Writing Exercise: Improving Business Messages

Writing Exercise: Improving Business Messages

WHO’S INVOLVED:

- Sabrina Zambreskie, president of Workforce Engagement Consortium

- Jen Asksins, HR manager at Sorenson Materials and Supplies

MESSAGE:

SUBJECT: Follow Up to Call

Hello Jen:

I want to express my appreciation for your call yesterday. It was my great pleasure to finally have a chance to have a

conversation with you after so many back-and-forth emails. (3) It sounds like your company is really amazing. I believe

you would be greatly benefited by joining the Workforce Engagement Consortium (WEC).

There are many things we talked about, and I just wanted to provide a brief summary of the many benefits that are

received by the member companies in the Workforce Engagement Consortium (WEC). I believe that this summary will be

of help as you are in the process of making a decision about becoming a member of the consortium. I think the most basic

benefits that are received by members include training and workshops, networking opportunities, and business discounts.

Training and workshops are our most popular service, with over 95 percent of member companies participating on at least

a monthly basis. We hold bi-weekly workshops on a variety of performance management topics. All workshops are placed

online for any-time viewing. There are also over 140 online training sessions that are offered to members.

We are proud to have weekly networking events that are hosted each Tuesday evening by one of our member

companies. The average number of professionals at these events is typically around 50 to 60. There are many ways to

increase professional network size, especially because there are professionals from all industries. Also, there are all types

of fun activities, including trivia contests, wine-tasting, and many other fun activities. These activities are perfect ways to

build camaraderie and excitement with employees of member companies.

We also have negotiated deep discounts for our members with more than 60 nationwide companies. There are discounts

of between five and eight percent that are available from various consumer and B2B vendors. Our average member

company last year was able to save approximately $7,000 by using these discounts.

We offer three membership levels. A platinum membership allows employees of member companies to attend up to 10

workshops and 50 online training sessions per month. Platinum member companies are allowed up to 10 employee

admissions at networking events. Platinum memberships come at a $5,000 annual fee. A gold membership allows

employees of member companies to attend up to 5 workshops and 25 online training sessions per month. Gold member

companies are allowed up to 5 employee admissions at networking events. It comes at a price of $3,000 annually. Finally,

a regular membership allows employees of member companies to attend up to 3 workshops and 10 online training

sessions per month. Regular member companies are allowed up to 3 employee admissions at networking events. It costs

$2,000 each year.

Once again, I want to express my gratitude for your interest in the consortium. It would be our honor to have in you the

consortium. I am always available to provide responses about any questions you might have.

Best wishes,

Sabrina