English

Nguyen 8

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8

Part 1 – Organization

The introduction could benefit from more background details that will help explain the significance of the debate or issue. For instance, you start with “Artificial Intelligence (AI) has become a transformative phenomenon in modern society, fundamentally changing individuals’ lives, employment, and engagement with the environment.” What illustrates this? How has AI become an integral part of some industries/homes/lives? You can include statistics showing how prevalent the use of AI is in various places.

Part 2 – Development

You do not yet end the first body paragraph with sufficient analysis, which leaves readers wondering. For instance, you write:

· AI-enabled fitness applications enabled users to maintain their health and well-being throughout the COVID-19 pandemic, demonstrating the capacity of AI to enhance personal fitness and well-being (Procon.org, 2023). AI further enhances the medical field by supporting physicians in tasks such as data analysis, documentation management, and surgical procedures. Health monitoring capabilities of AI-enabled devices such as smart speakers make them invaluable instruments for both healthcare and personal well-being (Haleem et al., 2022).

How do these examples and supporting details prove that AI improves our quality of life?

Aside from missing analysis, you also don’t further explain some points like this:

· Additionally, AI is indispensable for ensuring personnel are provided with the required safety protocols and training.

How is AI used to ensure personnel are provided with the required safety protocols and training?

Part 3 – Formatting and Style

You use APA in your in-text citations:

· Instead of replacing occupations, AI can enhance skills and offer new opportunities in various fields (Tschang & Almirall, 2021).

In MLA, we don’t use an ampersand and don’t include the date: (Jones and Smith). Fix similar issues when you revise.

Some sentences lack commas to separate the nonessential elements from the main clauses. Here’s an example:

· AI further enhances the medical field by supporting physicians in tasks such as data analysis, documentation management, and surgical procedures.

The nonessential clause gives additional information about tasks, but it’s not necessary to the completeness of the sentence. Removing it won’t affect the sentence’s structure. Make sure you separate nonessential clauses from the main clauses using commas.

AI is good for society

Artificial Intelligence (AI) has become a transformative phenomenon in modern society, fundamentally changing individuals’ lives, employment, and engagement with the environment. [consider a more interesting hook about AI, such as an anecdote, quote, or statistics—something your readers can relate to or be interested in] Artificial intelligence refers to an extensive array of technologies and applications that can yield significant societal advantages. There has been extensive debate on whether artificial intelligence is a beneficial influence on society. [why is this debate relevant/signficant?] While some argue that it has significant power to transform society positively through seamless interventions, others argue that it presents significant challenges that could affect society in the long term. However, artificial intelligence is good for society due to its transformative potential to improve and enhance daily life through convenience and enjoyment, enhance accessibility for individuals with disabilities, and contribute to workplace safety despite concerns over the possibility of job displacement. [the thesis is a bit lengthy. Look for ways to further condense it. For example, are there words you can remove from the first main point’s introduction without affecting its clarity?]

Firstly, AI is good for society because of its power to improve the quality of daily life by increasing convenience and enjoyment. Applications powered by artificial intelligence, including personalized streaming services, smart home systems, and map navigation, offer tremendous convenience. For example, intelligent residences provide automated choreography, navigation applications direct us through traffic, and personalized streaming guarantees an ever-present selection of content. [this might overwhelm your readers. You might want to discuss one benefit at a time. After explaining one benefit or example, you can introduce the next one and so on] AI-enabled fitness applications enabled [review tense] users to maintain their health and well-being throughout the COVID-19 pandemic, demonstrating the capacity of AI to enhance personal fitness and well-being (Procon.org). AI further enhances the medical field by supporting physicians in tasks such as data analysis, documentation management, and surgical procedures. Health monitoring capabilities of AI-enabled devices such as smart speakers [missing comma. We use a comma to separate a nonessential clause from the main clause] make them invaluable instruments for both healthcare and personal well-being (Haleem et al., 2022).

Furthermore, AI serves as a potent instrument in enhancing accessibility, particularly for those who have disabilities. Virtual assistants, such as Alexa and Siri, enable individuals with disabilities to navigate their daily routines effortlessly. The ability of these assistants to transcribe conversations in real time facilitates communication. [what specific scenarios show how these assistants can be helpful to those with disabilities?] Moreover, applications such as VoiceOver and TalkBack [missing comma. We use a comma to separate a nonessential clause from the main clause] provide individuals with visual impairments the capability to engage in effective smartphone interactions (Procon.org). Particularized AI applications, including indoor navigation tools and wheelchairs with facial recognition, ensure that AI contributes to the enhancement of the quality of life for individuals with disabilities, thus helping them navigate life seamlessly.

Thirdly, AI improves employee well-being and decreases the occurrence of accidents, thereby contributing to workplace safety. AI robots possess the ability to execute hazardous duties devoid of fatigue or stress, rendering them indispensable in the pursuit of enhancing workplace safety. For instance, using drones in the construction industry to survey perilous zones has resulted in a substantial decline in incidents. [what statistics prove this?] Additionally, AI is indispensable for ensuring personnel are provided with the required safety protocols and training. By doing so, it not only serves to avert catastrophes but also enhances the overall productivity and well-being of the workforce.

However, individuals supporting the view that AI is harmful to society argue that AI has the possibility of replacing human labor with machines, which will result in widespread unemployment. They argue that certain occupations can be displaced by automation. Self-checkout terminals have already resulted in employment reductions within the retail industry (Pentzold and Bischof). This can lead to social problems and a worsening income inequality, as many laborers cannot support themselves. Therefore, it undermines the self-sufficiency of society.

However, this argument is invalid because AI cannot replace human labor but only has the power to improve it. Instead of replacing occupations, AI can enhance skills and offer new opportunities in various fields (Tschang and Almirall). For example, automating and AI can handle routine activities, freeing up humans to work on creative, problem-solving jobs. AI can also aid decision-making, productivity, and mistake reduction in numerous industries. In healthcare, AI can help doctors diagnose and cure patients, freeing up time for more personalized care. AI-driven robots can also do dangerous or monotonous production tasks, protecting humans. AI could disrupt the job landscape, but it could also create a more productive and enjoyable workplace where humans and AI work together. It is critical to underscore the notion that the prospective advantages of artificial intelligence significantly surpass the apprehensions regarding widespread joblessness. AI has already demonstrated the capacity to increase industry-wide productivity and generate new employment opportunities. To capitalize on the advantages of AI, it is therefore essential to prioritize workforce reskilling and adaptation to the evolving employment landscape.

Overall, the societal benefits of artificial intelligence are indisputable. It improves workplace safety, accessibility for individuals with disabilities, and convenience. [try to align the restatement with the sequence of topics in the body paragraphs] Although legitimate concerns exist regarding employment displacement, these can be effectively mitigated by implementing retraining and education programs. Adopting AI ethically and responsibly can foster a more inclusive and promising future for our society, with limitless opportunities for positive change.

Works Cites

Abid Haleem, Mohd Javaid, Ravi Pratap Singh, Rajiv Suman, “ Medical 4.0 technologies for healthcare: Features, capabilities, and applications”, 2022, https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2667345222000104. Access 13 November 2023.

Pentzold, C., & Bischof, A.“Achieving agency within imperfect automation: Working customers and self-service technologies.” 17 May 2023. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/13548565231174588. Access 10 November 2023

ProCon.org, "Artificial Intelligence (AI) — Top 3 Pros and Cons."  ProCon.org. 30 Mar. 2023, www.procon.org/headlines/artificial-intelligence-ai-top-3-pros-and-cons. Access 10 November 2023

Tschang, F. T., & Almirall, E. September 2020. Artificial intelligence as augmenting automation: Implications for employment. Academy of Management Perspectives, https://www.researchgate.net/publication/344147972_Artificial_Intelligence_as_Augmenting_Automation_Implications_for_Employment. Access 10 November 2023

Write the seven complete paragraphs of your essay and include the Works Cited page. 

1. Read for content/ organization

First paragraph

· Is there a hook? (an interesting sentence to grab the reader's attention)

· Is there background information/context to set up the thesis?

· The thesis very clearly takes a position on an issue

First 3 body paragraphs

· Each body paragraph needs a clear topic sentence that states a distinct reason why the thesis is correct.

· Each body paragraph needs evidence from sources (cited paraphrases/cites quotations).  At least two per paragraph.  Each piece of evidence needs an explanation/analysis (don't end the paragraph with a citation).

· any quotations longer than 4 lines needs a block quote format

· evidence should be introduced with some context (article title, author, type of source). If you use the author's name in the sentence, you should use the full the first time, and the last name each subsequent time. In the parenthetical citation, you should only ever use the last name) (Lastname pagenumber). Don't put the year (that's for APA format).

· You can also use explanations and examples to make your ideas/point clear. 

Fourth body paragraph

· Needs a topic sentence that acknowledges the counterargument

· Explains the counterargument 

· Evidence (quotes/paraphrases) are not required, but optional

Fifth body paragraph 

· Needs a topic sentence that provides a rebuttal to the counterargument with a clear signal word/phrase

· Needs evidence to support the rebuttal (at least 1 quote/paraphrase)

Conclusion

· Re-state the thesis in different words

· Add some final thoughts (quote, prediction, implication, solution, call to action, etc) 

2. Read grammar, punctuation, syntax.