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Introduction
Laaser, M. (2009). Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction. In this book, Dr. Laaser
presents ideas on sexual addiction, including its definition, the origins of sexual obsession,
methods for healing individuals from sexual addiction, and the role of the church in supporting
sex addicts. The book also delves into the description of sexual obsession and sin, as well as the
impact of family dynamics on the development of a sex addict. Dr. Laaser emphasizes the
importance of accountability in the recovery process and discusses how the church should
approach sexual addictions and support those in recovery. Furthermore, Dr. Laaser shares his
personal journey as a recovering sex addict and his commitment to assisting others who also
struggle with sexual addiction.
According to Dr. Laaser, sexual addiction is described as an overpowering behavior that
arises from a sickness (Laaser, 2009). He firmly believes that sexual addiction is morally wrong
and presents a significant challenge to overcome. Dr. Laaser also asserts that healing from sexual
addiction involves engaging in a spiritual battle (Laaser, 2009). In his book, he identifies several
components that can help identify sexual addiction, including obsession with sexual behaviors,
escalating patterns of sexual activity, withdrawal or distance, mood swings and depression,
irritability, self or others abuse, resistance to supervision or criticism, use of sexual humor,
inappropriate sexual behaviors and advances, occupational, social, family, professional, and legal
difficulties, intuition from others, and direct evidence (Laaser, 2009).
Addiction can result in confusion and an inability to cope with daily life, leading
individuals to detach themselves from reality, according to Laaser. This detachment is commonly
referred to as fantasy, where addicts engage in the act of fantasizing about someone, often
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accompanied by the consumption of pornography and masturbation (Laaser, 2009). While these
fantasies may provide temporary satisfaction, they fail to address the emotional and spiritual
well-being of the individual. In fact, these fantasies can contribute to a negative self-image and
fluctuating moods, as they serve as a means of escaping reality. Consequently, the reliance on
escapism impedes the development and maintenance of healthy relationships. It is important to
note that individuals with sexual addictions often deny the existence of their addiction (Laaser,
2009).
Dr. Laaser, says some individuals use sex as a means to mask their loneliness, which
inadvertently leads them to feel even more isolated, often keeping their true feelings hidden
(Laaser, 2009). Due to feelings of personal shame or guilt, many addicts tend to suppress their
emotions as a coping mechanism, fearing judgment if they were to reveal their true selves. They
often believe that hiding their emotions is necessary to avoid scrutiny. Additionally, the ability to
engage in sexual activities may provide a sense of self-worth for addicts. Those who have
partners or spouses may struggle with attachment due to a lack of self-love and difficulty
believing that they are truly loved. I agree with Dr. Laaser that sexual addiction can be a
traumatic experience. Both substance addiction and sexual addiction share similarities in terms
of seeking a high and affecting the brain in similar ways. Sex addicts may use sexual fantasy
worlds to experience a high without engaging in the actual sexual act (Laaser, 2009).
Family Dynamics
According to Dr. Laaser, a person's susceptibility to sexual addiction is influenced by
their upbringing. There are four factors that she believes define an unhealthy family: rules, roles,
boundaries, and addictions (Laaser,2009). An unhealthy family can be caused by lacking
boundaries, which include things like having inappropriate conversations with family members,
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entering a room while someone is dressing, and going around the house not properly dressed. On
the other hand, excessively strict barriers can also lead to unhealthy families.
Having boundaries creates a haven within the family, and some boundaries should never
be crossed. Dr. Laaser (2009) "asserts that several rules can cause sexual addiction." Examples of
these rules are not allowing family members to talk about their feelings or problems openly,
preventing them from expressing their feelings, and belittling them because of their feelings
(Laaser, 2009). In some cases, families are coerced into changing their thought process. They are
made to believe that the abuse did not occur (Laaser, 2009). Unhealthy family members
frequently blame others and tend to believe that you are the problem, not them.
Family members have a responsibility to care for each other. The role a family member
takes on can have a significant impact on whether they become an addict. In every family, the
role one assumes can be either healthy or unhealthy. The specific roles that Dr. Laaser believes
households embody include the addict, the hero, the scapegoat, the mascot, the lost child, the
doer, the enabler, the little princess or prince, and the saint. According to Laaser (2009), the hero
is the one who brings success to the family.
According to Laaser (2009), there are different roles within a family dynamic. There is
the scapegoat, who tends to cause trouble. Then there is the funny mascot who tries to bring
humor to situations. The lost child is someone who feels disconnected and misunderstood. The
doer is the one who takes on responsibilities and holds the family together. The enabler allows
others to make mistakes without facing consequences. The little prince or princess is seen as
perfect and can do no wrong. Finally, there is the saint, who also does no wrong and works to
keep the family united.
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The last rule of unhealthy family addiction states that sex addicts often come from
families with existing addictions (Laaser, 2009). Unfortunately, many children who grow up in
these environments also become victims of addiction themselves (Laaser, 2009). Frequently,
addictions develop within families to cope with the difficulties and pain of life (Laaser, 2009). To
avoid uncomfortable conversations about these problems, addiction topics are often avoided
altogether (Laaser, 2009). Although this may temporarily remove the discomfort, the problem
persists (Laaser, 2009).
I can remember as a child and well into adulthood my uncle suffering from alcohol abuse.
The alcohol took over his thinking. My uncle made some choice due to the alcohol that caused
him to sexually assault women. My uncle was not himself and would have loud outburst and
mess his clothes up. I can remember sitting in church one Sunday and my uncle walked in very
loudly, no one knew he was my uncle, but embarrassment set in quickly. I can remember for
years my grandmother didn’t want to address the issue. My uncle was her baby. This issue
created an unhealthy environment for my family.
Even though my family dynamics on my mom’s side was unhealthy, thankfully, my
father had a stable lifestyle that I was able to learn from. Even in seeing my uncle, I made a vow
that I wouldn’t drink because I didn’t want to end up in the same situation as my uncle. I think I
can help others because I have experienced both sides, healthy and unhealthy. I’m not perfect but
my experience has helped me to understand that it could happen to anyone. Today my uncle is in
a nursing home sick from years of alcohol abuse. I have seen my family come together because
of this and forgive each other. I’m grateful today, that God chose me for my family.
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Conclusion
Several important topics pertaining to sexual addiction and healing were covered in Dr.
Laaser's book Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction. He clarifies that a person suffering from
a sexual addiction may experience long-term consequences. He claims that issues with intimacy
and sexual shame can result from sexual addiction. Dr. Laaser goes on to say that there is sexual
addiction within the church and that it can lead to dysfunction both among the members and
within the church itself. A person must submit to their healing process and exhibit humility,
according to Dr. Laaser, to recover from a sexual addiction.
Reference:
Laaser, M. (2009). Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction. HarperCollins Christian.
https://libertyonline.vitalsource.com/books/9780310559764
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