LIBERTY UNIVERSITY JOHN W. RAWLINGS SCHOOL OF DIVINITY
Managing Feelings during Counselling
A Paper Submitted to
the Faculty of the School of Divinity
in Candidacy for the Degree of
Doctor of Education in Christian Leadership (Ed. D) Department of Christian Leadership and
Church Ministries
By
Mary Gracias
Lynchburg, Virginia
10/2022
Managing Feelings
The ability to analyze our behavior allows us to more closely determine what causes it. If
we want to make a change in our lives, we need to gain awareness about the current behavior
and why we do it. Extensive psychological research has identified connections in how thoughts
and feelings affect overall behavior. Based on this clinical research, the Behavior Chain Analysis
model below helps us gain perspective on habits and emotions that are common struggles for
those who seek counseling.
Feelings are Like Sand on the Beach
Our feelings can be a great barometer that can guide effective action. However, emotions
on their own, are extremely unreliable. Like sand on the beach, which can be swayed by almost
any wind, water, or general passerby, so can our emotions be influenced. If we are relying on
feelings to define our life outlook, to guide decisions, or define our identity, we open ourselves
up to dysfunctional and destructive behavior. Feelings have a place in our lives, but we should
not let them rule over us.
Soul, Spirit and Body
In Scripture we learn of the concept that man is created with multi-dimensional qualities.
An example of this reference is found in 1 Thessalonians 5:23 (located left).
Spirit, soul, and body represent three different realms of human existence that require our
attention. An important life choice is to focus on God’s leading, or God’s will despite things that
we experience in our body, like conflicting emotions.
The above diagram demonstrates a Biblical model for how we process feelings:
Body – This is our physical body which contains our 5 senses. Feelings and emotions are
“sensed” within our physical body.
Spirit – This is the life that God has “breathed” into us at our creation. “Then the LORD God
formed man of dust from the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man
became a living being (Genesis 2:7).” God’s word shows us a spiritual reality, that our lives and
worth, come from God. Regardless of physical feelings and what they may signal, God chooses
to give us the gift of life, which is sacred and full of His purpose. Because feelings are generated
in connection to the physical world, sometimes they are consistent with our true worth and
purpose, sometimes they are not. Our true life and purpose reside in our spirit, not in our
feelings or our physical senses.
“But the one who joins himself to the Lord
is of one spirit with Him.”
1 Corinthians 6:17
Most importantly, after receiving the Lord Jesus as Savior, the Spirit of God becomes one
spirit with our human spirit. This is often referred to in the church as the “indwelling of the Holy
Spirit.” Therefore, we have the ability to “sense” the Holy Spirit, and His leading in our human
spirit. This is a “spiritual sense” that goes beyond or deeper than physical feeling.
Soul – The soul is the seat of the mind. Therefore it spiritually brings together the physical
body and the human spirit. This is the place where we get a sense of “self” or where we
spiritually experience our conscious identity and personality. The soul is a product of the
combination of spirit and body. Therefore, it is an aspect of ourselves where we need to be
“watchful” of feelings and spiritual senses we experience, and then attempt to discern their
meaning. This discernment then informs our choices and life direction, or what is referred to as
our human will.
For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
nor are your ways My ways,” declares the LORD.
Isaiah 55:8
Heart – The heart is the center of our soul. In the midst of our human experience, we have
the opportunity to sense the difference between our will and God’s will. The heart is connected
to our human spirit, so it is also the place in our soul where we have the opportunity to
experience the indwelling and the guidance of the Holy Spirit. The spiritual heart is where we
can align our human will with the will of the Holy Spirit. Unfortunately, the heart is also
connected to our physical body, which at times can experience powerful or deceptive emotions.
In this way the heart can be vulnerable to physical desires, that if followed, can point us away
from God’s will.
The writer of Proverbs declares, “Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow
the springs of life (Prov. 4:23 NASB).” Scripture tells us to guard our hearts above all else, and
carefully attend to what kind of emotions and desires spring forth.
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding
(Proverbs 3:5-6).” God designed our emotions and feelings to be gauges, not guides. Feelings
can sometimes help us attend to important aspects of our spirit and soul, however, they are not
the ultimate source of truth.
Effective emotional management is learning to be watchful of feelings, from a heart
perspective. The key to emotional management is to learn to observe feelings from a spiritual
distance. Feelings should not define us or rule our “will” or life direction. Often, feelings gain
undue influence when we are too close to them psychologically. This is what we term as being
“fused” to your feelings. In this state of experience, it is difficult to see past an emotion and
sense spiritual guidance.
