Maloney 1
Victoria Maloney
WRIT 201
Professor Smith
3 April 2023
Part of me lingers in you.
A twin I can’t forgive.
As part of me starves.
hoping it's short-lived.
My racing mind gets out of bed
You. You became like organic fruit.
Spoiled at the root.
Refreshing to the touch
but short-lived.
A past memory haunting my breathing.
Vibrating at the ribs hoping you see me.
You no longer need me.
Everything short-lived.
Title: Organic Like Moon Phases
Style: Ghazal Style
Maloney 2
When the moons light dims bright.
Knowing the stars will be only out at night.
Everyday short-lived.
Now the moon looks, no feels the wrath
A weight overfills its chest.
It passes with pain, burning
never short-lived.
Waiting for its turn to have a purpose.
Or stay a little longer.
Just a moment be to like the sun and not
Victoria In short-lived water.
Maloney 3
Analysis:
When looking over the reviews and corrections made to my poem I really wanted to focus on the
structure of the poetry. While looking at the ones in the book, the way he broke up the poem was
a bit confusing. Though I thought I had it right, the way it was reading was a bit off to me as
well, but I went with it. Now getting some helpful feedback bout my poem has allowed me to
write it in a way that not only made sense to me, but hopefully the reader as well. I also wanted
to extend some of the lines. I wanted to add a bit more sorrow and emotion to help bring out the
meaning of the poem. I didn’t want to take away from the simplicity of it, but I wanted to add to
help the reader understand the purpose of it. The added adjustments helped the poem flow to the
end. It all starts off with it being about losing someone, but then goes into realizing its actually
all about internal abandonment. Not knowing how to handle people losing and feeling like
people can pass you by like to moon. One minute there and the next gone. I wanted it to have
that feeling of I’m hurt by here is why.
