly engage the reader. ● Introduce the larger controversy that you will be weighing in on. ● Provide any necessary background information to bring your reader up to

speed on what you have chosen to present as an argument. This will vary depending on your topic and may include elements such as definitions, statistics, a brief history on your topic, etc.

● Close your introduction with your thesis statement.

First body paragraph:

● Begin your body paragraph with a topic sentence that clearly introduces the subtopic of the paragraph and advances the argument in your thesis statement.

● Provide logical, relevant supporting points in support of your topic sentence and elaborate on each supporting point.

● Use evidence from reliable, academic sources to support your argument, but make sure your paragraph does not rely entirely on research. Also argue using your own logic.

● When using information from your sources, paraphrase carefully rather than quoting word for word.

This assignment must be submitted in APA style. Make sure to use APA format, cite any outside sources within the text, and include any references that you used at the end.

Type your work into the APA template: APA Template

Download APA Template

See the rubric for specific grading criteria. Resource: Use the Grammarly tool to catch and correct mistakes in your writing assignments. Points: 50 Due Sunday, 11: 59 p.m. (Pacific time)

Rubric ENGL_140_OL - Introduction and First Body Paragraph Rubric

Criteria Ratings Pts

This criterion is linked to a Learning Outcome

Content: Introduction

20 to >17.8 ptsSophisticatedThe introduction begins with an engaging "hook" that avoids clichés. It contains sufficient and appropriate background information that builds up to a compelling, clearly articulated thesis statement.

17.8 to >15.8 ptsHighly CompetentThe introduction begins with a "hook" and contains appropriate background information and a clearly articulated thesis statement, but the background information may need further development, or the hook may need refining.

15.8 to >14.4 ptsFairly CompetentThe introduction suffers from one or more of the following problems: - The "hook" is missing or unclear. - The background information is insufficient. - The thesis statement is present but too broad/simplistic or not clearly articulated.

14.4 to >0 ptsNot CompetentThe introduction is missing a thesis statement or is otherwise highly underdeveloped.

20 pts

This criterion is linked to a Learning Outcome

Content: First Body Paragraph

20 to >17.8 ptsSophisticatedThe paragraph begins with a topic sentence that clearly introduces the subtopic and advances the argument in the thesis. The writer provides logical, relevant, well-organized points in support of the topic sentence, and elaborates on each. He/she incorporates well-paraphrased evidence from reliable, academic sources as well as clear, logical thinking to support the subtopic.

17.8 to >15.8 ptsHighly CompetentThe paragraph begins with a topic sentence that introduces the subtopic and advances the argument in the thesis. The writer provides logical, relevant points in support of the topic sentence and incorporates evidence from reliable sources to support the argument, but the paragraph would benefit from a better flow of ideas, more effective paraphrasing, or further elaboration of supporting points.

15.8 to >14.4 ptsFairly CompetentThe paragraph begins with a topic sentence that introduces the subtopic and advances the argument in the thesis. The writer supports the topic sentence and incorporates sources, but not all sources are reliable and supporting points are not all relevant and/or well-articulated. The paragraph is underdeveloped.

14.4 to >0 ptsNot CompetentThe paragraph is either missing a clear topic sentence that supports the thesis or fails to support the mini-argument that the writer presents in the topic sentence.

20 pts

This criterion is linked to a Learning Outcome

Language and Mechanics

7.5 to >6.68 ptsSophisticatedThe writer’s tone is confident, engaging, and appropriate for the assignment and/or the intended audience. The text demonstrates strong vocabulary skills, and the writer expresses ideas concisely. The writer makes minimal (if any) errors in grammar, spelling, and/or punctuation. There are no fragments or run-on sentences.

6.68 to >5.93 ptsHighly CompetentThe writer’s tone is appropriate and effective overall. The text demonstrates good use of vocabulary, and the writer expresses ideas concisely and clearly most of the time. The writer makes some errors in grammar, spelling, and/or punctuation, but these errors do not significantly distract the reader from the substance of the text. The paragraphs contain few (if any) fragments and/or run-on sentences.

5.93 to >5.4 ptsFairly CompetentThe writer’s work suffers from one or more of the following problems: - too informal, too personal, not authoritative enough, etc. - numerous awkward sentence constructions, wordiness, and/or limited vocabulary - numerous errors in grammar, spelling, punctuation, and/or sentence structure, which at times distract the reader from the substance of the text

5.4 to >0 ptsNot CompetentThe writer often fails to communicate ideas effectively because the paragraphs suffer from significant problems with language and/or mechanics, regularly distracting the reader from the substance of the text and hindering comprehension.

7.5 pts

This criterion is linked to a Learning Outcome

APA Format/Credit ing Sources

2.5 to >2.23 ptsSophisticatedThe writer makes minimal (if any) errors in APA format, citations, or references.

2.23 to >1.98 ptsHighly CompetentThe writer makes some errors in APA format, citations, or references.

1.98 to >1.8 ptsFairly CompetentThe writer makes numerous errors in APA format, citations, or references.

1.8 to >0 ptsNot CompetentThe writer makes significant errors in APA format, citations, or references.

2.5 pts

Total Points: 50

Outline of the essay

I. Introduction

A. Hook: Have you ever bought a shirt that looked great, was super cheap and trendy at first, but then ripped or faded after just one wash? That’s fast fashion.

B. Background info: Fast fashion is all about trendy clothes made really fast and sold for dirt cheap because of the way it’s being produced.

C. Background info: It’s fun because you can stay in style without spending much, but it comes with big problems most people don’t think about.

D. Thesis statement: Fast fashion is a problem because it treats workers badly, it hurts the environment, and it makes us buy way more than we need.

II. Body Paragraph 1

A. Topic sentence: One of the biggest issues with fast fashion is how workers are treated.

B. Supporting point: Workers in other countries are often underpaid and overworked.

1. Detail: Many workers get paid almost nothing for very long hours. 2. Detail: Factories can be unsafe and unhealthy places to work.

C. Supporting point: Big brands focus more on profit than workers’ well-being.

1. Detail: Even when brands claim to be “ethical,” conditions rarely improve. 2. Detail: Workers’ rights are often ignored in favor of speed and low costs

D. Supporting point: The system keeps workers trapped in poor conditions.

1. Detail: People making the clothes have little power or protections. 2. Detail: Labor issues are often hidden from consumers.

III. Body Paragraph 2

A. Topic/transition sentence: Fast fashion also causes serious harm to the environment.

B. Supporting point: Producing cheap clothes uses a lot of natural resources.

1. Detail: Making clothes takes huge amounts of water and energy. 2. Detail: Factories release pollution into the air and water.

C. Supporting point: Clothes are made cheaply and thrown away quickly.

1. Detail: Most clothing ends up in landfills after only a few wears.

2. Detail: Cheap fabrics don’t break down, which harms the environment.

D. Supporting point: Synthetic fabrics pollute oceans.

1. Detail: Tiny plastic fibers from polyester and other fabrics end up in water systems.

2. Detail: These microplastics hurt wildlife and ecosystems.

IV. Body Paragraph 3

A. Topic/transition sentence: Fast fashion encourages overproducing and waste.

B. Supporting point: Constantly changing trends make people feel the need to buy more.

1. Detail: New styles appear all the time, making old clothes feel outdated which influences more people to keep up to date with the fashion and buy more clothes that aren't even good quality.

2. Detail: People often replace barely-worn clothes with the latest trends.

C. Supporting point: This makes it harder for sustainable fashion to compete.

1. Detail: Thrift stores and ethical brands struggle against cheap fast fashion. 2. Detail: People get stuck in a cycle of buying cheap, low-quality items.

D. Supporting point: Overconsumption has long-term social and environmental effects.

1. Detail: It leads to waste and clutter. 2. Detail: It reduces demand for better-quality, sustainable clothing.

V. Conclusion

A. Restatement of thesis: Fast fashion is harmful because how people are overconsuming these products which are making the factories produce more where they mistreats workers, damage the environment, and encourage overconsumption.

B. So what?: If we slow down, buy better-quality clothes, reuse items, and support thrift or sustainable brands, we can help both people and the planet.

Feedback for Introduction

Add the title to the first line of page 2 of your document in addition to the title page.

Your hook still needs some work. Take another look at the video lesson on writing an introduction and make sure that the next version of your hook is more refined. Here's the link for the video lesson, starting from the section that goes over hooks: https://youtu.be/-I-0Yz6hosc?t=83

The thesis is well-constructed, but it needs to list FOUR subtopics, not just three. Remember that the paper will have 4 body paragraphs, each covering a different reason why fast fashion is a bad idea, so you need 4 reasons.

This is a more minor style thing to clean up later, but avoid all personal pronouns in formal writing. These include the following: I, me, my, mine, myself, you, your, yours, yourself, we, us, our, ourselves. Personal pronouns are informal and therefore not appropriate for academic writing. Scan for any of them when you finish writing something and make sure to remove any you have.

The reference goes on a separate page, and remember to include a link for the source.

Overall, strong work structuring this intro and creating flow from sentence to sentence. Start with adding the subtopic to the thesis and revising the hook. Then you can worry about the little personal pronoun issue and the minor APA fixes

For this assignment, you will revise your introduction from last week based on your feedback AND you will add your first body paragraph. The two paragraphs should be submitted as a single document.

Use the feedback you received on your outline and on the introduction to make any necessary improvements for these two paragraphs. The following elements must be included in your submission:

Introduction:

● Start your essay with a hook designed to quickly engage the reader. ● Introduce the larger controversy that you will be weighing in on. ● Provide any necessary background information to bring your reader up to

speed on what you have chosen to present as an argument. This will vary depending on your topic and may include elements such as definitions, statistics, a brief history on your topic, etc.

● Close your introduction with your thesis statement.

First body paragraph:

● Begin your body paragraph with a topic sentence that clearly introduces the subtopic of the paragraph and advances the argument in your thesis statement.

● Provide logical, relevant supporting points in support of your topic sentence and elaborate on each supporting point.

● Use evidence from reliable, academic sources to support your argument, but make sure your paragraph does not rely entirely on research. Also argue using your own logic.

● When using information from your sources, paraphrase carefully rather than quoting word for word.

This assignment must be submitted in APA style. Make sure to use APA format, cite any outside sources within the text, and include any references that you used at the end.

Type your work into the APA template: APA Template

Download APA Template

See the rubric for specific grading criteria. Resource: Use the Grammarly tool to catch and correct mistakes in your writing assignments. Points: 50 Due Sunday, 11: 59 p.m. (Pacific time)

Rubric ENGL_140_OL - Introduction and First Body Paragraph Rubric

Criteria Ratings Pts

This criterion is linked to a Learning Outcome

Content: Introduction

20 to >17.8 ptsSophisticatedThe introduction begins with an engaging "hook" that avoids clichés. It contains sufficient and appropriate background information that builds up to a compelling, clearly articulated thesis statement.

17.8 to >15.8 ptsHighly CompetentThe introduction begins with a "hook" and contains appropriate background information and a clearly articulated thesis statement, but the background information may need further development, or the hook may need refining.

15.8 to >14.4 ptsFairly CompetentThe introduction suffers from one or more of the following problems: - The "hook" is missing or unclear. - The background information is insufficient. - The thesis statement is present but too broad/simplistic or not clearly articulated.

14.4 to >0 ptsNot CompetentThe introduction is missing a thesis statement or is otherwise highly underdeveloped.

20 pts

This criterion is linked to a Learning Outcome

Content: First Body Paragraph

20 to >17.8 ptsSophisticatedThe paragraph begins with a topic sentence that clearly introduces the subtopic and advances the argument in the thesis. The writer provides logical, relevant, well-organized points in support of the topic sentence, and elaborates on each. He/she incorporates well-paraphrased evidence from reliable, academic sources as well as clear, logical thinking to support the subtopic.

17.8 to >15.8 ptsHighly CompetentThe paragraph begins with a topic sentence that introduces the subtopic and advances the argument in the thesis. The writer provides logical, relevant points in support of the topic sentence and incorporates evidence from reliable sources to support the argument, but the paragraph would benefit from a better flow of ideas, more effective paraphrasing, or further elaboration of supporting points.

15.8 to >14.4 ptsFairly CompetentThe paragraph begins with a topic sentence that introduces the subtopic and advances the argument in the thesis. The writer supports the topic sentence and incorporates sources, but not all sources are reliable and supporting points are not all relevant and/or well-articulated. The paragraph is underdeveloped.

14.4 to >0 ptsNot CompetentThe paragraph is either missing a clear topic sentence that supports the thesis or fails to support the mini-argument that the writer presents in the topic sentence.

20 pts

This criterion is linked to a Learning Outcome

Language and Mechanics

7.5 to >6.68 ptsSophisticatedThe writer’s tone is confident, engaging, and appropriate for the assignment and/or the intended audience. The text demonstrates strong vocabulary skills, and the writer expresses ideas concisely. The writer makes minimal (if any) errors in grammar, spelling, and/or punctuation. There are no fragments or run-on sentences.

6.68 to >5.93 ptsHighly CompetentThe writer’s tone is appropriate and effective overall. The text demonstrates good use of vocabulary, and the writer expresses ideas concisely and clearly most of the time. The writer makes some errors in grammar, spelling, and/or punctuation, but these errors do not significantly distract the reader from the substance of the text. The paragraphs contain few (if any) fragments and/or run-on sentences.

5.93 to >5.4 ptsFairly CompetentThe writer’s work suffers from one or more of the following problems: - too informal, too personal, not authoritative enough, etc. - numerous awkward sentence constructions, wordiness, and/or limited vocabulary - numerous errors in grammar, spelling, punctuation, and/or sentence structure, which at times distract the reader from the substance of the text

5.4 to >0 ptsNot CompetentThe writer often fails to communicate ideas effectively because the paragraphs suffer from significant problems with language and/or mechanics, regularly distracting the reader from the substance of the text and hindering comprehension.

7.5 pts

This criterion is linked to a Learning Outcome

APA Format/Credit ing Sources

2.5 to >2.23 ptsSophisticatedThe writer makes minimal (if any) errors in APA format, citations, or references.

2.23 to >1.98 ptsHighly CompetentThe writer makes some errors in APA format, citations, or references.

1.98 to >1.8 ptsFairly CompetentThe writer makes numerous errors in APA format, citations, or references.

1.8 to >0 ptsNot CompetentThe writer makes significant errors in APA format, citations, or references.

2.5 pts

Total Points: 50

Outline of the essay

I. Introduction

A. Hook: Have you ever bought a shirt that looked great, was super cheap and trendy at first, but then ripped or faded after just one wash? That’s fast fashion.

B. Background info: Fast fashion is all about trendy clothes made really fast and sold for dirt cheap because of the way it’s being produced.

C. Background info: It’s fun because you can stay in style without spending much, but it comes with big problems most people don’t think about.

D. Thesis statement: Fast fashion is a problem because it treats workers badly, it hurts the environment, and it makes us buy way more than we need.

II. Body Paragraph 1

A. Topic sentence: One of the biggest issues with fast fashion is how workers are treated.

B. Supporting point: Workers in other countries are often underpaid and overworked.

1. Detail: Many workers get paid almost nothing for very long hours. 2. Detail: Factories can be unsafe and unhealthy places to work.

C. Supporting point: Big brands focus more on profit than workers’ well-being.

1. Detail: Even when brands claim to be “ethical,” conditions rarely improve. 2. Detail: Workers’ rights are often ignored in favor of speed and low costs

D. Supporting point: The system keeps workers trapped in poor conditions.

1. Detail: People making the clothes have little power or protections. 2. Detail: Labor issues are often hidden from consumers.

III. Body Paragraph 2

A. Topic/transition sentence: Fast fashion also causes serious harm to the environment.

B. Supporting point: Producing cheap clothes uses a lot of natural resources.

1. Detail: Making clothes takes huge amounts of water and energy. 2. Detail: Factories release pollution into the air and water.

C. Supporting point: Clothes are made cheaply and thrown away quickly.

1. Detail: Most clothing ends up in landfills after only a few wears.

2. Detail: Cheap fabrics don’t break down, which harms the environment.

D. Supporting point: Synthetic fabrics pollute oceans.

1. Detail: Tiny plastic fibers from polyester and other fabrics end up in water systems.

2. Detail: These microplastics hurt wildlife and ecosystems.

IV. Body Paragraph 3

A. Topic/transition sentence: Fast fashion encourages overproducing and waste.

B. Supporting point: Constantly changing trends make people feel the need to buy more.

1. Detail: New styles appear all the time, making old clothes feel outdated which influences more people to keep up to date with the fashion and buy more clothes that aren't even good quality.

2. Detail: People often replace barely-worn clothes with the latest trends.

C. Supporting point: This makes it harder for sustainable fashion to compete.

1. Detail: Thrift stores and ethical brands struggle against cheap fast fashion. 2. Detail: People get stuck in a cycle of buying cheap, low-quality items.

D. Supporting point: Overconsumption has long-term social and environmental effects.

1. Detail: It leads to waste and clutter. 2. Detail: It reduces demand for better-quality, sustainable clothing.

V. Conclusion

A. Restatement of thesis: Fast fashion is harmful because how people are overconsuming these products which are making the factories produce more where they mistreats workers, damage the environment, and encourage overconsumption.

B. So what?: If we slow down, buy better-quality clothes, reuse items, and support thrift or sustainable brands, we can help both people and the planet.