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Mental health interview
The world of counselors is one that has many different sub-types like marriage, mental,
academic Etc. Allowing for people to search for the help they need by a therapist that is a master
in their chosen field. An example of this would be a couple who is searching for advice or help to
mediate their problems would often seeks help from a marriage counselor but what happens
when trauma happens before the family or children know they need help? what happens when
parents separate and the children do not display behaviors at home or what happens when
Parents are so involved in their mess they neglect to see the trauma their children are going
through, who is usually the first line responders in this event? For school aged children these
responders often are the school counselors. School counselors not only work with the children,
but they also work with the family and a group of other colleagues to help the Child be the best
version of themselves they can be.
Interview
This interview was completed by someone who is very unconventional, but I feel as
though this is take on traumatic events like divorce is often overlooked. The person who
completed my interview is a family friend and my husband’s coworker, her name is Laura
Montecalvo, and she has been working as a counselor for thirteen years. In her thirteen years at
two different schools, she has seen high school children with man problems but have seen a lot
of children who have had parents who have or are splitting, divorcing, and remarrying. Laura has
stated that a lot of how the children portray the reason behind parental divorce is communication
(L. Mantecalvo, personal communication, April 18 2024). Like Stated in the text, she believes
that what maybe greener grass for an adult can emotional and mentally wreak havoc on children
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no matter the age (Papernow, 2013, pg. 43). She also stresses the importance to provide a safe
open space that can allow for both spouses and children feel like they are loved enough to be
able to be open and honest with you, her motto is the more love you show someone the more
open they will be with you. Matthew 22:29 “Love thy neighbor as thyself” (KJV, 2008/1769), is
a verse that demonstrates exactly how God says people should treat others and Laura tries to
stress this with families she touches. She states that boys and girl reactions are very different
when it comes to how they are coping emotionally with their parent’s divorce (L. Mantecalvo,
personal communication, April 18 2024). Boys are more frustrated and angry displaying more
outward outburst, whereas girls tend to be sadder and withdraw from reality. Grief happens in
many ways but discovering how to cop and find the “new normal” like Keven and Ellen did as
they found their own methods of parenting alone (Papernow, 2013, pg. 20).
Observations
All in all, Ms. Mantecalvo talked through divorce, stepparents, coparenting and how to
become a safe space for not only children but their parents. Among one of her many stories, she
stated that she finds that communication and love are the many reasons parents get divorced (L.
Mantecalvo, personal communication, April 18 2024). Like Kevin and Ellen from Papernow
(2013) criticism, misunderstandings and disagreements can breakdown the trust and love in a
relationship which can lead to divorce quickly (Papernow, 2013, pg.19). Couples need to make
changes after a divorce and that directly impact them and children if they have them. Laura states
that time heals everything, so the first three months after a divorce is the hardest because this is
the time children are adjusting to new find responsibility and roles. This also includes how
children are spilt between two houses and two sets of rules and just a new way of life (L.
Mantecalvo, personal communication, April 18 2024). Right around six months is when parents
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start to date again leading to new challenges with the children and often ex’s become very hurt
over the idea of someone new causing yet another change (L. Mantecalvo, personal
communication, April 18 2024). This is true with the different styles of how parenting chose to
run their home following a divorce (Papernow, 2013, pg 20). when asked about what some
effects does divorce has on children, Laura was quick to answer that while all children are
unique, some of the things she sees has to do with situational anxiety and how children often try
to find control when they feel out of control (L. Mantecalvo, personal communication, April 18
2024). This is how children start to develop eating disorders as eating is something children can
control in the giant scope of things surrounding divorce. Laura agrees with how Papernow state
that prior losses in children’s lives make a difference in how they react to their parents spitting
(Papernow, 2013, pg 47). Laura stated that she can see how the mom can get blamed for the
reason the father is leaving as stated by Papernow (2013) but go on the say that divorce is harder
on kids between 9th grade and 10th grade as they are younger and do not know where life if going
to lead them. On the other hand children 11th grade and 12th grade are no as caring because soon
they are going to be leaving the home and following their own path in life. In the realm of dating,
Ms. Mantecalvo says that she tells parents that they need to hold off introducing the new party
until they are sure their new love interest is willing to be there for the child as if is their own.
Children are slower to get over divorce and this happy new person can be seen as a replacing a
parent and not taking as happy news (Papernow, 2013, pg 5). The bible tells parents not to angry
their children but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4, KJV,
2008/1769). When Children are meeting their parents, new partner is important to watch and
tread lightly as you can quickly fall into the realm of provoking fast. Heading into the topic of
remarriage, Laura believes that providing a nurturing or loving environment helps children adjust
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to new and stressful situations (L. Mantecalvo, personal communication, April 18 2024). This is
why Papernow (2013) and Laura agree on waiting until the new partner will love your child like
their own and the relationship is heading into the direction of marriage before introducing
everyone. The aftermath of divorce sits with children sometimes their whole lives, introducing a
stepparent too soon can mix up binds and cause more difficult adjustments (Papernow, 2013, pg
22). Talking about the blending part of the remarriage Laura went back to how a nurturing or
loving environment conquers all. 1 Corinthians 13:7 says “love bears all things” (KJV,
2008/1769) showing that the bible agrees with how love can help heal. Just as in Papernow’s
(2013) accounts of how the uneaten kugel can expose a little laugh can relax everyone and help
an explosive situation less fiery (Papernow 2013, pg 92). All in all, divorce is hard, remarriage is
harder but isn’t impossible as long as Faith and Love are in the things are mixed together.
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Interview Questions
1. In your experience, what is the most common reason for divorce?
2. what are the most common challenges you see in the first 3 months? 6 month?
3. Do you notice a difference in boys as opposed to girl in dealing with divorce?
4. what are the biggest adjustments made by couples in divorce?
5. when and how do you notice the divorce effects in children?
6. Have you noticed a difference in the reaction of children to divorce based on age or gender?
7. what have you noticed to be the most difficult part of two families coming together?
8. what do you recommend for the process of dating after divorce individuals with kids?
9. what common mistakes are made?
10. what is your personally theory of marriage, divorce and remarriage?
