CCOU 302 LIBERTY UNIVERSITY Effects of Divorce on Children FINAL_2025.pdf

Effects of Divorce on Children

Mary M. Fagan

Department of Psychology, Liberty University

CCOU 302: Christian Counseling for Children

Professor A. Shimel

August 12, 2024

Effects of Divorce on Children

This paper will discuss the effects of divorce on children, both negative and positive. This

also be discussed throughout this paper.

There are several references to divorce and marriage throughout the Bible. In Matthew

19:7-8, Moses allowed the Pharisees to order a divorce certificate for their wives out of their

hard-heartedness. However, that was never meant to be so. In the following verse, it is said that

in the eyes of God, if one divorces for any reason other than sexual immorality, they have

committed adultery (ESVB, 2001/2016, Matthew 19:9). It is iterated throughout the Bible that

is made holy through their spouse (ESVB, 2001/2016, 1 Corinthians 7:10-16). The English

Standard Version Bible (2001/2016) translation does not exclusively state “for I hate divorce” as

it does in the other translations from Malachi 2:16. Instead, it states that the man who hates and

divorces his wife has committed an act of violence against her.

There are terms in which divorce is allowed in the Bible, though divorce does not please

God. Divorce is not an easy decision to make and can be a very complex matter. It is not

necessarily weighed on a scale of good or bad, but in some cases, divorce can be for the better.

For instance, in some situations, such as intimate partner violence, domestic violence, and child

abuse, divorce is warranted for safety concerns.

Marital Dissolution

Divorce rates in the United States remain some of the highest globally, with over a

Factors Affecting the Effects of Divorce on Children

circumstances, and these effects vary across the board. Though similarities can be seen among

them, the effects of divorce are complex and diverse. Higher levels of parental conflict are

associated with poorer assessments of quality of life by children (Sorek, 2019, p. 5). Another

factor that plays into the effects of divorce is fatherlessness. The effects also differ amongst age

ranges, such as primary-aged children, teenagers, and emerging adults. Effects from parental

dissolution and usually suffer collateral damage (Markoç, 2023). Many parents choose to stay

together for the sake of their children. This can create more friction in the home and be more

detrimental to children than helpful, even if unintended. When parents make the decision to

separate, it creates a shift in the family paradigm (Markoç, 2023). The custodial structure is also

disrupted during divorce. However, in some scenarios, introducing a new spouse and a healthy

family structure can incite positive changes (Markoç, 2023).

The Statistics of One-Thirds

Children of divorce can also be categorized into three general groups, also known as the

statistics of one-third. (Whiteman, 2018a). Whiteman (2018a) explains that about one-third of

children go through a normal grieving process, which averages about two years, and then move

on with life. The second-third of children go through an extended grieving process and typically

Children of divorce are at a higher risk of developing mental health issues (Auersperg et

al., 2019, p. 119). Parental divorce is consistently linked to negative outcomes across various

aspects, including depression, anxiety, distress, suicidal thoughts and attempts, and substance

abuse (Auersperg et al., 2019, p. 112). Some of the issues that arise, such as challenging or

stubbornness, impatience, tantrums, feelings of isolation and loneliness or abandonment,

children. As compared to children in stable family structures, children who experienced parental

divorce or separation and endured poor parental relationship quality had increased hyperactivity

(Garriga & Fulvia, 2022, p. 980). Overall, children with parents who have either very strong or

very poor relationships have been most impacted by divorce, whereas those with moderately

good or bad parental relationships are the least affected (Garriga & Fulvia, 2022, p. 983).

A lot of children can suffer in the academic setting during and after parental separation or

and/divorce. Based on the data from Al Gharaibeh’s (2015) study, lack of concentration, lower

academic achievement, poor school performance, absence and school dropouts, and fighting and

stealing at school were among the effects of parental divorce in the academic setting.

Higher Divorce Rates and a Negative Outlook on Marriage

Children who have been subject to parental divorce also have an increased risk of getting

al., 2020). Many children tend to hold negative outlooks on marriage that can be linked back to

correlate parental divorce to different positive and negative outcomes have focused on the

intergenerational transmission of divorce (Willoughby et al., 2020). Overall, the desire to marry

decreases, as well as their confidence levels, and commitment in serious intimate relationships,

while the levels of anxiety seemingly increase in children who experience parental divorce

(Willoughby et al., 2020).

Marital Paradigm Theory (Willoughby et al., 2020). Marital salience, marital timing, marital

process, marital centrality, marital permanence, and marital context are the six belief systems.

Willoughby et al. (2020) describes these belief systems:

Marital salience refers to the overall importance one places on marriage. Marital timing

refers to beliefs about the ideal and expected timing of marriage and relationship

commitments. Marital process encompasses beliefs about how married life should

function, including beliefs about gender roles within marriage. Marital centrality refers to

the attitudes around how central a role marriage and spousal roles will take in one’s life.

Marital permanence references beliefs centered on the longevity of marriage and the

context in which the termination of marriage is acceptable. Finally, marital context

beliefs refer to beliefs about the contexts under which marriage should occur, including

typically unfavorable views on divorce were frequently projected onto their future relationships

(Willoughby et al., 2020). One reaction to divorce is that females with divorced parents might

perceive their mother's divorce as extremely painful for her, leading them to avoid similar

relationships. This avoidance could result in personal pain, as they might guard their emotions

and refrain from expressing their true feelings (Halligan et al., 2014, p. 564).

account their own emotions and learn to regulate them come out better than children who lack

emotional regulation. The same can be said for resiliency, as they often go hand in hand.

Resiliency is the ability to come out on top of their problems, such as parental divorce, rather

than be taken under by them (Uruk et al., 2019). Resilience includes seven key aspects:

emotional regulation, impulse control, optimism, problem analysis, empathy, and seeking

support (Uruk et al., 2019, p. 9). Adolescents who are resilient tend to have strong life skills such

as problem-solving, critical thinking, taking initiative, awareness of goals, and positive outlooks

for their future. They also typically have specific interests, clear goals, and motivation for

success in both their schoolwork and overall life (Uruk et al., 2019, p. 9).

Referring to the one-third statistic of children experiencing the grieving process, most

children experience five stages of adjustment. These stages are rejecting divorce, feeling anger

With the data from the study conducted by Halligan et al. (2014), most participants

parental divorce they experienced. Additionally, most reported feeling more independent and

less reliant on their parents as a result (Halligan et al., 2014, p. 561).

There were also differences in positive effects amongst the genders. Females reported

having a closer relationship with their mothers than males. One reason being that the majority

lived with their mothers post-divorce (Halligan et al., 2014, pp. 561-562). In addition, females

happiness post-divorce (Halligan et al., 2014, pp. 562-563).

Despite the negative aspects of divorce, most children in Sumari and colleagues’ (2020)

study viewed their parents' separation in a positive manner. They reported that before the

divorce, their parents were constantly fighting. After the divorce, these issues improved, making

children feel more at peace in their homes. They also observed that both parents are happier and

progressing with their lives post-divorce (Sumari et al., 2020, p. 195).

According to Halligan et al. (2014), male undergraduate students reported better

relationships with their stepsiblings compared to female undergraduate students. Females, who

tend to have a stronger bond with their mothers, might feel emotional pressure not to form close

ties with their father's new partner's children. In contrast, males, who are generally less

connected to their mothers after divorce, may feel freer to build and engage in relationships with

Not allowing these negative influences to affect the children’s perspective of the other parent is

children who maintain contact with both parents end up doing better than those who do not, with

the exception of an abusive parent. Rule three is to normalize the child’s feelings surrounding the

divorce. Children will often go through a range of emotions during this time in their life, and it is

the parent’s job to let them know that their feelings are valid. The fourth rule is to maintain

consistency and stability as much as possible. Rule five is to foster relationships that are good for

issues as they navigate their divorce to ensure their children do not suffer as greatly from it

(Whiteman, 2018b).

Emotional Coaching

Children who receive emotional coaching from their parents tend to have fewer negative

feelings and greater resilience (Clinton & Sibcy, 2012, Chapter 12). While they may still

experience anger, sadness, irritation, and disappointment, they are better at managing these

emotions and behaving appropriately. This coaching also aids them in handling challenges like

divorce, relocation, academic setting changes, and loss (Clinton & Sibcy, 2012, Chapter 12).

Emotion-Coaching seemed to shield them [their kids] from the deleterious effects

suffered by so many who have this experience [separation/divorce]. Previously proven

trauma of divorce. (Gottman, as cited in Clinton & Sibcy, 2012, p. 179).

who demonstrates more explosive outbursts in his webinar. Sibcy also explains the three steps to

re-establishing the cognitive deficits in the brain that are encouraging this behavioral disorder.

First is repairing the current relationship with the child or re-establishing the secure base system.

The second step is educating parents on how to navigate and deal with the compliance issues

exhibited by their children. The final step focuses on carrying over these navigation methods and

One intervention that can be used to help children experiencing parental divorce is to

seek counseling. Whether it is secular or Christian-based counseling, whatever best suits the

individual and will be most beneficial is important. Counselors are essential in counseling

through the aftermath of divorce (Schmidt & Grigg, 2023). When children are experiencing

parental divorce, counselors should be diligent in helping these children navigate their way

through the grieving process and develop healthy coping mechanisms. During this time of

hardship, especially in high-conflict divorces and/or separations, counselors should be helping in

the school setting, familial setting, and individual setting to ensure the most beneficial outcome

for all parties involved, especially the children (Schmidt & Grigg, 2023).