Kathy Jean-Louis
COMS 560
June 2014
Topic: What is forgiveness and why is it important? What impact will the action of
forgiveness or non-forgiveness have in your personal future life and ministry? What are
some things you can do to promote forgiveness in conflict situations? Be sure to reflect on
several essays from Helmick.
Forgiveness is defined as, “a cognitive process that consists of letting go of feelings of
revenge and desires to retaliate.” (Raymond G. Helmick, 2002, p. 206) Being heavily involved
in youth ministry, the act of forgiveness needs to be not only exemplified but lived in the lives
that impact the lives of the future. Teens are bombarded by Facebook, Twitter, and other forms
of social media that influence their thoughts, actions, and personal self-worth. In addition to that
many teens grow up seeing and hearing conflict in the home where they are used as leverage in
parental disputes. When these acts go on for years at a time without remorse, damage is done
that may be almost impossible to erase.
In the book, Timeless Youth Ministry, it talks about reaching youth in a changing world.
The culture is changing rapidly and the church needs to be prepared or we may get a generation
of youth brought up with the world’s standards. Technology is the wave of the century and
everyday has a new gadget. IPADS, IPhones, and the internet are how they are communicating
and face to face conversations are not as popular but still very necessary. It is only when we
build a bridge between leaders, parents, and youth that we can establish and train them to have
healthy relationships with others, especially in the area of forgiveness.
Throughout the book, Managing Conflict through Communication, we see the benefits
and hindrances that come when forgiveness and reconciliation are not practiced.
The purpose of youth ministry is not to just keep kids busy while parents are working. It
is a rare opportunity to get help mold and shape the next generation. They have so many
questions that need answers. Who am I? What should I be? Who are God and Jesus Christ
really? Why should I forgive? They do not deserve forgiveness. We teach them forgiveness
because God asks us to forgive. “But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not
forgive your sins.’” (Bible, 2011)
In churches all across the world youth ministry leaders are supposed to be equipped to
handle these changes and teach the next generation how to cope and deal with the challenges of
life. “In youth ministry, this trend tracking can mean the difference between being relevant and
archaic.” (Vandegriff, 2002) When a youth leader is not informed about what is happening with
youth they may begin to disconnect with the ones whom they are serving.
The church needs awesome leaders who are willing to put in the hours and do the work
needed to educate our youth on the principles of the word. We cannot leave it to the world to
teach them as that way leads to death. Youth are the future of the church and of the world so we
must make it our business to know the challenges our youths are facing without judgment but
with love. The goal of every youth leader is to be a shepherd. Once that is forgotten our youth
will be lost.
“Though I am free and belong to no one, I have made myself a slave to everyone, to win
as many as possible. To the Jews I became like a Jew, to win the Jews. To those under the law I
became like one under the law (though I myself am not under the law), so as to win those under
the law. To those not having the law I became like one not having the law (though I am not free
from God’s law but am under Christ’s law), so as to win those not having the law. To the weak I
became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all people so that by all possible
means I might save some. I do all this for the sake of the gospel that I may share in its blessings.”
(Bible, 2011, pp. 1 Corinthians 9:19-23)
This is the first step as leaders to helping repair damage done in families. “These
unforgiving experiences are now serving as a barrier between you and that person, preventing
you from having the positive relationship both of you need.” (Raymond G. Helmick, 2002, p.
219) The church does not replace the parents but come alongside them to support them in raising
Godly children. This is the purpose of a christening or baptism. The church stands as witnesses
and is charged with supporting and keeping that individual on the path God has mapped out for
them.
Going through all the stages of forgiveness, hurt, hate, healing, and coming together, is
necessary in order to reach true and authentic reconciliation. “Reconciliation is a behavioral
process in which we take actions to restore a relationship or create a new one following
forgiveness.” (Raymond G. Helmick, 2002, p. 207) With broken families all around this world
with absentee fathers, crack addicted mothers, and two mom/two dad households’ forgiveness
and reconciliation needs to be the recipe for repair for the next generation. Without it we might
as well condemn the future of not only the church but society as a whole.
To know if true forgiveness has taken place, there are steps of action that will be seen.
“Acting in ways that signal forgiveness creates expectations of a renewed relationship or a
different relationship and the possibility of change.” (Raymond G. Helmick, 2002, p. 216)
Saying you forgive but then every chance given you are bringing up the offense does not
constitute as true forgiveness. I remember as I was growing up my sister had much resentment
towards my father because he was an absentee father that came around here and there. One day,
when she was about sixteen, she exploded on him and told him how much of a bad father he was.
He cried, repented, and asked for forgiveness in which she said she accepted but every time he
didn’t come see her or didn’t call she would bring it up and rehash it all over again. Not only did
she not truly forgive him but his actions did not reflect a change in behavior. Till this day he
struggles with forgiving himself for the mistakes he has made throughout his life.
Moving beyond victimization is the next step towards personal healing. The mistake
many people make is that they believe forgiveness is for the other person but reality it is for
them. Releasing the other person from a transgression not only frees the person but it frees the
victim from the pain and emotion of the offense which aids in the healing process and moving
forward. “If you cannot disengage some problematic people from your past, you enslave
yourself to an ugly emotional affair.” (Raymond G. Helmick, 2002, p. 219)
Judas is a prime example of this. After betraying Jesus he was overwhelmed with guilt
and frustration. He tried correct the situation by attempting to return the thirty pieces of silver he
received from the chief priests and elders but their response to him was “what is that to us?’ they
replied. ‘That’s your responsibility.’” (Bible, 2011, p. Matthew 27:4) At the end, he takes his
own life. Thankfully we do not have to have that same outcome because Christ died for our sins,
big and small. All we must do is seek His face and forgiveness and reconciliation can become a
reality for all who believe in Him.
References
Bible. (2011). Matthew 6:15. Retrieved June 30, 2014, from Biblegateway.com:
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+6:15
Raymond G. Helmick, R. L. (2002). Forgiveness and Reconciliation. West Conshohocken:
Templeton Foundation Press.
Vandegriff, L. V. (2002). Timeless Youth Ministry. Chicago: Moody Publishers.
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