Running head: STRUCTURED INTERVIEW 1
Structured Interview
Beverly Johnson
DBFA 610 - B01-LUO
June 2.2019
Liberty University
STRUCTURED INTERVIEW 2
Structured Interview
For my paper I chose to interview a local therapist named Linda Ingram. I chose Linda
because I truly value her professional opinion. Linda has been working with my daughter for
almost two years now so I have been able to see as well as appreciate the relationship they have
built and the guidance she has provided my daughter. I also appreciate the fact that Linda is a
spiritual woman. I recognize that especially in sensitive topics such as divorce it is good to
receive both professional and spiritual opinions. Linda is a licensed professional counselor
(LPC), an international certified advanced alcohol and drug counselor (ICAADC) and has
obtained a master of arts. Linda specializes in trauma and PTSD, spirituality and relationship
issues. One of the other reasons I chose Linda is because she is a divorcee herself. She has two
children in which her and her previous husband had adopted from another country and I have
always felt there is no better teacher than experience. Below you will find the list of ten
questions and answers I discussed with Linda.
1. From your experience, what are some of the most prevalent reasons couples divorce?
This question received a very quick response……communication issues. I looked
puzzled when I received this response because I was sure she was going to
respond with something such as infidelity. She had already noticed my confusion
and began to help me understand her reasoning by explaining most issues in a
marriage arise due to communication issues. She continued to say when she
speaks to couples who have infidelity issues, financial issues, even issues with
just getting along, it almost always stems from an untreated communication
problem. One partner doesn’t feel respected, heard or even loved enough and the
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other partner either doesn’t respond how they want them to or doesn’t recognize
the issue at all.
2. What are the most common challenges you see in the first three months following
separation?
Challenges of course vary by the different relationships and/or situations. One
common challenge a person may have is adjusting to a new life. When serious,
dramatic and/or traumatic events happen in one’s life they can experience a sort of
shock. Just as when a person is grieving a death it may take a certain memory or
trigger to remind you of the reality of the situation. Same thing can happen during
a separation just as if you are grieving the death of the relationship. Another
common challenge is becoming a single parent. Whether a person is going
through a divorce or have been a single parent since childbirth it is never easy. In
a two parent home there are still many struggles in successfully raising a child.
During a separation however, it can create extra confusion for the children. They
may begin to either act out or do the complete opposite and shut down. Even if
the child or children show no signs of being affected it’s still a time in which they
need extra attention and while they need more attention the parent more than
likely has less.
3. Do you recommend temporary separation as a technique in helping keep couples
married? Why or why not?
This solely depends on the situation. Some couples may need a little time apart to
work on themselves individually. Some may just need some time apart so they can
gain more of an appreciation for the relationship. Even though some people may
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love or appreciate another they might not know how to express that. It takes
something as extreme as a separation in order for them to push themselves to
communicate because of fear of losing the relationship. In other situations the
separation can actually make them grow further apart. It gives time to allow other
things to happen or new people to get involved.
4. What are the biggest adjustments couples have to make during separation? Divorce?
Remarriage?
Most times the biggest adjustments are either financial or have to do with the
children. These adjustments can vary widely from learning to live on a smaller
or larger budget to who sees the children and when. Each relationship has its
own strengths and weaknesses and will have its own different adjustments to
make.
5. When and how do you tend to see the effects of divorce manifest in children?
A lot of times Children show effects almost immediately upon separation.
Once the initial shock wears off and the reality that this situation is actually
happening sinks in. They tend to act out and become disobedient. Some may take the
shame of the divorce amongst them and begin to develop mental disorders such as
anxiety and or depression. These disorders can ultimately make them more prone to
addiction, it can cause them to lash out and hurt themselves or others.
6. What are the biggest adjustments you see in two families coming together?
Some of the challenges that arise when trying to blend families together include
sibling rivalries, differences in lifestyles, as well as, how and when to discipline
the children and how the children respond to this discipline. The severity of these
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issues varies by the family dynamics however in most cases at least one of these
issues will become relevant. In most situations these things can take up to a few
years in order for the family to fully adjust if they ever fully adjust.
7. How do you counsel divorced individuals with kids to begin dating again? What do
you recommend for that process? What common mistakes do you see being made?
One of the most common mistakes made is introducing children into the situation
too soon. Children don’t understand the specifics of situations as adults do. They
take a lot longer to adjust to situations and don’t always show blatant signs of
distress. So bringing them into a new situation may just add to the hidden distress
causing other problems. Linda stated due to this her advice would be to move
slow, make sure your confident and comfortable not only presently within the
relationship but also where it is going before introducing children into the
situation. Children are vulnerable and can form attachments fairly easy so it’s best
not to bring them into each situation until we know all factors and can make
sound judgements.
8. What is your personal theology of divorce and remarriage? How does it fit with what
you see and experience in your practice?
This question was personally one of my favorite because it challenges not only
knowledge but faith as well as personal opinions and values. As we begin to
discuss this I was very intrigued on what her opinion of what is biblically
acceptable. Linda then stated that in her opinion the act of divorce is not the sin it
is the adultery being committed after being remarried is the sin. However god has
afforded us grace. Not everything is either black or white there are grey areas and
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this subject in Linda’s opinion is one of those. She believes god loves all his
children and does not want them to be in unsafe or abusive situations. This does
not pertain to just physical abuse but mental, emotional, as well as spiritual. So in
these situations she feels that god may extend grace but that does not mean to
keep divorcing and remarrying. Just as any other sin you can’t ask for forgiveness
and then keep repeating the same behavior. Now on a mental health standpoint
she feels the about the same way. It is no benefit to anyone for two people to stay
in a toxic relationship. It can damage everyone involved in the situation whether
they are decision makers or not. She told me her first recommendation would be
to try to work out whatever issues need to be addressed but unfortunately this
does not always happen. In the event that things seem impossible to resolve and is
creating a hostile environment it is better to divorce and/or remarry than to stay
in an unhealthy and unhappy situation that runs the risks of mentally or
emotionally damaging those not only involved but around.
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References
Ingram, L. (n.d.). Behavioral Health Services - At Pines we understand life's obstacles. Retrieved
from https://www.pinesbhs.org/
Behavioral Health Services - At Pines we understand life's obstacles.
https://www.pinesbhs.org/
Dobson, J. (2007). Love must be tough: New hope for marriages in crises. Carol Stream, IL:
Tyndale House.
Hart, A. (1997). Helping children survive divorce: What to expect; how to help. Nashville, TN:
Thomas Nelson
Deal, R. L. (2014). The smart stepfamily: 7 steps to a healthy family. Minneapolis, MN: Bethany
House , a division of Baker Publishing Group.
