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4MAT Assignment
Summary
The six chapters I have read so far of Kostenberger's book have been eye-opening and
have provided new perspectives to look into for my own marriage and family. He is not afraid to
write material that may be controversial and he backs it up with scripture. This way, believers
know that this is not an opinion that was constructed by man alone. This was a story line
interwoven with the eternal God who always wanted us as his family and set up boundaries for
us to follow in order to reap blessings in our life. The first four chapters really dive deeper into
marriage and the construct that God orchestrated for it. How he desired it for man and women
and for them to become one flesh physically and spiritually. Then, how they should leave and
cleave to one another to establish the bond as a unit and family structure away from their
previous family to help develop roots and rhythms that work for them in their home. The third
chapter was on the position of husband and wife in the marriage and where God has placed each
person for the betterment of the unit as a whole. How God has called wives to respect their
husbands and husbands to love their wives all of their days together on Earth. This is to show the
full demonstration of how God desires to commune with us as we are the church which makes us
the bride, and he the bridegroom. The fourth chapter goes into sex within marriage and the
blessings it can bring for couples in many different ways and why God desired us to have close
connection with one person just as God desires our close connection to be personal with him.
Also, to be fruitful and multiple in the Earth is important in order to have a legacy, because
family is what God desires for all to know and love him. The fifth and sixth chapters go into the
Old Testament and how they saw family and marriage taking place. Then we step into the New
Testament and it shows how Jesus came and showed light on some areas we were missing and
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how we could improve. Also, He gave us salvation so we could walk in freedom with the Holy
Spirit inside of us to guide us.
Concrete Reflection
I have been raised by my wonderful parents who were marriage and family counselors
my entire life. God completely restored their marriage when I was one year-old and set their
lives on a new trajectory of victory and peace. They started counseling others a couple of years
after that and really moved into it when I was an older adolescent. They have held retreats for
couples that we called vacations as kids. I have watched Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson
Eggerichs over ten times. Then, when I walked into marriage myself, I felt like I was able to
truly live all that had been poured into me all of my life. I am blessed that I have a healthy
marriage because I understand that a healthy marriage is not through superficial tasks and rituals.
It is through deeper cleaning of your past and dying to your flesh daily. Choosing the bond of
peace over winning in pride of a conflict. As the book says, “When a couple struggles in their
marriage, they often find it helpful to focus on the more superficial remedies, such as improving
their communication skills, enriching their sex life, learning better how to meet each other’s
needs or similar techniques” (Kostenberger, 2010, p. 18). This quote is what stuck with me the
most from the book because I know that a righteous legacy begins with cleaning out the old dead
things so you can have room for the new to grow and develop. I want my children to live free of
mine and my husband's past. That does not mean they will not have hardships that will arise, but
that the old dead places from generations past do not come and bear fruit in another generation.
Critique
The one place I had a critique was in the third chapter when Kostenberger starts breaking
down Ephesians 5 where wives are called to respect their husbands and husbands are called to
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love their wives. He did a great job going into it. I just believe the scripture goes even deeper
into meaning on why the language was used that way to describe husband and wife. Even now
our modern language hints at its roots: to have a “sub-mission” which would describe to have a
“secondary” mission that yields to a another one. This is my point that submission gets a bad rap
in our culture but its origin does not have negative orientation. It means to come in alignment
with the same mission, to put away all of the dreams and expectations we may have as women
and connect with our husbands' mission, dreams, and calling. To come alongside him, to birth
the dreams that were in both of you together as each other's biggest advocate. Women hear this
verse and they put up arms against men as though they are a problem. When, in actuality, it is the
enemy we should be angry at for all the way back in Genesis when he twisted the beauty and
perfection of God's creation. Women were made from the bone of man. We are a part of their
story, a helpmate to work alongside them to comfort them. This was God's design that we would
complete each other, not compete with or bash the other. The world has gotten so prideful that
we do not help even our own spouse if it gets in the way of our goals and dreams. One day, the
New Jerusalem will come and the Bride will marry the Lamb and all will be set back to
perfection. Until that day, we need to submit to our husbands because it is a call to be able to
submit to God. This is so we can hear God and be close to him. It is a mirror image of how our
relationship should be with God so we can physically see how we should be spiritually walking
with our Heavenly Father.
Application
This book impacted my personal growth with the Lord the most. I see how there is still so
much of a gap when it comes to diving deeper into what the Lord is calling me to. Reading this
book, condemnation wants to rise up and tell me how unqualified I am to lead people into
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healing or healthy relationships. These are lies from the pit of hell and I know that they are. As I
am reading many scriptures that are so impactful, I see where I can grow is by learning how to
wield my weapon even better. Just as in Ephesians 6:17, “The sword of the Spirit is the word of
God.” I want to know it forwards and backwards. I want to be able to walk into a room and fight
the fight of faith not with my own flesh and blood, but with the word of God which will move
mountains because of the power that resides within it.
For me, practical applications or changes I can do is waking up before my kids twenty
minutes earlier to start to read my word and pray. Then, throughout the day praying and finding
moments where instead of scrolling on social media, I read my bible for a few minutes. This is to
build up my character and create habits that are good for me physically, mentally, and spiritually.
One day, I want to be able to write a book that helps people as well, and I desire it to be full of
scripture. This is so that everyone that reads it will know God will guide you through each step
just as He has for me. He speaks through His word; we just have to open it up and be present
when we read it and He will speak to us.
