Running head: PARENTING STRONG-WILLED ADOLESCENTS 1
Parenting Strong-Willed Adolescents
Rochelle Trejo
Liberty University
PARENTING STRONG-WILLED ADOLESCENTS 2
Abstract
Parenting a strong-willed adolescent has some challenges for all who are involved. This research
paper will be discussing what a strong-willed adolescent is and the problems associated with it.
Also, what it is like for the parents and family members to live with a strong-willed adolescent
and the daily struggles associated with it. Dealing with a Strong-willed adolescent does not have
to be a constant, battle there are many strategies that can be applied to daily life to encourage
harmony in the home. The strong-willed adolescent can be viewed as unruly and disobedient
always questioning authority, but there is a different way to view and encourage them to be
exactly what God has called them to be.
PARENTING STRONG-WILLED ADOLESCENTS 3
Parenting Strong-Willed Adolescents
A. What is a strong-willed adolescent?
B. What are the problems associated with strong-willed children?
Living with a Strong-Willed Adolescent
A. Effects on the Child
B. Effects on the parents
C. Effects on the family
D. Struggles
Strategies for Dealing with a Strong-Willed Adolescent
A. Game plan/strategy
B. Different View
Encouragement for the Strong-Willed Adolescent
A. What does the Bible say about strong-willed adolescents?
Conclusion
Reference
Dobson, J., (1997). Parenting isn’t for Cowards. Carol Stream, Ill: Tyndale House Publications,
Inc.
PARENTING STRONG-WILLED ADOLESCENTS 4
Parenting Strong-Willed Adolescents
Parenting a strong-willed adolescent can be very challenging for families. It could be
viewed as negative but can be guided into something very positive for the child and family in the
long run. What does it mean to be strong-willed? A strong-willed individual is someone who is
determined and driven to do what they want regardless of what other people think and say. A
strong-willed child wants to direct their own path. It gives them a feeling of control over their
own lives and makes them feel good about being able to make decisions for themselves. “The
issue under consideration is focused on the strength of the will-the inclination of some children
to resist authority and determine their own course, as compared with those who are willing to be
led. It is my supposition that these temperaments are prepacked before birth and do not have to
be cultivated or encouraged. They will make themselves known soon enough.” (Dobson, 1987).
The thought that God has created individuals knowing what type of personality and temperament
they will have before birth is amazing. “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and
before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations.” (Jeremiah,
1:5, English Standard Version).
Having a strong-willed child in the family has many challenges. Not only does it present
challenges to the parents but it also presents challenges to the siblings. Sibling rivalry can cause
a chaos in a home. Jealousy and competitiveness are just some problems parents need to worry
about. “A rebellious child usually makes the compliant youngster harder to handle.” (Dobson,
2004). Rules and boundaries can easily be challenged and crossed especially if it gets in the way
of the desired outcome for the strong-willed. This can cause many conflicts among family
members. It can be viewed as one child being favored more than another and this will cause
resentment. The compliant child might feel like they always get the short end of the stick with
PARENTING STRONG-WILLED ADOLESCENTS 5
not getting as much attention as the strong-willed sibling. If one child is strong-willed and the
other is compliant it may appear to the compliant child that they are being bullied. If you have
two strong-willed children the persistence of both personalities will surely cause fires works in
the home. A strong-willed child appears to be unruly and disrespectful. This can be a problem
especially in a daycare or school situation. When searching for information on strong-willed
children, disruptive and behavior intervention continue to appear. If not guided in the right
direction, surely disruptive is a good word to be used for the strong-willed child. A strong-
willed child is not very compliant to situations that don’t interest them. This can make the child
appear to be rebellious and unruly which is true to some point but not to be malicious, in the
strong- willed child’s mind it is to serve their purpose and nothing more. There are positive sides
to being-strong willed. Strong-willed individuals are strong minded and courageous. They feel
strong about things they are passionate about and will stand strong in their opinion. They also
will fight for what they feel is right and not adhere to influences around them. This can prove to
be positive tools that could be used throughout a person’s life and especially through out a
strong-willed adolescent school experiences.
Living with a Strong-Willed Adolescent
A strong-willed child could begin to feel bad about themselves if constantly scolded and
punished for being who they are. This can present a problem. Breaking a child’s will and spirit
because of constant discipline or criticism is something that should be avoided at all costs. A
parent should approach their strong-willed child with patience, love, and understanding. This
could be difficult especially when going through daily routines. With Having busy schedules
with work, school, and extra curriculum activities comes rushing around to get everyone where
PARENTING STRONG-WILLED ADOLESCENTS 6
they are needed to be. This time can be stressful, and patients can be tried which could result in
less understanding and tolerance of a strong-willed child.
Parents should educate themselves as much as possible about their strong-willed child.
Learning how to deal with day to day struggles can make a huge difference for both the parent
and child. This will help their relationship thrive and stay strong. Having very little
understanding about the strong-willed child can lead to power struggles between the parent and
the child. With knowledge of how to approach situations, comes a more balanced home
atmosphere and the parent will not feel like they are fighting a losing battle.
The family unit can easily be disrupted with chaos if a strong-willed child is not dealt
with appropriately. “It may take several years to bring such a youngster to a point of relative
obedience and cooperation within the family unit, and indeed a strong-willed child will be a
strong-willed individual all her life.” (Dobson, 2004). Families with compliant children don’t
understand families with defiant children. These families are viewed as having no control over
and no discipline over their children. Learning how to parent a strong-willed child does not
happen overnight. It will take years and much practice and cooperation from within the family
to understand how to work with them.
There will be many struggles that come with being a strong-willed child. Strong-willed
children usually have a harder time in school. Strong-will children are less socially adjusted and
might have a lower self-esteem than the more compliant child. (Dobson, 2004). With the
knowledge of this possibility strong-willed children should be encouraged to speak up about how
they feel but with tact and respect to all who are involved. This way will give the strong-willed a
voice and they feel valued and important.
PARENTING STRONG-WILLED ADOLESCENTS 7
Strategies with Dealing with a Strong-Willed Adolescent
When a strong-willed child is rebellious in ways that are disrespectful or can cause harm
to themselves or others, this is when the behavior needs to be corrected and boundaries need to
be set. Kids thrive with guidance and boundaries regardless if the child is strong-willed or
compliant. It is imperative for parents to stand strong and confident in their rules. This also
provides the strong-willed child with much needed structure within the home.
Parents need a game plan to address the needs of their strong-willed children. It is
important to start this practice at a young age. Teaching respect for authority is a necessity. It
will make life much easier for the strong-willed child and the families involved. Reinforce the
respect that is to be given to the child’s elders, teachers, and authoritative figures such as law
enforcement. Parents need to remember that God put them in authority over their children for
their own good. “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.”
(Colossians 3:20, English Standard Version). A bigger reason to teach our strong-willed children
preservation of authority in the home is this will also teach them to yield to the leadership of God
himself. (Dobson, 2004). Strong-willed children need firm and set boundaries defined. This will
set expectations for the child and they will know what is allowed and what is not allowed.
“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and
instruction of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4, English Standard Version). Parents should understand
the difference between a strong-willed child being defiant or just irresponsible. Many kids are
irresponsible in their younger ages. They are trying to finish what they are doing just to get to
their video games or playing outside for recess. There are times when a child can be
irresponsible and not focused with what is at hand which may result in not doing what they are
supposed to be doing. The difference is the intent. If the child says straight out that they didn’t
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want to do something after being asked to that’s being defiant. If the child’s reason behind not
doing something is because they were sidetracked or just forgot that is just being irresponsible
and both reasons should be addressed appropriately. They key to dealing with the strong-willed
child is to have teachable moments. Use these moments to help teach children consequences to
their actions. Let them know there are ways to express one’s self without being disrespectful and
challenging. In the end it is always most important to show love and understanding regardless of
the situation. The strong-willed child at the end of the day just wants to be heard. They want to
know that what they think and how they feel is heard. Listen to them and try and see from their
point of view.
Encouragement for the Strong-Willed Adolescent
The Bible is clear in what it says about strong-willed individuals. God knows exactly
what type of temperament each baby will have before they are born. He is acquainted with each
and everyone one of them. “And the angel of the Lord said to her, “Behold, you are pregnant
and shall bear a son. You shall call his name Ishmael, because the Lord has listened to your
affliction. He shall be a wild donkey of a man, his hand against everyone and everyone’s hand
against him, and he shall dwell over against all his kinsmen.” (Genesis 16:11-12, English
Standard Version). Those were the first traces of individual temperaments in the Bible. There
has been much research on the topic and behavior scientists are now acknowledging evidence
found in scripture thousands of years ago. (Dobson, 1987). To be strong-willed does not mean
an individual is cursed with a blanket of shame. To be strong-willed could be used to one’s
advantage in many ways. Many strong-willed individuals feel strong about their convictions and
are not swayed easily into peer pressure. Many strong-willed individuals have greater potential
PARENTING STRONG-WILLED ADOLESCENTS 9
for character development and hold leadership roles. “It is my supposition that strong-willed
individuals will eventually emerge as the entrepreneurs and leaders. Their desire for
independence and their aggressive temperaments might cause them to outproduce their
compliant counterparts in the long run.” (Dobson, 1987).
Conclusion
Being a parent is one of the toughest jobs around but also the most rewarding if tackled in
the right way. A lot of the time parents are just trying to get through each day without incident.
Going to work, sending kids to school or daycare, and all other extra-curricular activities add
much strain to daily living. Add a strong-willed child to your daily battles and a parent’s life
could be turned upside down. Knowing there is light at the end of the tunnel can be encouraging.
Parents should know there are appropriate loving approaches to dealing with the strong-willed
child. Approaches that will leave everyone involved feeling heard, loved, and respected in the
end. Strong-willed children should not go through life feeling like a burden, instead they should
be celebrated for what they will contribute to their future households and workforce as they enter
adulthood.
PARENTING STRONG-WILLED ADOLESCENTS 10
Reference
Dobson, J., (1987). Parenting isn’t for Cowards: Carol Streams, ILL; Tyndale House Publishers,
Inc.
Dobson, J., (2004). The New Strong-Willed Child: Carol Streams, ILL; Tyndale House
Publishers, Inc..
