comm speech

professor comments 

In the Introduction, you need

I. Attention - you do have this

II. A clear purpose statement of what you are planning to convince us to do.  This is not provided.  You are on the fence

III. Roman numeral III should be your credibility, which is vital. It is missing.  It should be....I am credible to speak on this topic because....and then name some of your sources.  Please do this when you speak so you do not lose these points again.

In the Body, we are following MMS. It should be

I. Problem/Need

II. Solution ...you have more of the issue

III. Visualization of the future if we do or do not follow the solution.

You have pros and cons and a solution, but this is not the MMS format.

In the conclusion, you need two Roman Numerals

Conclusion

I. Call to action.  This is where you ask us to do something very specific

II. Concluding remark....which is what you currently have

Needed 6 sources.