human resource management

JWI 505: Business Communications and Executive Presence Week 2 Lecture Notes

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JWI 505 – Lecture Notes (1206) Page 1 of 6

Interpersonal Communication

What It Means

As a leader, you own one hundred percent of your relationships. You do not have the luxury of waiting for other people to meet you halfway, and they are not responsible for maintaining your relationships with them. If you want engaged colleagues and collaborators, you must take responsibility. It is up to you to inspire, to motivate, and to build strong ties with others.

Your success depends on the strength of your relationships with your colleagues. These are your collaborators, the people who can support your goals and help you realize them. People will engage with you and follow you based on who you are, not just what you do. You cannot tell others how to feel – you can only lead by example, openly and generously.

In this lecture, you will learn how to strengthen your interpersonal communication skills. We will describe the qualities you need to demonstrate in each of your interactions, as well as how to express yourself verbally and nonverbally. We will also explore the skill of active listening and distinguish communication styles for different audiences.

Why It Matters

• Much of your efficacy as a leader depends on how you engage with and inspire others.

• You can only create strong relationships when others feel that you listen to and empathize with them.

• Leaders interact with a wide range of people and must tailor their messages effectively.

“Empathy and social skills are social intelligence, the interpersonal part of emotional intelligence. That’s why they look alike.”

Daniel Goleman

JWI 505: Business Communications and Executive Presence Week 2 Lecture Notes

© Strayer University. All Rights Reserved. This document contains Strayer University confidential and proprietary information and may not be copied, further distributed, or otherwise disclosed, in whole or in part, without the expressed written permission of Strayer University.

JWI 505 – Lecture Notes (1206) Page 2 of 6

Interpersonal Relationships

There are four elements to any communicative action. There is always a subject, or someone performing the communication. There is a listener, or someone receiving the communication. There is a message, information that the subject wants to convey to the listener. And finally, there is a means of delivery – the tools the subject uses to send their message.

As a subject, both your message and your means of delivery rely heavily on your relationship with your listener. And whether you work in a massive corporation or a startup out of your garage, you will invariably have to interact with people. Perhaps your listener is a customer that you hope will buy your product or service. Maybe they are a coworker whose insights you need to complete a project. In any case, you cannot simply send a message and hope they act on it. If you want the listener to accept your message, they need to want to listen to you. You have to give them a reason to want to listen. That may be easy to do with a colleague that you have known for years. It is a lot harder to accomplish with a new coworker that you have never met before.

Regardless of who your listener is, you have to find a way to engage them. You need to establish trust between the two of you. You need to let them know you value their input and response. In short, you need to empathize with them.

Enhancing Your Empathy

In the business world, empathy is often considered a “soft skill.” It is the ability to see and to feel what another person is experiencing from their perspective. Please note that empathy is not the same as sympathy. Sympathy simply entails acknowledging someone else’s feelings. Empathy involves actually taking on those feelings. As PureMatter CEO Bryan Kramer puts it, “Instead of feeling with someone, you’re feeling for them. You’re experiencing a fraction of their emotions and feelings because you see things from their perspective.”1

1 Bryan Kramer, “The Critical Difference between Sympathy and Empathy,” Forbes, August 13, 2018, https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbescoachescouncil/2018/08/13/the-critical-difference-between-sympathy-and- empathy/#616a6a6d16a3.

JWI 505: Business Communications and Executive Presence Week 2 Lecture Notes

© Strayer University. All Rights Reserved. This document contains Strayer University confidential and proprietary information and may not be copied, further distributed, or otherwise disclosed, in whole or in part, without the expressed written permission of Strayer University.

JWI 505 – Lecture Notes (1206) Page 3 of 6

Empathy is a critical addition to your leadership skillset. When you connect with someone and really understand their feelings and perspectives, you increase their relationship buy-in. They will want to work with you and to accomplish a shared goal. To use Jack’s phrase, that is how you get “every brain in the game.” Empathy is also important for handling more difficult conversations. If you recognize the source of someone’s emotions, you can relate to them more easily. You better understand what discourages them and what motivates them. You implicitly validate their feelings. Empathy, when you use it well, engenders respect.

The importance of empathy cannot be overstated, but we do not see it as often as we should. Businessolver, a benefits technology company, conducts an annual State of Workplace Empathy study. Through polling, the company evaluates how empathetic American businesses are. In their 2019 report, 92% of CEOs surveyed said their organizations were empathetic. Only 72% of employees agreed.2 Think about it and be honest with yourself. How often do you feel as if your supervisor actively listens to you? Conversely, if you are a supervisor, how often do you demonstrate that you appreciate your employees’ input? Whether or not the leaders and managers at your company are empathetic plays a major role in determining the amount of time and effort employees put into their work. It can even determine whether employees stay with your company at all!

It is up to you, as both a communicator and a listener, to ensure that your interactions are empathetic. Fortunately, there is a plethora of verbal and nonverbal techniques you can use to connect more effectively with your colleagues and customers.

Speaking with Empathy

The key to communicating empathetically is remembering that communication is not – and cannot be – just about you. Your message needs to be relevant to both you and your listener. There are simple methods that will persuade your listener to invest in the message. One very subtle trick is to avoid using first person singular pronouns, such as “me” and “my.” Telling

2 Rae Shanahan, “The 2019 State of Workplace Empathy Study: the Competitive Edge Leaders Are Missing,” Businessolver, March 28, 2019, https://blog.businessolver.com/the-2019-state-of-workplace-empathy-study-the- competitive-edge-leaders-are-missing.

JWI 505: Business Communications and Executive Presence Week 2 Lecture Notes

© Strayer University. All Rights Reserved. This document contains Strayer University confidential and proprietary information and may not be copied, further distributed, or otherwise disclosed, in whole or in part, without the expressed written permission of Strayer University.

JWI 505 – Lecture Notes (1206) Page 4 of 6

someone, “I need to organize last month’s invoices” is not a productive way to communicate. That sentence only highlights your own needs. Your listener is left asking themselves, “So what?” Telling someone, “We need to organize last month’s invoices” is much more collaborative. It indicates that organizing last month’s invoices is a shared goal that is both your responsibility and theirs.

Your listener will be more inclined to receive your message if they feel that they can talk with you. This is where your social skills come into play. Find quick moments during the day to interact with people. This includes arriving early for meetings and never discounting the value of water cooler talk. This shows others you are not “too busy” to talk with them. And if you are a supervisor and you have an “open door” policy, make sure your office door is actually open!

Conversations should never just be about yourself. Demonstrate your curiosity about your listener by asking lots of questions. Try not to ask closed questions to which there are limited answers. The question, “Did you like the boss’s presentation?” really only has two answers, neither of which are terribly insightful. Definitely avoid asking leading questions which imply an answer. When you say, “You did not like the boss’s presentation, did you?” you subliminally force the listener to answer in a way they may not agree with. “How was the boss’s presentation?” is a better question, but the listener does not have to give a detailed or thoughtful answer; they can just say, “It was good.” Instead, ask a more complex question that forces the listener to think and give you a thoughtful answer. A question like, “What was your favorite part of the boss’s presentation?” would be a great example.

The words you use matter when talking to someone, but so does your body language. Your listener will be more receptive if you come across as open, welcoming, curious, and appreciative. Look the other person in the eye at all times. This shows that you value their response. Stand close to your listener, but not too close. You want to show them that their presence is important, while still respecting their personal space. Do not cross your arms. This stance “shuts you off” and makes you look forbidding. As we mentioned in last week’s lecture, never look at your phone while talking to someone face to face. And unless you are delivering seriously bad news, maintain a relaxed smile.

JWI 505: Business Communications and Executive Presence Week 2 Lecture Notes

© Strayer University. All Rights Reserved. This document contains Strayer University confidential and proprietary information and may not be copied, further distributed, or otherwise disclosed, in whole or in part, without the expressed written permission of Strayer University.

JWI 505 – Lecture Notes (1206) Page 5 of 6

Listening with Empathy

Good communication is not just about imparting information. It is about receiving information, too. Conveying your message effectively is certainly important. But it is equally important to listen when the other person talks. When they feel heard, they are more receptive to your message, more likely to build rapport with you, and more likely to become an active ally in addressing the issues at hand. Both you and your listener can thus exchange information and arrive at a collaborative solution. In his TEDx Talk “The Power of Listening,” negotiations expert William Ury says that listening “… may be the cheapest concession we can make in a negotiation. It costs us nothing, and it brings huge benefits. Listening may be the golden key that opens the door to human relationship.”3

Remember, though, that there is a big difference between listening to someone and hearing them. When you hear someone, all you do is acknowledge that they are talking. You do not force yourself to be present, and neither of you truly connects with the other. If you have a conversation with someone, and you cannot remember exactly what they said five minutes later, you heard them, but you did not actually listen in an attentive way.

Properly listening to someone requires more than mere acknowledgement, and it takes practice. You should absorb what they say, while gleaning new information and finding ways to relate to them. Never assume you already know or understand what the other person is saying. The next time someone is talking to you, periodically respond with what you think they are saying. This is useful for two reasons. First, it gives the other person an opportunity to confirm your understanding or correct it if needed. Second, it demonstrates that you are making an effort to understand them. It shows that you are present and that you value them.

When you listen, the other person should do most of the talking. This means a lot of your responsive communication will be nonverbal. Looking the other person directly in the eye helps demonstrate that you are present, as does refraining from fidgeting with your hands, clothes, or office supplies. Make a conscious effort not to seem imposing. Stand or sit close to the other person, instead of standing on the other side of the room or sitting behind a big

3 TEDx Talks, “The Power of Listening | William Ury | TEDxSanDiego,” YouTube, January 7, 2015, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=saXfavo1OQo&feature=emb_logo.

JWI 505: Business Communications and Executive Presence Week 2 Lecture Notes

© Strayer University. All Rights Reserved. This document contains Strayer University confidential and proprietary information and may not be copied, further distributed, or otherwise disclosed, in whole or in part, without the expressed written permission of Strayer University.

JWI 505 – Lecture Notes (1206) Page 6 of 6

desk. These steps are particularly important if you are a supervisor talking to one of your employees. Psychologist Dolly Chugh explains that: “… when you are in a low-power role, you are really good at reading nonverbal cues, remembering more of what was said, being attentive, because you have more of a need from a survival standpoint.”4 So, if you are a leader, your position of authority may reduce the impetus to be attentive, but it is important to make a conscious effort to do so. Remember that your listening skills should make the other person feel empowered, not disparaged or endangered.

Looking Ahead

In this lecture, we explored the importance of effective interpersonal communication in business. We learned why empathy is such a critical component of your communications, as well as how to demonstrate it when you speak and listen. Every interaction you have is an opportunity to connect with others. Being authentic and present will build strong relationships and inspire your colleagues. Everyone in your team or your company will be better positioned to win.

In the next lecture, we will explore the foundations of intercultural communication. We will delve into the components of culture, as well as the cultural variables people exhibit in their behavior at work. We will also enhance our understanding of how to communicate with colleagues from different backgrounds and cultures.

4 Businessolver, “Rewards Multiply with Workplace Empathy,” The Washington Post, n.d., https://www.washingtonpost.com/sf/brand-connect/businessolver/rewards-multiply-with-workplace-empathy/.