English 101

Lymon 1

Laura Lymon

Prof. Alexandersson

Eng. 101- WW1

18 June 2024

The Secret: A Fairy Tale from Autoethnography

Elara got very frightened as she thought that by buying a cottage for herself, she would be getting rid of major challenges in her life. However, soon after moving into the cottage, she found out that the cottage came with a new set of opportunities and challenges. Elara and Thalia mutually decided to keep the discovery of the crystal orb a secret and use it to help Elara better treat the villagers with magical powers that could further enhance Elara’s healing abilities. Elara was hesitant to reveal this secret to anyone else because of two reasons. First, the village council might take the crystal away, which can decrease her ability to serve the villagers and second, because evil people might get their hands on the orb.

Elara and Thalia talked about the problems in the cottage one evening.

“But where?”

"We will find a way, but until then, we will have to stay extra careful.”.

With time, Darian became more and more interested in it. One day, he decided to sneak into Elara's cottage in the middle of the night. Expecting as much, Elara had placed protection enchantments around her house. The wards winced, indicating to Elara and waking up Thalia. They surprised Darian who then admitted to being a sorcerer in the disguise of a merchant to get the orb to make himself into a powerful wizard. They fought. However, Elara's potions and Thalia’s enchanted tapestries provided a solid barrier, and this battle did not last long. Seeing that he had more opponents than he initially thought, Darian left the village only to return later.

When Darian left, they realized they had to be even safer, so Elara and Thalia started to prepare. They relocated the orb closer to a denser part of the forest where only they could get access. They cast a binding spell to make sure that nobody else could be able to use it again. They also disclosed part of the secret to the village council. The council made a decision to save the village as well as Elara and Thalia. The two went ahead with their usual activities. The secret of the orb remained their little secret and that of the council. The story shows that achieving a goal does not mean that all the challenges in your life will be resolved. The path after achieving the goal might lead you to a whole new set of challenges. It also portrays that one should continue to work hard if they want to keep what they have accomplished. Having found the orb with the enhanced healing powers gave Elara quite a fame she could have tried to keep it safe for her prosperity. But she did not continue to seek advantage of that magic; instead, she stepped forward to do the right thing and believed in her own learned abilities to make a living.

Your Manifesto (Final Draft)

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Instructions

Submission Guidelines: Your revised manifesto will have a title. It will be at least 1,250 words long (approximately 5 pages double-spaced) and include quotes, paraphrases and a Works Cited page done in MLA format. It should include at least one primary source, which could be an interview with someone working in the field, or a related one, about which you’re writing, and a minimum of three secondary sources. Those sources should be the four that you submitted for the research assignment. However, you can use those four sources along with adding more than those four sources if you would like. Additionally, you must include at least five of the vocabulary words from  Read: Liberatory Lexicon (and selet 5 vocabulary words for your manifesto).

Your Manifesto (First Draft) FeedBack

Overall Feedback

Quick note: I would remove the subtitles that you have before several of your paragraphs. Please only keep the overall title for the manifesto essay. 

Ideas/Content Your manifesto demonstrates a clear purpose and appropriate tone, and it is well-supported with ethos and logos. For example, you effectively use historical context to explain the roots of poverty in Black communities and provide logical arguments for policy changes. However, the emotional appeal (pathos) could be stronger to engage the reader more deeply. For instance, you could include personal stories or testimonials from individuals affected by these issues. One passage that stands out is: 'The economic circumstances of Black communities cannot be comprehended without addressing the historical events.' To improve, consider adding more emotional and timely appeals to make your arguments more compelling.

Organization Your manifesto has a clear central theme and uses multiple rhetorical modes, such as historical analysis and policy recommendations. However, the structure could be more cohesive. For example, the transition between sections could be smoother, and the conclusion could more effectively tie all the points together. One passage that illustrates this is: 'The grassroots movements vitally contribute to the advocacy for structural modifications.' To improve, ensure that each section flows logically into the next and that your conclusion reinforces the main points of your manifesto.

Word Choice and Conventions Your word choice is strong, and the flow of your writing is generally smooth. However, there are some minor issues with writing conventions, such as occasional awkward phrasing and minor grammatical errors. To improve, consider revising for conciseness and clarity, and proofread for grammatical accuracy.

Submission Guidelines You have met all the specified requirements for the essay. Your manifesto is over 1,250 words long, includes quotes and paraphrases, and has a Works Cited page in MLA format. 

The Secret: A Fairy Tale from Autoethnography (First Draft) Feed Back

Overall Feedback

Ideas/Content Your fairy tale demonstrates a clear purpose and appropriate tone, and it includes original ideas. For example, the concept of a healer finding a magical crystal and the secret shared with a gemologist is creative and engaging. Additionally, the lesson about facing new challenges even after achieving a goal is well-conveyed. However, the story could benefit from more detailed examples to support the themes and lessons. For instance, you could provide more specific instances of how Elara's healing abilities improved with the orb or how the village council reacted to the secret. 'Elara and Thalia mutually decided to keep the discovery of the crystal orb a secret and use it to help Elara better treat the villagers with magical powers that could further enhance Elara’s healing abilities.' To improve, consider adding more depth to the characters' emotions and actions to make the story more vivid and relatable.

Organization Your story has a clear central theme and follows the structure of Freytag's Pyramid with exposition, rising action, climax, falling action, and resolution. For example, the exposition introduces Elara and her profession, while the climax occurs during the confrontation with Darian. However, the transitions between these parts could be smoother. For instance, the shift from Elara discovering the orb to the stranger's arrival feels abrupt. 'Elara and Thalia talked about the problems in the cottage one evening.' To improve, work on creating more seamless transitions between the different parts of the story and ensure that each part is fully developed.

Word Choice and Conventions Your word choice is generally adequate, and the story flows reasonably well. However, there are some issues with writing conventions, such as grammar and punctuation errors. For example, 'Thiala was amazed to hold this rare crystal in her hand.' should be 'Thalia was amazed to hold this rare crystal in her hand.' Additionally, some sentences could be more concise and clear. 'Elara got very frightened as she thought that by buying a cottage for herself, she would be getting rid of major challenges in her life.' To improve, proofread your work carefully to correct any grammatical errors and consider using more varied and precise vocabulary to enhance the story's flow and readability.

Submission Guidelines You have met all the specified requirements for the essay. The story is over 500 words, follows the instructions to include two professions, a shared secret, and a dialogue exchange. Additionally, it adheres to the MLA format. 'The Secret: A Fairy Tale from Autoethnography.' To improve, continue to ensure that all assignment guidelines are thoroughly addressed, and consider adding more detailed descriptions and character development to enhance the overall quality of your writing.

Lymon 1

Laura Lymon

Prof. Alexanderson

Eng. 101- WW1

12 June 2024

Manifesto: Poverty in Black Community

Poverty is the social challenge that has disproportionately affected marginalized Black citizens. The purpose of this manifesto is to confront and help eliminate the systemic poverty in the Black community. This manifesto represents the meaning of justice, equity, autonomy, and empowerment for a historically marginalized community. The values of this manifesto are based on community interests, strategic reform, and socio-economic justice.

The first action aligned with the manifesto’s values is the empowerment of economic initiatives. The community-based economic programs and micro-loan programs will be established. These programs will back the local startups and small businesses that resonate with the economic development (Touré, 1-11), in the community. The second action aligned with this manifesto is the advocacy for policy reforms. The disparities and historical injustice deprived the Black population of their rights to develop financially (Egede et al., 1534-1537). To tackle these circumstances, the policymakers will urge strategic modifications in the local, state, and national policies. This will effectively rectify the systemic inequalities in Black communities.

Social media outreach will be the best way to present my ideas to the world. I will disseminate the information through Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter posts. Besides, I will organize the municipal center meetings in the Black communities. This will allow the direct engagement of Black supports. Additionally, the collaboration with the Black scholars and writers will generate the articles, reports, and books to underscore the poverty-linked problems and solutions.

I want my group to accomplish a considerable reduction in the poverty rates in Black communities. For that, the first goal is the successful integration of economic initiatives. The second goal is cultivating a culture of entrepreneurship to set up generational wealth in this marginalized community. The third goal is to cut the structural roots of poverty (Egede et al., 1534-1537) by policy reforms.

To achieve this accomplishment, we are willing to participate in community events. We will listen to the public concerns and include their suggestions in our strategies. My activism and advocacy efforts will propel policy changes. I want my manifesto’s legacy to be a stimulator of a supportable movement that transforms the economic landscape for Black communities.

Moving on, the manifesto is written for Black community members, policymakers, activists, and influencers to impel support to address this issue. This work will be read by peers, the general public, the local city council, and potential funders. The counter-agreement will anticipate people who disagree on this issue. It centrally presents the moral and socio-economic benefits of addressing poverty in the Black community. The integration of grassroots advocacy and innovative financing in the already existing work will tailor the entrepreneurial initiatives and robust advocacy to address poverty.

Works Cited

Egede, Leonard E et al. “Modern Day Consequences of Historic Redlining: Finding a Path Forward.”  Journal of general internal medicine vol. 38, 6 (2023): 1534-1537. doi:10.1007/s11606-023-08051-4

Touré, Khadidja. "Impact of Microfinance Interventions on Poverty Alleviation in Rural Communities in Chad."  International Journal of Poverty, Investment and Development 5.2 (2024): 1-11. doi: 10.47672/ijpid.2013

Lymon 1

Laura Lymon

Prof. Alexandersson

Eng. 101- WW1

18 June 2024

The Secret: A Fairy Tale from Autoethnography

Elara got very frightened as she thought that by buying a cottage for herself, she would be getting rid of major challenges in her life. However, soon after moving into the cottage, she found out that the cottage came with a new set of opportunities and challenges. Elara and Thalia mutually decided to keep the discovery of the crystal orb a secret and use it to help Elara better treat the villagers with magical powers that could further enhance Elara’s healing abilities. Elara was hesitant to reveal this secret to anyone else because of two reasons. First, the village council might take the crystal away, which can decrease her ability to serve the villagers and second, because evil people might get their hands on the orb.

Elara and Thalia talked about the problems in the cottage one evening.

“But where?”

"We will find a way, but until then, we will have to stay extra careful.”.

With time, Darian became more and more interested in it. One day, he decided to sneak into Elara's cottage in the middle of the night. Expecting as much, Elara had placed protection enchantments around her house. The wards winced, indicating to Elara and waking up Thalia. They surprised Darian who then admitted to being a sorcerer in the disguise of a merchant to get the orb to make himself into a powerful wizard. They fought. However, Elara's potions and Thalia’s enchanted tapestries provided a solid barrier, and this battle did not last long. Seeing that he had more opponents than he initially thought, Darian left the village only to return later.

When Darian left, they realized they had to be even safer, so Elara and Thalia started to prepare. They relocated the orb closer to a denser part of the forest where only they could get access. They cast a binding spell to make sure that nobody else could be able to use it again. They also disclosed part of the secret to the village council. The council made a decision to save the village as well as Elara and Thalia. The two went ahead with their usual activities. The secret of the orb remained their little secret and that of the council. The story shows that achieving a goal does not mean that all the challenges in your life will be resolved. The path after achieving the goal might lead you to a whole new set of challenges. It also portrays that one should continue to work hard if they want to keep what they have accomplished. Having found the orb with the enhanced healing powers gave Elara quite a fame she could have tried to keep it safe for her prosperity. But she did not continue to seek advantage of that magic; instead, she stepped forward to do the right thing and believed in her own learned abilities to make a living.