You Lost Me
Melodie Penland
YOUT 350: Campus Ministry
Introduction
David Kinnaman's You Lost Me: Why Young Christians Are Leaving Church… and Rethinking
Faith discusses serious issues among young believers that detach from their faith. David
Kinnaman has done much research and interviews with young people. He looks at the challenges
this generation faces and features the rising disconnect between the traditional church and the
current culture. Young people of this generation have experienced many changes in technology,
society, and spiritually. Today's children and teens do not know what life is like without a
computer or smartphone. All of life's answers can be found in an instant. “In a culture skeptical
of every kind of earthly authority, where information is dirt cheap and where institutions and
leaders so often disappoint, we need God-given wisdom. Wisdom is the spiritual, mental, and
emotional ability to relate rightly to God, to others, and to our culture.1”
Although there have been many changes and advances, many churches have not kept up with the
current culture. There has been a disconnect as the gap in understanding has grown. There is a
struggle to connect with the next generation, which is perpetuated to even the next generation
after that. “The generation gap is growing, fueled in part by technology, so it takes extra effort to
be on the same page.2”
Summary
One of the issues is nomads, described as people who wander from the church because
their questions are unanswered, or they are searching for answers and cannot find them. Big
questions about life and Christianity weigh on their minds. The prodigals are tired of the
hypocrisy and judgment they experience from people in the church. It is hard to attend church
1 David Kinnaman and Aly Hawkins, You Lost Me: Why Young Christians Are Leaving Church … and Rethinking
Faith(Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 2011), 210.
2 David Kinnaman and Aly Hawkins, You Lost Me: Why Young Christians Are Leaving Church … and Rethinking
Faith(Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 2011), 205.
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when you see people preach one thing and behave another way, yet they are judgmental towards
others. It is not that they do not believe, but they do not want to attend church because of how
people act. The exiles are the young Christians who keep their faith but have difficulty finding
community within the church community. They need a sense of purpose to use their gifts in the
church. This book gives church leaders, more seasoned believers, and parents the facts while
presenting them with ways to develop genuine relationships with young people by intentionally
building relationships through connection and discipleship. “Meaningful relationships with older
adults who are following Christ will help to ensure that your fresh ideas build on the incredible
work of previous generations and that your passion to follow Jesus in this cultural moment is
supported and upheld by this whole, living generation of believers.3” David Kinnaman brings
many reasons to bridge the gap between the younger and older generations. This book compels
churches to look at their dynamics and to look at changing their approach to better communicate
with the current culture.
Personal Response
Two of the three issues I have experienced in my life and the third my husband has
experienced. My husband grew up in a strong Catholic family and attended Catholic school. He
was kicked out because he asked questions, and the leaders did not like it. My husband tried to
make sense of the practices because he was studying the Bible. As he got older, he became a
Christian and found answers to most of his questions. Even though he has been a believer for
many years, he is still learning, but he is no longer afraid to ask questions.
I grew up as a minister’s kid and was in church my whole life. I was heavily involved in
my church until I went away to college. In my senior year of high school, I saw and experienced
3 David Kinnaman and Aly Hawkins, You Lost Me: Why Young Christians Are Leaving Church … and Rethinking
Faith(Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 2011), 205.
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some horrible things in my church home. My family and I were mistreated, leaving scars for
many years. I have since let all that go forgiven and moved on. However, I barely attended
church for several years, including college and early to mid-twenties. I was in a religious college
major but could not stand the hypocrisy and poor treatment I received from other people
professing to follow Jesus. After I had children, I wanted to raise my kids in the church and
decided I was not unhappy with Jesus; I was unhappy with imperfect people who needed Jesus.
I am currently experiencing the feeling of exile. I am the Children's Ministry Director at
my church, so I am involved and known by most people. Even though I know everyone, I have
difficulty connecting because I am always with the kids. Although that is my job and calling, I
would like to make better connections and experience community within the church body.
Conclusion
Through research and interviews, David Kinnaman has brought thought-provoking issues to
light. These issues must be addressed, and the current church's practices must be reviewed. Just
because something has worked for forty years does not mean it needs to continue. With a new
generation, new issues arise. This book focuses on solutions and change by offering ways to fix
this, such as genuine relationships and giving young believers ways to live out their faith and to
make a difference. Looking at issues that may have been overlooked for decades allows people
to be honest and have serious conversations that may require a change of action. “Not all the
programs we have put in place should be abandoned, but as we identify systems that are not
effective, will we be willing to give them up4?” I have read all of the reading for You Lost M
Bibliography
David Kinnaman and Aly Hawkins, You Lost Me: Why Young Christians Are Leaving Church … and Rethinking
Faith(Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 2011), 206.
David Kinnaman and Aly Hawkins, You Lost Me: Why Young Christians Are Leaving Church … and Rethinking
Faith(Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 2011), 210.
________, You Lost Me: Why Young Christians Are Leaving Church … and Rethinking Faith(Grand Rapids, MI:
Baker Books, 2011), 205.
________, You Lost Me: Why Young Christians Are Leaving Church … and Rethinking Faith(Grand Rapids, MI:
Baker Books, 2011), 205.
________,You Lost Me: Why Young Christians Are Leaving Church … and Rethinking Faith(Grand Rapids, MI:
Baker Books, 2011), 206.
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