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Running Head: GRIEF AND LOSS COUNSELING
GRIEF AND LOSS COUNSELING
Roger L. Boston
Liberty University
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GRIEF AND LOSS COUNSELING
Abstract
Grief and loss are experiences that all mankind with deal with at some point in life. Loss
can be a result from the death of a loved one, the loss of a friendship, health, divorce, a job, etc.
Loss applies to everything that has been taken away from an individual. Naturally, the
emotional response to loss is grief. Grief and loss counseling may be an area that counselors may
not always be prepared to take on unless prepared with adequate training and experience. An
understanding of how one grieves will be beneficial to a counselor. This will allow a counselor
to appropriately strategize their counseling sessions with their client(s). There are goals within
the process of grief and loss counseling that will empower and encourage an individual to assist
with their recovery, adapt to the new changes in their lives and continue living. Effective
counseling empowers and teaches individuals to revamp their personal philosophy, challenges
them to fine tune their identity and to look at loss straightway, learning to grieve and accept what
cannot be changed. “The Lord gives strength to His people; the Lord blesses His people with
peace” (Psalm 29:11, NIV).
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GRIEF AND LOSS COUNSELING
Prior to conducting an effective counseling session, one must understand that an
individual’s intensity of grief varies according to the loss in which they experienced. According
to Richard Gross in Understanding Grief, losses come in many different forms, including
primary and secondary, physical and relational, tangible/intangible, and symbolic (Gross, 2016,
p. 18). Accompanied with the intensity of grief, one has to also understand the degree of
emotional bond that was lost. Grief is the normal process of reacting to loss. Grief and loss
cannot be understood if it has not yet been experienced. The primary goal of grief and loss
counseling is to address and with the seven most painful emotions that accompany grief and loss.
The seven primary painful feelings include fear, anger, guilt, sadness, emptiness, low self-worth
and despair. One of three goals in grief and loss counseling is identifying and experiencing the
intensity and range of the painful feelings that create grief. The second goal includes identifying
changes in behavior that are related to loss. These particular changes in behavior can be a result
of one’s painful feelings that have not been addressed nor dealt with. The third goal of grief and
loss counseling is an individual learning to say “goodbye” in order to say “hello”. One has not
genuinely grieved or said “goodbye” until they have learned to effectively work through their
pain, identified and changed any maladaptive behavior and finished their unfinished business.
There is not a timeframe for one’s grief. Although one may be able to continue their daily lives,
the pain of the grief and loss continues to linger for years.
In identifying and experiencing the intensity and range of the painful feelings that create
grief, an effective counselor assists the client in identifying their feelings cognitively. Triggers
can play a major part in the intensity of one’s loss. They can range from getting a subtle whiff of
a certain fragrance, from hearing a certain tune or even from watching a television show. An
effective counselor assists their clients in preparing for their episodes of grief. Although it may
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GRIEF AND LOSS COUNSELING
be many years after a loss, there will still be feelings of sadness. One understands that the return
of emotions are presented opportunities for healing, allowing oneself to feel the normal feelings
of sadness feelings of joy.
Identifying one’s changes in behavior is especially important in cases of loss. This
particular goal is extremely imperative because if painful feelings have not yet been dealt with
healthily, behavior can result in unhealthy or maladapted behaviors. Maladaptive is defined as
not providing adequate or appropriate adjustment to a situation. An example of maladaptive
behavior would be an individual increasing their consumption of alcohol as a coping strategy.
According to Caring for people Gods way: Personal and emotional issues, addictions, grief, and
trauma, “counselors must strive to find a healthy balance in client relationships” (Clinton, Hart,
& Ohlschlager, 2010, ch. 2). There must be a balance in supporting clients during their difficult
times while still challenging their destructive beliefs and sinful choices. An individual can
decide how they cope with pain and oftentimes their decisions are done unintentionally. If the
decisions made are questionable in character, different decisions can be made as to how to deal
with the pain of loss and grief. It would be wise for one to speak with a positive spiritual
influence and receive counseling on how to cope with their pain versus doing something one
might regret. Proverbs 12:15 states, “The way of fools seems right to them, but the wise listen to
advice” (Proverbs 12:15, NIV).
Lastly, the third goal of grief and loss counseling is with an individual learning to say
“goodbye” in order to say “hello” to new beginnings. One has not grieved completely nor
decided to say “hello” to new beginnings if they have not worked through their pain, identified
and changed any maladaptive behaviors acquired and finished any of their unfinished business.
Although one never really gets over the pain a situation may have caused them, once they have
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become familiar with the pain, it no longer has control over them. Truly learning how to say
“goodbye” to pain and “hello” to new beginnings is being reminded that God is ever present,
trusting, a God who strengthens, encourages and comforts when one feels that emptiness.
Letting go begins with accepting the reality of a loss, working through the pain and adjusting to
life, withdrawing emotional energy from the painful situation and reinvesting it somewhere
else.
The initial step in forming an effective counseling or coaching relationship with one’s
client is to create a safe atmosphere for the individual. This allows the individual seeking help to
comfortably be vulnerable in order to receive the tools and advice needed to overcome their
painful experiences and not allow their experiences to overtake them. Counseling and
ministering to those who experience grief and loss is a profession that is growing quite rapidly.
Effective counseling allows an individual to be brought from a negative experience or one of
difficulty, to a place where they are able to be functional and cope rather than be limited but their
experiences. Counselors help people become accountable and take accountability for their own
actions, helping them to move from where they are to where they desire to be in life. H. Norman
Wright mentioned in Helping those in grief “a grief coach helps the person being coached to see
what they cannot see for themselves” (Wright, 2011, ch. 12).
Recovery is what one must experience when moving out of grief. A counselor’s focus
should be on identifying the issues of the client, developing and strategizing a solution to help
bring that client to a place of mental, emotional, spiritual and physical stability. Effective grief
and loss counselors understand that the emphasis should be placed on the individual learning
lessons and applying them rather than only displaying quick signs of results. Those being
counseled have to acknowledge the loss and pain they are experiencing in order to discover the
right anecdote for their situation.
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Bibliography
Clinton, T. E., Hart, A.D., & Ohlschlager, G. W. (2010). Caring for people Gods way: Personal
and emotional issues, addictions, grief, and trauma. LaVergne, TN: Nelson Reference
& Electronic.
Gross, R. (2016). Understanding Grief. London: Routledge,
https://doi-org.ezproxy.liberty.edu/10.4324/9781315727936
Humphrey, K. M. (2009). Counseling strategies for loss and grief.
Alexandria, VA: American Counseling Association.
Wright, H. N. (2011). Helping those in grief: What to say and what not to say; a guide to help
you care for others. Ventura, CA: Regal
