Reading Reflection Discussion Thread: Hope Focused Marriage Counseling
Worthington: Chapters 5-8
Clinton & Trent: pp. 122-127, 163-181
Henry, Figueroa & Miller: Chapter 24
Identifying Discoveries
In, Hope-Focused Marriage Counseling, Worthington suggest, “Do not wait until the first
counseling sessions toto help the couple (Worthington, 75). First begin with the initial phone
contact to direct the partners’ attention to love, faith, work, and hope (Worthington, 75). Second,
get the partners to think strategically about their relationship through completing assessment
instruments (Worthington, 75). Third, when partners arrive at your office, orient them to the type
of counseling they will receive through videotape (Worthington, 75). Fourth, use a pamphlet
about the counseling to reinforce the conceptualization of the marriage you hope to help them
develop (Worthington, 75). The authors four steps provide realistic expectations for couples
seeking pre-marital or marital counseling. Couples know they both need to participate as well as
are provided with a video and a pamphlet so they know what type counseling they will receive.
The four steps take the guess work out of it for couples. Worthington suggests assigning couples
homework to “Write a Love Letter: The Hotter the Better” (Worthington, 125). The instructions
include, “Assign each person to write an ardent love letter to the partner telling what each of
them loves about each (Worthington, 125). Couples must write at least two pages and must
avoid anything that is not completely positive and loving (Worthington, 125). “This is not the
time for the partners to try to change the spouse” (Worthington, 125). Instead direct the partners
to affirm each other and tell each of the positive parts of their marriage” (Worthington, 125).
“This can be attempted at any of the three times during counseling” (Worthington, 125). Spouses
writing love letters to each other is discovery for me because I have not assigned couples the
homework of writing each other a love letter. However, I think it is an effective way to get
couples to desire each other again as well as remember why they fell in love with each other.
In, Marriage & Family Counseling, Clinton and Trent state “All couples need to have a
dream for their marriage (Clinton and Trent, 123). “Without a dream, there is less reason to
make the relationship work” (Clinton and Trent, 123). “Where there is no vision, the people
perish” (Prov.29:18 KJV), (Clinton and Trent, 123). “Give attention to love, which is best
understood as a triangle” (Clinton and Trent, 123). Love flourishes with attentions given to each
other” (Clinton and Trent, 123). Couples should work to make sure their relationship is filled
with love and attention because when relationships are deprived of love and attention, they can
result in couples separating or worse, divorcing. Clinton and Trent suggest asking six general
questions “directed towards someone who is experiencing grief over a death” (Clinton and Trent,
177). Each question consists of multiple questions such as, “At what level are you functioning
right now” (Clinton and Trent, 177)? “Tell me about your typical day” (Clinton and Trent, 177).
“What is your toughest task you now have to do alone” (Clinton and Trent, 177)? “What kind of
help can we get for you to get that done well” (Clinton and Trent, 177)? These questions are
discovery for me because the questions I ask regarding grief are not phrased in this way and
therefore will not produce the outcome these questions will produce. The questions the authors
ask are direct and to the point as well as helpful for individuals experiencing grief. I think the
questions are beneficial to clients and I will ask them during counseling sessions.
In, The Christian Therapist’s Notebook, Henry, Figueroa, and Miller use the scripture,
“Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? But seek first His kingdom and His
righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore, do not worry about
tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own’
(Matthew 6:23, 33-34 NIV), as the Guiding Scriptures for Chapter 24. The authors state, “For
many Christians, to care is to exercise beneficial control, but remember that trying to control
others is worldly, rather than a spiritual pursuit (Henry, Figueroa, and Miller, 191). We are not in
control of others, and we delude ourselves in thinking and believing we are (Henry, Figueroa,
and Miller, 191). God will take care of all of our tomorrows-a lesson slowly and painfully
learned by most (Henry, Figueroa, and Miller, 191). Most people do not realize that control is
the result of fear. This is something a lot of people fail to accept, realize, and understand. The
sooner people overcome their fear, the sooner God will take action to rectify their situation.
Henry, Figueroa, and Miller suggest asking clients who are dealing with control issues ten
questions. The question, “Do you feel as though you grew up feeling insecure in any way”
(Henry, Figueroa, and Miller, 192), is discovery for me because I have not used the word
“insecure” when asking a similar question during counseling sessions. I have asked clients if
they felt “less than” but not “insecure.” Changing the words “less than” to the word “insecure”
will yield an entirely different response. Therefore, I will be making this change right away.
Agreement/Disagreement/Concerns
In, Hope-Focused Marriage Counseling, Worthington suggest “Do not wait until the first
counseling sessions to help the couple (Worthington, 75). First begin with the initial phone
contact to direct the partners’ attention to love, faith, work, and hope (Worthington, 75). Second,
get the partners to think strategically about their relationship through completing assessment
instruments (Worthington, 75). Third, when partners arrive at your office, orient them to the type
of counseling they will receive through videotape (Worthington, 75). Fourth, use a pamphlet
about the counseling to reinforce the conceptualization of the marriage you hope to help them
develop (Worthington, 75). I agree with the authors four steps because they provide realistic
expectations for couples seeking pre-marital or marital counseling. They also let couples know
they both need to participate as well as provides a video and pamphlet so they know what type
counseling they will receive. The four steps take the guess work out of it for couples.
In, Marriage & Family Counseling, Clinton and Trent state “All couples need to have a
dream for their marriage (Clinton and Trent, 123). “Without a dream, there is less reason to
make the relationship work” (Clinton and Trent, 123). “Where there is no vision, the people
perish” (Prov.29:18 KJV), (Clinton and Trent, 123). “Give attention to love, which is best
understood as a triangle” (Clinton and Trent, 123). Love flourishes with attentions given to each
other” (Clinton and Trent, 123). I agree with the authors because couples should work to make
sure their relationship is filled with love and attention because when relationships are deprived of
love and attention, they can result in couples separating or worse, divorcing.
In, The Christian Therapist’s Notebook, Henry, Figueroa, and Miller state, “For many
Christians, to care is to exercise beneficial control, but remember that trying to control others is
worldly, rather than a spiritual pursuit (Henry, Figueroa, and Miller, 191). We are not in control
of others, and we delude ourselves in thinking and believing we are (Henry, Figueroa, and Miller,
191). God will take care of all of our tomorrows-a lesson slowly and painfully learned by most
(Henry, Figueroa, and Miller, 191). I agree with the authors because most people do not realize
that control is the result of fear. This is something a lot of people fail to accept, realize, and
understand. The sooner people overcome their fear, the sooner God will take action to rectify
their situation.
Influenced Thinking
In, Hope-Focused Marriage Counseling, Worthington suggests assigning couples
homework to “Write a Love Letter: The Hotter the Better” (Worthington, 125). The instructions
include, “Assign each person to write an ardent love letter to the partner telling what each of
them loves about each (Worthington, 125). Couples must write at least two pages and must
avoid anything that is not completely positive and loving (Worthington, 125). “This is not the
time for the partners to try to change the spouse” (Worthington, 125). Instead direct the partners
to affirm each other and tell each of the positive parts of their marriage” (Worthington, 125).
“This can be attempted at any of the three times during counseling” (Worthington, 125).
Worthington’s suggestion for couples to write a love letter to each other influenced my thinking
on pre-marital and marital counseling because I have not assigned couples the homework of
writing each other a love letter. However, I think it is an effective way to get couples to desire
each other again as well as remember why they fell in love with each other. I will be assigning
homework for couples to write each other a love letter.
In, Marriage & Family Counseling, Clinton and Trent Clinton and Trent suggest asking
six general questions “directed towards someone who is experiencing grief over a death”
(Clinton and Trent, 177). Each question consists of multiple questions such as, “At what level are
you functioning right now” (Clinton and Trent, 177)? “Tell me about your typical day” (Clinton
and Trent, 177). “What is your toughest task you now have to do alone” (Clinton and Trent,
177)? “What kind of help can we get for you to get that done well” (Clinton and Trent, 177)?
These questions have influenced my thinking on premarital and marital counseling because I
have not asked these questions during counseling sessions. The questions the authors ask are
direct and to the point as well as helpful for individuals experiencing grief. I think the questions
are beneficial to clients and I will be asking them during counseling sessions.
In, The Christian Therapist’s Notebook, Henry, Figueroa, and Miller suggest asking
clients that are dealing with control issues ten questions. The question, “Do you feel as though
you grew up feeling insecure in any way” (Henry, Figueroa, and Miller, 192), has influenced my
thinking on premarital and marital counseling by helping me recognize the benefit of changing
the words I use when asking a similar question during grief counseling sessions. I use the words
“less than” instead of the word “insecure.” I think changing the words “less than” to the word
“insecure” will yield more of the responses I am looking for. Therefore, I will be making this
change right away.
Application in Present or Future Ministry
In, Hope-Focused Marriage Counseling, Worthington suggests assigning couples
homework to “Write a Love Letter: The Hotter the Better” (Worthington, 125). The instructions
include, “Assign each person to write an ardent love letter to the partner telling what each of
them loves about each (Worthington, 125). Couples must write at least two pages and must
avoid anything that is not completely positive and loving (Worthington, 125). “This is not the
time for the partners to try to change the spouse” (Worthington, 125). Instead direct the partners
to affirm each other and tell each of the positive parts of their marriage” (Worthington, 125).
“This can be attempted at any of the three times during counseling” (Worthington, 125). This a
homework suggestion I have not utilized during counseling sessions, however I think it is an
effective way to get couples to desire each other again as well as remember why they fell in love
with each other. Therefore, couples writing each other a love letter for homework may be
applied in a present or future ministry setting during counseling sessions.
In, Marriage & Family Counseling, Clinton and Trent suggest asking six general
questions “directed towards someone who is experiencing grief over a death” (Clinton and Trent,
177). Each question consists of multiple questions such as, “At what level are you functioning
right now” (Clinton and Trent, 177)? “Tell me about your typical day” (Clinton and Trent, 177).
“What is your toughest task you now have to do alone” (Clinton and Trent, 177)? “What kind of
help can we get for you to get that done well” (Clinton and Trent, 177)? The questions the
authors ask are direct and to the point as well as helpful for individuals experiencing grief. I
think these questions are beneficial to clients and I will ask them during counseling sessions.
Therefore, they may be applied in a present or future ministry setting during counseling sessions.
In, The Christian Therapist’s Notebook, Henry, Figueroa, and Miller suggest asking clients who
are dealing with control issues ten questions. The question, “Do you feel as though you grew up
feeling insecure in any way” (Henry, Figueroa, and Miller, 192). I have not used the word
“insecure” when asking a similar question during counseling sessions. Changing the words “less
than” to the word “insecure” will yield more of the in-depth responses I am looking for and I will
be making this change right away. Therefore, this question may be applied in a present or future
ministry setting during counseling sessions.
