FAMILIY
A. PARENTING
Relationships between parents and children continue to play a significant role
in children’s development during early childhood. As children mature, parent-child
relationships naturally change. Preschool and grade-school children are more
capable, have their own preferences, and sometimes refuse or seek to compromise
with parental expectations. This can lead to greater parent-child conflict, and how
conflict is managed by parents further shapes the quality of parent-child relationships.
1. Baumrind (1971) identified a model of parenting that focuses on the level of
control/ expectations that parents have regarding their children and how
warm/responsive they are. This model resulted in four parenting styles. In
general, children develop greater competence and self-confidence when
parents have high, but reasonable expectations for children’s behavior,
communicate well with them, are warm, loving and responsive, and use
reasoning, rather than coercion as preferred responses to children’s
misbehavior. This kind of parenting style has been described as authoritative
(Baumrind, 2013). Authoritative parents are supportive and show interest in
their kids’ activities but are not overbearing and allow them to make constructive
mistakes. Parents allow negotiation where appropriate, and consequently this
type of parenting is considered more democratic.
2. Authoritarian is the traditional model of parenting in which parents make the
rules and children are expected to be obedient. Baumrind suggests that
authoritarian parents tend to place maturity demands on their children that are
unreasonably high and tend to be aloof and distant. Consequently, children
reared in this way may fear rather than respect their parents and, because their
parents do not allow discussion, may take out their frustrations on safer targets-
perhaps as bullies toward peers.
3. Permissive parenting involves holding expectations of children that are below
what could be reasonably expected from them. Children are allowed to make
their own rules and determine their own activities. Parents are warm and
communicative but provide little structure for their children. Children fail to learn
self-discipline and may feel somewhat insecure because they do not know the
limits.
4. Uninvolved parents are disengaged from their children. They do not make
demands on their children and are non- responsive. These children can suffer
in school and in their relationships with their peers (Gecas & Self, 1991).
5. Culture. The impact of culture and class cannot be ignored when examining
parenting styles. The model of parenting described above assumes that the
authoritative style is the best because this style is designed to help the parent
raise a child who is independent, self-reliant and responsible. These are
qualities favored in “individualistic” cultures such as the United States,
particularly by the middle class. However, in “collectivistic” cultures such as
China or Korea, being obedient and compliant are favored behaviors.
Authoritarian parenting has been used historically and reflects cultural need for
children to do as they are told. African-American, Hispanic, and Asian parents
tend to be more authoritarian than non-Hispanic whites. In societies where
family members’ cooperation is necessary for survival, rearing children who are
independent and who strive to be on their own makes no sense. However, in
an economy based on being mobile in order to find jobs and where one’s
earnings are based on education, raising a child to be independent is very
important.
In a classic study on social class and parenting styles, Kohn (1977) explains
that parents tend to emphasize qualities that are needed for their own survival when
parenting their children. Working class parents are rewarded for being obedient,
reliable, and honest in their jobs. They are not paid to be independent or to question
the management; rather, they move up and are considered good employees if they
show up on time, do their work as they are told, and can be counted on by their
employers. Consequently, these parents reward honesty and obedience in their
children. Middle class parents who work as professionals are rewarded for taking
initiative, being self-directed, and assertive in their jobs. They are required to get the
job done without being told exactly what to do. They are asked to be innovative and to
work independently. These parents encourage their children to have those qualities as
well by rewarding independence and self-reliance. Parenting styles can reflect many
elements of culture.
Keep in mind that most parents do not follow any model completely. Real people
tend to fall somewhere in between these styles. Sometimes parenting styles change
from one child to the next or in times when the parent has more or less time and energy
for parenting. Parenting styles can also be affected by concerns the parent has in other
areas of his or her life. For example, parenting styles tend to become more
authoritarian when parents are tired and perhaps more authoritative when they are
more energetic. Sometimes parents seem to change their parenting approach when
others are around, maybe because they become more self-conscious as parents or
are concerned with giving others the impression that they are a “tough” parent or an
“easy-going” parent. Additionally, parenting styles may reflect the type of parenting
someone saw modeled while growing up.
B. SPANKING
Spanking is often thought of as a rite of passage for children, and this method
of discipline continues to be endorsed by the majority of parents (Smith, 2012). Just
how effective is spanking, however, and are there negative consequences? After
reviewing the research, Smith (2012) states “many studies have shown that physical
punishment, including spanking, hitting and other means of causing pain, can lead to
increased aggression, antisocial behavior, physical injury and mental health problems
for children” (p. 60). Gershoff, (2008) reviewed decades of research and
recommended that parents and caregivers make every effort to avoid physical
punishment and called for the banning of physical discipline in all U.S. schools.
In a longitudinal study that followed more than 1500 families from 20 U.S. cities,
parents’ reports of spanking were assessed at ages three and five (MacKenzie,
Nicklas, Waldfogel, & Brooks-Gunn, 2013). Measures of externalizing behavior and
receptive vocabulary were assessed at age nine. Results indicated that those children
who were spanked at least twice a week by their mothers scored 2.66 points higher
on a measure of aggression and rule-breaking than those who were never spanked.
Additionally, those who were spanked less, still scored 1.17 points higher than those
never spanked. When fathers did the spanking, those spanked at least two times per
week scored 5.7 points lower on a vocabulary test than those never spanked. This
study revealed the negative cognitive effects of spanking in addition to the increase in
aggressive behavior. Internationally, physical discipline is increasingly being viewed
as a violation of children’s human rights. According to Save the Children (2019), 46
countries have banned the use of physical punishment, and the United Nations
Committee on the Rights of the Child (2014) called physical punishment “legalized
violence against children” and advocated that physical punishment be eliminated in all
settings.
Many alternatives to spanking are advocated by child development specialists
and include:
• Praising and modeling appropriate behavior
• Providing time-outs for inappropriate behavior
• Giving choices
• Helping the child identify emotions and learning to calm down
• Ignoring small annoyances
• Withdrawing privileges
C. SIBLINGS RELATIONSHIP
Siblings spend a considerable amount of time with each other and offer a
unique relationship that is not found with same-age peers or with adults. Siblings play
an important role in the development of social skills. Cooperative and pretend play
interactions between younger and older siblings can teach empathy, sharing, and
cooperation (Pike, Coldwell, & Dunn, 2005), as well as, negotiation and conflict
resolution (Abuhatoum & Howe, 2013). However, the quality of sibling relationships is
often mediated by the quality of the parent- child relationship and the psychological
adjustment of the child (Pike et al., 2005). For instance, more negative interactions
between siblings have been reported in families where parents had poor patterns of
communication with their children (Brody, Stoneman, & McCoy, 1994). Children who
have emotional and behavioral problems are also more likely to have negative
interactions with their siblings. However, the psychological adjustment of the child can
sometimes be a reflection of the parent-child relationship. Thus, when examining the
quality of sibling interactions, it is often difficult to tease out the separate effect of
adjustment from the effect of the parent- child relationship.
While parents want positive interactions between their children, conflicts are
going to arise, and some confrontations can be the impetus for growth in children’s
social and cognitive skills. The sources of conflict between siblings often depend on
their respective ages. Dunn and Munn (1987) revealed that over half of all sibling
conflicts in early childhood were disputes about property rights. By middle childhood
this starts shifting toward control over social situations, such as what games to play,
disagreements about facts or opinions, or rude behavior (Howe, Rinaldi, Jennings, &
Petrakos, 2002).
Researchers have also found that the strategies children use to deal with
conflict change with age, but this is also tempered by the nature of the conflict.
Abuhatoum and Howe (2013) found that coercive strategies (e.g., threats) were more
common when the dispute centered on property rights, while reasoning was more
likely to be used by older siblings and in disputes regarding control over the social
situation. However, younger siblings also use reasoning, frequently bringing up the
concern of legitimacy (e.g., “You’re not the boss”) when in conflict with an older sibling.
This is a very common strategy used by younger siblings and is possibly an adaptive
strategy in order for younger siblings to assert their autonomy (Abuhatoum & Howe,
2013). A number of researchers have found that children who can use non-coercive
strategies are more likely to have a successful resolution, whereby a compromise is
reached and neither child feels slighted (Ram & Ross, 2008; Abuhatoum & Howe,
2013). Not surprisingly, friendly relationships with siblings often lead to more positive
interactions with peers. The reverse is also true. A child can also learn to get along
with a sibling, with, as the song says, “a little help from my friends” (Kramer & Gottman,
1992).
