Phase Two
Purpose
Get from Brody what he would like to see happen, What would help him through the process of
losing his mother and sister in such a tragic way.
Goal
The goal for this session is to find what will help him with his dad and deal with the loss.
Chief Aim
Keep building trust with Brody and building a rapport with him by collaborating with him.
Role and Responsibilities
I will continue to listen to him and let him know that it is ok to feel the way he does. I will also
add in technique #4-Para-thinking. “Put the talker’s thoughts, which include ideas, views,,
observation, facts, and perceptions, into your own words”1 By using this technique of para-
thinking with Brody, I will be able to say back to him what he is saying in my own words by
rephasing what he has said, so that he can possibly get clarity and possibly see the big picture
which hopefully helps him be able to start to see a possible solution to what he is dealing with. I
will also be helping Brody come up with a solution.
A role of mine as his pastoral counselor is to remind him of God’s love for him. I can tell him
this statement: “We get our greatest joys, and we suffer our deepest hurts in relationships. The
ultimate connection, the one that we’re made for, is an intimate, supportive, strong relationship
with God.”2 I feel by telling him this he will see that he needs to go to God who will give him the
strength that he needs to be able to make it through the loss of his mother and sister. And that
what he had with his mother and sister, he can have with his dad.
Behavioral Position
Brody is in the willing stage, now. He has come back for a second counseling session and seems
to be looking for a solution to what can help him get pass the loss of his mother and sister and to
get a better relationship with his dad. I feel at this point in Brody’s life, he is seeing that what is
going on now is not working and that maybe he needs to try something different. This
observation goes in line with this quote from the book Solution-Focused Pastoral Counselling by
Charles Kollar where he explains a willing state, “As the description implies, the counselee is
willing to try something different because what he is presently doing is not working.”3
Guiding Assumptions
A guiding assumption, I see that may be appropriate at this time is the guiding assumption #2:
“Complex Problem Do Not Demand Complex Solutions”4 Here, I can see to tell Brody at this
point that the solution to his problem may have a simple solution to it. I can gently guide him to
come to realize that maybe if he would just sit down and tell his father how he feels and what he
needs, they may be able to come to an agreement that will help Brody in his grief.
Another thing that I can do is use a formula called Formula First Session Task or FFST. In this
formula, I could give Brody a task to do before the next session. I know this for first session, but
I feel this can be used here, also. I can say it this way to him, “between now and the next time
we meet, I would like you to observe your family so that you can describe to us next time what
happens in your family so that you want to continue to have happen.”5 Here, I am asking him to
see what is giving him relief from the pain and seems to give him a sense of belonging and tell
me at the next session, so that we can talk about it and see what solution we can come up with to
help that to happen more often.
In having Brody do this, hopefully he can get a sense of what it would be like if the problem he
was having was no longer there. I know that his mom and sister can not come back to life, but
maybe he can see how it could be like once he has accepted the loss and moved on from the
grief.
Phase Two Marker
To help Brody to see how his life would be like if the problem was gone. How his life will be
once he has moved beyond grief and has begun to live his life without his mother and sister.
When he lost his mother and sister, he not only loss them in the physical sense but also in the
emotional sense. They were the ones who made him feel valued. I am hoping that at this point, I
can help him see how he can have that same emotional support from his father, brother, and
Melissa, the friend of the family. I feel that if he is able to get the emotional support from them
like he got from his mother and sister, then he may be able to get back to how he was before the
loss occurred. Then maybe he will be able to heal from the loss and learn how to live with them.
I believe that once Brody is able to see this picture in his mind, then he will truly be in the
willing state, because I feel that he will want to have that picture come true and be willing to do
what it takes to get that picture to come true. So, I feel he will be willing to continue on with
counseling.
What I can do to Align to His Personality Style
Brody is showing the characteristic of “withdraw and introverted”6 behavior. I can see this is
when he retreats from his family and goes to be off by himself, like when everyone was at the
house after the funeral, he went upstairs to be away from them. He does this with his father, he
tends to only see what he feels and how he is being treated and cannot seem to see how the loss
is affecting his dad and brother. He is so focused on what he has lost. He is not telling anyone
really how he is feeling or what he is needing. He just runs away from them when they try to talk
to him.
To help him with this part of his behavior, I will need to show him that I am someone that he can
talk to about how he is feeling and what he needs. And by talking with me, we will be able to
come up with a solution to help him get what he needs. I can help encourage him to go to his dad
and talk to him.
Another characteristic that I see in him is that he is waiting for his dad to come around and do
what he needs him to do for him. I need to get him comfortable with the idea of going to his dad
and letting him know what he needs. Brody has a personality type of not wanting to tell
someone what he needs. I need to get him to a point where he can feel comfortable enough to be
able to ask for what he needs. Let him know that it is ok to ask for what you need.
The main thing that I will continue to do is let Brody know that I am here and that this is a safe
space for him and that what he feels and needs is ok.
Supporting Feedback Break
When we take a break during the session, it is time for me to go off and go through my notes, so
that I am able to come back and share with him what I have gotten from our session and give him
some feedback. There is five areas that I will be looking at that Charles Kollar talks about in his
book Solution-Focused Pastoral Counseling. They are “presenting problem, exception to the
problem, supportive compliments, educative comments, and after session suggestions.”7 During
my break, I will look at each of these and make comments to each section.
The first thing I do is to look over the notes I took from the session and find out what Brody is
saying is the issue at hand. Then, I will look to see what was going on when this issue was not
happening. Once I have done those two things, then I need to provide supportive compliments to
Brody to help any fears that he may have. After doing that then I will give Brody some
educative comments which is to help Brody “to put his problem into a larger context.”8 After
getting Brody to do this, I will now be able to “illustrate the solution by encouraging alternative
reasoning”9 Once all this takes place then I am able to give Brody after-session suggestions.
“After-session suggestions prepare the counselee for what he will do after the session is over”10
With these suggestions, I need to keep in mind that there is two parts to consider when making
these suggestions. These suggestions need to be “a review of the goal description and the
presentation of a task.”11
I can take from the book, 40 Topics, Spiritual Insights & Easy-to-use Action Steps: The Quick-
Reference Guide to Biblical Counseling by Dr Tim Clinton and Dr Ron Hawkins, the topic of
Grief and Loss section.
In the Portrait section, I see Brody like Mark in one of the scenarios that it describes. Just like
Mark, Brody feels that he wishes that he died instead.
In the Key thoughts section, it says “Grief is intense emotional suffering caused by a loss.”12
Brody here is not only grieving the loss of his mother and sister in the physical sense, he also is
grieving in the emotional sense. Because he lost the ones who made him feel loved and valued.
He is not feeling that from his dad right now. So, Brody does not seem to be taking this loss very
well.
In the Stage of Grief section, I feel Brody may be a little bit in the anger stage. He is not lashing
out at anyone, but he is angry that he has loss them and the support that he got from them. And
now he does not seem to feel that from anyone. So, the way that he seems to be dealing with the
anger part of this loss is he is withdrawing from everyone and internalizing the hurt which is
starting to get him depressed.
In the Assessment section, I can ask Brody this question that it lists. “How did you feel after the
death?”13 I am hoping that he will be able to acknowledge what he felt, so that he may be able to
start the process of healing.
In the Action Steps section, I can tell Brody that to give himself time to heal from the loss from
the physical being gone and his emotional state from the loss. That he should “keep a routine, get
lots of rest, and try not to attempt too much but direct your energies toward healing”14 Tell him to
go to his family and friends for help in dealing with this loss. To make “meaningful
connections”15 with others because they will be able to help him heal.
I will gently tell him that he just needs to allow himself to “feel the pain”16 Let him know that
this is temporary and that it will get better. Tell him that “the intensity of your pain is normal and
eventually it will begin to subside. The pain will probably never disappear completely, but it will
become bearable”17 By letting him know this maybe he will be able to start healing from the loss
and find ways to help him to do that. Hopefully begin to go to his father, brother, and Melissa for
help.
Food For Thought
Yes, it is normal to “feel” awkward and fake when you try to do anything new that you may have
never done before. An example of this that I have experienced in my life is when I was going to
this church and when other members would talk to me, it always felt like it kind of fake. I got
the impression that the only reason they talked to me was because of my husband. I never really
ever felt part of the church. When they talked to me, it seemed like they felt obligated to talk to
me but really did not want to. For me, when I feel awkward when doing something new is when
I have to be around a large group of people. I usually feel very awkward because I am very shy,
and it is hard for me to talk to others. So, I always feel out of place. A way that I try to get over
this awkwardness is I try my best to talk to someone in that group. I know that if I keep doing it
I will begin to feel less awkward around a large group of people.
In terms of learning a new technique or people skills, I sometimes feel like I am being fake and
very awkward when I try to do the technique #2: Repeat accurately to someone. I am talker
when you get to know me, and I get to know you. So, to slow down and allow others to speak is
hard for me because I like to put my two cents in sometimes which is one of the things we are
supposed not to do when we are listening to someone before hearing all they have to say. I also
tend not to really care about listening to other problems. So, for me, it is hard and sometimes I
fake caring about someone else problems. But I have been growing in the Lord and have started
to care about others more and now start to show them that I do care about what they are going
through. So, for me to help make this technique a little bit normalized for me is to continue to
listen to others and not to over talk them. I had to at that church every time I went I made it a
point to talk to most of the members before leaving even though I really did not care to talk to
them because of how they made me feel. By doing this for several months, I started to actually
care about talking to them and learned not to allow it to hurt if they did not care for me.
Some things that can make trying something new that can make it feel fake and awkward is
going0 outside your comfort zone, low self-image, or even being a people pleaser. But ways to
overcome this you can smile, be relaxed, keep going outside your comfort zone, or even focus on
positive thoughts about yourself. When you do things over and over, it will eventually make
doing something less awkward for you.
Footnotes
1. James C. Petersen, Why Don’t We Listen Better? Communicating & Connecting in Relationships, (Oregon:
Petersen Publications, 2022), 46.
2. Ken Nichols Dr., Masterpiece: Seeing Yourself as God’s Work of Art Changes Everything!, (Virigina::
Liberty University Press, 2017), 12
3. Charles A. Kollar, Solution-Focused Pastoral Counseling: An Effective Short-Term Approach For Getting
People Back on Track, (Michigan: Zondervan,2011), 81
4. Charles A. Kollar, Solution-Focused Pastoral Counseling, 67
5. Charles A. Kollar, Solution-Focused Pastoral Counseling, 67
6. Mels Carbonell, How To Solve the People Puzzle, (Georgia: Uniquely You Resources, 2008), 277
7. Charles A. Kollar, Solution-Focused Pastoral Counseling, 140
8. Charles A. Kollar, Solution-Focused Pastoral Counseling, 146
9. Charles A. Kollar, Solution-Focused Pastoral Counseling, 146
10. Charles A. Kollar, Solution-Focused Pastoral Counseling, 150
11. Charles A. Kollar, Solution-Focused Pastoral Counseling, 150
12. Dr. Tim Clinton, and Dr. Ron Hawkins, The Quick-Reference Guides to Biblical Counseling, (Michigan:
BakerBooks, 2009), 130
13. Dr. Tim Clinton, and Dr. Ron Hawkins, The Quick-Reference 132
14. Dr. Tim Clinton, and Dr. Ron Hawkins, The Quick-Reference 133
15. Dr. Tim Clinton, and Dr. Ron Hawkins, The Quick-Reference 133
16. Dr. Tim Clinton, and Dr. Ron Hawkins, The Quick-Reference 133
17. Dr. Tim Clinton, and Dr. Ron Hawkins, The Quick-Reference 133
Bibliography
Carbonell, Mels, (2008) How To Solve the People Puzzle, Blue Ridge: GA, Uniquely You
Resources
Clinton, Tim Dr., and Dr. Ron Hawkins, (2009) The Quick-Reference Guide to Biblical
Counseling, Grand Rapids, MI, BakerBooks
Koller, Charles A., (2011) Solution-Focused Pastoral Counseling: An Effective Short-term
Approach For Getting People Back On Track, Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan
Nichols, Ken Dr., (2018) Masterpiece: Seeing Yourself as God’s Work for Art Changes
Everything, Lynchburg, VA, Zondervan Bible Publisher
Petersen, James C., (2015), Why Don’t We Listen Better? Communicating & Connecting in
Relationships, Portland, OR: Petersen Publication
Rice, D., A Case Study on Crossroads: A Story of Forgiveness Liberty University, 2018.
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