Discuss when I helped a friend displaced abruptly due to domestic
violence. At the time, she had a young daughter but was in a
physically and emotionally abusive relationship with her child's father.
The abuser had already said he would kill her several times if she tried
to leave. He was physically and mentally abusive. He also seemed to
be mentally unstable, from her experience, so she believed him, she
called the cops on a few occasions, but that caused her situation to
get worst. She did not feel strong enough to leave. She did not feel
she had a way out.
So to escape, we had to devise an escape plan. She needed to execute
the plans properly to get away safely.
My questions to her were:
1. If you leave are you going to return? Her answer was, "no!"
2. Where will you go? Her mother
3. Will you be safe there? Her response was yes!
4th. Are you willing to leave everything behind? Her answer
absolutely
5. Do you have the resources to get to your destination safely? Yes
I feel like I could help her with the execution of this process because I
had family members that were in similar situations and were able to
leave successfully.
So the plan was worked out she trusted me to help her with the
details.
The plan was for her to make sure she acted as normal as possible to
do everything just like she always does.
Her opportunity to leave was when he went to work in the mornings
on this particular morning. She would tell him she had to run some
errands that day. And she would head to her safe place. She was
extremely nervous because she felt like he knew what she was
thinking. The plan worked because she was able to get to her mom's.
Once he did realize she was gone, he lost his temper. He threatened
to kill her, telling her to watch her back. He came to her mom's and
tried to plead for her return. She had to call the authorities and get a
restraining order. Leaving was just the beginning. She had to start
over with just the clothes on her back, no job, and a car that barely
worked with a toddler. She felt so alone and mentally drained. I
helped her as much as I could financially; however, she is the kind of
person that seemed to thrive off of pity. The more you gave, the more
she seemed to need. She had a way of wording stuff, so you felt sorry
for her situation.
I offered her a part-time job at this time and allowed her to bring her
child, and to my shock, she was pregnant with her second child but
not by the abuser. This created another issue in her life because the
father of this child. He does not want to hold responsibility for the
child if she does not want to be with him. She seems to keep getting
into relationships that are not healthy.
My help to her was helpful because I listened to her issue, helped her
explore her options and the problem, and helped intervene to find
solutions to help her get back on her feet. My helping relationship
made us closer, and she is a good friend who helps me in any way she
can go without hesitation.
