Confrontation Methods in Christian Counseling
Original sin and personal sin are the reasons for our problems.
Despite the universality and prevalence of sin, it is important to confront
sin in a counseling session when doing so would likely precipitate positive
change. Since it is the Holy Spirit that works to create change, the
counselor should pray before the session for guidance and discernment on
when and how to confront sin. It may be better to refrain from
confrontation until the counselee becomes more receptive to recognizing
and owning his sinful actions and thoughts. If the client is not self-aware
and is actively blaming external factors for his issues, he will likely dismiss
the therapist’s words or respond defensively (Kollar, 2011). He may
double-down in his stance, making it harder for him to hear the truth. On
the opposite spectrum, if the client is lacking a sense of self and has a
propensity for self-condemnation, confrontation may cause him to
withdraw or become extremely compliant and codependent (McMinn,
2011). The client is not yet empowered to make changes to his life
because he is unsure of who he is and his values. Hence, it is better to
postpone confrontation until he further develops his identity in Christ and
can modify his view of self, his behavior, and his principles in order to
grow.
The counselor is recommended to “start with smaller, less
intimidating types of confrontation” methods to gauge the response of the
client (McMinn, 2011). Techniques such as silence, pondering,
questioning, and direct censure should be done with empathy without
compromising Christian values. If a gentler method is insufficient to
motivate repentance, the therapist may cautiously escalate or wait to try
again in another session since confrontation is a right that is earned over
time. Another reason to limit direct censure is because the counselor is
advocating his understanding of “the sin”, which may be a subjective
interpretation and different from the client’s interpretation. Unless it is
agreed upon through reasonable understanding of the Bible, the counselor
will be using “the power differential inherent in the therapeutic situation”,
which may raise ethical questions for counseling (Entwistle, 2015, p. 301).
Matt 18:15 says, “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his
fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained
your brother” (English Standard Version, 2001). Speaking truth in love
lessens the likelihood of severing the counseling relationship. If the client
feels alienated, he may stop participating until the connection is
reestablished.
Counselors should follow Jesus’ demonstration of selecting and
applying confrontation methods. In John 8:1-11, Jesus addresses both the
woman’s adultery and the Pharisees’ self-righteousness. Jesus is direct
with the Pharisees to pierce their hardened hearts when he calls attention
to the fact that they are not without sin. With the woman who is feeling
guilt and shame, he uses silence, which gives her time to reflect on her
sin. After the others leave, he uses empathic questioning and guides her
toward grace. This is a reminder to the counselor that the purpose of
confrontation is not just conviction of sin, but to help the client understand
the need for grace.
Reference
English Standard Version.(2001). ESV Online.https://esv.literalword.com/
Entwistle, D. N. (2015).Integrative approaches to psychology and
Christianity: An introduction to worldview issues, philosophical
foundations, and models of integration(3rd ed.). Wipf and Stock
Publishers.
Kollar, C. A. (2011).Solution-focused pastoral counseling: An effective
short-term approach for getting people back on track(Exp. ed.).
Zondervan.
McMinn, M. R. (2011).Psychology, theology, and spirituality in Christian
counseling(Rev. ed.). Tyndale House Publishers.
