LIBERTY UNIVERSITY JOHN W. RAWLINGS SCHOOL OF DIVINITY
Learning To Long For God Alone
A Paper Submitted to
the Faculty of the School of Divinity
in Candidacy for the Degree of
Doctor of Education in Christian Leadership (Ed. D) Department of Christian Leadership and Church
Ministries
By
Mary Gracias
Lynchburg, Virginia
9/2022
All night long I tossed and turned. I was anxious and afraid but didn’t know quite why.
Specters of failure and probable loss danced mockingly on the edges of my thought. I sought to
close my eyes to terrifying visions but couldn’t keep them out—they were inside me. How will I
function tomorrow if I don’t get sleep tonight?
“Oh Lord, what is this? Why am I so afraid?” I prayed.
I feared that if I didn’t rest that night I would face a continual battle the next day against
complaining and anger—and I would certainly lose. “What is this fear all about? Lord, please
help me,” I prayed. Does this situation sound familiar?
How about this one? Out of my mouth spewed a torrent of words that shocked not only my
listeners but myself as well. “Where did that come from?” I wondered. It wasn’t that I shouldn’t
have said what I had—it was the vehemence with which I had said it that was alarming. I had
said too much. I had said it too strongly. People were hurt. There was a lot more heat there
than even I had anticipated. Something was going on in my heart. “Why am I so angry, Lord?
Why can’t I get a handle on this?”
Have you ever asked those kinds of questions? Most of us have. Like the apostle Paul, we
do things we don’t want to do and don’t do the things we’ve purposed to do (Romans 7). Our
hearts seem completely dark to us, like murky labyrinths we never quite understand. And yet
the good news Jesus offers infuses light into those dark caves, bringing peace in place of fear,
gentleness instead of demandingness, and joy even through tears. We believe that, yet there
still seems to be a disconnect between what we’ve been given in the gospel and how that truth
is played out in our daily lives. Could it be that we have divided hearts? Are we worshiping
more than one God?
Though we love the Lord and His Word, the truth is that we all have divided loves, hearts
that sincerely worship the one true God, yet love and serve other gods . . . gods of our own
desires, wants, and expectations. These other gods are referred to as idols in the Bible, but
they aren’t carved of stone nor do we offer them bowls of incense. They are gods that exist in
our hearts . . . deep within their labyrinthine recesses. They are the things we long for and fear,
the motivations that deceive us into sinning . . . just this once. They whisper lies to us, falsely
promising happiness and riches that only the Lord can give. They leave us empty and enslaved.
As formidable and elusive as idols are, they can be put to death by the power of the gospel
as we remember over and over again the love that we have been given in Jesus Christ. The only
power strong enough to overcome a false love is a true one, and it’s that love that has been
lavishly bestowed on us in Christ.
