poem revise and response to 2 classmate's work

Workshop 2

About Workshop 2 and 3

For Workshop 2, you’ll submit more fully-developed drafts of the poetry that you shared in Workshop 1, and you’ll provide feedback on your group members’ drafts, just as you did in Workshop 1.

For Workshop 2:

you should significantly revise what you’ve already written in your Workshop 1 poetry draft. In addition, you should add 2-3 pages of new poems (making your draft 4-6 pages).

IMPORTANT: This class is more about the creative process than the creative product. With that in mind, you are strongly encouraged to take risks in your writing —experiment with a new point of view, try a different rhyme scheme, etc. There are no mistakes in the creative process, because even a “misstep” teaches you something important about writing craft, what will/will not work in your story/poetry, and why.

Whether your risk-taking results in stronger creative work or not, risk-taking provides you with more opportunities for learning and reflection, which is a big part of the Final Portfolio reflective essay. Your course grade is based largely on the writing process you engage in, not how good your final story/poetry is. So go ahead, try something different. Ask “what if…” Be a true creator!

The Workshop Responses

For both workshops, you will provide your group members with a draft of your creative work. You will also provide your group members with feedback on their drafts. Providing drafts and feedback works the same way as it did in Workshop 1: You’ll submit a draft as an attachment on the appropriate Workshop discussion forum on Canvas, and you’ll provide written feedback to your group members’ work there, as well.

Unlike Workshop 1, which was about brainstorming possibilities in your creative work, workshops 2 and 3 are more about developing your creative work by thinking about how to use the craft elements we’ve been exploring. That doesn’t mean that there’s no longer a place for brainstorming possibilities, though! Taking risks and learning from your successes and your “failures” is an important part of the creative process.

Your responses to your group members’ drafts will be informal letters to the author that are 300 words long.

In each response, you’ll address the following items:

· In 1-3 brief sentences, summarize the plot situation (if responding to a story), or the specific subject that all of the poems revolve around (if responding to poetry).

· If you’re responding to a reflective essay draft, you can skip this step.

· Make some observations of how the author is using craft elements. You don’t need to comment on every single craft element, just focus on the ones that seem most significant in the work. For example, you might note that the author is sticking to a traditional plot structure (or not), or using setting, or imagery, or rhyme, in a unique way.

· If you’re responding to a reflective essay draft, make observations on how detailed the author is being about how s/he describes craft elements. For example, describing plot situation, rising action, climax, and resolution is detailed. Simply describing a plot is not detailed. Describing specific rhyme schemes (end rhyme, internal rhyme, near rhyme or perfect rhyme) is detailed. Just saying rhyme is used or not is not detailed.

· Note questions that the work raises for you as a reader. Questions can address the content of the work, or the craft of the work. For example, you might ask how Bob, who had two broken legs on page 2, found himself dancing at a club on page 3. Or you might ask why the author chose the first person POV, or why the author chose to use perfect end rhyme, or why the author chose to center all of the poems on the page. Be sure to explain why the work raises your questions (in other words, don’t ask questions just for the sake of asking questions). Look for areas in the work that make you curious or confused, and develop questions from that.

· If you’re responding to a reflective essay draft, note questions about the focus, organization, or content of the draft.

· Make suggestions for how the author might continue developing the work, and explain the reasoning behind your suggestions. For example, if you believe the story would be more compelling if told from the POV of another character, suggest that, and explain your reasoning. If you believe the poem would be more effective without perfect end rhyme, suggest that, and explain your reasoning. It will be up to the author to decide whether or not to take your suggestions to heart.

· If you’re responding to a reflective essay draft, make suggestions on the focus, organization, details, or content of the essay as you see fit.

Some tips on writing responses

· As creators, we always want to hear that someone loves our work. It’s great to hear, “I loved your story! I can’t wait to read the final draft!” So, if you read a work that you really like, then tell the author you really liked it. But then move on—quickly. Keep in mind that stating your pleasure/displeasure with the work is not the purpose of the workshop response. The purpose is to provide constructive feedback for the author. Focus on that.

· Write the kind of thoughtful, detailed response that you hope to receive from your group members about your own work.

· Be honest but be tactful. If there’s something about a work that you hate, turn your reaction into a question and constructive feedback.

Original poem：

“Life as a teen”

Every chance I get,

I use it to look at the trends,

I do not pay attention to issues that are political,

Neither do I associate myself with issues that are economical,

Rather I tend to take a liking in everything that I can impact a difference on,

As a teen,

My brain is considered poor.

They make people suffer and call it a victorious win,

Nevertheless, who am I to stand in between?

I post about ridiculous things happening in the society,

And people call it crap,

Whereas a singer sings, the ABCs and they call it rap,

They say I lack solid grounds to blame the government,

While they continue feasting like hounds in their big tents,

Communities are in lack while leaders grab and tuck,

Politics is no longer about the livelihood of citizens,

Politicians have turned into farmers changing us into herded hens,

Snakes have left the forest and managed to book mansions?

Misguided, we selected hyenas to guard goats,

Now they are feasting on our throats,

The elected have selected themselves, earthly gods,

Making electors their servants in their own compounds,

News have turned into horror stories,

Filled with woes and cries,

However, no one heeds to such calls,

Even though all that happens is seen and heard,

The awakening is feared, and all planned actions have been cleared.

I do not believe in the Messiah,

I do not believe in running away to another land,

I might be young but am not giving up my land,

Where are the so-called heroes?

Why do we suffer from issues that had been foretold?

What happened to their remedies of gold?

Who will stand out and be bold,

Who will save us from our very own hold?

Where do we run to, to restore the old?