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LIBERTY UNIVERSITY
JOHN W. RAWLINGS SCHOOL OF DIVINTY
4MAT Book Review of Instructing a Child’s Heart
Submitted to Dr. Dan Burrell
in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the completion of
DSMN - 610
Family Discipleship
by
Antuan Harris
June 17, 2022
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Contents
Abstract………………………………………………………………………….2 – 3
Concrete Response……………………………………………………………….4 - 5
Reflection……………………………………………………………………….5 - 6
Action…………………………………………………………………………….6 -7
Bibliography………………………………………………………………………8
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Abstract
In the book Instructing a Child’s Heart, Tedd and Margy Tripp identifies the significance
of training one’s children, not only for information, but also to influence God’s truth and wisdom
on their heart. Getting away from remedial conduct to the heart of the matter is fundamental in
the formative discipline process presented by Tripp and Tripp. I believe it is the nature of every
parent, to focus on correcting the bad behavior of the child, instead of addressing the deeper
heart issues that are the foundation of bad behavior. In Proverbs 4:23 Solomon reveals the
importance of the heart when he said, “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of
life.” Tripp and Tripp explain, “As we’ve already seen, the heart is the seat of motivation. Think
about it in this way. Behavior has a when, a what, and a why. The when of behavior is the
circumstance for the behavior. The what of behavior are things that one does or says. The why of
behavior is the motive.”1 The heart is basically what makes a child who they are and what kind
of person they will grow to be, furthermore, the actions of the heart produce worship and
emotions. Tripp and Tripp then explain, “Idols of the heart lose their grip on the soul when they
are replaced by greater, more pleasing delights. Your children are hard-wired for delights that
last, not for a moment, but for a lifetime and for eternity.”2
The enemy of our souls have confused many and take away the true focus of the parent.
Instead of addressing the root of a problem, the job of the parent has come down to removing
ignorance and correcting error. Tripp and Tripp clarify, “Our central objective in instruction,
discipline and correction is heart change, not behavior change. This profoundly shapes how we
1 Tedd Tripp and Margy Tripp, Instructing a Child’s Heart (Wapwallopen, PA: Shepherd Press, 2008).
2 Tedd Tripp and Margy Tripp, Instructing a Child’s Heart (Wapwallopen, PA: Shepherd Press, 2008).
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view consequences. Consequences are not disconnected from the shepherding process—they are
a vital part! But children must understand consequences as God designed them, not as the world
teaches them.”3 The objective is to touch the heart of the child with the gospel, not to out on
them constrains and threats that is used to manipulate them into behaving a certain way while the
root of the problem still exists. While these methods may prove to be useful, they neglect the
most important thing, the heart. Tripp and Tripp states, “Behaviorism (behavior modification) is
constraining and controlling behavior through a system of rewards and punishments, sometimes
called “the carrot and the stick.” Behavioristic consequences may be authoritarian (Gestapo-like)
and threatening, or simply manipulative, promising material or emotional reward. They may
offer external incentives and disincentives to change behavior, or they may appeal to a child’s
sense of guilt and fear of disapproval. These methods are powerful tools to change behavior, but
they abandon the child’s heart!”4 So, instead of behaviorism, parents would benefit more from
teaching their children the principle of sowing and reaping, both the positive and negative
(Galatians 6:7-8). Tripp and Tripp then suggest, “During instances of corrective discipline we
appeal to formative instruction to help children understand the issues of life—how sin has
affected all of life and the great purposes of God in providing redemption and hope in their time
of need. Corrective discipline is the sowing and reaping principle of Scripture at work.”5
Eventually, Tripp and Tripp show us that parents must first understand their responsibility in the
progression of raising children, by teaching the truths behind formative discipline.
Concrete Response
3 Tedd Tripp and Margy Tripp, Instructing a Child’s Heart (Wapwallopen, PA: Shepherd Press, 2008).
4 Tedd Tripp and Margy Tripp, Instructing a Child’s Heart (Wapwallopen, PA: Shepherd Press, 2008).
5 Tedd Tripp and Margy Tripp, Instructing a Child’s Heart (Wapwallopen, PA: Shepherd Press, 2008).
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I grew up in a dysfunctional home, my father left before I was born because he wanted
nothing to do with me and my mother’s first husband abused me physically repeatedly. Not to
mention the verbal abuse I received from my mother’s second husband. I have gone through so
much neglect, molestation, and abuse that sometimes I don’t know how I made it this far in my
life. The only answer that would seem right is, It’s all because of God’s grace and mercy. I
remember growing up as a kid, church was a big part of my life because of my grandparents. My
grandmother raised my mother in charge, and therefore my mother raised me in church. My
mother was a hard-working woman as I grew up, I came to see how hard she worked to provide
for me. In the daytime she worked as a teacher and that night she went to school to get her
teachers degree, sometimes when there wasn't anybody to take care of me, she would bring me to
school with her at night. Because she wasn't always around but was either working or at school I
would be left with my stepfather and his side of the family which caused me to get abused and
mistreated multiple times. However, during all the chaos every week there was always something
to look forward to going into the country to see my grandparents every weekend just so I could
attend church. Every morning at 9:00 AM on Sundays I will attend Sunday school and I would
always be encouraged by my Sunday school teacher to pray and to see God, she would tell me
how important my life is and encouraged me that no matter what situation I'm in to always look
for God.
I had never talked about they abused and molestation that I had gone through but
somehow, I felt like my son did teach teacher knew what I was going through. For the longest
time, I put my trust in God and have carried let's secret off my earlier life. My mom didn't know
half the things that happen to me including me being molested until I was 25 years old when I sat
on her bedside and told their all the things that happened to me when I was a child when she
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wasn't around. That was the moment I decided to let everything go completely chase after God
with my whole heart not allowing my past to dictate who I am in Christ but to allow the word of
God to dictate who I am in Christ. I learn to run to the church in hard times because of my
grandparents who raise my mom in the church and in the spiritual disciplines so that my mom
can pass those same disciplines and teachings and lessons to me. I know my mother did her best,
even now she too she still asked me if I pray and read my Bible and encouraged me to continue
to do so. I am a testimony of a child who has been raised and instructed in the word of God, that
even though hard times may come the word of God always stands and it is a help to those who
will seek it. Tedd Tripp was correct in stating, “Early instruction that interprets life experiences,
and challenges heart attitudes and responses with righteous words, prepares the soil of the heart
for the plowing of the Holy Spirit.”6
Reflection
The first question which comes to mind is, “What about adults who were raised in dysfunctional
and chaotic homes and want to raise their children in a Godly manner?” Per my experience is a
this functional one but sadly I am not the only one. Let's say there is a woman single mother who
has a 14-year-old daughter and a 6-year-old son. Now this woman had just given her life to
Christ about a year ago, and now she desires to change the way she parents her children. I think
this is worth mentioning in the book how does this woman go about growing in her faith and
then her identity in Christ as well as train up her children in the way of the Lord, after years of
generational parenting. because a lot of parenting styles comes from things that have been passed
down from generation to generation from parents to children. it's like how does a mother, who
6 Tedd Tripp and Margy Tripp, Instructing a Child’s Heart (Wapwallopen, PA: Shepherd
Press, 2008).
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has a 14-year-old daughter and had already passed on generational things go about reversing and
ultimately cut the cord of a generational curse. To me it seems the book, assume that parents are
saved or at least, lead families that are good healthy families. I have seen this struggle before,
with a mother and her two sons. In many churches, it is expected of the parents to be able to raise
their children in a Godly manner, and the ones that are not doing so they are told to control their
children which then makes the parent feel discouraged and helpless.
Action
I am not a parent; however, my wife and I want to be parents someday. So, planning,
what I have learned from this book and plan on implementing when that time comes is first to be
active in my children's life. Growing up my father was not there and so I have I know what it
feels like to not happen a father in your life the child's life. God as our father's always there for
us even in times when we feel like he is not, so I wanted to be there for my children. Now I do
know I am not omnipresent and therefore will not be able to be there every moment of every day
but I can only ask God for the discipline and the grace to teach them how to rely on him so they
can stand and figure things out for themselves when need to.
Second action step is to lead with love and grace like Jesus. Scripture reminds us, if we
do not have love, we do not have anything. Now I believe that even though as human beings we
love our family, sometimes we do not lead with love towards them. A lot of times we lead first
with emotion which often causes us to regret or actions later. More so leading with grace, just
like when we were younger, we made mistakes many times. So, it is with our children they are
going to make mistakes and therefore we must remember that when they do we use the moment
as a teachable moment and not as the time to unencouraged them from exploration of life and the
discovery of themselves.
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Last action step is, to be the example of who I want them to be. for the first some years of
the child's life they imitate what they see and hear the parents do. they get older they begin to
become curious and want to understand The Y which is the important part. This is the time to
teach them not only by reading scripture to them but showing them by the way I live my life.
Bibliography
