paper revision

FangYa Yin Comment by Danielle Orozco: Hi Fangya, please reformat to MLA: double-spacing, 1 inch margins, etc. Please see this link for more information on how to format your paper: https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/research_and_citation/mla_style/mla_formatting_and_style_guide/mla_sample_paper.html.

Professor Danielle Alexis Orozco

English 2367 Final Paper Draft

11/14/2018

Fruitvale Station is a film adapted and based on a real story leading to the death of Oscar Grant, a black young man who was killed by a police officer at Fruitvale district station in Oakland. The films relates the story of Oscar Grant and his experiences before he was shot by the police in the New Year morning. At the beginning, Grant and his girlfriend are arguing about Grant’s recent infidelity. Later, due to the Grant’s often late for work, he loses his job. He tries to get the job back but he does not make it work. Then he sells some marijuana shortly for living. But he decides to make a fresh start at the end. During Grant’s Mother birthday party, Grant later agrees to take the t to see the firework in San Francisco. Something happens on the return train, Katie, a customer helped by Oscar at the grocery store before recognizes him on the train and calls his name, triggering a former inmate who was in the same jail with Oscar to notice Grant and a fight breaks out. Then police comes in. When Oscar and his friends are in custody, Grant is shot in the back by a police and dies in the hospital. Furthermore, the film shows society’s debate about racism. In 21st centuries, even though most people around the world embrace the diversity of the race, there are still some group remaining the prejudice. Comment by Danielle Orozco: Train? Comment by Danielle Orozco: Fireworks? Comment by Danielle Orozco: Use a period here Comment by Danielle Orozco: come Comment by Danielle Orozco: the twenty-first century Comment by Danielle Orozco: rephrase: perhaps > embrace racial diversity, there are some groups who still remain prejudiced.

The sense of an aborted self-redemption swells the pathos. A decent, loving, but flawed man was on the start of becoming a better one when he was killed. Commonweal is a well-known Entertainment Review. Alleva, Richard, a famous commentator in United States graduated from Berkeley in 2005, gives some reflections for the Film Fruitvale Station. He claims that many of Oscar's last actions, according to the movie, were attempts to correct his past mistakes so that he would have more of a future and make a new start. He tries to get a job back that he lost before due to irresponsibility, gives up his petty drug-dealing, recommits himself to his wife after cheating on her, and tries to win back the trust of his own mother, Wanda, after alienating her by going to jail for gun possession.(Alleva) When Oscar tries to start over he engaged in the fight on the train. And it is the time he cuts off the path to his restart life. Comment by Danielle Orozco: Hmmm, I am not sure what you mean here. Rephrase? Comment by Danielle Orozco: Build a transition between these two sentences. What is the connection between these ideas? Also, italicize Commonweal, since it is a magazine title Comment by Danielle Orozco: Revise to Richard Alleva Comment by Danielle Orozco: Italicize the film’s title Comment by Danielle Orozco: Partner; they are unmarried Comment by Danielle Orozco: Period goes after the parentheses Comment by Danielle Orozco: Hmm what do you mean by this? Rephrase

  The causal effect also is the reason for the tragedy. “ Suppose Oscar Grant hadn't struggled against his flaws but had surrendered to them? Wouldn't he have been killed anyway? Wasn't it Grant's skin color and not his character that made the officer in charge order him and his friends out of the subway car and onto the platform? ” These questions are asked by Rachel Dodges, quoted from The Wall Street journal. Not quite. As a flashback shows, the thug who attacks Oscar on the train had history with Oscar when he was in prison, and their enmity began there. So Dodges states a question, “should people say that Oscar's crime and jail time brought him into contact with the catalyst of his death?” That would cause a sort of character’s fate gravity on Oscar's end, as Coogler, the director of the film, evidently realized. Rachel also reckons that people can't blame Oscar for defending himself for the thug's attack and also can't blame his friends for helping him to his defense when the bastard fought with him. Nevertheless, the author comes up another thought; if Oscar had shut his mouth off the police probably would not tase him.(in the film, Oscar and his friends are reluctant for custody) This movie is endlessly complicated and messy because life is endlessly complicated and messy. And some times people should take the blame for their fault in the past. Comment by Danielle Orozco: Which causal effect? Explain further Comment by Danielle Orozco: Introduce this quote Comment by Danielle Orozco: Provide an in-text citation Comment by Danielle Orozco: Shorten to: by Rachel Dodges from The Wall Street Journal Comment by Danielle Orozco: For MLA, italicize film titles, magazine titles, and journal titles Comment by Danielle Orozco: Fragment; phrase this into a complete sentence Comment by Danielle Orozco: Word choice: doesn’t make sense here—perhaps “conflict” would work better Comment by Danielle Orozco: Include an in-text citation here Comment by Danielle Orozco: What did you mean to say here? Rephrase and explain Comment by Danielle Orozco: Use her last name here instead. Ex: Dodges also reckons…etc Comment by Danielle Orozco: Language: this is informal, and also inappropriate language. Use a different word here. Comment by Danielle Orozco: Revision recommendation: comes up with Comment by Danielle Orozco: Inappropriate language. Try: “stayed quiet” Comment by Danielle Orozco: Have shot him? He was not tasored, he was shot. Comment by Danielle Orozco: In? Comment by Danielle Orozco: I don’t understand. How does this connect with your argument? A bit unclear. This seems to contradict your argument. Are you saying that Oscar deserved to be shot?

Nevertheless, the tragedy was deemed to a normal case by some. The peer-reviewed article discusses the development of the film "Fruitvale Station" by director Ryan Coogler, which was inspired by the 2009 shooting of African American Oscar Grant by an employee of the Bay Area Rapid Transit (BART) in California. It was a senseless death, no doubt about it, and that feeling only deepens with Coogler's depiction of a good man trying to better himself, to lift himself out of the route which he has been forced into because of race, poverty and social dismissal. There are many arguments to the film. And there is no right and wrong. It only depends on how you look into the case. Comment by Danielle Orozco: Hmm, what do you mean here? Rephrase

Fruitvale Station makes it plain that for young, black men in America, racial profiling can be deadly. But the reason to make a film that begins and ends with the hero's death is to look at him from the perspective of eternity. Mr. Coogler shot this film where it all happened, including the crucial transit stop. Trains passing in the distance are brought with destiny. Seemingly trivial events of Oscar's day life— like his mother's sensible advice to take the train— are stalked by tragic irony. A dog hit by a car is left to die. All these scenes foreshadow the characteristic depiction of Oscar. And at the end the films lefts reflection to the present society: whether the racial problems influence the officer’s action or he made his end from all the foreshadow in the movie. Comment by Danielle Orozco: Not sure I understand your logic here. Explain? Comment by Danielle Orozco: Provide an in-text citation for this source, if these are not your own ideas Comment by Danielle Orozco: ? Comment by Danielle Orozco: Not sure what you mean here; rephrase? Comment by Danielle Orozco: I don’t know what you mean to say here; rephrase? Try to return to your thesis.

This movie extends more social arguments. Although in the modern society the Racism problem is not as severe as before, there are still some people remaining the bias. And when those who remain the prejudice have the rights or ability to execute actions, tragedy will happen. Like four years ago, in October 10th 2014, the flight from Kuala Lumpur(Capital of Malaysia) to Beijing was disappeared. Almost 200 people dies and their bodies could not be found. After the investigation, people found that the captain of that plane was engaged in cult and cynical.（explanation Just like the real story from the Fruitvale Station, if Oscar had the same skin color with the officer, he probably would not been shot. Also, if he was not engaged in the fight on the train, he had had chance to celebrate the New Year with his family. But there is no back in life. Comment by Danielle Orozco: Return to your thesis Comment by Danielle Orozco: racism Comment by Danielle Orozco: holding a racial bias? Comment by Danielle Orozco: Prejudiced? Comment by Danielle Orozco: No was is necessary here. Comment by Danielle Orozco: Not sure what this is about. This feels a bit random? Try to stay focused on the film. Comment by Danielle Orozco: ? Comment by Danielle Orozco: What did you mean to say here?

Comment by Danielle Orozco: Reformat works cited page. See this link for an example: https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/research_and_citation/mla_style/mla_formatting_and_style_guide/mla_sample_works_cited_page.html. You needed more academic sources, and a citation for Fruitvale Station

Work Cited

Alleva, Richard “Recording Angel with a camera.” Commonweal, 2013. Comment by Danielle Orozco: This citation is missing information. Please provide a full citation complete with URL

Dodges, Rachel. “ ‘Fruitvale Station’: A Tragic Day in the Life ”The Wall Street journal. URL. 3 July 2013.  Comment by Danielle Orozco: This citation is missing information. Please provide a full citation complete with URL

Haun, Harry. "Fruitvale Station DATE WITH DESTINY." Ebscohost. 21.August 2013. Comment by Danielle Orozco: This citation is missing information. Please provide a full citation complete with URL

Bartholomew, Palmer. “An American tragedy; New film: "Fruitvale Station”. The Economist. 15.9 2013 Comment by Danielle Orozco: This citation is missing information. Please provide a full citation complete with URL