4MAT Book Review
Instructing a Child’s Heart
Submitted to Dr. Dan Burrell
in Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements for
The Course DSMN 610
by
Margaret Humphrey
October 2022
Abstract
Instructing a Child’s Heart has a primary focus on the importance and implementation of
"formative instruction,” the book shares that teaching our children God's ways throughout all of
life will impact their worldview and their behaviors as they journey into adulthood. They
emphasize the importance of instructing our children throughout all of life’s moments, and not
only when there is a call for disciplining them. The book reminds us that formative instruction is
hard work for sure and “provides biblical ways for children to think about themselves and their
world.”1 Throughout the book Tripp provides parents with the necessary building blocks to
encourage a biblical worldview in our children. Tripp provides parents with formative instruction
by examining “the importance of the heart, sowing and reaping, God’s plan for authority, the
glory of God, wisdom and foolishness, how we are complete in Christ, and the importance of the
church.”2
Parenting is a privilege that needs to be adjusted to fit the needs of the child. Christian
parents who choose to follow the books concept and immerse their parenting techniques in
formative instruction must work to help their children understand the concept that “that behavior
comes from heart attitudes”3 and begin to develop parenting style to help their children focus
motivations for behaviors rather than on their behaviors themselves, helping our children to
realize that our “behaviors begin with the heart.”4 “The heart is like an artesian spring. All our
hopes, dreams, and desires gush from the heart. Every drive for meaning and significance
originates in the heart. Our behavior flows from the heart—it isn’t caused by circumstances or
other people. The heart, with its passions and desires, is the wellspring of life.”5
1 Tedd Tripp and Margy Tripp, Instructing a Child's Heart (Wapwallopen, PA: Shepherd Press, 2008), 18.
2 Ibid., 18.
3 Ibid., 36.
4 Ibid., 36.
5 Ibid., 51.
2
The text addresses the need for grace and the role grace plays in the restoration. “When
the heart receives appropriate attention, children will not be able to escape how profoundly they
need grace. If they see that their problem is bigger than behavior, they are delivered from
superficial views of the Christian life.”6 Tripp encourages parents to practice grace when
correcting our children and to direct them to Christ and restoration of their hearts. “Your role is
to bring your child encouragement. He needs to know that there is grace, forgiveness, and mercy
for those who turn to Christ.”7 Tripp emphasizes throughout the book the concept of sowing and
reaping and encourages parents to grasp the principle of sowing and reaping. “Behavioristic
rewards and punishments don’t teach these powerful spiritual lessons. Consequences that
manipulate behavior and do not train the heart are merely external props that will result in moral
and ethical collapse and eternity without God”8 This principle holds true in the art of parenting
and is a principle that follows them in adulthood, allowing the opportunity for children to
understand that consequences are a reality.
Although discipline strategies are rarely mentioned in this book, the emphasis is on
formative instruction which reinforces the books’ purpose. “Our behavior in discipline is
motivated by our hearts.”9 According to the book, discipline is for when our kids move out of
"the circle of blessing" and is considered a rescue mission. Tripp advises that the alternative of a
discipline and punishment cycle, we should instead view it as instruction in all of life throughout
the day. Dialoguing with our children instead of lecturing them allows us to check their heart and
encourages them to understand themselves rather than their sin.
Concrete Response
6 Ibid., 35.
7 Ibid., 23.
8 Ibid., 36.
9 Ibid., 20.
3
My parenting style came was initially formed on an “as needed basis.” I
have 3 biological children and was a single mom with two of them for most of
their formative years (ages 4 to 8) and often found myself of patience, tired
and alone. My two boys were typical boys with personalities and challenges
not out of the ordinary. I was most assuredly a mom who disciplined my boys
with no intentional motivation to look at the root cause but simply found it
much easier to discipline their behavior. My honest opinion is that had I read
this book, or even considered, the idea of looking at root causes to behaviors
as a parenting model I would have been less tired, and my boys would have
probably had less struggles with rebellion and authority. Parenting my
daughter was by far much easier, I was walking in step with Christ, I
disciplined according to the Word and was intentional about dialogue versus
lecturing.
The idea of dialogue verses lecture is a differentiator when discussing getting to the heart
of the matter in behaviors. It has been my experience with my own children that the concept of
solving heart problems requires a redirecting of inappropriate behaviors to an alternate behavior
pattern that aligns with expectations God has for his children. This parenting style was very
successful in raising my daughter and although my sons were a bit older when I came to this
realization it provided some positive changes in their lives, they still value today. My only regret
is not having an intentional biblical parenting plan before I had children.
Reflection
The one challenge that was noted when reading the book was the one that our current
culture is not supportive of the formative instruction parenting style described in the book. The
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book outlines several parenting techniques that our culture, as a whole, has suppressed over the
past few decades. In Chapter 15 Tripp address the idea of the centrality of the gospel when
rearing children. While this concept was a desired one in the past, I recall gospel centrality as a
norm growing up as a child of the 80s, it is not something many homes prioritize currently.
“Every opportunity to correct your child is an opportunity to confront him with his profound
need of forgiveness and grace.”10
When parents are confronted with the realization that our friends and family may not
approve of our parenting style when it is centered around the gospel often deters them from
doing so. Because we are a society hyper focused on likes and acceptance there is an expectation
of a culture norm rather than a biblically based home. A supportive part of this book was the
authors use of highlighting creative tasks to engage children in at the end of every chapter. This
reminds the reader that although intentional Biblical parenting will be burdensome on parents
there are some real steps that they might find helpful and encouraging. The text reminds the
reader that “our children’s needs are the same as our own needs. We need cleansing, forgiveness,
deep internal transformation and the power to change,”11 and does a great job of outlining these
needs throughout the end of Chapter 15.
Action
The action steps I plan to take include working on parenting my grandkids by
encouraging them to get to the heart of the matter. Having grandchildren and being granted an
opportunity to speak into their lives is a privilege I do not intend to waste. I know I had a
grandmother who continually prayed for me, and my intention is to take it a step further and be
more vocal in providing direction or them. My theory is that by being intentional and not being
10 Ibid., 97.
11 Ibid., 43.
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the primary disciplinarian should enable me to be more opportunities to speak to their heart
without the need to solely address the behavior. I realized that by reading the book there was
encouragement and support in going against the culturally norm by formative instruction as a
parenting concept. There are two steps I can implement to assist my choice; I will allow a
pausing moment to address the heart instead of trying to teach in the heat of the moment. Also, I
believe that by working through the Scriptures with my grandkids it will make speaking to their
hearts more conversational rather than formal.
Friends/Ministry – work at discipling them and encouraging them to parent their children
with a gospel centric style. It is my hope that by identifying several parents who are open to
parenting this way I can assist them by creating a small group that they can join and can support
each other. When humans feel supported and that their choices are part of the norm, they are
more inclined to behave in a particular way. Collaborating with other parents who parent they
way you do and understand the motivation for doing so will help those parent succeed. “In all
our nurturing as parents the gospel must be central. It is the only hope for forgiveness. It is the
only hope for deep internal change. It is the only hope for power to live. The grace of the gospel
is the center of everything for Christian parents.”12 Because small groups in my church are
typically 16 weeks in length, my goal would be to have this group multiply in the second round.
Myself – It is my belief that by taking an honest look at myself I can see that there is
some work to be done. Because this style of parenting is newly identified it is important for me
and my growth to be immersed in scripture. Not to mention I am going to lead a small group on
this concept. Journaling is not my one of my strengths, but I do recognize it is a practice that I
need to work at implementing. I need to work at changing my heart and mind to reflect what I
have read in this book and find it in scripture. I cannot teach what I am not learning myself.
12 Ibid.,
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