LIBERTY UNIVERSITY JOHN W. RAWLINGS SCHOOL OF DIVINITY
Are Anxiety and Perfectionism Affecting Your Spiritual Life?
A Paper Submitted to
the Faculty of the School of Divinity
in Candidacy for the Degree of
Doctor of Education in Christian Leadership (Ed. D) Department of Christian Leadership and
Church Ministries
By
Mary Gracias
Lynchburg, Virginia
5/2022
Are Anxiety and Perfectionism Affecting Your Spiritual Life?
Perfectionism comes in many varieties. If you’re a perfectionist, you tend to have specific
areas in your life where it shows up the most. Some of us focus on having a perfect appearance,
a perfect image, or a perfect creation. We all have different ways of convincing others of how
amazing we are. No flaws here!
But what about the darker side of anxiety and perfectionism?
If you’re thinking, “Not me. I’m fine.” Then you have the mindset of a true perfectionist!
You’ve got it handled, right?
I can relate. But what about those moments when you’re falling apart inwardly? Many
times, no one knows it because you hide it well.
But God knows, doesn’t he? We’re not hiding it from Him. So, let’s take a deeper look at
what’s happening inside our souls, and how we can let God heal our open wounds.
What Is Perfectionism?
It’s not a mental disorder, and it’s not OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder). However, it’s
not uncommon for perfectionists to develop problems in these areas.
Instead, it’s a personality trait that compels you to strive for flawlessness, set exceptionally
high standards for yourself, and have a strong fear of failure. But that’s not all – as
perfectionists, we tend to be overly critical of ourselves. Some types of perfectionists also
become overly critical of others, but for today, we’ll focus on our tendencies toward self-
criticism.
Perfectionist tendencies involve two primary areas of focus – strivings and concerns.
While perfectionistic strivings involve extremely high standards for performance,
perfectionistic concerns involve how others see you. In other words, you want to do everything
perfectly in the eyes of others (and typically in your eyes too).
But keep in mind that perfectionists aren’t egomaniacs. Instead, your striving for perfection
is driven by a deep need to prove your worth.
What Causes Perfectionism?
Even though it’s described as a personality trait – it’s not something you’re born with. As
with many traits, there are some you’re more prone to developing. So this isn’t a part of your
core, God-given personality. Unfortunately, our fallen world and human sin have everything to
do with it.
Often, we develop perfectionist tendencies in childhood. Causes include:
Unrealistic parental expectations
Overly critical or abusive parents
Excessive praise for achievements
Being harshly punished for mistakes
Learning this trait from successful parents
Coping with a chaotic, unsafe, or unpredictable home
Self-imposing perfectionism (setting an overly high standard for yourself, no explicit
acceptance of who you are)
The last cause might surprise you. If you’re a perfectionist who grew up in what you
remember to be a “normal” or even loving household, then this trait might have developed for
this reason.
Sometimes, families unintentionally send the message that you’re valued for what you
achieve (or do) rather than for who you are as a person. This means you don’t feel accepted
unless you accomplish something worthwhile.
Were you always praised for being the pretty daughter, the smart daughter, the good
daughter, the hardworking daughter, etc.?
Children who internalize this message often impose high standards of achievement on
themselves, hoping to prove their worth through performance.
The Link Between Anxiety and Perfectionism
While researchers are just now bringing this connection to light – it seems obvious to us
regular folks, doesn’t it? If you’re constantly trying to live up to an exceptionally high standard
(self-imposed or not), it’s going to be stressful and whip up some anxiety feelings.
What if this isn’t good enough? What if I can’t finish this in time? What if I forget to do
that? What if this recipe doesn’t work out? What if he’s upset with me? What if I can’t do this as
well as Sally? What if I’m not a good enough parent? What if my husband wishes he had a
better wife? What if his unhappiness is my fault? What if I fail at this project?
And many times, you’re probably driving yourself crazy with a smile on your face. After all,
no one can know life’s a struggle most days, right? A Christian must wear her happy face.
The truth is – perfection is one of the major underlying causes of anxiety.
When the Burden Gets Too Heavy
If it hasn’t already, the time will come when you can’t hold it together any longer. That’s
when the emotional dams break loose and you realize you’re melting down.
No more smile. No more pretending. No more holding it in tight. Suddenly, it’s everywhere!
Inevitably, once the emotional release has passed, you’ll put yourself back together like
Humpty Dumpty and continue down the same path you’ve been traveling.
But that’s why you’re reading this, right? You’re ready to start down a path toward change.
If you suffer from anxiety symptoms, understand that there are always underlying reasons
for it – emotional reasons that bring spiritual unrest.
Spiritual Battles of the Perfectionist
So, what does this mean spiritually?
When we give in to our perfectionist tendencies and allow anxiety to fill our lives, we’re
focusing on ourselves rather than God.
Even if you love God as much as you know how anxiety and perfectionism pull you away –
and you likely don’t even realize it. I’m not pointing fingers, because it happens to me too! So I
understand.
But I admit that when I’m anxiously wondering if I will perform well enough in my daily life
– I’m more concerned about myself at that moment.
Again, it’s not egoism. I’m not full of myself and neither are you. So what’s happening?
We begin to fear we’re not worthy. The fear is painful and even shaming. We deal with
these ugly feelings by trying to prove our value through our performance and pleasing others.
In other words, we’re trying to earn love and acceptance. Whether it’s from our husbands,
children, friends, coworkers, supervisors, or even church members – we work hard to show why
they should value us.
Whenever we take our eyes off the Lord and put them anywhere else, including on others
or ourselves, fear invades. That’s what happened to Peter on the water, right? When he
stopped looking at Jesus and started focusing on the storm around him, he feared and began
sinking. (Matthew 14:25-32)
Perfectionism’s Pattern
It’s important to understand the pattern that unfolds in our lives. Once anxiety and
perfectionism take hold, they command our behavior. But as Christians, we know that God’s
will is for the Holy Spirit to guide our thoughts and actions. (Galatians 5:25-25)
Here’s the pattern to look for:
1. Perfectionism turns our focus away from God
2. We focus on ourselves and earning worth
3. Fear creeps in
4. Fear triggers anxiety
5. Anxiety drives our behavior instead of the Holy Spirit
God’s Anecdote for Anxiety and Perfectionism
Let me share with you what I read out loud to myself every morning:
I am already loved
I am already valued
I am already seen
I am already understood
I am already accepted
By my Heavenly Father
What’s so powerful about this? It’s about me, in the present tense, which speaks directly to
my soul. And it also tells me that I already have what I need most in life. You and I have these
needs met already, and they’re met by the most powerful and loving Being in the universe.
Adapt the list to suit your soul needs. Read the lines slowly to yourself each morning and
focus on the Lord as you repeat them.
And when things get shaky during the day – maybe a conflict arises with a loved one – then
repeat these words to yourself silently to keep fear and anxiety at bay.
It helps to diffuse the defensiveness that often comes along with anxiety and
perfectionism. We don’t have to react so emotionally when we remember our worth is already
established in God’s eyes.
Biblical Truth for Perfectionists
oWhen you’re becoming too focused on yourself (soul needs) and pleasing others,
then turn your attention to God. (Isaiah 26:3, Mark 4:39-41)
oYour power doesn’t come from being perfect. Your power comes through Jesus
Christ. (John 15:4-5, Philippians 4:13)
oGod already loves you as much as he ever will – and nothing you do (good or
bad) will change that. (Romans 8:38-39, Psalm 139, John 10:27-30)
oGod doesn’t expect you to be perfect. He knows it’s impossible, and He wants
you to know it too. He wants you to rest in Him. Focus on His expectations of you, and not on
your expectations. (Psalm 103:13-14, Matthew 11:28-30, 1 John 1:9-10)
oGod wants you to see your weaknesses as opportunities for Him to show His
power in you and through you. (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)
oGod accepts you as you are right now, and He will always accept you. He knows
about our imperfections and sins, but He loves us anyway. And even when He corrects us, He
does so with love. (Ephesians 1:5-7, Romans 5:8, Proverbs 3:12)
Meditate on these verses. Pick the ones that mean the most to you and read them daily.
Remind yourself of them as often as possible. These are the anecdotes for your soul wounds –
the hurts life delivered. God wants to heal them.
Accept Your Failures
God knows that you and I will likely fail at something today (and probably, more than one
thing). He is okay with it, and we need to be as well.
While you’re reminding yourself of God’s love and acceptance each morning, also remind
yourself that it’s okay when you fail. You won’t meet all your expectations. But that’s not your
goal anyway, right?
Your goal is to meet God’s expectations – and they’re never too high. He’s there to help
you meet them. And He knows you’ll fail at that sometimes too. He’s ready to come to our aid
and help us grow stronger moving forward.
