LIBERTY UNIVERSITY SCHOOL OF DIVINITY
4MAT Book Review on Instructing a Child’s Heart by Tedd and Margy Tripp
Submitted to Dr. Brad Reynolds
in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the completion of
DSMN 610-D02
Family Discipleship
by
Krystle Talley-McDonald
2, 2018
Abstract
Instructing a Child’s Heart coauthored by Tedd and Margy Tripp is a book written to
provide a biblical framework for parents to effectively give instruction and discipline in
childrearing. The authors establish early on in their writing that “the heart is the wellspring of
life” (Proverbs 4:23) and is essentially the “center of one’s being.”1 Therefore, parents are more
successful with instructing and disciplining when they impress the heart with biblical truth
instead of only trying to influence a child’s behavior by reasoning with the mind.
Tedd and Margy Tripp separate the book into three parts which focus on the call, the
introduction, and the application of formative instruction. The first part of Instructing a Child’s
Heart explains what formative instruction actually is by clarifying that it is not the same as
discipline. The authors position that “formative instruction should be happening all the time and
discipline should be applied only when behavior needs to be corrected.”2 The biblical basis for
formative instruction is established in Deuteronomy 6, which illuminates the need for parents to
love God with all their hearts and then impress that same call upon their children. Therefore, the
goal is to parent with a Christian worldview and instill that worldview into the children.
Formative instruction teaches that discipline is simply a part of parenting but is not the
way for a parent to provide instruction. The use of discipline in childrearing absent of formative
instruction breeds rebellion and confusion.3 Tripp and Tripp position in their writing that
instructing children from a biblical perspective will help them understand the need for grace as
1 Tedd Tripp and Margy Tripp, Instructing a Child’s Heart, (Wapwallopen: Shepherd Press. 2008), 9.
2 Ibid., 20.
3 Ibid., 21.
1
they realize that their behavior, whether good or bad, is motivated by the heart. “The central
objective in instruction, discipline, and correction is heart change, not behavior change.”4
A parent will reap the biblical principles they sow into their children, affirms Tedd and
Margy Tripp in the second part of Instructing a Child’s Heart.5 Sowing into the spirit of a child
brings peace and eternal life while sowing to the sinful nature of a child brings destruction.6 The
spiritual dimensions of sowing and reaping are grand; there are blessings and curses attached to
covenant promises established by God in the Bible. Teaching the scriptural principle of sowing
and reaping instead of using incentives or punishment to change behavior changes discipline
from a worldly perspective to a godly perspective and influences how children perceive
consequences. Helping children see the glory of God in their life will help them see the right
thoughts about themselves, thus encouraging better behavior.7 “Delighting in God restores a
sense of what is ultimately valuable.”8
Tripp and Tripp conclude their book with emphasizing that parents should focus on heart
issues that cause bad behavior rather than focusing on the behavior itself which requires
discipline. Parenting from a biblical framework helps direct where the need for discipline
originates so when discipline occurs it builds on the foundation that is laid in formative
instruction.9 The overall focus of Instructing a Child’s Heart is centered on the nurturing aspect
4 Ibid., 63.
5 Tedd Tripp and Margy Tripp, Instructing a Child’s Heart, (Wapwallopen: Shepherd Press. 2008), 65.
6 Ibid., 66.
7 Ibid., 97.
8 Ibid., 102.
9 Ibid., 151.
2
of parenting which breeds discipleship, rather than managing or controlling a child which abuses
the authority that God has given in childrearing. Tedd and Margy Tripp affirm that as parents
“the grace of the Gospel” should always be center focus of everything.10 Helping children see
what is hidden in their heart can effectively change what flows from their heart which will
sooner or later impact their behavior.
Concrete Response
While growing up in a single-parent home, if any of my siblings made a mistake we
would often hear, “what in the hell were you thinking?!” from my mother; there was never a time
where we were asked, “what made you feel like that was ok?” Understanding the motives of my
heart was never a priority in my household. There were so many attempts to control me and
constrain my behavior as a teenage between the ages of 14 and 17, but I can never remember a
time where I was able to successfully communicate to my mother why I rebelled without her
yelling at me to “stay in a child’s place” and to “do what God loves.” However, I did not fully
understand at the time what God expected of me as a child or what He loved about me, and my
mother did not clarify that love for me either. The little understanding that I had of God came
from my time staying at my godparent’s house from birth to 13 years old. So, I knew that it was
important to go to church but I did not understand why it was important for me to have an
intimate relationship with God.
I was sixteen-years-old when I decided to seek understanding and comfort in someone
else, a young man who was seven years my senior. This decision led to my son being born nine
months later during my senior year of high school. Everyone was shocked and could not
understand how it happened. My mother did not even know I was having sex or involved with an
older guy because she hardly took the time to actually invest in what was going on with me. I
stayed on the honor roll at school and joined every organization I could, however I was
10 Ibid., 180.
3
desperately seeking love, understanding, and approval. I did not understand the biblical principle
of abstaining from sexual immoral behavior until I was 24-years-old and in college. I joined the
college ministry at church and found a covenant relationship with Christ. Over the years
following my recommitment to Christ I began to understand that my mother was only parenting
me from a place that she knew. She could not teach me what she did not know. My mother’s
communication with me was guided by her controlling demeanor. Therefore, discipline involved
yelling, cursing, and physical punishment. Her behavior has since taught me what not to do with
my child. I understand now that uncontrolled speech or loud yelling is not effective parenting. I
am aware that my child will interpret everything that happens to him in our home the same way
that I did growing up, so my approach to parenting is much different and full of more grace.
Reflection
Upon completion of reading Instructing a Child’s Heart by Tedd and Margy Tripp I
discovered that this book would prove challenging to those whose parenting styles are totally
opposite of what the authors describe as formative instruction influenced by Scripture. There is a
plethora of information included in this book about providing parents with a dependable,
influential biblical framework for helping children understand how the Word of God impacts
their heart thus effecting their behavior. However, culture has had a major impact on how
parenting should be done in modern Christian homes. The traditional values and instructions
given by the Tripps in this book have the potential to be viewed as overly conservative and
revolting to those who are used to their style of parenting. For this reason, I believe that the
chapter which focuses on being complete in Christ (chapter ten) should have been arranged at the
front of the book to highlight why relationship with God is important and how it reflects the
elements of love, communication, and purpose which are necessary for formal instruction.
4
Tedd and Margy Tripp position in their writing that “the world’s classroom is deceptive”
and much of modern culture is “bent on engaging the idol factories of our hearts.”11 This
statement is very true, however, the parent who may read this book without a stable biblical
foundation may feel discouraged or condemned by their words. More time could have been spent
expounding on the importance of parental formative instruction, which was only covered briefly
in chapter one. Merging chapter one and chapter ten would have softened the blow of correction
given in the chapters that address sowing and reaping or wisdom and foolishness. Overall, this
book is better suited for adults who are actively engaged in the discipleship process and the
spiritual formation of their children while also open to altering their views of parenting from this
particular perspective; otherwise it would be more beneficial to have study worksheets as
addendums to this book for small group sessions or application that can be fruitfully guided by
spiritual leaders.
Action
The greatest strength of Instructing a Child’s Heart is found in the biblical wisdom found
within each chapter. The information may have been presented with strict overtones by the
authors, however, there are many golden nuggets that one can glean from throughout the book.
Therefore, I was able to formulate some action steps to take using the information presented by
Tedd and Margy Tripp.
The most important action that I will take in my role as a parent is to focus more on the
heart instead of the behavior. The authors write that, “some parents develop very elaborate
schemes of manipulation.”12 I do not want my child to change his behavior because of
manipulative tactics. Making promises or using incentives does not always lead to changed
11 Tedd Tripp and Margy Tripp, Instructing a Child’s Heart, (Wapwallopen: Shepherd Press. 2008), 18.
12 Tedd Tripp and Margy Tripp, Instructing a Child’s Heart, (Wapwallopen: Shepherd Press. 2008), 148.
5
behavior that lasts. My desire is to guide my son towards changed behavior based on the “why”
of his actions. I can better address and counsel the “why” with Scripture rather than with
manipulation. Therefore, I will start asking more questions that seek to understand my child’s
attitude rather than his actions and then follow up this plan with a corrective discipline plan that
uses the sowing and reaping principle of Scripture as Tedd and Margy Tripp described in chapter
thirteen of the book.
Addressing a particular area of sin by using Scripture is more beneficial than just
chastising my child about it or condemning him for his behavior without seeking to understand
the root of the problem. My child is more likely to acknowledge his wrong when I make it a
habit to be supportive in words and action. I will strive to sow positive words and affirmations
into his spirit rather than sowing shame into his sinful nature. Yelling and screaming is not
effective so I will be more careful about choosing to refrain from that.
Finally, I will take more time to pray for and with my child. Tedd and Margy Tripp write
that “prayer must always be a part of the discipline process.”13 Prayer will help put everything
into perspective for both my son and me. The best decision that I can make daily for my child is
to place my concerns and anxiety about him in God’s control. Choosing to spend more time
praying when I am frustrated and when I am proud will help balance my perspective of
parenting. Therefore, I will actively set aside time each day to pray for my son and also to pray
with him at the conclusion of our talks. Overall, prayer will show me the beauty and bravery of
parenting God’s way.
13 Tedd Tripp and Margy Tripp, Instructing a Child’s Heart, (Wapwallopen: Shepherd Press. 2008), 166.
6
