Work in progress A+

Thank you for sending your revised draft for a final review and for attaching the assignment. Your paper is interesting and informative. I enjoyed reading it. I am pleased to say that this draft is stronger than the previous one. You have done a good job of following the first tutor’s suggestions. However, with more work, your essay could be even stronger. I hope my comments and suggestions, which are in blue, are clear and helpful.

Documentation needs attention. I have highlighted, in green, information you would not know without doing research. Be sure, in the draft you submit to your professor, that you cite all your sources and that the Works Cited page is correctly formatted. I have copied and pasted a sample Works Cited page for you to see what you need to do.

Overall, you have followed your professor’s directions. A serious concern is that your thesis, as stated, is not a debatable, arguable claim. The focus of the essay is the advantages of digital technology. With some rewriting, however, you could change the focus to one that argues a position.

Olympia K., HCCS Upswing English Tutor

Digital Technology

Baudouin Pili

Yvette Power [Power or Powell?]

ENGL 1302-[CRN]

August 2, 2020

Digital Technology

The digital communication technology refers to the various digital tools that are used in the act of communicating between two or more people. [You made this point in the introduction. Avoid being repetitive.] There are various forms of digital communication technology, especially in the 21st [In general, write words instead of numerals.] century. Digital technology and its usage in communication cover the use of the various electronic tools in the storage and the processing of data (Graham and Dutton, 2019 [These people are editors of a book. Who wrote the particular chapter or article from which you accessed the information you just gave?] ). This [What? What noun does “this” refer to?] includes the use of communication applications and social media sites. These forms of communication technology allow the communication of people at one [Do you mean the same time?] time. The digital communication offers the transmission of communication in a digital form. [Essentially, you make the same point over and over again in this paragraph.]

Digital communication has improved significantly over the past years, since its invention in the 1970s. [The highlighted information is specific information you would not know without doing research. To avoid plagiarism, you must cite the information’s source and include the source on the Works Cited page.] There has been a rise in new communication technologies [Technology is a non-count noun. Avoid writing a plural form.] . The development of digital communication is owed [due] to the internet, including growth and rising near-instant connection .[This statement does not make sense.] It has allowed people to remain in contact no matter [Write in formal, academic English.] the distance and the time that separate them. Today, communication is done through digital platforms. [You have made the same point at least twice. Express your idea once, strongly, and then move on to the next idea. ] The concept of communication technologies [This error, writing technology in a plural form, is repeated but not marked again.] includes multimedia, the use of telephone, internet, video-based, [Delete the comma.] and sound-based communication means. The digital technology is positively affecting users by shaping how they communicate. This paper discusses [Announcing what is done in a paper is inappropriate. Moreover, the thesis should be at the end of the introduction.] some ways of how digital technology has impacted the lives of users. [The statement, if you meant it to be your thesis, is not an argumentative essay thesis. Reread the assignment; it states that the thesis should be ”debatable, an arguable claim of value or truth.”]

The first [Why first? Delete.] [A] benefit of digital technology is the emergence of fast and efficient communication means. For businesses, this [What ?] has enabled customer and seller communication, improving the efficiency of the business's operations. Also, mobile technology has made it easier to keep contact information in more straightforward ways in the mobile device. The customer and the seller can reach out for [Unclear] inquiries and questions from anywhere. A relevant example is that customers do not necessarily have to walk to the stores to make an order. Instead, one [ You’ve been writing about customers, plural. Write ‘people’ here.] can just place a call, or visit the company website and make an order.

The faster means of communication that comes with digital technology started from text messaging. [Cite the source from which you accessed this information.] Digital technology has enabled users to accompany texts with images and videos. The primary forms of faster communication include the use of Facebook Messenger, Voxer, and WhatsApp Messenger. Through these platforms, users can communicate from wherever they are without time and geographical limitations. For instance, WhatsApp messengers allow[s] people to have video calls at any time of the day. Also, users can form WhatsApp groups and have virtual meetings.

The second impact [Numbering ideas is not a sophisticated enough technique for college papers. Write “Another impact.”] of this technology [Which? You are in a new paragraph.] is that [Word missing] has given rise to cost-effective communication. Before the invention of digital technology, communication, especially internationally, was very expensive. This is because users were locked into the few and limited phone companies, which had very high rates. A good [Avoid inserting your opinion in a fact-based essay.] case is on the internal phone calls (Nath and Liu 2017) [The year of publication is not necessary. Page numbers, however, sometimes are.]. [The next sentence does not logically follow from the preceding sentence. The technology is advancing fast, and now there are several communication options. Other relevant examples are WhatsApp and WeChat. WhatsApp is an application that allows users to send unlimited messages and comes with features such as group chats when talking to a broad audience. The app enables the free calling of family and friends with its feature of the open international call. WeChat is similar to WhatsApp as they both have the same features; offers free messaging, and both voice and video calls.

The third [Another] way in which digital technology has impacted the world is the emergence of social media. The emergence of social media has changed how consumers communicate in addition to revolutionizing their daily lives. This is through the means of getting news and also connecting with others. [Confusing] An example is that a social media user can get news quickly compared to the use of traditional outlets [such as?] . Additionally, social media users get [obtain] fast updates and information on what is happening worldwide (Wessels, 2016). Social media has [“Media” is plural; therefore, the verb must also be plural, have.] created an online community where people build each other through productive interactions.

The use of social media embeds the communication means through such platforms as Twitter and the video clips such as in Snap Chat. [Unclear] Social media comes [Subject-verb agreement error. This error is repeated but not marked again.] with better benefits in teaching the different ways of expressing businesses such as those with the use of the image via platforms like Instagram. I tweeter, users may make a product go viral, a marketing strategy that attracts many consumers. The credible social media companies, including Instagram and Twitter, have gone a long way in giving businesses a chance to market their goods using text, photos, and videos as in the case of Instagram.

The fourth [Yet another] impact of digital technology is the automation of business processes which has reduced cost and time deployed to manufacture products and attend to clients. In the manufacturing sector, for example, there is a massive production of goods which saves time. This automaton also ensured customers' demands are met. When compared to manual processes, automation is more cost-friendly and effective. Businesses that apply digital technology have remained competitive in the market. [Source?]

Digital technology has made business processes easier and more effective. Today, employees and managers hold meetings without any physical interactions. One can see live occurrences, viewing of data and charts, and even offering online presentations. The popular video conferencing communication includes Face Time and Skype. This saves on time and money that would have been spent traveling to the meeting destinations. Apart from communication, other business processes such as customer management are more effective. For example, customers can post their reviews on digital platforms and businesses can work to improve customer experience based on those reviews.

The fifth[What is the basis of your numbering impacts? Is it in terms of importance? What? The numbering makes the reader wonder why one impact is first and another one is fourth or fifth. I strongly suggest you not number ideas in any paper.] impact of digital technology is the facilitation of innovation. The use of such technologies allows users to develop and maintain a productive relationship. This is primarily through the encounter experience( the kind of relationship created through online relationships) through effective communication. It is particularly important when talking about business in the promotion of both cooperation and innovation. The use of outdated communication technology does not give room for creativity, and hence, is likely to lead to stunted collaboration. Such can have adverse effects on the business as a whole. Modern technology, on its part, ensures excellent communication, which builds an efficient relationship and eases the preparation and the execution of plans.

Despite being advantageous, digital technologies can be disastrous too. There are also adverse effects of technology on communication. The use of technology in communication has introduced several changes, and some are not for the better. One of the greatest challenges is that it [What?] has raised privacy concerns and has increased insecurity. It has also created job security because most jobs have been replaced by machines. Lastly, there are increased cases of digital manipulation such as photo editing which has led to social crimes.

In a nutshell, users have seen that technology has positively impacted communication. Some of the common ways include the opening of more ways for people to communicate with one another. The emergence of notable video communication technology, such as the use of Skype, the faster modes of communication through the use of platforms such as FB [What does FB stand for?] Messenger, the rise of cheap and cost-effective communication means, and the emergence of social media has barred the geographical and time limitation. [Confusing] The future of communication will continue to evolve and the way users communicate is changing. It is a sure bet [Using slang in a college paper is inappropriate.] that the advancement in speed will inevitably impact the overall communication technology.

Please go on to the next page.

This page is incorrectly formatted. Go to the next page to see a sample Works Cited page.

References

[The title of this page should be Works Cited.]

Graham, M., & [Using such symbols is inappropriate in MLA papers. Write “and.”] Dutton, W. H. (Eds.). (2019). Society and the internet: How networks of information and communication are changing our lives. [The title of a book should be in italics.] Oxford University Press. [Where?]

Nath, H. K., & Liu, L. (2017). Information and communications technology (ICT) and services trade. Information Economics and Policy,  [The title of an article should be in quotation marks. In addition, where is this article published? Pages 41 and 81-87 of what?] 41, 81-87.

Wessels, Bridgette . (2016). Inside the digital revolution: Policing and changing communication with the public. [The title of a book should be in italics.] Rout ledge. [Routledge] [Where?]

Sample Works Cited page

Works Cited

Dean, Cornelia. "Executive on a Mission: Saving the Planet." The New York Times, 22 May 2007, www.nytimes.com/2007/05/22/science/earth/22ander.html?_r=0. Accessed 29 May 2019.

Ebert, Roger. Review of An Inconvenient Truth, directed by Davis Guggenheim. Ebert Digital LLC, 1 June 2006, www.rogerebert.com/reviews/an-inconvenient-truth-2006. Accessed 15 June 2019.

Gowdy, John. "Avoiding Self-organized Extinction: Toward a Co-evolutionary Economics of Sustainability." International Journal of Sustainable Development and World Ecology, vol. 14, no. 1, 2007, pp. 27-36.

Harris, Rob, and Andrew C. Revkin. “Clinton on Climate Change.” The New York Times, 17 May 2007, www.nytimes.com/video/world/americas/1194817109438/clinton-on-climate-change.html. Accessed 29 July 2016.