400 final
Tamummy
Wk_2SU21.pptx
Ldrs 400 Interpersonal Leadership: Managing Conflict
Lecture #2
Listen better
Sound expert Julian Treasure says we are losing our listening in a louder world. He shares ways to re-tune our ears for conscious listening — to other people and the world around us.
Julian Treasure is the chair of the Sound Agency, a firm that advises worldwide businesses — offices, retailers, hotels — on how to use sound. He asks us to pay attention to the sounds that surround us.
Listening to one another
In small groups,
One person will share for 2 minutes what they did last weekend or explain to you their favorite movie, video game, etc.
Another person will listen using the RASA posture (receive, appreciate, summarize, ask).
The remaining group members will observe the dialogue and offer insight and coaching to the active listener.
Rotate. After two minutes, you will switch.
R…Receive
A...Appreciate
S...Summarize
A...Ask
Listening to one another
R…Receive
A...Appreciate
S...Summarize
A...Ask
1. What did you hear?
2. How did you feel?
Was it difficult? Why or why not?
3. What was your body experiencing during this time?
4. What was your mind thinking of while you were listening?
Communication & the communication process
“The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place. “
George Bernard Shaw
Stead, B. (1972). Berlo's Communication Process Model as Applied to the Behavioral Theories of Maslow, Herzberg, and McGregor. The Academy of Management Journal, 15(3), 389-394. Retrieved April 29, 2020, from www.jstor.org/stable/254868
Berlo, David., The Process of Communication (1960)
(van Ruler, 2004)
The communication process
Communication may be defined as a process concerning exchange of facts or ideas between persons.
The communication process is dynamic in nature rather than a static phenomenon.
The communication process
1. Sender: The person communicating.
The communication process
2. Encoding: Since the subject matter of communication is theoretical and intangible, its further passing requires use of certain symbols such as words, actions or pictures etc.
Conversion of subject matter into these symbols is the process of encoding.
The communication process
3. Message: What is actually being communicated …an idea, opinion, question, facts, information, etc...
The communication process
4. Channel: The means by which the individual is communicating the message – audio, video, words, emails, TV, sounds, non-verbal (body language).
The communication process
5. Receiver: The individual receiving the message.
The communication process
6. Decoding: The individual who receives the message or symbol from the communicator tries to convert the same in such a way so that he/she may extract its meaning in order to understand what is being communicated.
The communication process
Feedback:
How the receiver in turn provides feedback/ communication back to the sender or forward onto other receivers.
This creates a feedback loop whereby the receiver then becomes the sender and the process is repeated.
The communication process
Noise:
Anything that alters, changes or hinders the process of sharing and understanding meaning.
Examples of noise are…
Julian treasure… how to speak so that others will want to listen.
In the video, Julian shares a lot of great ideas and resources. Pay attention to the following and take notes:
Avoid the 4 “leeches” – what are they?
What are the 7 deadly sins of communication?
What 3 ”danger” words should we not use when communicating with others?
He lists 4 foundations of powerful communication (HAIL). What are they?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RnbesddZg7U
Insights
We can't hear unless we understand how noise interrupts what we are listening for.
We can not learn or adjust unless we have feedback.
“To know thyself is the beginning of all wisdom.” Aristotle
Self Awareness & Interpersonal Conflict Management
Self awareness
1. What does self-awareness mean?
2. How is it connected to interpersonal conflict?
Self-awareness
We need to look to ourselves first to see what is going on within us in order to find the most effective, most successful way forward when dealing with conflict.
What is my underlying motivation in a conflict?
What values am I operating out of?
How do I view others in this conflict?
Do I understand my own conflict style?
Self-awareness
3 realities that often blindside us when dealing with conflict:
#1 The biggest obstacle to getting what we want is usually not the other person, no matter how difficult they might be…it is me and my own agenda, my own biases and my own perceptions.
(William Ury)
Self-awareness
#2 In conflict we often default to self-protect, self-defence, and self-promote in order to preserve our own sense of worth and well-being.
Self-awareness
#3 We often take on a “win-lose” posture – the only way we can get what we want is if the other person doesn’t, rather than a win-win posture whereby we both can walk away achieving a win.
Self-awareness
But before we can understand our ‘opponent’ we must first understand ourselves.
“We…are reaction machines. It is only natural to judge ourselves, to blame others, to fear scarcity, and to reject when we are rejected.” (William Ury)
If we can’t get to a place of personal security and peace, we cannot get to a place of peace in other relationships.
Self-awareness
“Before you can put yourself in another person’s shoes…put yourself in your own shoes first.
Listening to yourself can reveal what you really want.
At the same time, it can clear your mind so you have the mental and emotional space to be able to listen to the other person and understand what he or she really wants.”
(William Ury)
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Self-awareness
If you can’t control your emotions or first initial reactions, you will not be able to deal with conflict in a non-destructive way:
When you feel attacked or threatened…can you separate yourself from your emotions and identify what you are feeling, and why, in a way that is irrelevant to the person you are dealing with?
Being able to identify what and why I am feeling enables me to neutralize the affects of the emotion and focus on the problem…not the person.
(William Ury)
If we react, or can’t control our response, people will pull away or distance themselves from us out of self-protection.
We can’t hear people if our own emotions are plugging up our mind and heart.
We can’t look at the problem unless we can separate the people from conflict.
“Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.”
Ambrose Bierce
Go to the balcony see yourself the other person and the situation from a different perspective
The balcony is a metaphor for a mental and emotional place of perspective, calm, and self-control. It gives us time to evaluate, regulate and investigate what is going on inside of us.
Listening better Part 1: LISTEN 1 minutes of silence. Put everything away. Let’s get quiet.
Listening better Part 2: REFLECT 1. What did you hear? 2. How did you feel? 3. Was it difficult? Why or why not? 4. What was your body experiencing during this time? 5. What was your mind thinking of while you were listening?
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For next week…
REVIEW:
Today’s ppt
READ:
Scudder, Patterson & Mitchell (2012), Chapters 6-10.
Review SDI handout in Class 3.
Complete DQ Forum on Communications before next class.
Start thinking about Reflection Paper #1.
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