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peer_review.pdf
needrevision.docx
peer_review.pdf
ENG 106: Composition II Learning Unit 4: Instructions
Peer Review: Informative Outline Instructions
Author: _______________________ Reviewer: _______________________
1. Is the thesis statement clear, specific, and neutral? Does the thesis present at least two legitimate
sides to the debate? List any suggestions below.
2. Major Points in Arguments Side 1 Section:
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3. How could the first argument section be improved?
4. Main Points in Arguments Side 2 Section:
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5. How could the second argument section be improved?
6. Does the debate seem balanced? In other words, does the student writer seem to take an objective
stance and present an equal treatment of all arguments involved?
7. What are the three top suggestions you have for improving this outline?
1.
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© Kameo Cragoe and Indian Hills Community College
needrevision.docx
Paper one
Sariah Johnson
Rough Draft- Informative Essay Outline
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The Informative and Harmful Parts of Technology
Technology has quickly expanded. However, is this something that is good, or is this hurting the world from a global point of view? Many say technology is good, because of the fact that it is giving the world a chance to grow. Even still, with growing comes pain, are the pains becoming too much for even the world to bear? Technology can be good yet it can also be bad, it all depends on how we use technology throughout the wonderful game of life. What are the especially good parts of technology? What are the bad parts? What's in between? There are multiple sides to the veil, the good, the bad, and the why.
Looking for the positives in any situation is normal, technology is also leaving those positives effects. It gives people the chance to communicate with loved ones who live far away, the world is now able to be further explored, and many are getting new chances to make a difference in their lives. Since the beginning, communication has always been there in some form. From The Pony Express to the modern day cell phone, without it the world would be in shambles. In 2019, the world dealt with a global pandemic called COVID, everyone had no choice but to go online, from school work, to the way businesses communicate it was all done through a screen. Using technology allowed many people to stay active and aware of what else was happening in the world at this time. In 2001 when the Twin Towers fell many watched on TV, they were able to stay aware of what was happening. “. . . no matter what else is going on in the world. Technology allows us to keep working, communicating, going to school, shopping, going to doctor or therapy appointments, playing games, and staying aware of current events. And it allows us to do so with even more ease. . .” (Swenson 2020). People often ask what was here before we were? The common answer is dinosaurs. Many have questions about the world we live in, what is in space? What's in the ocean? What is Area 51 holding? Technology is giving us the chance and capability to further explore these questions. People are now able to track how far down or up they have explored. Through NASA everyone is being given the opportunity to seek the universe as we know it. If you go to the NASA Website you can find a part of it called ‘Watch the Skies’ and it gives everyday people the chance to learn more about what is happening in outer space. After COVID many started new hobbies, things to keep themselves busy, then they started to make videos, some were cute outfits you can wear, home work-out routines, some were fixing cars, or different sport drills you could try, but many started posting fun short dances that you are able to do with your friends. Many used this opportunity to give themselves a chance to turn their lives around, they used it as a way to give life a purpose. “Like it or not, the use of technology in everyday lives has become a necessity. It is integral to how we interact, go about our daily activities, work and build relationships.Modern innovations don’t just enhance lives but in some cases save them” (“The Positive Effects of Technology” 2023).
All good things come to an end though. With technology the expansion has caused many to worry about it becoming too much. Many are finding a higher lack of care for mental health, they also worry about the control the government has, and people no longer see a need to keep certain things around. Right now many parents worry for the mental health of their children, teens are very addicted to everything social media has to offer them. HelpGuide.org discusses the addiction that children have and some things parents can do to help. “Youngsters lack the maturity to curb their smartphone use on their own, but simply confiscating the device can often backfire, creating anxiety and withdrawal symptoms in your child” (“Smartphone and Internet Addiction” 2025). Mental health is becoming a problem that parents and teens are struggling with, however there are many solutions and they include being a good role model, encouraging other activities/hobbies, and creating phone free zones. Some also believe that with the help of technology the government is tracking people. This causes worry, many do not like the feeling of someone having control over them through a phone. For older people that served in the war this topic can bring up difficult conversations, because of the fact that they never knew if the enemy was watching and if they were they could have a higher chance of being ambushed and killed. Many also discuss the fact that certain things are becoming outdated. In 2011 the topic of the U.S. The Postal Service was debated on whether or not it was still useful, they argued it “. . . is hemorrhaging money because it is a bloated, badly run relic of a bygone era. There are few functions currently performed by the Postal Service that could not be better filled by private companies” (“The Future of the Postal Service” 2011). While others argued its “. . . a necessary public service that cannot be replaced by either technological advancements or private industry. Throughout its history, it has maintained universal coverage to every U.S. citizen regardless of where he or she lives, which is something that private delivery companies have been unable or unwilling to do” (“The Future of the Postal Service” 2011).
With time people see that there are good and bad things that technology is and has been producing. You have to understand that when you use technology on a daily basis there are risk factors and dark sides, but that it is also leaving a positive effect on how people are living. Some use their screen to say hurtful words to others, this is called cyber-bullying and it is becoming more popular as technology advances. “The sense of anonymity we have online, or of feeling slightly removed from the situation when behind a keyboard, can lead to saying things we wouldn’t ordinarily say in a face-to-face situation. . . The spread of misinformation or outright lies, the prevalence of bullying and cyber attacks, and other unpleasantries are all common side effects of our cyberspace—and they can lead to anxiety, depression, addiction, and other mental health disorders” (Swenson 2020). As technology continues to build, AI or Artificial Intelligence is becoming more popular. It is a form of “Jekyll and Hyde interactions. . .” (“Artificial Intelligence” 2024). AI is a tool some kids are using to complete confusing homework assignments, others are using it to do its work for them. Some want answers to certain personal questions but get mad when it gives them two options instead of what they think that they should do. Then you think of a friend you might know who has or had cancer, without the technology advances we have now they might still be receiving treatment and not be getting better. Through technology doctors visits are also improving, people get diagnosed faster and don't have to still go through a long process to get medicine and start getting better right away. “In computer-assisted brain surgery, surgeons use technology to create a 3D image of the brain to help guide their operations. Thanks to similar innovations, more than 250 million endoscopies are performed each year around the world. This minimally invasive procedure is widely used on joints and other areas of the body to reduce hospitalizations and hasten recovery times” (“The Positive Effects of Technology” 2023).
Yes, there are terribly distraught parts of technology, but at the same time do they outweigh all of the good things that are coming from technology? One could argue for either side, however many agree that technology is and can be harmful but that it can leave a positive effect. It all depends on how it is used, discussing the good, the bad, and the why gives people the chance to decide on how they want to use it themself.
Paper two
Laudia Carter
Outline draft
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Title- The complex debate over Antipsychotic ADHD Medication
Intro – attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a condition said to affect millions of individuals around the world, more particularly in children. As the number of diagnoses increases, so does the use of medication to manage it. Stimulants, such as Adderall or Ritalin, are commonly prescribed to help individuals with ADHD improve focus and self- regulation. While these medications have been effective in managing symptoms such as inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity, concerns have also arisen regarding their potential overprescription and misuse especially in children and adolescence. (Thesis)
Thesis- Although some people believe that ADHD and its medication is common and much needed, some people argue that the medicine is overprescribed and unnecessarily used in many scenarios.
Background – The definition of ADHD and how it works (subcategories), what people thought of ADHD in the past, how ADHD was discovered, Past treatments, the development of medication, leading into the debate.
Arguments for -
They have helped a ton of people with mental health issues.
ADHD is on the rise and the medicine is a necessity to help people with it.
They can be administered safely by doctors
They can help people focus better, fidget less, and listen better.
Enhanced self-regulation for severe cases, including other illnesses.
Arguments against –
There are too many side effects and long term effects that we don’t understand for it to be safe.
ADHD has many symptoms that bleed into other issues, therefore can be easily misdiagnosed
Society is unnatural to how humans are meant to live, therefore medicating people who find it hard to focus is wrong.
Medication for children is inhumane because they are meant to be full of energy and wild, and medicating that out of them will cause other problems.
Antipsychotics are abused because people seem to think it makes them smarter and focus better even when they don’t have ADHD.
Using medicine as a first choice for ADHD is wrong, as you are still able to function with it.