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LDRS 400 Interpersonal Leadership: Managing Conflict

Lecture #3

Review

Noise – focus broader than physical. All things that prevent you from decoding the senders message

Feedback positive and negative – observable things that tell you the sent message was received in the intended way

The power of listening 1) you can adjust to what you hear 2) the receiver becomes more open to hearing you

Remember – communication is two-way

Today we will explore Motivational Values Systems (MVS) using Strength Development Inventory (SDI)

We need to change our approach, our understanding and our current Beliefs concerning conflict.

Conflict is uncomfortable but we can do uncomfortable things.

Conflict tells me what’s important to me, to the other person and helps us learn more about one another.

I’m not a victim of it, but a participant in walking through it.

Because I am in control of me, I can do conflict, it doesn’t do me.

BEHAVIOUR is driven by motivation to achieve self-worth

How does our behaviour shift?

Depends on who we are with and where we are (work, home, social events, public, private).

Conflict happens when we feel our self-worth is threatened. You are not able to live out your motivational values.

Our MOTIVATION changes when we are in conflict.

We may behave differently – we may feel different, we have different motives, different ideas of how and why we want the conflict to be resolved.

5 keys to having a nice conflict…

5 keys to having a nice conflict are:

#1 ANTICIPATE

Expect it -- it will happen.

When two or more people see things differently, there will be conflict.

Consider people’s triggers.

Consider peoples motivations and intentions.

Discover the why about people, not just the observable behavior.

5 keys to having a nice conflict are:

#2 PREVENT

Know yourself and what behaviours you need to adjust or borrow to help prevent a conflict even before it happens.

Figure out how to get your intent across to another person so it will not be misinterpreted.

Know your strengths and when overdone how they can be a weakness.

5 keys to having a nice conflict are:

#3 IDENTIFY

Look for clues to conflict in yourself and others

Blue – accommodating

Red – rising to the challenge

Green – cautious analysis

Hub - flexaholic

Spot the shift in motivational values in yourself and others to know when people are in conflict.

Try to identify conflict in stage 1 before it goes to stage 2 or 3.

5 keys to having a nice conflict are:

#4 MANAGE

Approach conflict based on how people are feeling in the conflict (red, blue, green, hub)

Know what’s important to them, respect that and let them know what’s important to you (respectfully and graciously).

Create conditions where others can also manage themselves well.

5 keys to having a nice conflict are:

#5 RESOLVE

To create movement towards resolution we need to show them the path back to self-worth.

Removing barriers and threats to self-worth and help both parties feel good about the resolution.

STRENGTHS, when overdone or misapplied can be perceived as weaknesses.

A lot of the conflict we experience comes from the different perceptions we each have of our strengths and the strengths of others. What is a strength for me can at times be a weakness or hindrance to someone else.

PERSONAL FILTERS influence perception

We are all looking through different sets of sunglasses.

When we know the motivational values of others, it helps us put on their glasses and see the world through their lens.

In the book, “Have a Nice Conflict”, the authors use the SDI framework to provide awareness and tools to manage conflict in relationships, both personally and professionally.

“The SDI is a powerful and effective tool for understanding the motives and values that drive behaviors. The SDI plays off people’s basic need to better understand themselves and others, and that understanding allows them to lead with clarity and empathy, build stronger teams, and more effectively navigate conflict.”

https://www.corestrengths.com/history-development-of-sdi-2-0/

SDI 2.0 Triangle, 2018

How do others see us?

At home?

In my family?

With my closet friends?

With people I don’t know very well?

In my LDRS 400 Class?

With my boyfriend/ girlfriend?

At work?

On vacation?

What’s your motivational value system (MVS)?

Our Lenses 7 Colours

Red

Blue

Green

Hub

SDI Charting Triangle – Motivational Value Systems

There are 7 motivational value systems the SDI charts. Each of us lands somewhere on this chart.

When things are going well, we find comfort and ease with our MVS.

http://effectiveimages.blogspot.ca/2011/06/sdi-poster.html

GET RESULTS

HELP OTHERS

ANALYZE INDEPENDENTLY

Motivational Value Systems

Altruistic–Nurturing (BLUE) Concern for the protection, growth, and welfare of others.

Assertive–Directing (RED) Concern for task accomplishment and concern for organization of people, time, money and any other resources to achieve desired results.

Analytic–Autonomising (GREEN) Concern for assurance that things have been properly thought out and concern for meaningful order being established and maintained.

Flexible–Cohering (HUB) Concern for flexibility, concern for the welfare of the group, concern for the members of the group and for belonging in the group.

http://ancoralearning.com.au/learning-tools-models/

Motivational Value Systems

Assertive–Nurturing (RED-BLUE) Concern for the protection, growth, and welfare of others through task accomplishment and leadership.

Judicious–Competing (RED-GREEN) Concern for intelligent assertiveness, justice, leadership, order, and fairness in competition.

Cautious–Supporting (BLUE-GREEN) Concern for affirming and developing self-sufficiency in self and others, concern for thoughtful helpfulness with regard for justice.

How do others see us?

Characteristic

BLUE: Altruistic – Nurturing

RED: Assertive- Directing

GREEN: Analytical- Autotomizing

HUB: Flex-Cohering

Also Known As

Friendly; helpers, nice guys, warn hearted, helpers.

Winners; go-getters and fighters.

Thinkers; planners, organizers and analyzers.

Team players; socializers and compromisers

Known As

Pushovers. Bleeding hearts and doormats.

Bullies, dictators and task-masters.

Nit-pickers, loners, analysis-paralysis sufferers, cold-hearted.

Wishy-washy, unpredictable, chameleons.

Breakout Groups (10 minutes)

Discuss the different colour profiles with your groups.

From your discussion, discuss the following:

What do you think your colour is,

Explain why you think that colour represents your personality?

Often biggest pain points are in 1-on-1 relationships when opposites collide - over 50% of surveyed people say their opposite were most challenging to work with and least enjoyable

But despite the difficulties different styles can create for team performance, opposite styles can still balance each other – generate create and productive tension (Lennon and MaCCartney/ Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak) – these differences made such collaborations powerful

Intentionally be a Devils Advocate in the shoes of your opposite – As a Driver, say “if I were to view this issues through the eyes of an Integrator….”

SDI Charting Triangle – Motivational Value Systems

http://effectiveimages.blogspot.ca/2011/06/sdi-poster.html

What’s your motivational value system?

SDI Interpretive Guide handout (one has also been posted on the moodle for reference).

Let us read through this document together, highlight the words and phrases in each category that BEST describe you in order for you to confirm your MVS colour.

This is not an exact outcome since we are not actually taking the test.

It will give you an idea of what your MVS is and how it shows up in your life.

SDI Motivational Value Systems

http://www.developing-potential.co.uk/assets/uploads/dp05bd02f07d5e4c9ebdf2a05ffb027e67.pdf

SDI Motivational Value Systems

http://www.developing-potential.co.uk/assets/uploads/dp05bd02f07d5e4c9ebdf2a05ffb027e67.pdf

SDI Motivational Value Systems

http://www.developing-potential.co.uk/assets/uploads/dp05bd02f07d5e4c9ebdf2a05ffb027e67.pdf

Let’s take a look at our MVS and discover

what an overdone strength looks like to us.

Break Out Exercise - 10 minutes

Take turns.

Say something only your colour would say…

Can your group guess what colour you are based on what you said?

Then take turns, saying something of a different colour.

Can your group guess who you are pretending to be?

How do I show up in conflict? – conflict sequence

Conflict sequence- What conflict looks & feels like

There is a predictable pattern of behavioral changes that happen when we move into serious conflict.

http://slideplayer.com/slide/5682946/

Conflict sequence- What conflict looks & feels like

STAGE 3: The focus in only on self.

This is the most damaging stage because we have lost sight of the actual problem and the person.

SDI Charting Triangle – Conflict Sequence

The conflict sequence is the internal changes in feelings and motives in response to perceived threats.

While people most frequently use behaviour that looks very similar to the way they are feeling, other behaviour choices are always available.

http://www.developing-potential.co.uk/assets/uploads/dp05bd02f07d5e4c9ebdf2a05ffb027e67.pdf

13 Possible Conflict Sequences

Consider how you MOST OFTEN walk through conflict. Reflect on a recent conflict you had and replay the scenario and look for clues as to how you felt, acted and behaved in that conflict at each of the three stages.

In Pairs or Small Groups

Take a couple of minutes and identity what you think is your conflict sequence.

One person share their sequence.

Give an example of when this sequence has played out in your life.

Repeat until everyone has shared.

If someone is struggling to find their sequence, work with them using the definitions in the SDI handout.

Hint – Start from your MVS

How do we figure out other people’s motivational value systems?

Because people only go into conflict about things that are important to them, it’s a great opportunity to learn what is important to them:

We can listen better.

Observe and ask good questions.

Communicate better and in a way that speaks to them in their “lens”.

Find out their SDI colour and observe their conflict sequence if possible.

SDI 2.0 Team Triangle, 2018

For next week

READ:

Have a Nice Conflict, pages 199-234 (finish the book)

Additional readings posted in the Moodle.

Finish DQ Forum #1

Personality assignment

Reflection Paper #1

SDI: Strength Deployment inventory

Assessment tools red: assertive-directing

Concern for task accomplishment

Organizes people and resources to achieve results

“I want to get things done.”

Assessment tools red: assertive-directing

Characteristics:

Doer

Fighter

Pushed for authority, leadership and responsibility

Uses persuasion

Takes risks

Challenges others

Is alert to opportunity

Assessment tools red: assertive-directing

Characteristic Strengths:

Self-confident

Enterprising

Ambitious

Organizing

Persuasive

Bold

Risk taking

Imaginative

Quick to act

If Overdone, Strengths Become

Arrogant

Opportunistic

Ruthless

Controlling

Abrasive

Conceited

Dictatorial

Rash

Dreamer

Brash

Combative

Gambler

Assessment tools red: assertive-directing

Assessment Tools: blue: altruistic-Nurturing

Concern for protection, growth and well-being of others

“I want to help people”

Characteristics:

A friendly helper

Is open and responsive to people

Avoids being a burden

Promotes harmony

Makes life easier for others

Is supportive

Is warm hearted

Assessment Tools: blue: altruistic-Nurturing

Characteristic Strengths:

Trusting

Optimistic

Loyal

Idealistic

Helpful

Devoted

Caring

Modest

Polite

Undemanding

Supportive

Accepting

Assessment Tools: blue: altruistic-Nurturing

If Overdone, Strengths Become:

Gullible

Blind

Impractical

Wishful

Smothering

Submissive

Subservient

Passive

Deferential

Self-sacrificing

Assessment Tool: Green: Analytical - Autonomizing

Concern for precision, and establishing and maintaining order.

Likes rules and procedures.

Achieve self-worth when things have been properly thought through

“I like systems and processes”

Assessment Tool: Green: Analytical - Autonomizing

Characteristics:

Thinks

Plans

Searches for meaningful order

Controls emotions

Is concerned that things have been properly thought through

Is cautious and thorough

Is fair and principled

Assessment Tool: Green: Analytical - Autonomizing

Cautious

Practical

Economical

Reserved

Methodical

Analytical

Principled

Fair

Persevering

Conserving

Thorough

Characteristic Strengths

Assessment Tool: Green: Analytical - Autonomizing

Suspicious

Unimaginative

Stingy

Cold

Rigid

Nit-picking

Unbending

Compulsive

Stubborn

Possessive

Obsessive

Unfeeling

If Overdone, Strengths Become

Assessment tool: HUB: flex-cohering

Can adapt to a variety of situations.

Likes to look at a variety of perspectives and outlooks

“I like change and adaptation.”

Assessment tool: HUB: flex-cohering

Characteristics

Is task-oriented

Is a flexaholic

Shows concern for feelings of others

Is thorough

Is supportive

Is open and responsive to new ideas

Is strong at times in providing own ideas

Assessment tool: HUB: flex-cohering

Characteristic Strengths

Flexible

Open to change

Socializer

Experimenter

Curious

Adaptable

Tolerant

Open to compromise

Looks for options

Team player

Mediator

Socially sensitive

Assessment tool: HUB: flex-cohering

If Overdone, Can Become

Wishy-washy

Inconsistent

Unable to stand alone

Nosy

Spineless

Uncaring

Unprincipled

No clear focus

Deferent to others

Other dependent

Without own convictions

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