Spiritual Assessment
I will be more than honest as to express where I am spiritually. My focus will be
extremely on how to grow spiritually and how to maintain my spirituality as I walk with the
Lord.
Part 1: Practicing the Spiritual Disciplines
I would like to start by saying that practicing the “Spiritual Disciplines it should be an
activity and not an attitude.”1 Even I could read this from Whitney’s book, I also learned this by
experiencing spirituality during my walk with Jesus. As you get closer to God, and you learn
how to gain acceptance in God’s kingdom, you visualize closeness to the Lord. At that time, you
decide to let the Holy Spirit to guide/lead you and without even expecting anything; you
commence experiencing Spiritual Discipline within the Lord.
I can’t tell you that many times, with the activities in my job and with daily things I must
observe and do, I’d lose focus and engaged on other activities, or other very important things in
life, that makes me being away from Spiritual Disciplines, but when I realize I getting distance
from the Lord the same Holy Spirit persuades me to come back to reality and to let God manage
my life and my will.
My current practice is college, Bible Studies and my business. My way of living today is
primary to focus on the Lord and the rest will come after. I am very familiar with teaching or
preach about. (Matthew 6:33 NIV) “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all
1 Donald S. Whitney. “Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life”. 2nd ed. Colorado Springs: Navpress,
2014. 6.
these things will be given to you as well.”2 I have to do this in order to look deep into my heart
and practice anything else, as far spirituality.
Since 2014, I start going to college to pursue education on how to be a Christian
counselor, not just to counsel people, but to follow by the steps how to incorporate making
disciples by utilizing the interaction through counseling on peoples’ overall. By following the
Great Commission, I can grow spiritually in both areas personal and interpersonal. Based on
what I read on Whitney’s book, “Spiritual Disciplines are those practices found in Scripture that
promote spiritual growth among believers in the gospel of Jesus Christ.” 3
That is exactly what I am doing right now, learning from the Bible the gospel I need to
teach other the true doctrine that others need to emulate and follow Christ as to accept Him as
Lord and Savior. I also applied evangelism, giving things to people in need and incarnate on
those who does not know Jesus. (For this purpose, incarnation in the way of being a servant on
people who are elder, people who for many reasons can’t even do anything on their houses, or
for people who can’t reach Christ. For those people, I help them to get things done, without
nothing in exchange for payment of any kind.)
Part 2: Temptations
I face many temptations, as I clear understand, that will happen to every one of us as
Christian, but understanding as well that “No temptation has overtaken you except what is
common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can
bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. (1Cor.
2 Unless noted otherwise, all Scripture quotations are from the New International Version.
3 Ibid., 4
10:13). Not to mention that James also spoke about temptations and show us; “when tempted, no
one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt
anyone;” (James 1:12-13). The one that tempt you is Satan and his adversaries. I will say that
women could be one of my worst temptations, which were one of the many things I used to do in
my previous life, when I was not walking with Jesus. For example, adultery. In Christ I am trying
to avoid this temptation, but always for some reason, my eyes want to look beyond and my mind
are making these games/fantasies of fornication and lust.
That it when I stop, pause and stand firm and say, “negative thought goes away, in the
name of Jesus”. In other words, I go back to (James 4:7), “submit myself, then, to God. Resist
the devil, and he will flee from you.” I prayed every day for this temptation that God will give
me the strength I need and to grow spiritual to completely dominate this bad feeling. Another
temptation of issue in my life is anger. For some reason I became aggressively on the road when
I see stupidity on the street with other drivers and I become very upset and anxious. I just want to
slam my horn on them or even screaming at them. Many times my wife is with me and she calm
me and remind me, “Cesar, be patience”. I guess I do not have much of that.
After serving in the Armed Forces and being in different wars, cause me PTSD (Post
Traumatic Stress Disorder), and the doctor told me, that could be the reason why I have those
episodes. I still resist evil and pray, read more the Bible, research on what I can do to grow and
avoid this behavior, so, I can move on and avoid such block in my head. Pornography is another
reality in my life that comes and go, but by reading and locking pages in my computer, is being
treated. Sometimes I am in my computer and suddenly a “pop up” come to my screen showing
me a woman around my neighborhood who would like to have sex with me. I do not know form
where and how this happen, but I immediately, block the sender or erase the page, refresh my
browser and for days, are no longer coming back.
Pornography is something that attracted me for years and for a moment I am thinking I do
have a sex addiction problem. I always think on sex or making love to my partner. This in my
opinion is a sin that I commit even on dreams, when I have dreams with another female which is
not my wife. (help me God with this), I repent and I pray that God forgive me for this aberration
in my head and sometimes in my heart. I do not know until what level “Spiritual Formation” has
to do with this. I assume that fasting for that purpose is a great spiritual discipline to help me out
on this. I do not want to justify Salomon, but how he ends up with 700 wives and 300
concubines. If God is the same today, yesterday and tomorrow, how in the world He allows this?
Does Salomon have so much power to take care all these women or does he have the same
temptations, sometime come to my head about adultery? or it is just “lust” in my head and
adultery in my heart? I have plenty confidence that God will give me the straight and the way out
on this, and in the meantime, I want to grow spiritually, so I can win this battle with the help of
the Holy Spirit. I maintain my self-praying, fasting and talking to others who might have the
same issue. Can you see, why I am trying to be a pastoral counselor? So I can learn how to treat
those issues of sexuality on the couple, singles, kids and woman or man.
Part 3: Blind Spot and Weakness
Let start by writing this; “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my
anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”
(Psalm 139:23-24). I did ask my wife first, due the fact she is being with me for the last 35 years
and I told her to be honest with me. After explaining her what it was the purpose of my
questioning/homework for this course; she bows her head and told me everything. That was not
the great feeling on my heart, because I also found that I was hurting her with my behavior/
“blind spots”. Wow, I felt very bad, not knowing how much I was hurting the lady God gave me
for a spouse. Yes, she told me, “I say you many times, staring at ladies on the stores when we go
shopping” she continues… “I was thinking for a moment, you were having some kind of fantasy
with her, due your look at her from head to toe” Can you imagine how I felt? I am a pastor for
God’s sake! I am the counselor of my church! I deal with couples counseling and sexual issues
within my group! how come I am doing this? My world came down for a moment and I cried
inside and ask for forgiveness to my wife. In just one week or days of this course, I already can
see the impact of “Spiritual Formation” do I have any? I can see the growth.
Marisol also told me about my anger issue and the way, she said; “I explode with fury
about others on the road” and for some moment, she taught she heard me over her shoulders
“cursing” as well. If this is serious offense to God? I asked. Yes, it is. I need to control this or
what is going to happen if Jesus were coming at this very moment? do I will lose salvation due to
my behavior? Oh God forgive me!
I asked another Pastor, and she told me that sometimes I am trying to overpass her
leadership and I tried to impose my point of view, rather than obey what she is teaching or
referring to. (I do not know if this is a blind spot), which will stop me to growth spiritually. It
might be a weakness, who knows? My sister in law told me, “not because you have a Master
degree and has been to many years learning and teaching Bible, you know all the answers about
God” or “you think, you always have the right response”. For a moment I thought about that, and
she is right on this, but I guess since I took “Apologetics” it is very difficult from anyone debate
over my own believe I had learn in my walk with Christ. You will need to bring me prove from
the Bible in order to discuss anything from God’s word. Do not come to me with your personal
argument or point of view, is not based on the Bible.
It might sound rude, but too many false teaching around and I am not contemplating let
me fool by anyone. I am wrong or I am not too humble, when I fight for what I believe is in the
Bible? On the other hand, I heard that self-deception is an inherent part of man's emotional,
mental, and spiritual makeup, and also we have a hard time seeing ourselves because we are
experts at hiding the reality of ourselves and trying to hide from others. However, we deceive
ourselves if we believe that we can hide our true nature from God. This is based on (Jeremiah
9:5-6). I do not want to be that person neither. I am willing and open to any suggestion on how I
can growth Spiritually. So I can move forward and not get stuck on my walk with Christ.
I need to learn from people who could see my blind spots and correct my behavior, so I
can have the real spiritual formation I need in order to continue ministering others and to make
disciples for Christ. So, help me God. I might need help on some blind spot people sees on me,
but I also need to understand that some of the blind spot people sees on me are the same ones
they do have by trying to justify themselves. Unfortunately, they judge you, for the same things
they might be lacking in their lives. All that I asked God is to guide me as to lay the foundation
over and over toward a continuing spiritual growth. Amen.
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