help me revise the paper

Shuyue Xu

IH0851 Section 26

The First Version of the Final Paper:

Gilgamesh

The Epic of Gilgamesh is literature originating from Mesopotamia. The piece of literature has been preserved through history by passing it through generations from the kingdom of Babylon. In the literature, Gilgamesh is the leading character. Gilgamesh rules Uruk. This research seeks to analyze Gilgamesh as a character in the poem. Aspects such personality, achievements and pitfalls are highlighted concerning the life of Gilgamesh. [And what did you find? I don’t see a clear and specific thesis statement that tells me exactly what you hope to prove in the paper, what your overall conclusion will be. You need to tell me, very concisely, right here in the introduction, the complete idea of the paper. Even in the “overview” section, there is no focused thesis. The idea seems to be that Gilgamesh is the hero but have to look at the whole epic. So, say that right up front.]

Overview

In the story, there is the outlining of the friendship between Enkidu and Gilgamesh. In the beginning, Gilgamesh is depicted as an inconsiderate king who ruled unfavorably over his people. The peril prompted the citizens of Utilize to seek divine intervention through prayers to Anu. In response, the god Adu created Enkidu to defeat Gilgamesh in wrestle combat. However, after the fight between Enkidu and Gilgamesh, a friendship was formed as a result of the mutual respect between the two characters. In The Epic of Gilgamesh, the bond between Gilgamesh and Enkidu was the onset of the achievement done by the two in Uruk. 

Among the achievements of Enkidu and Gilgamesh included the defeat of Humbaba who was a monster living in the forest continuously harassing the residents of Uruk. Shamash, who was the sun god assisted in the collapse of Humbaba. In another scenario, the two defeated Heaven. Heaven was a bull that was had been created by Ishtar who was a goddess. The success in combat elevated the status of Gilgamesh and Enkidu in the society and were deemed as heroes. However, this did not please the gods, and they resolved to kill Enkidu to sabotage the successful partnership.

The death of Enkidu deeply saddened Gilgamesh. As an attempt to avert the finality of dear, Gilgamesh resolved to solve the mystery of immortality. It is from this ambition, that determination and commitment can be seen in Gilgamesh. In the search for Utnapishtim, Gilgamesh faced numerous challenges. However, he did not give up and eventually found Utnapishtim. Moreover, the tenacity of Gilgamesh can be observed by his reaction to disappointment. After the trivial search for Utnapishtim, Gilgamesh did not find any answer concerning immortality. However, Gilgamesh did not deter in his efforts which led him to the wife of Utnapishtim. His resilience enabled Gilgamesh to be directed to the eternal grass by the wife of Utnapishtim. 

[ Leave out this whole section. It is just plot summary. If there is information in this part of the paper that is essential for your introduction, put it in the introduction. If there is anything you need for the argument you make in the body of the paper, put it in the body of the paper where you are making your argument.]

Hero or Villain

The evaluation of the life of Gilgamesh seeks to provide two perspectives. On the one hand, his achievements in Uruk depict him as a hero. On the other hand, some of the engagements by Gilgamesh portray him a villain with personal interests at heart.

From the perspective of a villain, Gilgamesh used his authority to steal from the women in Uruk. Additionally, Gilgamesh used his influence for forceful construction in the city. Notably, the people of Uruk built the city wall and temples for the gods as a directive made by Gilgamesh and not by free will. This depicts Gilgamesh as a tyrant leader (The Epic of Gilgamesh, 3).

A hero depicts an individual with exceptional attributes such as courage, selflessness, and bravery. However, from the epic, these attributes are not visible in the life of Gilgamesh. Notably, after the death of Enkidu, Gilgamesh is extremely sad and afraid. Gilgamesh fears that the same fate of death awaits him. His fear is also depicted through his fear of the lions in the wild. (The Epic of Gilgamesh, 70). Also, there is the sense of self interest in the life of Gilgamesh. His actions of stealing from women in the city and the search for personal immortality attest to his selfish nature. Cumulatively, the instances as mentioned above outline Gilgamesh as a typical person and not a hero challenged by the infallibility of human life.

Despite the fallibility evident in the life of Gilgamesh which portrays him as a villain, his achievements in the epic surpassed his fallibility and contributed to his categorization as a hero. As outlined in the story, Gilgamesh had traits such as intelligence, beauty, and strength. These attributes are the fundamentals of a hero. In the epic, there is the emphasis on the physical description of Gilgamesh. This description contributes to the portraying of Gilgamesh as a hero. Among the physical description of Gilgamesh in the story include his flawless body crafted by Nudimmud, thick hair, a perfect stride and a respectful gait (The Epic of Gilgamesh, 3).

As mentioned above, conquests undertaken by Gilgamesh and Enkidu outline heroic aspects of the life is Gilgamesh. The defeat of Humbaba who was a forest monster and the killing of a lion in the desert by Gilgamesh attest to the bravery and strength of Gilgamesh as a hero in the society. 

In The Epic of Gilgamesh, there is the constant praise of Gilgamesh as a hero. Particularly, the story describes the authoritative utterances of Gilgamesh, his influence over people and his resolute to establish an everlasting dynasty in Uruk. These attest to his heroic nature and attributes such as determination, confidence, and bravery (The Epic of Gilgamesh, 20).

Another aspect which portrays Gilgamesh as a hero in the story is his self-sacrifice. In the cider forest, Enkidu was overcome by the fear that they were going to be defeated in the battle. However, Gilgamesh provides a reassuring hand to Enkidu. Gilgamesh further states that he was ready to fight together with Enkidu up to the end (The Epic of Gilgamesh, 38). From his action, it is evident that Gilgamesh had empathy for Enkidu attesting to the heroic trait of selflessness. Moreover, in most of the battles undertaken by Gilgamesh, the underlying principle was that he was fighting for the people of Uruk. From this perspective, it is possible to outline how Gilgamesh put his life on the path of danger during fights with the pure intention to safeguard the welfare of the residents of Uruk. This occurrence attests to the heroic traits of courage and selflessness in the life of Gilgamesh.

It argued, that heroism is a process that is revealed over time of an individual. The periodic unfolding of the life of Gilgamesh attests to his heroic nature. Firstly, the story outlines how Gilgamesh transformed from stealing from women to become a respected king in Uruk. In his life as the king, there is the friendship between Enkidu and Gilgamesh. The partnership led to many victories by Gilgamesh which outlines his service to the people of Uruk. In the story, it is evident that the goddess Ishtar tried to seduce Gilgamesh. However, Gilgamesh refused thus attesting to the heroic trait of being principled and having good judgment. Ishtar felt betrayed by Gilgamesh which led to the release of Heaven, which was a bull, to destroy the city. Conversely, Gilgamesh remains unshaken and defeats the beast with the help of Enkidu. Cumulatively, the life and transformation of Gilgamesh as revealed in the story contribute to the heroic image of Gilgamesh characterized by virtues such as morality, intelligence, and bravery.

After the battle with the bull, it is evident how Gilgamesh is idolized by the people of Uruk. In the epic, the series of events concerning the return of Gilgamesh to the city are highly detailed. Also, a warm and cordial reception is depicted in the story as the residents received Gilgamesh. In the story, there is a scene where Gilgamesh inquires of the finest men and women in the city. In response, the girls shout Gilgamesh as the glamorous individual in the city as a sign of adoration (The Epic of Gilgamesh, 54). Also, the story outlines how the people in the city praised Gilgamesh and termed him as the hero of heroes. Moreover, in the epic, Gilgamesh is described as a character who was highly favored by the gods with two-thirds of his body molded as a god (The Epic of Gilgamesh, 2). These attest to the heroic perception of Gilgamesh by the people of Uruk. 

The definition of a hero revolves around an individual who is the master of his fate. In the story, this trait can be witnessed in the life of Gilgamesh. After the death of Enkidu, Gilgamesh fights that the notion that his fate has been decided by the gods and embarks on a journey to find immortality. The nature to steer his fate is a heroic trait as Gilgamesh seeks to ensure he has eternal life and is not limited by the notion of death.

[Here and throughout the paper you need better evidence from the book. You have vague references to the text that serve to remind the reader of the story and how your argument links to the story as you move along. You need long, substantial quotes that don’t just provide context but prove that the underlying supposition in each point in the paper is valid. If you need space to include these, pare down some of the plot summary you have in each point that also only serves to provide the context of your ideas in the story.]

Conclusion

The Epic of Gilgamesh is an enlightening story which provides a vital point of reference in life. As depicted in the story, life is a transformation which should improve an individual. Moreover, the actions of an individual should focus on helping others in the society as showcased through the life of Gilgamesh. From the story, it is evident that human life is limited. This realization should necessitate the aspiration to live a quality and selfless lifestyle to contribute to the overall benefit of the society. Also, it is worth mentioning, that few mistakes in life are not the governing principles of heroism. However, heroism is defined by the contributions of an individual to the society in the long run.

[This is good. You need a focused thesis. And look at your evidence and make sure that each is doing all it should to help you prove that your overall thesis is valid.]

Your Grade (see attached rubric):

Main idea: 10 / 25

Evidence: 15 / 25

Organization: 20 / 25

Mechanics: 25 / 25

Total: 70 / 100

Intellectual Heritage — Joe Giuffre

Assessment Standards for Writing Papers

Criteria	Excellent	Good	Fair	Poor
Main idea (25 possible points)	Paper has a focus and a clear thesis statement that answers the assignment. (25 points)	Paper has a focus but the thesis may lack specificity. (20 points)	Paper’s focus is unclear or not clearly related to the assignment. (15 points)	Paper lacks a focus and/or fails to address the assignment. (10 points)
Evidence (25 possible points)	Use of text(s) shows good understanding of and response to key ideas. Quotations or paraphrases are integrated into prose. References/citations of text(s) are clear. (25 points)	Use of text(s) shows adequate understanding of and response to key ideas. Quotations or paraphrases are clearly identified. (20 points)	Use of text(s) shows basic understanding of key ideas. Paper shows some problems introducing and citing quotations or paraphrases. (15 points)	Use of text(s) shows lack of understanding. Textual support may be missing or references may fail to adequately identify source material. (10 points)
Organization (25 possible points)	Introduction engages the reader and states thesis. Body paragraphs connect to and develop main idea logically. Transitions are clear. Conclusion points to the paper’s purpose (i.e. answers “so what” question). (25 points)	Introduction sets up the focus of the paper. Body paragraphs connect to the main idea but may need further development or clearer transitions. Conclusion summarizes the argument. (20 points)	Introduction missing or not clearly directed to the paper’s focus. Body paragraphs too short (not developed) or too long (lack logical divisions into topics) or not clearly connected to main idea. Lacks transitions. Conclusion missing or off the topic. (15 points)	Introduction missing or not directed to the paper’s focus. Body paragraphs not developed and/or lack connection to main idea. Lacks transitions. Conclusion missing or off the topic. (10 points)
Grammar, mechanics, and diction (25 possible points)	Paper is essentially error-free and employs the conventions and diction of academic discourse. (25 points)	Paper has occasional errors, but is comprehensible and attempts the conventions and diction of academic discourse. (20 points)	Paper has numerous or distracting errors but is comprehensible and commensurate with college level writing. (15 points)	Paper lacks mastery of basic skills and makes numerous grammatical and mechanical errors, as well as errors in syntax, paragraphing, and diction. (10 points)