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Blended Families and Divorce
School of Behavioral Science, Liberty University
Author Note
I have no known conflict of interest to disclose.
Correspondence concerning the article should be addressed to
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Blended Families and Divorce
Blended families and divorce are intertwined. Divorce in our society has led to an increase in
blended families, which is avoidable as divorcees try their luck in a new relationship. Every
partner brings their children from a past relationship to form a new family. The vulnerability
level remains high, with blended families increasing daily and society trying to accept it.
Some difficulties it has to deal with include divorce and integrating all the parties. This
family has more parties than the common family type (nuclear). For instance, the former
partners are still parents to their kids despite moving on from their past relationship. Thus, a
clear plan is needed on how they could be accommodated to have a chance to interact with
their kids if one has custody of the kids. These complexities subject a blended family to a
crossroads, with most failing to soak the pressure of the dynamism it presents. Other
challenges include the children needing to accept a parent's decision to move on from their
previous relationship and remarry (Anderson, 2014). The new partner may face resentment,
and earning the trust of kids and other family members may take some time. Sometimes,
these challenges trigger divorce since society does not have a structure to guide a blended
family. With blended family becoming common and presenting significant issues in modern
society, it requires exploration of the challenges it experiences, children's well-being, the risk
factors, and the interventions that can hold them together.
The risk factors of a blended family are the characteristics that show up and are linked to a
higher probability of a negative outcome. The risk factors in a blended family revolve around
sibling rivalry, identity confusion, financial troubles, clashing parenting styles, and legal
issues. It is a family that requires a lot of flexibility to survive due to many risk factors with
no clear societal norms that can steer it to success. With divorce increasing daily, people have
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upheld remarrying irrespective of past burdens such as kids. Society is trying to
accommodate divorcees by allowing them to remarry and determine when to cope with
critical risk factors in marriage. The two parents who have agreed to remarry have a
responsibility to deal with the vulnerability of their new union by outlining the policies that
can guide them to guarantee success. For instance, they must outline the issues that might
trigger conflict, such as raising their stepchildren. Every partner must understand the
boundary since the kids must adjust and adapt to the new setup. There are no norms that a
blended family can rely on to ensure they hold together, and they have to deal with many
internal problems. For instance, no clear rules or norms reiterate how a stepparent should
handle the new kids or how the kids should behave. In some instances, mental issues may be
a key factor before the kids adjust to the new family since it might have happened so fast
without their parents preparing them for their next move. In the common family setup, norms
guide partners about the role of each other and the expectations from different corners.
However, in a blended family, the roles and responsibilities might change, such as
disciplining the children or providing for them (Thorsen & Boyd, 2015). These issues
become a problem for the partner since they have a father and mother, although separated,
who can still provide discipline when necessary.
The gender dynamics in a blended family are creating tension since, in some cases, a partner
may still want the traditional responsibilities to hold. However, it may trigger a conflict if the
other party has a different opinion, considering their partners might have a responsibility in
their lives, such as those involving the kids. The issue of inclusivity in this family is key to
enabling every person to feel accommodated and embraced. However, it is an issue that needs
time for the kids to get along and accommodate their new parents to enjoy quality time. The
coping and sacrifice factor has to come in for a blended family to realize inclusivity since an
individual has to do away with their past way of life and accommodate a new family. The
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partners must sacrifice more than the kids since they must guide and counsel them until they
adjust to their new family and way of life. Inclusivity sometimes becomes difficult since the
two families have varying ideas about the rules and boundaries. With the children living in a
different household and teenagers not liking the parent's new partner telling them what to do,
it becomes difficult to teach inclusivity.
Sibling rivalry is a risk the parents have to deal with at one point in time. It arises when some
feel like others are favored or regarded highly, leading to jealousy and, to some extent,
conflict. In other instances, kids are possessive and would not like to see their parents show
love or care to stepsiblings. These issues must be dealt with to avoid triggering conflict in the
family. The unresolved feelings of hurt from the breakup subject the kids to act and behave
differently, which may not sit well with their stepsiblings. The rivalry arises as the kids try to
define a new identity or argue to show their differences, increasing the rate of conflicts every
day. The issue of chores and responsibility also triggers conflict as kids sometimes read
unfairness to the extent of profiling their stepparents. The kids might accuse their stepparents
of being unfair in how they distribute the chores and responsibilities in the family to the
extent of becoming insecure and lacking understanding of their place in the new family setup.
Challenges Blended families experience
The step-parents/stepchildren factors are a challenge in a blended family as they try to bond
and live as a unit. The parents need to accept and accommodate the other parents who might
be interested in visiting their biological children irrespective of separating from their partners.
In some instances, this factor triggers challenges in a family since some children may fail to
disrespect their step-parent due to the privilege of seeing their biological father or mother. It
may take time to acknowledge and accept they have three parents with step-parent authority
in the lives of the stepchildren, raising issues in the new family setup (Gul, Changezi, Baloch,
& Zafar, 2019). The challenge of cohesiveness and stress in this new family between children
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and their new parents always exists. Stepmothers have to deal with mood swings and extreme
reactions of their daughters during adolescence stage.
Research has established that mothers have a strong relationship with their biological children
compared to stepchildren. Thus, they pay a lot of attention to biological children compared to
stepchildren. However, they experience conflicts with biological children rather than
stepchildren due to the continuous interactions. In some instances, the relationship of the
children with their biological parents may decline with time (Gul, Changezi, Baloch, & Zafar,
2019). This factor affects the children emotionally, affecting their behavior and academics.
The issue is exacerbated if the parent of the step-siblings still visits them despite having a
step-parent. Lacking that balance affects most children, and they may fail to cope with it,
with research associating divorce and remarrying heightening the chances of juvenile
delinquency (Thorsen & Boyd, 2015). On the issue of academic ability, research indicates an
environment has a critical role in academic performance in school. Thus, a child may need to
realize their optimum ability in school due to the new environment that may be unfavorable
to them before they adjust and accept.
The effects
Blended family, as outlined above, has many uncertainties, and thus, it affects those involved
in several ways. Understanding the kids' well-being is important since their parents' decisions
may have surprised them. The children have to adjust and adapt to the new life, which may
affect them mentally to some extent. For them to adjust and accept the new life, their mental
strength has to play a critical role. Being weak mentally subjects the kids to unacceptable
behavior as they try to survive or find a social identity. For instance, some may find refuge in
drugs or engage in gangs to find solace or a family that might understand their situations. In
their study on Kiambu County students, Njoroge & Kirori (2018) accept that blended family
affects children on almost all fronts. For instance, looking at academic performance results
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based on family structure/topology, a significant difference arose between children from the
stepmother and stepfather families, demonstrating that blended family dynamics greatly
impact well-being. The stepfather's family performed worse than the others, and the result
concurred with Brown's (2010) findings that indicated the same.
Attachment theory states that for a person to develop a strong emotional and physical
attachment, they need at least one primary caregiver. [ CITATION Tho22 \l 1033 ] reflected
on Bowlby's concepts about children's development psychology from varying backgrounds.
Bowlby emphasizes the importance of a child forming a relationship with the parents as it
enables them to form and learn how to adjust to various experiences in life. The theory holds
that adult friendships or romantic relationships are based on or developed by parents or
caregivers. Thus, the separation of parents could affect a child in developing relationships in
the future, such as feeling anger, confusion, and resentment. In a blended family structure,
teenagers and young adults face difficulties building relationships and committing to them
due to trust issues and interpersonal skills. They also fail to accept the decisions taken by
their parents and accommodate their stepparent to have a quality family.
In the case of structural family therapy, it focuses on family organization and the rules,
boundaries, and family structures. The theory emphasizes the family interaction patterns,
giving clues to this institution's basic structure and organization. The theory asserts that
family structure will change as society changes and, thus, a blended family. A society's
continuous change has affected the patterns and structures, resulting in the emergence of a
new form of family. In this case, the theory deemphasizes emotional lives by arguing that the
common nuclear family model is biased. Thus, cross-cultural consideration is needed for a
family such as blended to exist. At the moment, a blended family is yet to be accepted fully in
our society, and to some extent, those involved fail to adjust when it arises; it affects people
differently. Even though structural family therapy acknowledges the importance of accepting
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flexibility in society and embracing blended families, it acknowledges that people suffer from
divorce. Divorce among blended families increases because many people fail to understand
how to handle sensitive issues. These divorces affect the well-being of the kids
psychologically, and to some extent, they subject them to mental issues such as stress due to
their parents remarrying and divorce trends.
A child's identity is affected when parents move from one marriage to another. With a
blended family rate of divorce increasing over time, it becomes difficult for a kid to identify
with a specific family since the parents engage and divorce just before they have fully settled.
When a parent remarries several times, a kid may have to treat his stepfamilies as friends due
to the likelihood of leaving due to parents' difficulties in staying together forever. Striking a
blended family's balance is sometimes difficult, resulting in separations.
A blended family affects the health of the members before they adjust. Sometimes, it may be
short-term or long-term, depending on how fast a person can adjust to the new family setup.
For instance, mental health is at stake as people try to adapt to the new environment while
accommodating new members with varying personalities. Understanding each other remains
a critical factor for an individual to overcome and embrace the move taken by the parents. It
might not be easy for some people to subject people to psychological and physical issues, too.
It can be evidenced by weight loss as people adapt to the new environment. Some may react
to the situation by avoiding food, while others may eat just a little before accepting the
situation. Children have to deal with the first separation of their parents and a new parental
figure and siblings, resulting in confusion and fear evidenced by a tense household. The
children cannot be free in a new environment, and it has to take time as they must accept so
many new faces. For instance, the extended family comes into play and has to accommodate
the new kids. The kids have to learn how to relate with their former grandparents before their
parents' divorce arose. It all goes down to nurturing the kids to understand what is happening
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in their lives since they have to accept they have more grandparents than normal. The
extended families, too, are affected as they have to accept new kids and in-laws with their
support expected to ensure a successful marriage. Failing to accept or embrace the new
people in the family may heighten the chances of divorce as some partners may feel
unwanted and would rather stay away to avoid humiliation or discrimination for their
decision. Some stepparents respond by disengaging when children react to the new family
setup. Disengagement of the stepparent or biological parent accelerates parent-child discord,
marital dissatisfaction, and family stress in the long run. A blended family triggers many
things at once, such as children moving to new schools, neighborhoods, and personalities in
the family, and these shifts require mental strength to overcome. With children's inability to
control these issues and the direction of their lives, in most cases, the frustrations replace
adaptive behavior and can manifest themselves in different ways, such as anger, low self-
esteem, depression, anxiety, and defiance, among many others.
Interventions
Therapy is the best intervention program that can assist those in blended families to cope with
problems that arise as partners try to settle and have a successful union. Therapists try to
unravel some critical issues that partners may fail to communicate openly. For instance, the
issue of raising children together as a team may be a disaster, requiring a therapist to
intervene and outline some of the key issues that should be upheld. Counseling gives
members access to a dependable person who will not take sides at any point. Talking to
someone not emotionally attached to the family is beneficial since they seek issues to salvage
the situation. The counseling program has a wide range of benefits for the families trying to
adjust and overcome the challenges and complexities together as a unit. Some benefits
include improved communication, where the counselor provides a neutral platform for every
member to express their concerns, needs, and feelings during sessions. The counselor assists
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in enabling a better understanding of issues and presenting different perspectives among the
family members to improve the situation and reduce conflicts at all costs.
The counselor assists the family member to understand better the role and expectations to
reduce the confusion and frustration that emanate from expectations. When every person
understands what others expect from them, it results in a positive relationship where everyone
works in tandem toward a successful family unit. With almost every person struggling with
adjustment to the new family, counseling assists in these issues, enabling them to navigate the
family dynamics. Adapting becomes easy among members since counseling sessions give
diverse perspectives.
Therapies enable the family to strengthen their relationships, and it results in developing
trust, respect, and understanding within the family. For a strong relationship among the
members, the counselor assists in understanding the existing coping strategies. Equipping the
family members with these coping strategies enables them to overcome problems that erupt
in their daily lives, such as stress, conflicts, and other minor challenges. It strengthens the
family's resilience to the extent of handling difficult situations. The counselor's intervention
also boosts the members' confidence and self-esteem. It is a counseling session where people
can explore their feelings and work towards personal growth (Kumar, 2017). Confidence and
self-esteem play a critical role in an individual's life, and they can be kickstarted during the
therapy sessions. Every person gets a chance to understand more than family issues.
The head of the family has to take charge and try to develop a unique brand. In this case, the
partners should refrain from trying to replicate the flexibility and dynamics of their past
nuclear family to avoid conflicts. Understanding the new family is different and needs extra
caution for its survival can propel it to longevity. Strengthening the family revolves around
creating an open communication atmosphere and trust, and it has to start right from the
beginning, where members can share their opinions without being charged. Open
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communication reduces the level of misunderstanding and hurt feelings, allowing people to
solve it and move on. In this case, everyone, including the children, must be able to express
their emotions and validate them without judging. Stepparents need to work as a team to
oversee clear boundaries and limits where everyone in the family understands the rules and
expectations. Children respond positively when the parents work together and feel safe and
entitled in the new family setup (Consuegra & Luttrell, 2022). This milestone enables the
stepparent to develop a positive relationship with kids, a key factor that helps them deal with
attention-seeking. A positive relationship allows the children to be heard and seen, and their
actions validated by both parents.
Creating a family ritual and routines where all members attend could help bonding. The move
aims to fasten or aid in creating emotional connection, affection, and trust. Normally, it takes
time, but indulging in activities that involve every family member will create understanding
and strengthen the existing bond. Members will start to look at each other as a sibling as a
positive result and experiences of family routines and rituals.
Conclusion
Blended families are increasing, a new norm in our society. Thus, society has to adjust and
accommodate these families by outlining clear mechanisms that favor everyone. Embracing
the families will reduce the feeling of inferiority experienced by children as they try to adjust
and accept the new situation they find themselves. Before blended families increased in our
society, the pioneers were looked at as outcasts, and only those with strong mentalities
managed to overcome the situation. However, as reflected in the research, the situation has
changed with divorced parents acknowledging blended families as the way to go. People have
accepted that leaving the first marriage does not limit them to finding love, taking it a notch
higher, and getting married.
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Even though blended families are increasing in our society, they still experience challenges.
Some of these challenges have led to divorce as people fail to find the balance in their union.
Children are the most affected when a blended family arises since they have to adjust to the
new norm, although it may arise quickly without their knowledge. Sometimes, they must
move to a new neighborhood and school as per their parent's decisions. Teenagers find it hard
to adjust to their parent's decisions due to varying opinions and the need to accommodate new
family members. As per attachment theory, the development of new bonds has to take time,
and it needs to be given time; thus, it requires parents with strong mentalities to allow the
children to heal and adjust before accepting the new family setup.
A blended family can survive in our society since many have overcome it. However, the
stakeholders must be committed and work towards a common goal. Thus, every person has to
accept flexibility and accommodate others, and this can only be accomplished by undertaking
activities as a unit/family. The activities aim to strengthen the members' bonds and give them
a chance to know each other better. It also allows the family to explore their diversity and
acknowledge each other. In other instances, the parents may opt for therapy sessions to enable
a neutral professional to guide them during this difficult moment to overcome the challenges.
It is important to acknowledge that when people work towards a common goal, the
probability of success remains high, which is what a blended family needs.
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