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GET THE PRESENT STORY
Discussion Thread: Get the Present Story
Ministry or Agency-based Context
I currently serve in the children’s ministry at my church but professionally I am not
working in pastoral counseling yet. My goal as a pastoral counselor is to work at church or
potentially complete the requirements that the state that I live in requires for me to open my own
practice. I chose to change career paths because I truly feel as this is God’s calling on my life. I
want to be able to help suffering people and help serve them by sharing the love of God with
them. Brody is the care seeker that I chose because he has a lot of the qualities that people,
especially the younger generations, have today. Brody struggles with low self-esteem which
comes out in his desire to need others approval and acceptance. He struggles with his
relationship with his father because they do not have the same things in common, so they have
nothing to connect with. On top of all of that, he just lost his support system when he lost his
mother and sister, so he is struggling with acceptance and belonging in his family.
Guiding Principles for the Pastoral Counselor
The seven guiding principles that are given to us by Dr. Hawkins are foundational for a
pastoral counselor. They would prove to be even more important when treating a counselee like
Brody who is grieving two deep losses along with struggling with his identity. When
approaching Brody as my counselee I would enter the situation with grace and love. He is an
adolescent who has experienced tragedy that occurred because we live in a fallen world. I would
seek the Holy Spirit to provide me Wisdom from the Word of God. The goal that I would have
would be to ensure that Brody knows that he is loved by God and God’s approval is greater than
mans. Nichols discusses three components in a healthy self-image: a sense of belonging, a sense
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of worth, and a sense of competence (Nichols, 2017, pg. 84-85). It would equally be as important
to walk Brody through his grief.
Rapport and Relational Alignment
Brody’s need for acceptance and approval is a fundamental part of his personality type
“I” (Carbonell, 2008, pg. 122-123). I would need to cultivate an environment for Brody where he
would feel accepted. Active listening will be a critical component when conversing with him.
My personality type is a S/C so to help move Brody from a blaming position to a willing one, I
could benefit utilizing my strength of being detail oriented and help Brody examine his situation
by asking questions to sort, compile, and organize so he can see a bigger picture and be more
willing to be solution oriented (Petersen, 2022, pg. 88).
Phase One Distinctive Features
The first steps that are taken in the first phase of the counseling process are to actively
listen to the Holy Spirit as well as listen to the counselee. Using the active listening that Petersen
(2022) speaks about would be beneficial in this phase to ensure that Brody feels safe and
understood. Brody would need to feel validated in his feelings for him to continue to open up to
me. Brody came to seek help after the accident had occurred at the recommendation of his
brother Josh who was worried about him. Brody is struggling with his purpose and belonging in
his family since he has lost both his mother and sister. The goal in phase one is to allow Brody to
have the space to express his grief as well as discuss his relationship with his father. The goal for
his grieving is not to get things back to normal but to help him establish a new sense of normal in
his family (Clinton & Hawkins, 2009, pg.131). It will also be vital in this phase to determine
Brody’s mental state after the trauma he has endured. Kollar’s nine guiding assumptions are
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beneficial in phase one. The nine guiding assumptions and how are they are implemented in
Brody’s care are listed below (Kollar, 2011, pg.62-85):
1. God is already active in the counselee.
a. God has always been present and working in Brody’s life way before he
sought out treatment and He will be active in his life long after. It is my job to
ensure that I am being led by the Holy Spirit to counselee him in ways that
align with what God’s will for Brody’s life (Kollar, 2011, pg.62):
2. Complex problems do not demand complex solutions.
a. Brody’s situation is a complex situation with a lot of several factors. It would
be beneficial to shift Brody’s point of view to the solution and not the
problem. This will allow him to not feel like he is “stuck” in his situation
and/or circumstance (Kollar, 2011, pg.67).
3. Finding exceptions helps create solutions.
a. Providing point of views for Brody of things that can be considered
“progress” could help determine what the solution to the situation should be
(Kollar, 2011, pg.69).
4. The counselee is always changing.
a. Grief alone can cause a person to change. If you add in the person being an
adolescent and the thing that they are grieving is a death of a parent and a
sibling, then I can assume that Brody would evolve over the duration of me
counseling him. I would be mindful of his behaviors to ensure that his mental
health is in a healthy state (Kollar, 2011, pg.70).
5. The counselee is the expert and defines goals.
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a. Listening to Brody about his situation will help us come to a conclusion for
what his goal for seeking care is (Kollar, 2011, pg.72).
6. Solutions are cocreated.
a. As a pastoral counselor, it is important that I am helping Brody walk in
alignment with what God is doing in his life and where the Holy Spirit is
leading me to (Kollar, 2011, pg.75).
7. The counselee is not the problem; the problem is.
a. It is helpful to consider what is getting in the way of finding solutions for
Brody than focusing on what caused the situation (Kollar, 2011, pg. 85).
8. The counseling relationship is positional.
a. Brody is in a blaming position. He thinks it is his father’s fault that they do
not see eye to eye and have nothing in common. He feels as if it is his father’s
job as his parent to be there for him (Kollar, 2011, pg.80).
9. If it is not broken, don’t fix it.
a. The goal regardless of if you are using any of the “three tenets” is to find out
what the counselee wants and help them find a solution towards that goal
(Kollar, 2011, pg.82).
Food for Thought
To ensure that I am providing adequate care for Brody I will ensure that I am actively
listening. Your physical demeanor also plays a role in making sure you are listening well. In the
article, “Active Listening through Body Language” they discuss Egan’s five key components of
active listening, also known by the acronym SOLER (Davis, 2011). The meaning of the acronym
is Sit trait, Open posture, Lean forward, Eye contact, and Relax. Using these components will
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References
Carbonell, M. (2008). How to solve the people puzzle: Understanding personality patterns. Blue
Ridge, GA: Uniquely You Resources.
Carbonell, M. (n.d.). “Uniquely You DISC Assessment.” Retrieved
fromHhttps://ucarbonellniquelyyou.org.
Clinton, T., & Hawkins, R. (2009). The quick-reference guide to biblical counseling. Grand
Rapids, MI: Baker Academic.
Davis, N. (2011, August 25). Active listening through body language. Health Psychology
Consultancy. https://healthpsychologyconsultancy.wordpress.com/2011/08/25/active-
listening-through-body-language/
Kollar, C. A. (2011). Solution-focused pastoral counseling (2nd ed.). Grand Rapids, MI:
Zondervan.
Nichols, K. (2017). Masterpiece: Seeing yourself as God’s work of art changes everything!
Forest, VA: ALIVE Ministries.
Petersen, J. C. (2022). Why don’t we listen better? Communicating & connecting in relationships
(3rd ed.). Portland, OR: Petersen Publications.
Rice, D. (2018). A case study on crossroads: A story of forgiveness. Lynchburg, VA.: Liberty
University.
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