2. Identify and describe which stage from the “stage model” identified within chapter two, that your own
family is currently involved. What are the benefits and deficits connected to this stage?
Reading through chapter two of Goldenberg et al. 2017, I identified my family’s stage
from the “stage model” described by the authors. Both my husband and I have been previously
married. We met later in life in our lives and very thankful for this opportunity. My husband has
two kids (adolescents) from the previous marriage, both being in their mother custody.
Therefore, my family model is a remarried family.
Goldenberg et al. 2017 mentions that “adaptation to remarriage becomes more complex if
spouses come from different cultural backgrounds”. Indeed, the differences in our cultures have
had an impact on our family. My Romanian heritage, with all the traditions and customs
impacted our family dynamic, mostly in a positive way. Romanians have a very strong cultural
background (e.g. Dracula) and as a personal observation, in general, the western world seems to
have a strong interest in other people’s traditions. In contrast, I have found adapting myself to the
American way of living has been a long process.
Goldenberg et al. 2017 mentions that being an effective stepparent to an adolescent is
likely to be different because of their different developmental needs (Goldenberg et al., 2017,
p.52). Also, the author mentions that there may be difficulties in assuming parental roles with
stepchildren due to the jealousies that may develop between stepchildren, and competition
between the biological mother and the stepmother that may occur (Goldenberg et al., 2017, p.52).
Regarding the relationship with my stepchildren, I noticed over time a little bit of all mentioned
by the authors. Relationships with stepchildren may be a complex and complicated. I have
learned that allowing time for nurturing a healthy relationship with my stepchildren was a smart
choice. Goldenberg et al. 2017, mentions that allowing time for the relationships within
stepfamilies to blossom slowly often lead to caring and loving relationships that may last a
lifetime (Goldenberg et al., 2017, p.53).
Often, in trying to approach the children I may become extremely permissive in order to
be loved by them. Thus, either I bought them whatever they wanted, or left the punishments in
the care of the biological parent and seek for complicity with the little ones. Goldenberg et al.
2017 mentions that stepparents who ask for “instant love” are likely to end up feeling frustrated
and rejected (Goldenberg et al., 2017, p.53). As a stepparent I tried to reconstruct the traditional
family model, due to the fact this is the only model I have familiarity with. Shortly I learned that
a reconstituted family works differently from the traditional nuclear family. Therefore, I find that
being in a stepmother role is not an easy task. You may discover new capabilities such as
enduring the rejection. Although the support offered by my husband helps our extended family to
grow strengthen over time, I also understand the struggles encountered by my stepchildren as
they were confronted with an expanded definition of what “family” means. Goldenberg et al.,
2017 mentions that in some cases, the stepparent may provide a model that enlarges a child’s
choice of roles in life or that offers a positive view of husband–wife relationships not seen before
(Goldenberg et al., 2017, p.53).
References
Goldenberg, I., Stanton, M., & Goldenberg, H. (2017). Family therapy: An overview (9th ed.).
Belmont, CA: Brooks/Cole Publishing Co. ISBN: 9781305092969.
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