literature assignments

fiz* Sar.rMrs, CseL:A( . ?i.:(a,r,lrr.. . rVr.,

(t t e rl'v,tcl W:t* +, LOclO'

{..r1.:

I

E,a,t t t ur,ru.a !( ,Arrur) in:r r larkerred urccdng foolrl it ihe I lyrtt, weiring nrrs prLrducc,l prper hnts.Thc White Has rvcrc Beginning to BegiD.Thc l,ink H.rts &'ere

Moving Ahcrd iD l)".guniug.1 he Crceu Hrts wer"" Vcry Firn y Ilegnuring. all the rvay up to the (irld Hats, rvho

hrd Masteri:cl Liviie nlcl u'ere standjrrg in a group uoturcl the SnacLTxble. \lhispenrrg.ud corrfrrrrng and elbourng one rnother whenevcr sonrcone r lesscr h:rt rv:rlked by.

liLrnrpe sorrnded fiom a conce:rlcd t.rpe clcck. An actor ir a ripl'ed fl.'rDel shirr stunrblcd xcrols thr iLrgc $,ith a sign rroNrd his leck that s.rld "YoLrl'

"lirr iost!" You cried. "lin rundernrg in a sort of

"Hc):, Yor, .onre on overl 'shoLrtcd . gi xcrcss thc

stage, labcled "lnner l)ea.e." "I bet yor\'e beerr ltxrking tir me lour wholc life!"

"Do1', havc Il" said You."l'11be right overl '

tsut iher) out fronr tbc rvirp sptintcd a nrrrber ol

other rcton, l.rbcled "Whiny" rnd "Sclf-Absorbcd" rnd

. iO.

"Blamcs Hcr Fat on Others"and n) on, who draped theD_ selves acrosYou alct bcgan pokinghimin theribs rnd giv ing him noogics

''Oh, I can't belicve you tove lrDer t)eace nrore than you love me, You!" srid tnsecure.,.That really hurts..

"FriDkly, l've ncver t cen so disappotured iD Drlr tii.e,,. s;'id lhappoinred.

''Oh God, : l this rrgring is givrng,re a padc aftnck,., s.rid Too High-SftuDg to Function.

"Iir waiting, You,"said lrner t)eice_..1)o you wanr n1e

"l do, bur I seem to be trrpped!'.you shouted..,l can,t seem to get what I w:tnr!"

''YoLr .nd xbout :i billion other peoptc in rhis wo d,,' siid Inncr Peacc sadly.

"h thcre no hope fbr ne?" isked you. ,.tf only some onc hrd nladc I liaelons st dy ofrhe ioadblocks people encoilnter on ttrcll uay to InDer Percel"

"And yer "orn.o c h+, r . r iJ tnDe,

pe.r( .

Anothcr f: fa.e soundcd liom the tapc deck. and I mnked cold Hrt, lvhos. hatnppeared ro be,naiie ofacruil gold, boundcd onto ibe srige, {texed his mLxctes, and drrgged I ' , ,e, uk ro .r prp(r Jrr l . orr whr.h wa, rvntr .n: "Pokey fbrThoseWho \{rould Keep Us Foll1 rnl1e, pcacc.,, Then thc cold H* dragged Chronically Depresscd and Clingy and HclpJes and the resr across the stigc rd shoved thcD inro rhe Pokqr

"See what l just did?'raid the cold Hrt . . . t jusr l iber_ ate.l Yon Fom rhose who would kecp hirn fronr tnner Perce. So good for Youl Question is. is ].ou going ro be

l , \ , l l t l (Y

ablc to stay liberated? Maybc rvhatYou reeds r a repeatcd

nlternal rednder. A nultri. A nrantra cxr be thought of

rs i ieperted internal relnindcr, cant rt? Does aryone our

there have a good snrFpy rnrltm they could perhrPs sh:tre

'Ihe crorvd was dclightcd, because they kneu' thc

Drantrr- Even the loNly White Hats knew tlre nlaDtra-

evcn NeilYanikn who sat spelborurd rDd insecurc in the

first rc\r, suckjr)g his r)]Lst:(.hc, knew thc Drrnrm, becrutc

it was on:rll the TV comnlcrcids rnd.lso on the front

cover ofthe OricntationText in big bold ldters.

"cive it to me. folksl" shouted the Gold Hit. "Whrt

t i r rc is i l? ' "Now k thc Time fix M.. to Winl"thc crowd dloutecl. "You got tlut right, baby!" said the Gold Hat exul-

hrtly, rippingoffhis nrrskto leverl what mary already ms-

pc*ed: Thx \!rs not sone nerc Gold Hat but To,lt

l\odgcrs hnlsclf, foLrnder ofthe Serninars. "What fun!" he shouted."To hive sonrethillg to give,

and pcople who so brdly need whirt I hrve to otlbt. Herck

whnt I have ro oller, folks,:\hhough it\ not Duch, realiy,

3ust two simple concepts, and the first onc h: o.ttncal."

Frcm out ofhis suit he pullcd a bo\\.! and a box otoat-

nrerl, and iilled the borvl with the oahnerl ind held thc

borvl up.

"Sturple, nourishing. inexpensive," he said. "Ihis rep-

resents yoursoul in its pure statc.Yorrr soulonthc day you

were borr. You wcre pefcct. You were h:rpD/. You Nere

good. "Now. enter Conccpt N rrberTwo:crrp-Don't worty.

i

l " l ' . , , ' , ' " ' e ' | on , , , ,e i , , , \ ' " ,p.Y r l ' r i r l , " . ' , i . , , , ! vou.u. ,d \ , . ! , . l scDreone.r lne ut rnd cmpFcd i r yoLrr n icc \ \ , r fn oarnrcal . \ t . \ , . . . . t . , , , r , . : U., , , . t \ L . \ . . { , . . Lr . . . . r . . , . k

I . . " I A. , , I t r , , . r . . ,ur .

I rlr btirr{ I tjrrlc silty. But gres rvhrt. iD rerl lifc people .onre !F 3ud .mp rr ],oru oihnerl ,r rhc tille frieDds,

:-o,nokos, rovcct ones, evcrt \our kjrls, espec,rry ),oLrrkrdsl-trrd Lharts exr.tty wh.r ),ou .lo. yoLr s.i). . fhrnks v)

rnrclrl' Ydr sr): .O-rp awr\.t,you say. rud Dcrc nlv rrr , . ' ,o. 1, | ,h, , t . . , 1, , . r" . " ,$\ t , , , t r , t l ,

\r)Lr .r:rp rr n)v orhne:J?.

,., Let me tcllyou sonretline m:rzing: l \as oncc execth,

1-. . ' ' | t , A. - , o, . r , . . - J. . , , . , r r o. , \ $t ,^

sh:rll krruill D.undoss. $.:ts dourg quue a bir of crapping in rrv o.rtrrerl. rnd srntty bccruse heci had sorrre brd tuck. s Dt)1,! balse ire ['l]s irr soure prlD. sirrptv occause. acnr .'rr\,, he wus iir i \\,hectch:rir. rhis .ot:tnr soncone expecrect , , I I i ,1r . , . . , . t . , , ' , . t r , , r .1,p. , i inr . r o,rrr . . r l D\' oc'lrDdrDg rouDd rh.-ctock rrienrior, rhis brcther of )!iDc, rhis (lene, ,nrt wtroops. thcre goes rhat cat out ofthc r),r!i, b!i &,es dris rn"ybe n,trDd parrdo\icri? VAsrrt hc the

l l ' , , , , " r , ,h i .^ , , , . . , , . - , , , ts, , , .s,e. , ,h, , . :

w | , .

. , . |^ . . , r q" . | . l r , . r . No L,uv anrps I nrotorcyclc on I grai.el road uo oorurces tu.o hundrcd prns wjrholrr r hctr)ret. yes, be! gong to be v)rDcwLsr IrL ftirrg. Br.rt horv rvas tiut nry tiult? \Itas I rhc

^ ' , ' , " " , ' , ' , , . r , , ' . J . ,o i t , . . . , t r . . < . . \ J | | . , , u t , r r , , r . . )

r \ ' , | . I i , , r , ,1\ , , , r , , , t , . r r r . r \ . t . i r , , . r , 1, . .s iok) .t drui shge oair\.tife, so r,try did cexc cxpecr me to

W NKY

coDsgr) nr,v drcarns andptxns to d1e dusrti,r? I had dre.inrl I had pl.insl FiDally-and this is r| ln nrv bootr. lroplr qf Po',rr-I foLrnd rhc iDncr srrcngth ro s:ry to Cc!e, ,Srop

'r . l l i . , - . . | . . ' rn, r , . L, , . . re. t , , . . , , . . t . . . . r our . , . , . p,rr . r1 r" { r r , l I f . I r a r t , , { r r . r | ,u , ! o. , r . i r . UleD.'E cn, take the bali that n a;cni ard m, \ruh t, because if I setl r)lys.ltstro rr bycarefrngro cenc,ljr qoitls to b€ onc verr3Dgrypuppv, xndlngefcioes thc nrerr_rLr.t Dasry oD x person. rncl I fbr orrc love mysclfrrrlnrnt the best for nre. because I rrrr, rtier i . I chil.t ofcod.,AD.l I srd to nrysell xs I rlescribe n the bool..Tou, row rs trre tiure loryou ro u.rrrt'Thlt \\,rs rhe tirsftirnc I rlotrelr ttr3( up. And do you k|os. \,hat? I u.on. Ilr rvrrrnlJ T( .v $,c rc fricnds. cenc:u)d I, rnd hr rck|o{4ectges t1,rt I ]\rs ' sh, ,U., ior ,L. Ar, l . . . r , . Lt t" , . I t , | . , : t t r . . . , r . . , . " . sherl take a bigotd durrp i I my oarrDcrtr jgh! |ow i f t grve her hrlfa chrncc, but gucss \rh toiks, IiI not gr\rlg her

' f . r \ . ,1f . . , r r , , .h, , , r <t / . r , ' , . . t . p. , , . , . , - . r orcr nry oatrrc,rl-not a )ireral sr:rccn, but I mctrpholcrl protectrvc scrce . Eiten kr)osr ir, Ge c knows ir. rDd lrou. thev pretry nrLrch stry out ofnrr hrir r1r.l ,rl\,ry 1-rorr nry ortrnerl, xrd they v. [u.te,r rri.e[tc togcther, ar)d !v]ro llo you rhnrk pi tir ce ei rheetcharf nnrf wjrh rtr. nnuey he Dr:]dc fiom i certail soies of senrn;rrsr .

'The crotd brnt into xpptause. Ton] Rodgcs hct.t up his haDd.

"NoN, wh,rr about you fotks?- hc 5ricl sotiry,.ts ros. the tine lor you ro {.i ? Arc you rcrl\ to scrccn olf vour

. r r . r l . r .d , . t - , , ^

, . . , , , . $, J. . , . . , Gcne? Who is lt th;lri scrc\l,ir)g 1,ou up? \{,ho\ ketpine

'71 '

you from getting whit you want? Sonrebody is! God doesnt nakc junk. lfyouie losing, somebody! doing it to you. Today I'll be guiding you through my Thrce Essenti: Stcps: Identifi cation, Screening, Confrontation. First, wc'll Idcntr4/ yourpcrsonal ccne. Second, rve'll help 1.ou mcn- tJly irutall a mchphorical Screen over yoursynrbolic oar- meal. Fimllv wc'Il show you how to ConGont yoLrr personat (lene rnd Duke it clcar to hjm or her th$ youi oatmerl is henccforth ofI-lin its."

Tonr Rodgcrs looked intensely out inro the crowd. "So whnt do lrcu think, $ys?" hc askcd, very sofdy-

"Are you up for. it?" Fronr the crorvd crnrc r nervolrs DNrmLrr of is

"A right, rhen,"he srid."i-ets line rrp. Let\ line up for a chnirgc. A drdrlrdti. change-"

Hc crisply left the stegc, lnd i spotlight panncd acros 6ve Penonal Ch.rrge ( crr-n. ,nr i l t wrr i le rcr- t , .et up rn a mu' neer thc 6re door.

Neil Y:rniLy rose rvith the rest md checked his Line Assigrunent x|cl jo, cd his Assigned Lnre. He was a ti'ry nun, ncirlv rhirty. brldiDgon rop Dd balding o n the sides, rnd wrs stiil chcwing on his muscrche ard rvondering if !'nyoDe or everyon€ else at the Serninir could rctl rhat he wrs r big stupid fiker, becruse he had no career, rerlly, and no busrness, but orrly soldered )rttlc triangulrr thiugs in his beseDen!, for forry seven cenrs a litde rriangular thiDg, for Conrpul'rrts, although he had high hopes for sonrerb;rg bcttca which was why he w:rs herc.

W I iKY

Thc flrp of Personal Changc Ceoter 4 flew open and

ir1 hc went, bending low-

Inside were Thn Rodger! :urd several assista[ts, and a

dun ry in a snock sitting in a chair. "Welcome, Neil." srid Tom Rodgcn, glancing at

YrDkyi nasrc ug. l m honored to have you in nry

Scmiiar. Neil. Now- The u?y we'il st!r!, Neil, is for you

to please write across d1e chcsl ofthis durrrnry the nane of

your rerl-life personal Ccne.That is, the narrle ofthe Per- son you perceive to be cripping in your oatmeal. Do

''ouunderstand what I'm srying?"

"Ycs," s.rid Yauiky. Tom Rodgers w:rs trlkirlg very fist, is ifhe hrd hun-

drcds ofpeople to change in a single day, which ofcourse

he did.Yrniky had no problem wirh that. Hc wrs jt'st happy

to be one ofthcm.

"Do you need help derermidrg who that p€rson is?"

said Tom Rodgers. "Your oatrneal-crapper?" "No." said Yrniky. "Excellentl' said Tom Rod€ieIs. "Now wrte thc name

rnd undcr i ' !vr i ,e r ' rc rujor way rn uhi. h you percci tc

this pcrson to be crappiDg in vour oatmeal. Be fiank.This

isjust berween you ard mel

On en erasablc markerboard pernranertly mounted in

c)re dummy's chest Yanilcy wrotc, "Winly: Cr:rzy-looking

a d too rcligious rnd nccds hcr own phce."

"superl"saidTom Rodgers."A grcat slart. Now {€tch

what I do. Let's fine tune. Can we cut 'crazy-looki ng'? lf

this person, thrs Winky, were to gel her own Phce, would

i

l i Ii !

.i1

.:

I

j jj

!l

:1a

. 76.

tbe (act dnt shc looks cnzy srilt be rn jsuc? t.es of an

Yanik,v pi.nr.cd his sisrcr lookirrg cna but rr hcf orvr

' 'Less ofar issLre. 'he s:r . ''Ail riglrtl ' s.rid lbrll Roclgcrs. er.rsiDg "c zy-took-

ine.""Itl\ irnportrot k) simpli! so rhrr rve car horrc in on c\a.tly lFhar lveie ffyir1g ro chr ge. OknI Ar this pollrr. wc vc dctelrli cd rhai if$.e can gct ber out ofyour housc. thc cr"zy looknrg cart bc livetl u.ith. A big step ibnr:rrd. But rvhy srop drfrea Let inc p'ol,ose sonrerhnrq: ifshcs out ofvour hxir, {hrr the l:i:ck do vou c;rre jfshci r."li- gioul?

Yrniky pichrrcd Wink! Iookirrg cr:rzy fu )d rrltiug crizy about Cod but in her orvn rpr.tneDt.

''Ir u'oukl dclinitcly bc bcftcr, hc srid. "Yes, ir\\orld, sa Tbtu Rodgers. nDd ensed unlit lhe

dunrrry \!"s labelcd "V/inkvrnecds her.oivn ptacc.' ''See? -s:rid lorrr l\odgers."Sec ho$, \ve'!,e silupljfied?

Wc'vc got it dowD ro ore rss e. C}n )nu ljve with rhis sirn- ple, diR'cr srxtenr.Dr ofrlc problcrl?"

''Ycs.'Yaniliy siid. "Ycs. I can. Yrrrik,r' sr| r:orv what it wrs abour Winkv drot eor on

his rlcrvcs.Ir \\'asn r hcr fornrcrl)'lcd cL,ls.lvhictr hrd gone \\{ritc, so it l(roked like shc bid rcxkcd drc rop ofher hcad in ghrc rnd dippcd ir il a vrt ofcorton balls: it lvier] rhc bald spot that evcry nlof illg sh." printed with sorle khd ofwhite substxncc; it !'rasrft her shioy-pink ltrce rlrat (rs alwr,vs gcrtitrg wcird;ovfLrl boks ou ir rt bad tinrcs. likc dur g his dinner datc rvnh IleverJy Auxtcl, rvher hed

$, l l {Y

Drird€ his speci: nrertballs rc rro rv;ril, becruse Bcv kept

ghncing over atWnlky in Pariciit wislt thc wav she carDe

click-c1icL <licking i fion te.ching chtrrch school a d

hLrglicd llxn lor too k)ng a trne whilc snrellirg likc flow$

wNtcr ill puDrPed up fnu sprcrding thc word of dann

Clurst; it w.rs sinrpry that dlcy uerc too old to be liriug

together rDcl hc hnd rhings he wanted to ,cconrPltsh iDd

she rvas too needy ancl blLrrred hx focus

"llve you told thrs pclson, this winky thrt hel living

\\'itb you is I stunrblir€ block for youf Pcnonal devcioP-

rrrcDr?" siid lbr l{odgcn

"No I havcni,"YarrikY viil

"l thought not." sricl Tonr Rodgers "Yrrire kind-

hcartcd.You dout nrnt to hurt bcr.Tharls nice' bnl gucss

what?Y( are hurting hef.Yodre hurtttrg her by not tclling

her $e nrth. Am l srying thar lrcu. by youf silcnce, are

cripFing in hcr oatDrcal? Yes, t arn llu srying drrt thefc!

r sort of (ciprocrl (rapPlng gomg on herc How crn

Wrrkv grorv on r diet of lies? Islrt it truc tlut dre truth

will set ,voLr tirc? Didn\ sonrcone once say dut? Wrsrl il

Cod or Chris!. s'hich would be ircnic' becruse ofher

bellg so rcligiolrs?" Tom ltodgcrs gcs(rrcci to an ilssistx t, \1'ho took:t wlg

out ofa box and put it on drr donrnyt hcad.

"Whtt wete goir$ ro do nolv is r(t this oLlt svnrboli

crlly,"Ton Rodgers saicl "Prinitive culturcs do this ' l the

-rrnc Thcv r l igh t l : rns Fertr ' rq " brg p,rqr ' 'Y. or p ' i r r-

their kids \thitc and lct thenl whnck SickDcss wrth prln

fionds .rnd so ftr6. Are we somehow slnrrler rhrn pritrr-

itive ctrlturcs? I doubt ir.l think naybe rvele dunrber'Do

. 78 .

we havc riwer hemorrho s? Werc Incrs ki|ed on fi.cc- wtrys? Herc. trke rbis."

He hxnded Yadky I brscbau tlt. ''Whrt time is ir, Ncil?" siid lonr Rodgers. ''fnnc !o wxr?" said Yrniky. "Tnne tor tnc to win?,, "No$ s the ri e tbr you to \i.'h,', sr;d Toltl t\odgcrs,

cirri4.ing, und poinrcd to the dummv Yanikv surngthe bat and the dunmy toppled ovcr and

the uig flcw off a d the ass;tenr rctrieved thc s,ig rnd tossetl it back 1lrto the box ofwigs, rDd Torn Rodgers galc Yrdkyat ighng

''Whrt you hivejust s\rrboiically said,"Tom Rodgen sxi.l, 'rs:'No Dore, Winky. c.ow *.nrss, Winky. t love you. but )'o ie killiql me, and I am a gooct pcrson, a child of God. and dont desenc ro dic. I descne ro ti\c, I de and to live, rnd thcreforc, get lour owD ptace, girt! Fly, and sourcday thank mc!'Th; is ro be vour subnnnr.a, Ncit, okay? O!'/ y,r

-gol On \our wav home toda',, I \anr you

to bc muttenng, rot angrily muttering butsort ofjoyfully nrutterirg, to cenr€r votrnell rhc to[o\.ing \\,ords:.No\)!, I s th e 'I irre for Mc to Wxr I Ou r 1rlu !p I Our \.or go | 'Wil1 you do that for ne?"

''Yes," saiil Yanik1,, very rnuch Droved. "Aird now hcre ;s Vicki, said Torn Rodgers, ..ODe of

Dry lerv bp Cold Rrrs. who wi walk you through the CoD6ontxtioD step. Neill I wxh you lLrck, ar:u pcacc, ano ell the saccess irr tlc rvorld."

Vicki had I face that lookcd rs ifit had becr snushcct rg;'!rst a steerin!! ivheel h a crrsh and thcn careftrlly leworle.l nrtil it somewlut nsembled hcr previous ixce.

\4/ INXY

Scvcrll pnr.tllcl curvcct indent:rtions ran fionr teurtle to cltir Shc lcd YrniLy ro r lotding rable l:rbelcd "Con liontatiorr Certer"rDd gavc him r sheet o{ prpcf on whrdr wrs lvrittcn. "(;crde, Firn, Lo\-!rq."

' ' Ihcse r le the ch:\mctcr ist ict of . r good Confion trtiorl," shc sirid. ,r bit nlcchanically "Nou' flip rt orcr."

On Llte othcr sidc $rs n,ritten, 'Angr1'. Wi rpy,

"Thcse ure d)e .lumctorrics ofl brd CoDfrontition," $ridVicki. A llcstrlrctivc Corrfioltatior. Okey. So leti say lir) thi! porson, this Winky peAoD, and 1.ou re going ro rcllnrc to hi! the roid.GcDde, FinD, Lo*rg. Norv begnr."

A,rtl lrr bcgan tcllingvicki ro hcr drnr:reed face that she wa\ ruinirg his lile rnd suckure him dry rnd that shc h.rd to go livc wlDcrvhcr? else, rtrdvicki nodded and prr- tcd hrs h.[d, nl norv rnd dren scopped hnn to tell him hc wis beinq nx) scr.cre-

Ngt l - r r . r - wAS coMrNc Nas wiy wiry behiDd.

r roNl! soon rDd Winkv

SoDrc drys she |ook lrcr rlle $'hjle clernnlg. lnilirg nt h:rppy rhoLlghts. fio\vDiDg 1\'hen she in1rgncd loDeone bcing irkeu rclv.rutigc ot. rnd sonetincs thc person beirg tiken rd nt.gc ofwrs r iiril little boy *'ith r scrr on his Itead nd the persorr trking adv:rntrge {,as a bic fat nran witb i cinc, rnd othcr drnes the pcNrr bcins takerr rdv:rn trge o1-\\,r r kindly, tiiendly Britrsh girl with a speech irnpcdnrer)r nrd dre pcrsoD txkins :r dvrntrgc \r.s her rich.

plshy sister $-ho spoke irr perfict drcrioD ,Ind alwrys got everythirli{ rhe wrnred ind \vrnr rrouDd .lvhidrg while sucknre lirde pir)k clDdics. Somerinres Wirrky asked the rn:h sisrerrrr her nrrndhow she d Iike to have the littlc prnk candi.r slapped riglrt our of hcr nrourh. But that rvasn,t Ight. Thir !vas0't Ctrrsth wryt Y(ru didut sirp the liftle pn* cardies out of lrer nrourh. you let ner snp your nx)uth, revcnty riurcs scver d cs. rvhich was likc four hu dred tirrrcs, aud Lrficrshc'd sleppcd you thc l:rst timc she strddcn ly understood n r[ rnd beggcd your forgivcness anal gnvc volr soDre can!iy, bccoUsc rhar w;ls thc herliDs polver

For crying our loud! Whrr was shc doing? Was she cr.rzy? lt wAs titne b qet goingl Why nas she standing in the kitchcn rhir*iDe?

Shc d$hed up rhe stiirs .r,"irh I srrip ofbrokeD Dxrt.i- nrg undcr hcr :rrn aud r dirty sock ovcr her stroulder.

Hllliv:'y Lrp she piuscd.rt:r lirtle octrgoDal wmdow rDd lookcd ctre.rnriiy oot, rirlrkirg, tn a iva1, we orvu thosc trecs.Bryond rhcThieus'wrs rhc sanrc old gxp in rhc lean irrg rlnrs showDs the sanre old nreaciorv that woLrld sun bc ToyTorvne. But for Dow ir still renriDdcd hcrofthe kind offield rvhcre Christ u,itl his lap tirtt offlowen hrd sr:F fered with rhelitde childrcn. r,hich wlsI scencsoe \{n.co therl to put on rhc cover otrhe sirrgine rlbum dre was goiDg b nnke, rhc slnging albuur rbout Cod, which world hrvc :t rvatercolor cover tike Shontulo My rttntn, which $"s I book rhough but any$'ays it hrd rhis paticnt doxkci pr le( l l , rsh Nir l ' . r . , re( , ro l \ hi ' d rr rhi( r ,oLnrr.ur, and the point ofrhxr book wxs rhftif],ou rakc on the \\,or-

W NI{Y

rie$ and cires ofothcrs, LordJesus will uke oll vour crfes and lvorries, so thrt v.:rs rvhy the paticnt donke-v and rvhy the cnres,

^nd \r}y shc pr cd hencllon keeping house

fbr Ncil Neil rnd ncver rsked hnn lor help. Holy cow' $.hat wrs she doing stindilrg on rhc l:urd

inglV/as shc crrzy?Todry she w.rs rushingl She rvas glving Ncil-Ncil . tea! Shc bursr frorn the landrng, Llking nvo st;1irs :u oDce. The nroldiDg hrd to so ro the atric rnd the dirty sock to rhe h.uiper. While she was rp, shc cor d chrnge hcr top. ilecrusc on it \{as sollre crusty souF.The wa)lp:rper rt thc top of tLc stdirs showcd rbour a nillion of thc samc gi q'hicking n s'riling goosc rvirh a r ing crup. Heilo, gi sl Hcllo, gidsl H:rhal HeJJo. gecse! Not to

Frorn a dr ver nr her nxrrl shc rook dle greeD top, ivhich Neil-Neillikcd. Once when shc \rrs lvcifiDg it he d .skcd ifit rv.s D61'. When had ihrt beer? Ar chc lunch the BccfBrrn, whcr) he paid, when he askcd would sle likc to leave RusticVillage Apatmrcnts and comc live rvirh hinr. Oh, thnt sueetic. Shc *ill hrd thc nratcbbook.Those brcl bccn srd days rt Rustic ViLlagc, \,vith cvefy i.ier1.t cDgigedbut Dor;,vho bad:r f:rke arnl, rnd boy thosegirls could sonletirnes s.ry rlean tlings! bur now it s'as r1l bchind her, .rnd shc rrccded to send poor Doris a cad.

But not tod:r\:, todry she rv;$ rushir)g! l)o!vr drc st;'in she polrndcd. still holdnrg the uoltl

ing, sock still over Jrer shoulder. hr the kirchcn shc ripped open rhe coolde brg bnt

therc werc no clcan piates, so she riDsed a phtc bur thcre $as Do towel, so shc dricd dre plare rvidr her top. Hcy, shc

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still hrd oD rhc vello\v rop.What rhr hcck? Whe( \ra5 rhe grcerr top? H.dn't shejrlst eorten it out ofhcf dn\\cr? Hr hrl That was firDry. Shc should scnd dlat in to Ctniltt.iL. 1'hev likcd crrtc l-unny thirrgs that h.rppened, evcrr rfthey hxd norhirrl] k) do vith Je$rs.

rh. kirchcn !1'rs x (iisrstcrlBut fif1t chllrgs first.I{er rop srcked. Nor Ncked, $ckcd rvrs I brd ivorcL, rrer rop [as yugly.Dad used to siy d)at, yngl)'. N or rbolr r h{:r. Fle ahv.r,vs rr she rvrs purt,v. Solrcrirnes hc s.rid drinss \erc p rty yuglyBut not hd He rl\"ays saicl shc \as irurty purn. tlren liliccl her Lrp. Oh l)rd, Dad.l): l,oppy Poppt Wrs Popfy l)opt' olc with rhc Srvior? Shc hoped so. SonretirDcs he nsed to s\vcrr;rnd sonrr iDes he uscd to t l r i r rk. a|d oDcc hc swore whcn he f-cll down ihe smirs \\.heD h( \aas druuk. but when she mn t() hirr hc hoppcd up l;rughn,g. :rnd oh, *4rer) he slng "Perce ir) rhe Vrlley" you could tcll he fclt thxrgs \\'ould be bcrrer bcyond, which h.rd bcen I |er cxan+le lor a young Cirr isr i in kid ro Einress.

Shc flew back up thc stairs to chrnge }er top. Hcre \\'us ti)c gree. to|, on rlre rop srcpl Brd n)pl I should sp:rukl She {avc thc greeD top i sDlp ro uDdusr ir rnd dis.ipllrie 1t.lDd, puttins drc strip ofnxrldrrrg and drr dirw vrck on th( step, chirlrged ft)Ps right then rd therc, pi.ked up rhc rrx)ldirlg, threw thc dirt)' sock over her shoutder, rfld poundcd brck dowrr thc stars.

Thue n erc so nnnv rrranv things to dol Nor onlynow. forthc tex, but irr thc futLrrcl ltrvas tinrc to get gorngtNorv thit she {'rs our oflhar lonely rpirrnrult she coutd fin:rtlv lcarn &) phy $e pl :rno,.rDd oDcf shc leanted ro ptay and \!nte sooqs! lhe couid {'ritc her vxr$ :rbout Cod. ar)d

W NKY

theD find out ,bout nriking a rccod. her rccord about

God. abour how Cod had been good to her in tbis lifc,

bccausc look ar hcrl A plrnr g in :r nicc hontc! tJh, slte

lrr . u t lvr f l . ' . , . . r ,cr l , c" q. rc rhi i t . . r rJ l rer w.t*t w,.

thi.k rDd herhiil, oh nry God oh D1y gosh. rrthcr-hcr

h:rir, *hat kind of h.rir rvrs $at to hrve, yLrgly u-hite h?i!

antl nr.rn-v rvas tbe time shc hd drorighr, ThG is not harr,

.his is !i rcst.The terr ofrvhite sparsc hd! whetr so nHny

had gorgeous r:unc, end tb:rt rvrs why. \'hen she looked

i,r i riirmr bv.iccident rud sarv her rvhite horriblc hair,

shc :rlu'ays tried to think to herscll Praise Codl

Ncil-Ncil $,,rs thc all-tinre su'eetir pie.]'hosc gn ls Nerc

crizyl l)i.l drey ilirk becruse a m 1 wrs smll ind bild he

hrdno lort?Dril drey thnrkbrdthings came in smallpack

rgcs? Ncil-Neil rv:rs like the good bro(her in fic Bible, the

otrc rvho shyecl irorrre rvith his drd on the larm and ncver

got evcr a snh]l parry Except th€rc was ro b.rd btother,

it r,r,rs.tust the ts'o of dlenr, so Do p;trt), although shed

ge! her party. r big p.ttly, in Hcaven, .nd was ('t ol ever

hafiDg hef pxfty ro$t on earth, bcc.roscwhen she sxN that

little nr:LD all pec-strnred rt Rexall Drug, rol begglng but

jrsr s3ynrg ro cvervpersor) \rho weDt i,r thir he or shc wrs

looking drpper, dre kne\y tlixr hc was truly thc least ofhcr

brothers.Ihe world \\.as.r story Christ .!\'as tcili ghcrAnd

rvhcn shc told the pce-nrn :u dre Rcxrl drrrhc was look-

nq dappcr hhselfand bc sant loudl)' fiAtshe \1'as too ugly

to f-, slie had o y thought to hcself, okay, praise

cod, he'.\ onlv siyrng that because hct irt PaiII, and had

sniled with thc lightcst light i u hcr eycs she could gct therc

by rvisbrng it thcrr, becruse cven ifshc wrs a lirtle yugly

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rhe *as sill hearrtilLrl nr Chrrsri sishr, so for hcr rt wrs ;lll :r prrt!,.r little |irry tletbrc .r biggrr prr+ thc biggcst. bur Nlxt about Neil-Ncil. rvhcre rvns his p:rrry?

Shc would do rvh:rt she coulc{t rhx woultl be hrs parry ouc rirry iirstillnlcrt on rhe hugc bLrge prrry he descrvcd, her horhe! hcr p:rl ro rhe cnd. rhe oDty toving sdrj shc had yet fourd ilr rhis world.

Thc bcl r:'ng and shc rhlt\ opcu thc door. rnd dlt,.e r"\ Ne i l -Nci1.

''\Vcico re honrel" shr lrid qrandlv. e d bor,\.cd at the *,rrt, eud tire *rck fcll otFhcr stxrlder

Yarrxy rr , l r : , \ r . { l .KEt) HoME i l | x f rcuy, gzing inro shop wiudows, kro*urq tlut xrrnedav soou, rvnen le ciDe irto thesc shops !\.itJr his scrylife, hcd snllply pont out i tcD)s si th his r idnlg ci)p r l rd drey woutd be loaded lrrro his \\"irir1g Bcuz. JrlDugh come to rhiuk ofit. whl . rid rg.rop? Who uscd i riding crop? 1)id yon usc a rjd- rurg cfop or lhc BeDz? llo, maD. hc uas stokedt He w:rntett rJig. not n Bcnz! (;oldei starues ofeccse, ctasry vases, urs porcehirr frogp, *4utovo. shcn his shry cllrre in he d havc it al l , becausc rrhcnhe ms stoked nottrrg couldstop hinr.

lfl)ad could see hirr noNWalkiDe home nr r sLrit finnr .r senl ar at rhe lieaking l.ll:rrt! Pcror Dad, uor rhrt hc wes bishrig Da.t, but hrd Dad bcer r secker? Welt, no, Ded hrd been uo rceker. liG hrd bcatcrr Dad. Dad had spcnt cvery everrlgwith r bcer oD the.timn, uDdef e conrtbrrer. rnd hc renrcnrber".d poor Mr in her Sundly ctkss, \,hich

WINI lY

had a rip, whdr $e.l rxpcd bccause \he cou[1u't sc\\t rnd

Dad iD his too biEihat, rccendy lirecl rgatu, Jl ofthrnr ott

the $,r,v to chrrrch, drigging past a crorvd olltick hor:rds

oD the conrer, and o're spick said $'rrethimg abortt Mai

boobs. *.hich werc big, bLrt al1 otMa rvas big, so rvlty did

thc hood lurc to si-y soned)ing.ibout hc big boobs. :rs if

they were nice? Whcn thcy r1l kne\i, drey rve|cn't icc.

drey rverc just a big sornant boobs in i td) righr drcss orr

i ranry Sutrlay nrornnrg, ^rrd

on hcr herd urs a slit{pelr

brcrd bag to keep her gr:ry- hait dry.Thc hood saicl wh:it

hc sa because onc look rt l).rti told hinr hc could.Ilrld.

rvith hn huuchcd slnLrldcrs ;urd hs .orrrunt blinkxrs,jusr

took Mals rrm lnd nrLrrubled to thc hor,rd dut a coumcut

like thrt did rnorc d"Lnugc to thc irrslrller tlrrn to thc

insultecl, cic. crc. blah blah bhh. Thcn thc hood ll).t.lc ,

sound likc a co\:,.t Mi. and Ncil, who $as ninc. triecl to

brcrk aBry rnd ukc :r srving at the hood but Ma haci his

hrnd rnd woulc{it nrrn Inrr loosc.rnLl sccretl-v he u'asglad,

becrusc h." ivas sc,Ir€d, rnd tLcrr w.rs rshxlrcd rr drc t.e

liclhc felt on entcriDll thc drrk chLrrh, whcrc drc tltir

prnnkcd prer. l . r * 'ho rvrs Ir f i r r rr i r .orIg,cFri<'n

cxchanged dy biblical qrlotcs r{'ith Dad rvbilcWirky stood

bc^rnDg ar ifrroDc ofit outside had L.rppencd. the lorver

hlfofher body gone psychcdelic n tl,c stihcd-glass light.

Oh r au, thc world llr.i shit ot Dad. bLrr it wrsn t goirrg

to shu on hin. No wy. llthc rvodcl thought hc rvrs goirtg

to Iir,'e nr r rrcighbolhood w'hcrc sPicks instrltcd his \\'ifi's

boobs. ifthe rvorld thought he \azs gonlg to Drakc his i:rm

ily ear brcad drr&qect rhroughbrcol grcme rul c calling it

Hobo\ Delight, the s'orld wis Jlrst wro'€, hc Nas gonril

ro succee.l,1ike the Dren dcrcribed in /)coptr ofporra rvho had grrdem bilrger tban crfire ro\\'Ds and o*.ncd rvhole rhips rnd bclieved i power and power only Wcle rhirty hors(-dnND carrs Dcectcd ro save the mses? The call \\,cnr out to dre surrcundiug torvDs rnd at tlusk larrterns fron the cirrrs could be se(r approaching orr the rockv btulpy roads. Was i seni'rg girl found attrrctivr:? Hcr husband rvas scnl rwiiy to wrr.Thosc guys kDewhow to fir rDdoccupy $eir Power Phces, x,d he.lid too, like whcn bc sonc tnnes h.rd k) soider a thousrnd rriairgulxr thinlF nr .r night ro mtrkc the rcut. ard drtuk cotl-ec trlt dr$,r ano crrnx WMDX ftrll blilr to stiry psychcd. On thosc Dighrs, whcn WiDky cunre rp rnaking srnrll talk. he bolclly n:rved hcr ttrmy, rnd rvhenlc rvavedhcrluy. rw:ry shc went, bccause nre scrrscd in lLis body hngurge rh,lr he $,as king, ttrxr whrr hc was donrg .|vas essflrtirl, rnd rvhen she wcnt arvrv he felt prood, he lclt srmDg, and he sol.tered fasrer, which lvis the phenonrcnon the book cailed thc Power Boost, and the book said thLit MxJor Successes teuded to be pcoplc who could srring togethcr Po\\crBoosr iftcr Po\'ier Roosr, which Nrs a.conrplishcd by doirlg exactly what you falt like doing xt rny giver rinre, $,irh certainrl xndjoy, whxi wrs whrt, he realized, hc rvas :rboLrto do, bv kickrng out Wn,kyl

Norv rvrs thc tinr€ l'or hnn to rvirl Why thc hcck cor dit he cook his specirl l|catbalts fbr Llevcrly and a6cnr'.rrd nrrkc love to her on tbe couch and tctt trcr his drca s ct pirns xrd scc ifshe w.rs thc onc neinr to be Iis lift's helpnr]rc,like Mrs.Thonus A]1n Ediso,r, who trad once stayed up rll right applyug )abels to, shiFnrcrt of

WINKY

chenncals escnti:r] tbr the Dcxt davt rvor*? But no. llcv \!as dating soneone clse norv, sonrc knxi ofguard lt thc mal, and he r.membercd thc mcxtball dlnncr, Wnlky\ pirk f:rcc periodic.rlly drrustiug into tbe ste:l]n fionr |he broccoli rs she trottcd our her usu]l B.S. or) sligrmta .rnd thc anlo!Dt of time neceserv for ru .rctual physicrl body to rot.No wondef hcr r(nnnrares hrd kicked her olrt, call- ing him h sccret, o \\.onder her fncher hxd dcmrDded shc stop vohurtcL:ring so rmrch--;rnother secrct caU, pcoplc hid appareDdy brc,r q|ittirrgthe church bccans. oI ber. She *':rs:r nut, r real encrgy snrk, it hrd b(.D i huge mistake iDviti,U her to lNc with hnr, and now stle simply hrd to go.

It wxs sa.l, yes, r litde sad. but if greaoless werc e.rsy evcryont urculd be ctoilg it.

Yes. sltcd bcen.r cLrte kid rnd, 1.cs, thcyd shrred some nice monrerts, yes yes ycs, yes shca brought hnD crrckcN and llis lrtde r.rdio that nme hcd hi(t u dcrthc steps for fivc strlight houls after l)rd *.rrtcd wcepirg during drn- ner, and yes, he rcDlembcred the sc;rred Jook in hcr eyes rvhen sher:l coue runni g up to hnn aftcr oking r hook nr the ter)lple while fishingwnh the l,igboys. ird )cs.l,cd carried hcr honre rs thc Lrig boys rl.kled, yes, n w.'s sad d]tlt she srng so brd :rnd thouehr it Nrs good rn.1 srd thrt her paDties rvere hugc nos. rvbcn hc FonDd thenr in ttrc lvash, but like it srid in the book, r person corrlcln'c drrorv hinrsclfrcros soncorc elsels fLrrerrl pyre wilhout getting preity goddanined hot.

Shc hrd his key so he rang the bi:ll. She appeared at the door, lookn4t .uzy as c!'er.

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"Wel orrc horrc l 'shc sr id. :nd borrcd r t thc \ \ ' r is t .

,rnd r sock ftll oll her shorrldc,r,lrcl rs she bclt to i.ick it

ot she l,rngcd Lcr hcrd lgrrrst tbe stornr vindow, drc

()h shi t , oh shi t . he rvrs iverkcnrnr, hc could lccl i t ,

t|e $peech 1rc,l pfrctr.ed or the \"ry holrrc seenrecl noiv

ro Live r)othii)g to.lo rvrLL thc girl s'ho stood s.ct-eycri

, , , r ln J. ,u^(. , , . r r r l , l r r r5 h, r l , .Jd , t 'o ' . l lF ( r , , i f , \ f " ' -

firl, hc wrsnt gr<.rt. hc rvrs.just the srDre rs cve..vbodv ctsc,

lcs $;ur u'er,vbcxly elsc, odrer people got mrrricd od had

!eal . iobs, odrer teopl . ct idr ' t l ivc rv i th their f r t , c l i r r5 l ing

sisters. hc *rs.r loser rvho rvorrlcl kccp losrrg for the rcst

of iris lili:, b...ruse hc d ne\cr gotcn r hrerk. hril tr.cir

cuLscd rvith r brd drcl rrd r baLl nr'r :rDd a b:rd sister.lDd

\!rs loo \crk b .hrruc- !t)o lvc.k ro nriLc a rrcw stnrl,

i d irs h( puslr.d b,y her idto rLe ter srrclliry housc thc

verrs.rhcid soct .hcd ont t r tc^k rndJoylcs I ' r hr ! inr ignra-

t io| rn. l L is chest sent sudder l ,v dcnse \1rth rrgc ' 'Nci l -Nert ." s l :e s lct . " ls sc 'urelhlrg \ \ r rorre?'

And hc rvrnted ro s,urck hcr', inrrlt her, sry vrnredrurg

rc l'ake her up. but or y kept niol irg toNiro nrs rcou,

r",rlirg hcr tcfriLrlc rrues Lrnctcr hrs brertl

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