Supporting Young Children through a Family Loss
How Children at Different Ages Respond to Death
Children have different reactions to death, unlike adults. Toddlers and infants do not have an understanding of death. In essence, toddlers are children between the age of one and three years, while infants are babies who are in their first years of birth. Indeed, at this period, toddlers are in their early stages of walking. Regardless of their young ages, toddles and infants always notice when a person is missing in the family, and this is realized through signs of irritability (Doka, 2011). Toddlers go to the extent of changing their eating habits such that they eat less food than regular food consumption (Mannarino & Deblinger, 2016). Intrinsically, some infants and toddlers cry a lot, probably when a close person like a mother is missing in the family.
However, toddlers and infants do not talk, and they communicate differently concerning the loss of a person in the family. Most of the toddlers become worried, angry, and sad. Anger is common as a natural reaction to the family member, especially when that member was the sense of safety and stability to the child. The anger among children is displayed through boisterous play, nightmares, and being irritable (Doka, 2011). The anxiety is depicted in “babyish” behavior and talk while needing food, comfort and cuddles. Some children may believe that they are the cause of the situation. In such a scenario, they become naughty. Perhaps, they find it difficult to cope with feelings, and they become worried to openly show their feelings for fear of provoking other people (Goldman, 2013). In general, children are susceptible to feelings around them, probably the unhappy feelings that draw their anxiety.
Supporting the Whole Family in Responding to Loss
When a family loses a loved through death, children feel and portray their grief in different ways and makes it difficult for them to cope. How children cope with the death of their loved ones depend on their age, closeness to the person lost, and the support they received from that person. Therefore, these children need to be supported to cope with the loss. Since age is a factor in dealing with the loss, the support will be put into different categories as follows: support an infant, support a toddler, and support a preschooler. Here are some of the things that people should do to children who have lost their loved ones:
Supporting an Infant
The infant may react to the loss through emotions, and this can be done through responding to emotions with comfort. In case of loss of the mother, the child should be treated in the same the mother used to do to ensure that the infant does not notice the difference.
Supporting a Toddler
A toddler may react to the loss by crying or may not react at all. It is better to stay with the children for the sake of offering reassurance and hugs. Offer comfort needed by the child and stop dwelling on the sad feelings expressed by the toddler.
Supporting a Preschooler
The preschooler can communicate, and there is a need to listen and comfort. These kids should be encouraged to say what they think and feel in the days following the loss. You should also talk about your feelings. In a way, it assists children to be aware of as well as feel comfortable with their feelings. For instance, “I know you are sad, I am sad too. We love grandmother so much, and she loved us too” (Mannarino & Deblinger, 2016). Besides, try to explain what will happen after the loss, for example, “Aunt Jacky will pick you up from school like Grandmother used to do” (Mannarino & Deblinger, 2016). You need to show utmost care to children to reduce the pain of the loss.
References
Cohen, J. A., Mannarino, A. P., & Deblinger, E. (2016). Treating trauma and traumatic grief in children and adolescents. Guilford Publications. Cohen,
Doka, K. J. (2011). Helping bereaved children: A handbook for practitioners. Guilford Press.
Goldman, L. (2013). Life and loss: A guide to help grieving children. Routledge.
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