CHMN 301 – B01
Liberty University
Dr. Steve Vandegriff
It’s Just a Phase So Don’t Miss It
Reading Report #1
Introduction:
In my shorten time of experience, youth seemed to be the most targeted yet the most
missed age demographic in the church. Statistics show that after going away to college, most
churched teens simply leave and don’t come back, a lifetime of youth group leaving little impact
on their adult lives. With certain current events in my life, this issue has some great personal
relevance to me and left me wondering what the Church can do to ensure that our youth ministry
is successful. I remember hearing Ed Stetzer doing an interview about the youth in church and
he mentioned that church is no longer a priority to them once they leave for college. Through the
interview I felt that the issue that the churches have is teens “dropping out”. I think as to why or
how that happens? What leads to that point? Do kids attend church all their elementary years,
then Jr. High and then after High School years, they are just done, just like that? Or is it years of
something that leads to them leaving the church? The church needs to refocus their efforts of
youth ministry. The church needs to remind themselves that the youth is not the church of
tomorrow, but of today.
Summary:
Reggie Joiner and Kristen Ivey joined up to put together to write this book, It’s Just a
Phase, So Don’t Miss It. The books’ goal is to summarize and simplify an overwhelming amount
of research related to child development, so the average leader and parent can understand kids
better. An interesting stat that was communicated throughout the book was the stat that as a
parent or leader, we have 936 weeks to have an influence in the lives of the kids. An overarching
theme of the books is the concept of kids, from birth till they are eighteen, all go through stages
or specifically, phases. A phase is a timeframe in kid’s lives when we can use specific
opportunities to influence their future. The authors gave great insight on how we can use the
phases of whining toddler, overly dramatic grade-schoolers, and stressed-out, the sky is falling
high schoolers. The book is divided into three sections: Every phase has significant relationships
to influence, every phase has present realities we (leaders/parents) need to understand, and every
phase has distinctive opportunities for us (leaders/parents) need to leverage. Each section is then
broken down into four categories: preschool, elementary, middle school, and high school.
Frist section gets the leader or parent into a phase where the we can be influential in the
relationship building process. The authors discuss about getting all the staff on the same page
and making sure everyone realizes how each stage is just as important at the previous one and
the next one. There were some reminders for the those who serve, to motivate the leaders or
volunteers. The phrase is heard usually in the early Sunday classes, “I’m just a babysitter” was
made a point to change the mindset to “discipling the children”.1 Instead of looking at a pizza
party for what it is, change the mindset that it a relationship building time.2 The authors also
made a great illustration with the amount of time we have each day with the kids as they go
through their stages. A parent of a preschooler will have twelve hours a day to make an impact,
while a parent of a high schooler will only have two hours a day to make a connection.3 There
was a table that showed the positional influence, the who I am position, lessens its impact as the
children get older while the relational influence increases as they older. The mindset of a parent
parenting a toddler is not thinking in that moment that they are parenting for their future but
mostly for the now and the mindset need to be not so much raising children but raising adults.4
The second part of the book, realities that we need to understand, was a good bridge from
the previous chapter. The part of the book really focused on relational lessons. As leaders and
1 Reggie Joiner and Kristen Ivy, It’s Just a Phase So Don’t Miss It (Cumming, GA: Orange,
2015). 56.
2 Ibid. 56.
3 Ibid. 64.
4 Ibid. 64.
Personal Response:
The book was an easy read. I was able to read all 240 pages with ease and comfort.
When these two write a book, it is a pleasure. I felt like they hit a lot of topics overall. Being a
part-time youth pastor who oversees the Jr. and Sr. High and also being a parent of five kids,
ages ranging from two through sixteen, I can really relate to this book. Seeing that every stage is
important and how it can be impactful is an eye opener. As I parent I can admit that I look past
certain phases or time frames, looking forward to those periods where it might be a little bit
easier to parent. I felt ashamed for not thinking that every step of the way is just as valuable. I
feel that this book is a great book on how to disciple children at a young age. Getting one on one
with kids and just getting into their lives is what it is all about.
parents, the job is to understand the child, or get to know them. How can one lead or coach if the
leader is unaware of the person and what makes them tick-tock? A lesson here was how children
at a younger age are more receptive to adults then their older selves obeying adults.
The third phase is finding distinctive opportunities to use the needed leverage. This
chapter really gave us some topics on how to bridge the relationship between the kids and God.
The four age stages have different relationship qualities in regard to God. The preschoolers have
more of a wondering or imaginative curiosity towards God. Elementary aged kids have a high
wonder but even more discovery mindset. They will ask a lot of question and look for stories
where they can relate to. The middle schooler is getting away from the wondering stage and is
heavy on discovering and the passion for Christ is developing. As a high schooler the passion for
Christ is the most important aspect of their development while the wondering piece is being
decreased significantly.
Conclusion:
The conclusion is hopeful: youth are looking for Christ, churches, leaders, and parents
need to figure out how to make them see Him. Kids will go through various phases that we as
parents and leaders, cannot look past. We need to appreciate the phase the kids are in now. This
book really allowed the leader or parent to get into the minds of the kid and allowing us to see
what they see and feel. This is a great book to show leaders and parents what discipling a
student looks like from the time they are born, till the time the walk the stage of their high school
graduation.
Bibliography
Joiner, Reggie, and Kristen Ivy. It’s Just a Phase So Don’t Miss It. Cumming, GA: Orange,
2015.
