D8 - MC Resp

Altavia Fonville

Jul 28 8:56am

Reply from Altavia Fonville

The results of my Love language assessment showed that my primary love language is Words of Affirmation (32%), Quality time (29%), Acts of Service (23%), and Receiving gifts (0%). For the most part I do agree with these results because they accurately reflect how I experience love and connection within relationships. I believe that my love language changes as I have gotten older. My partner giving me encouraging words, showing genuine appreciation, and giving verbal reassurance have always been impactful to me. When someone intentionally recognizes my efforts or expresses appreciation, I feel valued, respected, and emotionally connected. Likewise, spending intentional and uninterrupted time together strengthens relationships because it communicates that I am important and worthy of my partner’s attention.

I agree that acts of services can play a meaningful role to me as well, though it is secondary to affirmation and quality time. Real-life expressions of love such as helping with household demands or thoughtful tasks without being asked, reveal care and commitment. Physical touch is important but it is not the primary way that I receive love. I was a little surprise that I received a 0% for receiving gifts, because I feel that I do appreciate thoughtful and random gifts, but I know that has not been my primary way of experiencing love. I would much rather receive encouragement, meaningful conversation, and quality time than an expensive gift,

I am not married, but currently engaged, and I believe that my partner’s primary love language is physical touch. I did not get him to take this assessment, however when I participated, I am reminded that every individual experience love differently. One of the key principles discussed in Chapman (2015) is that couples tend to love each other sincerely, but don’t often communicate love in ways that are meaningful to their spouse. As a result, one or both partners may feel emotionally distant even though love is sincerely present. Understanding each other’s preferred love language can help bridge the gap and promote stronger emotional intimacy.

Also, this assessment challenged me to think beyond my own preferences. It can be easy to assume that other people receive love in the same way that I do, but in healthy relationships it requires intentionality and adaptability. If my future husband’s primary love language is physical touch or receiving gifts, then I need to make a conscious effort to express my love for him in those ways, even if it is not something that I would naturally do. Loving someone well requires learning how they best receive love instead of just simply expressing affection in ways that are comfortable for me.

Research supports the importance of intentional communication and responsiveness within marriage. Couples who purposely express care, appreciation, and responsiveness toward one another often times experience greater relational satisfaction and emotionally connectedness (Debrot et al., 2021). Whether those expressions come through words, time spent together, helpful actions, or physical affection, the commitment to understand and meet a partner’s emotional needs contributes to a healthier and more satisfying relationship.

From a biblical perspective, learning another person’s love language demonstrates the selfless love that is shown in Scripture. According to Philippians 2:3-4, Christians are encouraged to value others above themselves and to look not only to their own desires but, also the desires of others (NIV). This mindset is important in marriages because it requires humility, sacrifice, and intentional service. Rather than focusing primarily on how I prefer to receive love, I should seek to understand and meet the needs of my future spouse as an expression of Christ-like love.

As someone who is preparing for a career in marriage and family counseling, I also see real-life value in understanding the Love Language framework. Though it is not a comprehensive counseling theory or approach, it offers couples with a practical tool for increasing empathy, improving communication, and reducing misunderstandings. Many marital issues happen, not because love is not there, but because love is communicated differently than it is received. Helping couples identify these differences can promote healthier interactions and deeper emotional connection.

In general, I found this assessment to be accurate and very helpful. It reinforced the importance of verbal motivation, intentional time together, and thoughtful acts of service in my own relationships. Most importantly, it reminded me that healthy marriages demand continuous learning, intentional communication, and a willingness to love one another in ways that is personally impactful. These concepts I hope to put into practice in my own future marriage as well as into my work as a Christan Marriage and Family counselor.

References

Chapman, G. (2015).  The 5 love languages: The secret to love that lasts. Northfield Publishing.

Debrot, A., Schoebi, D., Perrez, M., & Horn, A. B. (2021). Touch as an interpersonal emotion regulation process in couples' daily lives.  Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 47(3), 469–484.

New International Version. (2011).  Holy Bible. Biblica.

Altavia Fonville

Jul 28 8:56am

Reply from Altavia Fonville

The results of my Love language assessment showed that my primary love language is Words of Affirmation (32%), Quality time (29%), Acts of Service (23%), and Receiving gifts (0%). For the most part I do agree with these results because they accurately reflect how I experience love and connection within relationships. I believe that my love language changes as I have gotten older. My partner giving me encouraging words, showing genuine appreciation, and giving verbal reassurance have always been impactful to me. When someone intentionally recognizes my efforts or expresses appreciation, I feel valued, respected, and emotionally connected. Likewise, spending intentional and uninterrupted time together strengthens relationships because it communicates that I am important and worthy of my partner’s attention.

I agree that acts of services can play a meaningful role to me as well, though it is secondary to affirmation and quality time. Real-life expressions of love such as helping with household demands or thoughtful tasks without being asked, reveal care and commitment. Physical touch is important but it is not the primary way that I receive love. I was a little surprise that I received a 0% for receiving gifts, because I feel that I do appreciate thoughtful and random gifts, but I know that has not been my primary way of experiencing love. I would much rather receive encouragement, meaningful conversation, and quality time than an expensive gift,

I am not married, but currently engaged, and I believe that my partner’s primary love language is physical touch. I did not get him to take this assessment, however when I participated, I am reminded that every individual experience love differently. One of the key principles discussed in Chapman (2015) is that couples tend to love each other sincerely, but don’t often communicate love in ways that are meaningful to their spouse. As a result, one or both partners may feel emotionally distant even though love is sincerely present. Understanding each other’s preferred love language can help bridge the gap and promote stronger emotional intimacy.

Also, this assessment challenged me to think beyond my own preferences. It can be easy to assume that other people receive love in the same way that I do, but in healthy relationships it requires intentionality and adaptability. If my future husband’s primary love language is physical touch or receiving gifts, then I need to make a conscious effort to express my love for him in those ways, even if it is not something that I would naturally do. Loving someone well requires learning how they best receive love instead of just simply expressing affection in ways that are comfortable for me.

Research supports the importance of intentional communication and responsiveness within marriage. Couples who purposely express care, appreciation, and responsiveness toward one another often times experience greater relational satisfaction and emotionally connectedness (Debrot et al., 2021). Whether those expressions come through words, time spent together, helpful actions, or physical affection, the commitment to understand and meet a partner’s emotional needs contributes to a healthier and more satisfying relationship.

From a biblical perspective, learning another person’s love language demonstrates the selfless love that is shown in Scripture. According to Philippians 2:3-4, Christians are encouraged to value others above themselves and to look not only to their own desires but, also the desires of others (NIV). This mindset is important in marriages because it requires humility, sacrifice, and intentional service. Rather than focusing primarily on how I prefer to receive love, I should seek to understand and meet the needs of my future spouse as an expression of Christ-like love.

As someone who is preparing for a career in marriage and family counseling, I also see real-life value in understanding the Love Language framework. Though it is not a comprehensive counseling theory or approach, it offers couples with a practical tool for increasing empathy, improving communication, and reducing misunderstandings. Many marital issues happen, not because love is not there, but because love is communicated differently than it is received. Helping couples identify these differences can promote healthier interactions and deeper emotional connection.

In general, I found this assessment to be accurate and very helpful. It reinforced the importance of verbal motivation, intentional time together, and thoughtful acts of service in my own relationships. Most importantly, it reminded me that healthy marriages demand continuous learning, intentional communication, and a willingness to love one another in ways that is personally impactful. These concepts I hope to put into practice in my own future marriage as well as into my work as a Christan Marriage and Family counselor.

References

Chapman, G. (2015).  The 5 love languages: The secret to love that lasts. Northfield Publishing.

Debrot, A., Schoebi, D., Perrez, M., & Horn, A. B. (2021). Touch as an interpersonal emotion regulation process in couples' daily lives.  Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 47(3), 469–484.

New International Version. (2011).  Holy Bible. Biblica.