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Navigating Doubt and Faith
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Navigating Doubt and Faith
This paper has been focused in analyzing doubt and the ‘Wall’ in my spiritual journey
especially in the context of Christianity. Based on James Fowler’s stages of faith
development, Janet Hagberg’s podcasts, and my experiences, I study how doubt affected my
spirit journey, paying attention to my family of origin, the years of my childhood and teenage
participating in faith communities, and current relationships with my family, friends, and
faith communities.
Doubt and “The Wall” from a Christian Perspective
Family of Origin
Raised in a Christian family, faith was a basic element of the existence. We listened
and sang songs in church services, prayed, and lived a Christian like lifestyle. However,
while faith was something that was highlighted frequently, the role of doubt was seldom ever
given any attention. In fact, it was sinful to question God’s intentions, or to have any doubts
with regards to faith. This led to an internal battle in me; there were questions which I could
not ask because I felt I would be a let-down to my family.
In her podcast, Janet Hagberg introduces a concept she calls the ‘‘wall’’ and I perceive
this. She points out that faith that we are born with and that seems to be enough is rooted in
certainty and that when life becomes somehow complicated and unclear that faith no longer
seems to be enough (Janet, 2019). I experienced this kind of “wall” when I discovered that
the concrete knowledge I absorbed could not explain the more complex tendency about
religion and spirituality that I wanted to know. The conflict between the faith in which I was
raised and the uncertainties that I had were the precursors to my wrestling in faith.
Childhood and Teen Faith Communities
My experience with faith communities resembled the assurance I received at home at
a tender age. Sunday school for children and youth group focused on the doctrine of the bible
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by teaching children to have faith in God and his word. These communities supplied such
concepts as morality and the feeling of belonging for people, but there was no place for doubt
here. I remember being taught about miracles in the Bible and being told that faith would
save us but few talks were ever made on the trials of faith.
To a certain extent, James Fowler’s stages of faith development do explain this part of
my story. His “Synthetic-Conventional” stage is usually felt at a high school level in which
the individual takes on the beliefs of the society without questioning (Fowler, 1991). During
my teenage years, I followed the doctrines of my family and the church even as the questions
about suffering, sin, and evil, and the nature of God germinated in my mind The Church had
all the answers to these questions but they seemed rather simplistic to me.
When I started discovering the reality of life and facing hardships, I started to raise
concern with some doctrines of Christianity. However, these questions were not well received
by the people around me and I reached a certain “barrier” in my faith because the teachings
that I believed in no longer answered questions that I deemed important. It continued as I
transition to adolescence, as I wished to know how some aspects of faith works in practice.
Current Close Family and Friends
After growing up, people become more accepting of the idea of doubt and the place it
occupies in the religious life. My family now discuss about the issues of faith and it is not
embarrassing to doubt, but rather it is a stage in the process of believing. This has been a
change that has enabled me to free and to speak my questions and concerns in the open.
My friends too have played a significant role in my faith journey especially since
some of them have been through similar spiritual crises as I have had. Janet Hagberg in her
podcast on the “Critical Journey of Faith” presents when people get to the “wall” in their
journey of faith as they find that what they knew of God to be false (Janet, 2019). Help of
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friends who have been through this wall teaches me to look at doubt as part of faith and not
as an enemy to be overcome.
Current Faith Community Experience
My proximity also to faith communities has changed also. Today I look for
communities of Christians that do not shun questions, skepticism, and unbelief. This has
meant that I can expand as a person in a way that was not possible in my earlier years when
adherence to norms and need for certainty played a crucial role.
The last stage of Fowler’s faith development model is the “Conjunctive Faith” and I
think this is a phase I am currently in. In this stage, person sees the existential dilemmas of
faith, that not all the questions should have answers (Fowler, 1991). I have come to embrace
doubt as a part of humility in a way that a rich with deep affection and appreciation
relationship with God is. Now I am part of vivid faith community which allows me focusing
on such considerations and even find spiritual shelter in spiritual chaos.
Hitting the “Wall”
The events which started the experience
The “wall” in my faith journey began with events which disturbed the faith I inherited
from my parents. Personal losses, exposure to injustice, and moments of suffering forced me
to confront difficult questions: Why does God permit suffering? When one is in suffering,
where is God? Such experiences put me in front of the doubts which I never used to think
about.
Source of Greatest Stress
The most significant source of stress was uncertainty of how my faith will remain
intact when crossing the wall. Given that Christianity had been a part of my identity since
childhood, the thought of letting it go was more than repulsive to me. Although I never
engaged with other people about my doubt, I assumed that the communities of faith that I was
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part of would provide support for my quandaries, but instead I felt very alone as if no one
else felt the same.
Growth from the Experience
However, out of this stress, growth was seen to have occurred as a result of the
experience. Engaging with doubt developed my faith by giving me more than easy answers to
my questions about God (Miller, 2010). As I misconceived faith as being innocent of doubts I
now understand it as a choice to believe in God even when there is no certainty. This growth
has become the part and parcel of my spiritual journey making me the person I am as I
interact with God and fellow believers today.
Enablers in My Journey
The biggest sources of encouragement that I got on my process were the connections
that I established with the people who allowed for the duality of faith and unfaith. People I
considered friends, wise teachers, and religious leaders who had met a similar wall provided
reassurance and affirmation. The fact that they pointed out that there is a difference between
doubt and disbelief and enlightening me that, doubt is not the enemy rather it is a stage in the
evolution of faith was helpful in integrating my questions with my faith.
Therefore, doubt and hitting the wall have informed my Christian journey in one way
or another. The best thing that I have learned in this period is that doubt is not something that
should be avoided but something that should be embraced since it is a powerful tool of
growth in faith. I have assimilated doubt in my religious life because of the encouragement I
from family, friends, and faith communities, leading to a strong faith.
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References
Miller, D. (2010).=A million miles in a thousand years: How I learned to live a better story.
Thomas Nelson.
Fowler, J. W. (1991). Stages in faith consciousness.=New Directions for Child and Adolescent
Development,=1991(52), 27-45.
Janet, H (2019). Stages in the Critical Journey of Faith:
https://soundcloud.com/thecriticaljourney/stages-in-the-critical-journey-of-faith
Janet, H (2019). A Dialogue with the Wall: https://soundcloud.com/thecriticaljourney/a-
dialogue-with-the-wall
