assistance needed E

What I need to fix in my draft

List the six improvements you plan to make to your essay. You might consider changes to APA, organization, research, argument quality, formatting, paragraph structure, etc.

· Thesis Clarification Enhancement: The present thesis statement is unclear to some extent. I intend to rework it so that the significance of the given issue is properly defined, letting readers easily understand the controversy.

· Strengthening Arguments through Research: I intend to utilize more scholarly sources to reinforce the arguments. This way, my essay will nevertheless retain its research base and credibility.

· Enhancing Transition between Paragraphs: I will strive to build smoother transitions in the paragraphs. This would ensure better cohesiveness so that the reader can follow the flow of ideas quickly.

· Improving Organization of Paragraphing: Some paragraphs are unnecessarily lengthy and have vague topic sentences. Instead, I will break them down into more palatable sections, each based on one idea.

· Counterargument Analysis Greater Depth: Although counterarguments are cross-referenced in my paper, I plan to expand on these and rebut them even more firmly, testify as to the depth of analysis I have achieved.

· Citations and APA Style: I will be going through the citations and reworking all of them into full APA style, with in-text citations and the reference list, as per assignment guidelines (Baker, 2020).

For each of the six changes you plan to make, explain and discuss how you plan to revise, why it needs to be done, and how you believe it will strengthen your essay.

Improve Thesis Statement Clarity

            This draft does not concern a clearly defined and specifically focused thesis. It addresses the controversy in vague words but fails to explain the significance of the debate or what that means for the readers. By rewriting this thesis statement, I am trying to make it even more explicit in its articulation of what underlies the issue, namely, the debate over finding a balance between school requirements and an athlete's eligibility to compete (Baker, 2020). This revision is critical since a clearly defined thesis is one of the guiding elements for the rest of the paper, giving readers a clear picture of the importance of the topic. The tone will be set for the argument that follows.

Reinforcing the Argument Through More Research

            Although the essay cites some references, it is imperative to get further scholarly research. For me, adding more peer-reviewed articles that address the link between academic performance and athletic eligibility regarding the stricter requirements for disadvantaged student-athletes will increase the credibility and depth of the arguments (Baker, 2020). It will also have a long-term effect on student-athletes who face academic struggles. The added revision would make the essay research-based, which increases the authority and makes the arguments more believable. By providing good evidence, I can strengthen the base analysis of the topic.

Clarifying the Transition Between Paragraphs

            The draft also lacks seamless transitions between paragraphs. It leaves an awkward disjoint in thinking without precise transition phrases or sentences and makes it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. In addressing this, I will state more explicit transitions guiding the transition from one point to another (Baker, 2020). These improvements will ensure a better flow of the paper and a more effortless experience for readers in understanding the change between different parts of the essay. This is necessary for improving the internal cohesion and readability of the paper.

Improving the Paragraph Structure

            Some of the paragraphs in this draft are lengthy and unclear, packed with several ideas that would be better expressed in smaller sections. To present organized topics, I will rewrite these long paragraphs into concise, smaller paragraphs funnelled to one idea each. This will give room for elaboration on each point more thoroughly while ensuring a logical structure of the essay. The revision will, therefore, make the essay more transparent to read as specific arguments will be developed in-depth and clearly. Moreover, clear paragraphs will ensure that the reader better digests complex ideas, strengthening the entire efficiency of the essay.

Improved Handling of Counterarguments.

            Credit must go to the draft to at least pay some attention to the present counterarguments. However, they aren't discussed in detail. I will, therefore, discuss these counterarguments further by articulating detailed counterrebuttals supported by substantiated arguments. This will clearly show that I have considered varied views and a total understanding of an aspect (Baker, 2020). Thoroughly addressing its counterarguments not only underlines the intricacy of the topic but also fortifies my stance by appraising the ability of another to predetermine the possible refutations. It will promote balance and fairness in the essay, making a strong point to readers who may at first disagree with my view.

Compliance with APA Formatting and Citations

            A most glaring error present in this draft is the glaring inconsistency in the formatting of APA citations. The process of rectifying this particular situation will involve a careful combination of the entire draft so that all textual citations are formatted correctly and all sources listed on the reference page are in the correct APA form. This would include the usual matters of consistency in punctuation, capitalization, and the like (Baker, 2020). Thus, this revision hints at good professional ethics and credibility in editing assignments. Additionally, compliance with APA standards will somewhat standardize the paper, guaranteeing academic success by ensuring that the work itself is deemed worthy of merit by being aligned with educational standards.

References

Baker, S. (2020). Unit 4 The Writing Process. Pressbooks.nscc.ca. https://pressbooks.nscc.ca/profcommunication/chapter/chapter-4-2/

Debate over Stricter Academic Requirements for Athletic Eligibility: Balancing Education and Opportunity

Will stricter academic standards for athletic eligibility benefit or harm student athletics? Over the past few years, policies have been changed to increase athletic academic eligibility requirements to maintain of balance athletic performance and academic work. These changes have sparked ongoing academic on whether academic standards for athletic eligibility should be stricter. Historically, athletic eligibility has evolved significantly. Before, academic eligibility rules or requirements were more lenient but as sports commercialization increased, so did the standards placed for student-athletes. Today, academic eligibility varies based on the competition level, whether it is high school, college, or professional leagues. Organizations such as the NCAA have set specific academic requirements such as certain GPAs or credit hours a student must meet to be eligible for participation in sports. For instance, an academic student-athlete is required to “16 approved NCAA Core Courses during your high school years” (NCAA 1). These changes aim at ensuring that the student-athletes were pursuing education genuinely, not just focusing on sports. As the sport grows into an educational institution, the controversy surrounding athletic eligibility rules or roles has become more relevant in the field of sports. Proponents argue that having higher requirements will help improve student-athletes' academic outcomes, help establish a more balanced experience, and prepare them for life after athlete On the other hand, opponents argue that stricter standards will unfairly limit opportunity for the talented students, especially the underprivileged. With the increasing pressure to balance academic and sports participation, the topic is central to investigating if academic eligibility should be stricter.

Promoting a balanced approach to academics and athletics is one of the most compelling arguments in favor of the debate. According to experts, many student-athletes may be overly focused on sports at the expense of their academics due to the financial benefits involved. According to Bradsher, some states "passed legislation explicitly allowing the right for college-and sometimes high school athletes to earn money from" (2), sports-related activities or commercials. This encourages student-athletes to focus more on sports compared to their education. Raising academic eligibility will ensure athlete students are also well-grounded people who value academics in addition to their talent.

Stricter academic edibility will also ensure fairness across all students. According to Day Madison et al., the NCAA supports student-athlete success "on the field, in the classroom, and for life,” but many "student-athletes enjoy many benefits from their status,” (6). These benefits include getting scholarships due to their talent and low academic performance. The rule requires student-athletes to hold to similar academic standards to non-athletes, preventing special treatment. This promotes a culture where regardless of a student's athletic talent, all students are expected to meet similar academic expectations.

Enforcing higher academic standards helps prepare student-athletes for life after sports. The reality is that few student-athletes get long careers in professional sports. Education is the key to securing opportunities outside athletic life (Gard 406). Therefore, requiring student-athletes to meet stricter academic requirements will encourage the student to also gain academic knowledge and skills, which will be valuable in their post-sports careers.

One of the most stated arguments against the debate is how such standards limit opportunities for talented students, especially those who struggle academically and excel in sports. Many student-athletes, particularly those from lower class encounter significant barriers in performing well in their academics. For some, their talent is often their primary mains of accessing higher education through scholars. As such, higher academic eligibility may limit their chance to pursue sports and gain access to college education.

Placing higher academic eligibility may also result in negative consequences like loss of scholarship, mental health issues, and increased dropout rates. According to Curs et al., “Student-athletes have unique pressures and challenges that are distinct from their non-athlete peers, “(3). Therefore, the majority of them may struggle to balance their academic and athletic responsibility, resulting in a decline in performance or mental health. In extreme cases, some may drop out of sports and lose their scholarship, affecting both their athletics and education.

To conclude, the debate over stricter athletic academic eligibility is both complex and multifaceted. Although there are clear benefits, there are also legitimate concerns. Therefore, there need for a middle ground, which will help ensure fairness in education, while ensuring student-athletes receive need support to succeed both athletically and academically.

Work Cited

What I need to fix in my draft

List the six improvements you plan to make to your essay. You might consider changes to APA, organization, research, argument quality, formatting, paragraph structure, etc.

· Thesis Clarification Enhancement: The present thesis statement is unclear to some extent. I intend to rework it so that the significance of the given issue is properly defined, letting readers easily understand the controversy.

· Strengthening Arguments through Research: I intend to utilize more scholarly sources to reinforce the arguments. This way, my essay will nevertheless retain its research base and credibility.

· Enhancing Transition between Paragraphs: I will strive to build smoother transitions in the paragraphs. This would ensure better cohesiveness so that the reader can follow the flow of ideas quickly.

· Improving Organization of Paragraphing: Some paragraphs are unnecessarily lengthy and have vague topic sentences. Instead, I will break them down into more palatable sections, each based on one idea.

· Counterargument Analysis Greater Depth: Although counterarguments are cross-referenced in my paper, I plan to expand on these and rebut them even more firmly, testify as to the depth of analysis I have achieved.

· Citations and APA Style: I will be going through the citations and reworking all of them into full APA style, with in-text citations and the reference list, as per assignment guidelines (Baker, 2020).

For each of the six changes you plan to make, explain and discuss how you plan to revise, why it needs to be done, and how you believe it will strengthen your essay.

Improve Thesis Statement Clarity

            This draft does not concern a clearly defined and specifically focused thesis. It addresses the controversy in vague words but fails to explain the significance of the debate or what that means for the readers. By rewriting this thesis statement, I am trying to make it even more explicit in its articulation of what underlies the issue, namely, the debate over finding a balance between school requirements and an athlete's eligibility to compete (Baker, 2020). This revision is critical since a clearly defined thesis is one of the guiding elements for the rest of the paper, giving readers a clear picture of the importance of the topic. The tone will be set for the argument that follows.

Reinforcing the Argument Through More Research

            Although the essay cites some references, it is imperative to get further scholarly research. For me, adding more peer-reviewed articles that address the link between academic performance and athletic eligibility regarding the stricter requirements for disadvantaged student-athletes will increase the credibility and depth of the arguments (Baker, 2020). It will also have a long-term effect on student-athletes who face academic struggles. The added revision would make the essay research-based, which increases the authority and makes the arguments more believable. By providing good evidence, I can strengthen the base analysis of the topic.

Clarifying the Transition Between Paragraphs

            The draft also lacks seamless transitions between paragraphs. It leaves an awkward disjoint in thinking without precise transition phrases or sentences and makes it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. In addressing this, I will state more explicit transitions guiding the transition from one point to another (Baker, 2020). These improvements will ensure a better flow of the paper and a more effortless experience for readers in understanding the change between different parts of the essay. This is necessary for improving the internal cohesion and readability of the paper.

Improving the Paragraph Structure

            Some of the paragraphs in this draft are lengthy and unclear, packed with several ideas that would be better expressed in smaller sections. To present organized topics, I will rewrite these long paragraphs into concise, smaller paragraphs funnelled to one idea each. This will give room for elaboration on each point more thoroughly while ensuring a logical structure of the essay. The revision will, therefore, make the essay more transparent to read as specific arguments will be developed in-depth and clearly. Moreover, clear paragraphs will ensure that the reader better digests complex ideas, strengthening the entire efficiency of the essay.

Improved Handling of Counterarguments.

            Credit must go to the draft to at least pay some attention to the present counterarguments. However, they aren't discussed in detail. I will, therefore, discuss these counterarguments further by articulating detailed counterrebuttals supported by substantiated arguments. This will clearly show that I have considered varied views and a total understanding of an aspect (Baker, 2020). Thoroughly addressing its counterarguments not only underlines the intricacy of the topic but also fortifies my stance by appraising the ability of another to predetermine the possible refutations. It will promote balance and fairness in the essay, making a strong point to readers who may at first disagree with my view.

Compliance with APA Formatting and Citations

            A most glaring error present in this draft is the glaring inconsistency in the formatting of APA citations. The process of rectifying this particular situation will involve a careful combination of the entire draft so that all textual citations are formatted correctly and all sources listed on the reference page are in the correct APA form. This would include the usual matters of consistency in punctuation, capitalization, and the like (Baker, 2020). Thus, this revision hints at good professional ethics and credibility in editing assignments. Additionally, compliance with APA standards will somewhat standardize the paper, guaranteeing academic success by ensuring that the work itself is deemed worthy of merit by being aligned with educational standards.

References

Baker, S. (2020). Unit 4 The Writing Process. Pressbooks.nscc.ca. https://pressbooks.nscc.ca/profcommunication/chapter/chapter-4-2/