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Ready, Set, Soar with SEL— a DIY Social Emotional Learning Kit to help model, shape and reinforce social skills.

Does your child need to learn how to handle stress? Could they use help expressing emotions constructively?

The Ready, Set, Soar with SEL kit was specially designed for parents/guardians, educators, youth development leaders and others who want to incorporate social & emotional  development  activities,  lessons  and  plans  into  kids’  daily  lives.

All activities are based on proven activities from our “WINGS for kids”  after school program. WINGS kids build their social and emotional skills daily. Now your kids can too!

Ready,'Set,'Soar'with'SEL—a'DIY'Social'Emotional'Learning'Kit'

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Becoming'Socially' Aware'

Ready,'Set,'Soar'with'SEL—A'DIY'Social'Emotional'Learning'Kit'

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1.!Be!a!Bus!Driver'

At'WINGS'we'use'this'story'to'teach'kids'how'their'positive'emotions'are'contagious.'

Teach!Kids!How!They!Impact!Others!with!Their!Emotions!

It’s'an'important'lesson'to'give'kids:'positive'emotions'can'affect'everyone'around'

them.'At'WINGS'we'use'this'story'to'explain'the'concept.'Feel'free'to'adKlib,'

according'to'the'age'of'your'kids.'

The'Story:'

It#was#an#unbearably#steamy#August#afternoon#in#Charleston,#the#kind#of#sweaty#day# that#makes#people#sullen#with#discomfort.#There#was#a#woman#who#was#getting#ready# to#begin#a#bus#tour#of#Charleston.#She#was#there#with#a#large#conference#group.#She# was#tired#and#wished#she#were#at#home#in#Atlanta.'

As#she#stepped#onto#the#bus,#she#was#startled#by#the#bus#driver,#a#middle?aged#man# with#an#enthusiastic#smile,#who#welcomed#her#with#a#friendly,#“Hi!#How#are#you#doing?”# This#was#the#greeting#he#gave#to#everyone#who#entered.#Each#passenger#was#just#as# startled#as#the#woman,#and#few#returned#his#greeting.'

But#as#the#bus#crawled#uptown#through#the#thick#traffic,#a#slow,#rather#magical# transformation#occurred#while#the#driver#gave#a#running#monologue#for#the#benefit#of# the#passenger.#His#upbeat#commentary#on#the#passing#scene#around#them:#“There’s#a# terrific#sale#at#the#at#the#Saks#department#store,#a#wonderful#exhibit#at#the#Gibbes# Museum#of#Art#and#if#you#are#still#here#on#Saturday,#don’t#miss#the#Farmer’s#Market!# Did#you#hear#about#the#new#movie#that#just#opened#at#the#theater#down#the#block?”'

His#delight#in#the#rich#possibilities#the#city#offered#was#infectious.#By#the#time#people# got#off#the#bus,#each#in#turn#had#shaken#off#the#sullen#mood#they#had#entered#with,#and# when#the#driver#shouted#out#a#“So#long,#have#a#great#day!”#each#gave#a#smiling# response.'

That'bus'driver,'whether'he'knew'it'or'not,'was'responsible'for'spreading'a'good'

feeling'that'must'have'rippled'through'the'city,'starting'from'passengers'on'the'bus.' The'bus'driver'was'sort'of'an'urban'peacemaker,'wizardKlike'in'his'power'to'affect'

the'sullen'irritability'that'seethed'in'his'passengers,'to'soften'and'open'their'hearts'

a'bit.'

It’s'important'to'let'kids'know'there'are'many'ways'for'them'to'“Be'a'Bus'Driver”'in'

their'lives.'Give'them'some'examples:'

Walk'up'to'a'new'child'at'school'and'say'“Hi,'My'name'is_______.'What’s'yours?”'Hold'

the'door'open'for'people'and'give'them'a'big'smile.'Greet'the'fast'food'worker'with'

Ready,'Set,'Soar'with'SEL—A'DIY'Social'Emotional'Learning'Kit'

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a'nice'“Hello,'how'are'you'today?’'Walk'into'basketball'practice'with'a'smile'on'your'

face'and'give'your'teammates'a'high'five.'

Happily'greet'your'teacher'in'the'morning.'

Here'are'some'more'tips:'

The'spreading'of'positive'feelings'needs'to'be'genuine,'not'just'a'game,'although'

spreading'positive'feelings'is'fun.'The'feelings'need'to'be'genuine.'For'example,'

when'you'smile'at'someone,'your'smile'needs'to'come'from'a'genuine'place'like'“I' am'happy'to'greet'you.'I'wish'you'well.”'If'you'compliment'someone,'you'need'to'be'

sincere'in'your'compliment.'Sometimes'we'don't'really'feel'good'inside,'but'we'still'

want'to'be'nice'to'others.'In'that'case,'it's'OK'to'"act'as'if"'you'feel'good'and'still' greet'people'in'pleasant'ways.'Then'you'may'find'that'you'still'end'up'feeling'better'

inside'and'they'may'greet'you'back,'which'may'feel'good.'

Be'conscious'of'how'it'feels'to'be'positive'toward'someone.'And'note'how'people'

react'to'you.'You'will'begin'to'see'that'you'can'often'DECIDE'to'feel'what'you'want'

and'can'control'your'own'emotions.'

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Ready,'Set,'Soar'with'SEL—A'DIY'Social'Emotional'Learning'Kit'

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2.!Reading!Facial!Expressions!

Somehow'we'just'expect'kids'to'learn'to'read'facial'expressions'automatically.'Some' do;'others'are'slow'to'understand'these'emotional'clues.'But'it’s'a'readily'taught'

skill.'And'it’s'fun,'if'you'use'Pick'a'Pic!'

Pick!a!Pic!

Part'of'becoming'a'socially'aware'person'is'learning'to'recognize'emotions'in'others.'

We'work'with'our'kids'on'how'to'do'this,'and'teach'them'that'facial'expressions'are' an'important'key.'

This'skill'is'important'at'home,'in'school'and'on'the'playground.'Many'

misunderstandings'arise'from'kids'misinterpreting'the'emotions'of'others.' Sometimes'kids'can'be'confused'by'what'a'particular'look'means.'They'may'easily'

mistake'a'look'of'disappointment'and'think'someone'is'angry'instead'or' misunderstand'a'nervous'expression'as'amusement,'for'example.'

To'give'kids'practice'at'paying'attention'to'facial'expressions'and'the'emotions'they'

signify,'try'this'activity.'

For'younger'kids'(up'to'3rd'grade):'

• Have'someone'take'a'picture'of'you'demonstrating'some'facial'expressions,' or'set'the'camera'to'take'your'picture'automatically.'Examples:'angry,'proud,'

embarrassed,'disappointed,'frustrated,'excited.'

• Print'the'pictures'and'write'the'emotion'of'the'back'of'each.' • Sit'down'with'your'kid'and'look'over'the'pictures,'having'them'guess'the'

emotion'in'each'picture,'and'then'flipping'it'over'to'see'if'they'guessed'

correctly.'

• Once'you'go'through'the'stack,'talk'about'different'scenarios'and'ask'the'kid' to'choose'the'picture'of'the'facial'expression'they'think'you’d'show'at'that' time.'

Examples:'

• “We'are'walking'through'the'store'and'you'ask'for'a'pack'of'gum.'I'say'“No,”' and'you'begin'to'beg'in'a'loud'voice'for'the'gum.”''

• “You'bring'home'a'note'from'your'teacher'that'says'you'have'been'having'a' great'week'in'math'class.”''

• “I'go'into'your'room'and'it’s'a'mess'after'I'have'asked'you'three'times''to' clean'up.”''

For#older#kids#(4th#grade#and#up):#

• Have'kids'take'pictures'of'themselves'as'well.'Go'through'the'activity'and' participate.'Talk'to'them'about'how'you'will'also'use'these'pictures'to'

Ready,'Set,'Soar'with'SEL—A'DIY'Social'Emotional'Learning'Kit'

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understand'how'they'feel.'

• You'can'also'use'the'pictures'for'times'when'you'don’t'really'know'what’s' wrong'and'your'kid'is'having'a'hard'time'opening'up'and'expressing'feelings.'

This'technique'can'open'the'door'to'a'deeper'conversation.'

Examples:'

• “I'noticed'that'you'came'home'and'slammed'your'door'today'after'soccer' practice.'Let'me'see'the'‘pic’'of'how'you'are'feeling.”''

• “I'don’t'know'whether'to'cheer'you'up'or'leave'you'alone'when'you'are'in' this'mood.'What’s'the'pic'that'shows'me?”''

These'cards'make'it'much'easier'to'focus'on'the'positive'and'reinforce'your'kids’' good'behavior.'At'WINGS'we'are'mindful'of'the'research'showing'that'positive'

reinforcement'is'a'powerful'tool'for'changing'behavior.'Try'incorporating'this'

strategy'with'your'family'for'a'month'or'two'–'the'results'may'surprise'you.'

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Ready,'Set,'Soar'with'SEL—A'DIY'Social'Emotional'Learning'Kit'

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3.!Wants,!Needs!and!Blessings'

Don’t'wait'until'the'Thanksgiving'meal'to'help'kids'focus'on'their'blessings'–'and' how'they'differ'from'wants'and'needs.'Try'this'activity'at'bedtime.'

Teaching!kids!to!be!thankful!all!year!long'

At'this'time'of'year,'people'focus'on'what'makes'them'feel'thankful.'That'presents'a'

good'opportunity'to'develop'selfKawareness'skills'by'talking'to'kids'about'wants,'

needs'and'blessings,'so'that'they'learn'to'recognize'how'they'differ.'

At'bedtime,'or'some'other'relaxed'moment'during'the'day,'try'asking'your'kid'to'

name'a'want,'a'need'and'a'blessing.'Give'them'some'examples:'

• BLESSING:!Parents'who'love'me' • NEED:!Food'and'water' • WANT:!A'new'video'game'

Doing'this'works'with'any'age'group.'Try'it'for'a'few'days,'or'a'week'leading'up'to' Thanksgiving.'Help'kids'understand'why'certain'answers'may'not'fit'the'category.'

Some!key!points:'

• You'won’t'always'get'the'things'you'want.'' • It’s'important'to'ask'yourself:'Is'what'I'want'(or'want'to'do),'something'that'I'

really''truly'need?''

• There'are'probably'lots'of'things'you'want'–'that’s'great.'' • Sometimes'we'just'want'things'to'make'life'easier'or'more'fun.'''

You'can'vary'the'activity'by'asking,'if'you'could'have'one'thing'in'the'whole'world,'

what'would'it'be?'Then'ask:'Is'the'one'thing'you'want'something'that'would'help'

you'in'life?''At'WINGS'we'teach'that'when'we'talk'about'the'things'we'want'and'the' things'we'need,'it’s'important'to'remember'what'we'are'already'lucky'to'have.'

These'are'our'blessings.'When!you!want!something!and!can’t!get!it,!it!helps!to! remember!your!blessings.!'

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Ready,'Set,'Soar'with'SEL—A'DIY'Social'Emotional'Learning'Kit'

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Cope'with''

Anger'&'Stress'

Ready,'Set,'Soar'with'SEL—A'DIY'Social'Emotional'Learning'Kit'

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1.!Cool!Down!Under!Stress!

Help'kids'cool'down'when'they’re'stressed'out.'

Stand'back' Talk'it over' Read' Exercise' Slow'Down' Sing' '

It’s'normal'to'get'mad'and'lose'control'when'life'gets'hectic.'What'we'tell'the'kids'at'

WINGS'is'that'they'need'to'learn'different'ways'to'cool'off'when'they'are'fired'up'or'

stressed'out.'''

They'learn'that'otherwise'they'may'take'action'they'regret'–'like'yell'at'someone'

when'they'don’t'mean'it,'quit'a'cherished'activity'or'cause'physical'harm.'We'also'

talk'to'the'kids'about'how'becoming'stressed'out'can'make'them'feel'tired'or'cause'

headaches.'''

Talking'with'kids'about'some'options'that'might'work'for'them'means'that'they'are'

more'likely'to'control'those'firedOup'feelings'in'a'constructive'way.'It'helps'to'teach'

them'the'STRESS'acronym.'''

We'tell'them'that'to'Stand'back'means'removing'yourself'from'the'stressful'

situation.'Talking'to'someone'can'defuse'the'problem.'Reading'offers'a'way'to'quiet'

kids'down.'Exercise'is'a'great'outlet'for'stress'and'anxiety.'Kids'can'always'use'

more'practice'in'Slowing'down'and'taking'deep'breaths'that'make'them'feel'

centered'and'back'in'control'so'that'they'think'before'they'act.'And'Singing'or'

listening'to'music'is'a'favorite'way'for'kids'to'regain'calm.'''

Tell!kids:!Don’t!become!a!human!volcano!!'If!you’re!about!to!erupt:!'

• Think'–'what'happened?'' • Feel'–'name'the'emotion'' • Respond'–'choose'an'appropriate'reaction'''

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At'WINGS'we'tell'the'kids'that'sometimes'people'are'like'volcanoes.'We'can'feel'our'

emotions'so''strongly,'it’s'like'an'eruption.'When'emotions'erupt,'you'lose'control'–'

and'that'can'get'you'into'trouble.'''

What!we!teach!them!is!a!threeEstep!process!for!regaining!control:!''

1. Think'about'the'situation:'what'happened,'what'did'you'do,'what'is'going' on?''

2. Realize'how'you'feel:'name'your'emotions,'what’s'going'on'inside'of'you?' 3. Use'the'information'you'came'up'with'while'thinking'and'feeling'to'choose'

Ready,'Set,'Soar'with'SEL—A'DIY'Social'Emotional'Learning'Kit'

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the'most'appropriate'reaction.'''

Learning'to'control'our'emotions'is'an'ongoing'effort,'and'we'help'the'kids'think'

about'and''practice'making'better'choices.'We'tell'them'that'when'they'are'choosing'

how'to'react,'they'need''to'make'the'decision'that'is'appropriate'for'the'particular'

situation'and'will'lead'to'having'a'better'day.'''

It’s'useful'to'get'them'to'think'about'these'situations'in'advance,'so'we'ask'them'to'

think'of'a'time'when'they'didn’t'manage'their'emotions'very'well'and'let'the'

volcano'erupt.'How'could'they'have'handled'the'situation'differently'and'had'a'

better'day'as'a'result?''

We'tell'them:'Don’t'let'yourself'become'a'human'volcanic'eruption!'Try'your'best'to'

think'before'you'react.'

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Ready,'Set,'Soar'with'SEL—A'DIY'Social'Emotional'Learning'Kit'

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2.!Human!Volcano!

Don’t!Become!Human!Volcano.''

If'You’re'About'to'Erupt:''

• Think'O'what'happened?'' • Feel'–'name'the'emotion'' • Respond'–'choose'appropriate'reaction'

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At'WINGS'we'tell'the'kids'that'sometimes'people'are'like'volcanoes.'We'can'feel'our'

emotions'so'strongly,'it’s'like'an'eruption.'When'your'emotions'erupt,'you'lose'

control'–'and'that'can'get'you'into'trouble.'

What'we'teach'them'is'a'threeOstep'process'for'regaining'control.'

First'you'need'to'think'about'the'situation:'what'happened,'what'did'you'do,'what'is'

going'on?'Then'you'need'to'realize'how'you'feel:'name'your'emotions,'what’s'going'

on'inside'of'you?'

Lastly,'you'need'to'use'the'information'you'came'up'with'while'thinking'and'feeling'

to'choose'the'most'appropriate'reaction.'

Learning'to'control'our'emotions'is'an'ongoing'effort,'and'we'help'the'kids'think'

about'and'practice'making'better'choices.'We'tell'them'that'when'they'are'choosing'

how'to'react,'they'need'to'make'the'decision'that'is'appropriate'for'the'particular'

situation'and'will'lead'to'having'a'better'day.'It’s'useful'to'get'them'to'think'about'

these'situations'in'advance,'so'we'ask'them'to'think'of'a'time'when'they'didn’t'

manage'their'emotions'very'well'and'let'the'volcano'erupt.'How'could'they'have'

handled'the'situation'differently'and'had'a'better'day'as'a'result?'

We'tell'them:'Don’t'let'yourself'become'a'human'volcanic'eruption!'Try'your'best'to'

think'before'you'react'so'you'can'control'your'emotions.'

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Ready,'Set,'Soar'with'SEL—A'DIY'Social'Emotional'Learning'Kit'

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3.!Try!BrainSTORM!for!Control!

BrainSTORM'

Kids'frequently'act'impulsively'without'thinking'things'through.'At'WINGS'we'teach'

them'the'following'strategy'to'help'them'brainstorm'all'possible'actions'and'predict'

consequences'before'choosing'what'action'to'take.'(You'might'know'a'few'adults'

who'could'use'the'same'kind'of'assistance!)'

Sit:!Find'a'relaxing'place'to'clear'your'head.''

Think:!Come'up'with'as'many'choices'as'possible.'

Organize:!Put'your'choices'in'order'based'on'the'possible'consequences.'Choices' with'the'best'consequences'should'be'highest'on'the'list.'

Rethink:!What'did'you'miss?'Try'to'think'of'any'other'actions'you'could'possibly' take.'Remember'to'think'outside'the'box!'

Make!the!Best!Choice:!Once'all'actions'and'consequences'are'clarified,'pick'what’s' best'for'you.'

We'tell'the'kids'that'following'this'process'step'by'step'makes'it'much'more'likely'

that'they'will'make'sure'to'do'what’s'best'for'them'and'avoid'hasty,'impulsive'

mistakes.'

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Ready,'Set,'Soar'with'SEL—A'DIY'Social'Emotional'Learning'Kit'

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Express'Emotions' Constructively'

Ready,'Set,'Soar'with'SEL—A'DIY'Social'Emotional'Learning'Kit'

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1.!Teach!Net+1!to!Say!Thank!You!

• Say'the'person’s'Name!' • Look'the'person'in'the'Eye!' • Tell'the'person'“Thanks!”'' • Say'at'least'1!thing'you'like'''

' There'are'all'kinds'of'opportunities'to'teach'children'how'to'express'gratitude,' especially'the'holidays.'Remember'to'do'a'good'job'of'saying'thanks'yourself,'so'you' model'for'the'children.'''

Give'your'kids'some'practice'using'NetN1,'especially'the'little'ones.'Pick'a'few'items' they'really'like'and'pretend'you'are'giving'them'as'a'gift,'so'they'can'follow'the' steps'for'practice.'''

Example:'Look'your'aunt'in'the'eye'and'say,'“Aunt'Connie,'thank'you!'I'love'the' color'of'this'sweater'and'it'feels'so'warm.”'''

Don’t!Forget:!Be'sure'to'praise'kids'when'they'do'it'right.'When'they'actually' receive'a'gift,'watch'them,'and'if'they'skip'a'step,'nicely'assist'by'saying'something' like:'“And'how'about'the'‘1?’”'or'“What'about'the'‘E?’”''

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Ready,'Set,'Soar'with'SEL—A'DIY'Social'Emotional'Learning'Kit'

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2.!Try!Get!It,!Get!It!(Love)!

Giving'Love'Getting'Love,'Give'it'–'Get'it'

We'all'know'it’s'important'for'our'family'to'know'how'much'we'love'and'care' for'them.'Unfortunately'sometimes'life'gets'too'crazy'to'stop'and'do'it.'This' activity'called'Give'it'–'Get'it'is'all'about'giving'and'receiving'love'and' appreciation.'

Here’s'how'it'works:'

Give'everyone'a'separate'sheet'of'paper'for'each'member'of'the'family.'Write'the' names'at'the'top.'On'this'paper,'the'family'member'writes'3'compliments'or' things'they'love'about'the'person'whose'name'is'at'the'top.'It’s'important'to'be' specific!'

Examples:'

• I'love'how'when'I'wake'you'up'in'the'morning,'you'jump'right'out'of'bed' with'a'smile.''

• Thanks'for'always'taking'out'the'garbage'on'Mondays'without'being' asked.''

• Thanks'so'much'for'helping'your'sister'with'her'homework.'She'loves'the' attention'and'it'has'helped'her'get'better'grades.'

Each'family'member'can'designate'a'place'for'their'mailbox'for'delivery'at'a' later'time.'Fold'the'pieces'of'paper'and'put'them'in'the'designated'location.' Some'good'spots:'inside'a'school'lunchbox,'on'a'pillow'at'bedtime,'under'the' cereal'bowl'at'breakfast.'Each'person'now'has'several'pieces'of'positive' feedback'from'every'member'of'their'family.'What'a'great'feeling!'

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Ready,'Set,'Soar'with'SEL—A'DIY'Social'Emotional'Learning'Kit'

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3.!Wrestle!Worries!

Help'a'child'wrestle'worries'and'fears'

1. Ask'and'listen'' 2. Write'out'worries'' 3. Sort'into'2'stacks'–'can/can’t'control'''

' It'helps'kids'when'adults'provide'acknowledgement'and'practical'strategies'for' coping'with'the'worries'and'fears'that'are'a'normal'part'of'life.''Here’s'how'to'give' them'some'help'and'support:''

1. Pick'a'good'time'to'talk'with'your'child'about'any'worries.''

2. Write'down'the'worries'and'talk'about'each'in'turn.'“So,'you’re'worried' 'about'doing'well'on'your'math'test?”'or'“It'sounds'like'you’re'worried' that''nobody'on'the'soccer'team'will'like'you.”''

3. Sort'the'worries'into'two'stacks'–'can'do'something'about'and'can’t'do' 'anything'about.'Put'each'in'a'separate'jar'or'bowl.'“You'can’t'control' whether'people'like'you'–'except'to'be'your'wonderful'self!”'but'“You' certainly'can'study'for'math'30'minutes'a'day'so'you’re'prepared.”''

4. Brainstorm'solutions'together'and'write'them'down,'putting'the'plan'in' the'appropriate'jar.''

5. A'few'days'or'a'week'later,'get'together'again'to'talk'about'the'worries.' “Still'worried?'How'did'the'plans'work?”''

6. Make'adjustments'and'try'again.''

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Lessen'Power'

Struggles,'Improve'

DecisionAMaking'

Ready,'Set,'Soar'with'SEL—A'DIY'Social'Emotional'Learning'Kit'

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1.!Lessen!the!Stressin’!

The'holidays'are'a'very'exciting'time'for'kids'but'they'can'also'be'a'very'stressful'

time'for'parents'A'entertaining'kids'who'are'out'of'school,'shopping,'preparing'

meals,'making'plans,'etc.'

An'easy'way'to'Lessen'the'Stressin’'is'to'set'expectations'early.'By'taking'10'minutes'

to'brainstorm'the'challenges'that'lie'ahead,'you'can'set'expectations'with'your'kids'

so'they'know'exactly'what'you'need'from'them.'The'key'is'to'think'ahead'before'you'

get'into'a'situation'where'your'kids'are'driving'you'bonkers!'

Here'are'some'examples:'

You$are$going$to$a$relative’s$house$where$your$child$will$likely$receive$a$gift$he/she$ does$not$enjoy.$

Before'leaving'or'while'in'the'car'say:'Just'so'you'know,'Aunt'Jesse'will'probably'

give'you'a'gift'while'we'are'here.'This'is'extremely'nice'of'Aunt'Jessie.'She'loves'you'

very'much.'I'know'she'can'sometimes'buy'things'you'are'not'into,'but'I'expect'you'

to:'

• Smile'when'you'open'the'package'' • Say'“thank'you”'to'Aunt'Jessie'like'you'mean'it'(Practice'if'you'have'to)'' • Give'Aunt'Jessie'a'nice'big'hug'' • Avoid'making'any'faces'that'show'you'do'not'like'the'gift.'This'will'hurt'

Aunt'Jessie’s'feelings'and'we'don’t'want'to'do'that'''

The'kids'are'off'from'school'and'you'need'to'bake'cookies'for'a'holiday'party.'''

In$the$morning$when$the$kids$wake$up,$say:$Today$can$be$a$lot$of$fun,$but$I$need$to$ bake$cookies$from$2:00C3:30pm.$During$this$time,$I$expect$you$to:$$

• Have'something'fun'picked'out'to'do'on'your'own,'Please'pick'three' things'so'you'don’t'run'out'of'stuff'to'do'(Brainstorm'with'them)''

• Avoid'complaining'to'me'that'you'are'bored'' • Have'a'snack'and'drink'beforehand'so'you'don’t'need'to'ask'me'' • Stay'out'of'the'kitchen'because'it'will'be'very'messy''

Since'the'kids'are'out'of'school,'they'are'going'to'want'to'stay'up'late'and'may'be'

rowdy'with'excitement'when'it’s'time'to'actually'go'to'bed.''At'dinner'say:'I'

know'there'is'no'school'tomorrow'so'we'all'get'to'stay'up'late!'We'are'going'to'

make'popcorn'and'play'two'board'games.'After'the'games,'you'can'play'in'your'

room'for'15'minutes.''

This'is'going'to'be'a'lot'of'fun,'but'because'we'are'going'to'have'so'much'fun,'when'

it'is'time'for'bed'I'expect'you'to:'

Ready,'Set,'Soar'with'SEL—A'DIY'Social'Emotional'Learning'Kit'

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• Brush'your'teeth'without'complaining'the'very'first'time'I'ask'' • Put'your'pajamas'on'the'very'first'time'I'ask'' • Turn'off'your'light'the'very'first'time'I'ask'' • Understand'that'we'have'already'had'a'snack'and'that'bedtime'is'not'the'

time''to'ask'for'another''

• Show'me'that'you'are'thankful'by'staying'in'your'bed'and'trying'to'go'to' 'sleep'as'quickly'as'possible''

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Ready,'Set,'Soar'with'SEL—A'DIY'Social'Emotional'Learning'Kit'

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2.!Let!Kids!Fix!Own!Problems!

Ever'feel'like'a'dictator'when'talking'to'your'kids'about'doing'what'needs'to'be'

done?'There’s'a'better'way'to'communicate'and'get'action!'

At'WINGS,'we'emphasize'how'important'it'is'to'let'kids'figure'out'how'to'fix'their'

own'problems.'

Instead'of'dictating'exactly'what'you'want'from'them,'instead'simply'state'the'

problem'clearly'and'succinctly'–'and'let'them'decide'how'to'fix'it.'You'won’t'feel'like'

a'dictator,'and'your'kid'gets'a'chance'to'do'the'right'thing.'

Some$examples:$

Dictator’s!way! Better!way! Turn'off'the'TV!'You'know'you’re'not'

allowed'to'watch'TV'while'you'do'your'

homework.'

The'TV'is'on'during'homework'time.'

This'is'breaking'a'house'rule.'

Close'the'door!' Bugs'are'flying'in'here'because'the'door'

is'open.'

Stop'whining!' You’re'whining.'I'don’t'give'whining'kids'

what'they'want.'

Feed'the'dog!' The'dog’s'bowl'is'empty'and'he'looks'

hungry.'

Pick'up'the'crayons!' Your'crayons'are'all'over'the'floor'and'

they'are'going'to'get'smashed.'

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Ready,'Set,'Soar'with'SEL—A'DIY'Social'Emotional'Learning'Kit'

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3.!Offer!Choices!

More!Choice!–!Less!Struggle:'Instead'of'frustrating'power'struggles'with'your'kids,' offer'choices'that'include'them'in'the'decisionAmaking'process'and'encourage'their'

independence.'How'about'making'it'a'resolution'for'the'New'Year'–'fewer'power'

struggles,'more'choices!'

More!Choices!–!Fewer!Power!Struggles:'Parents'grow'weary'of'the'arguments' over'matters'big'and'small'with'their'kids.'Instead'of'telling'them'what'to'do,'giving'

choices'to'kids'helps'them'learn'responsible'decisionAmaking'and'keeps'these'

encounters'from'becoming'a'battle'of'wills.'

Some!examples,!according!to!age:!Child$is$whining$and$complaining$as$bedtime$ nears.$Don’t'say:'“I’m'tired'of'your'whining'and'complaining,'so'you'are'going'to' have'to'go'to'bed'now!”'Do'say:'“You'can'go'to'bed'now'...'or'stop'the'whining'and'

complaining'and'watch'one'TV'show'before'bed.'What’s'your'choice?”'

Child$doesn’t$want$to$share$his$toy.$ Don’t'say:'“Give'that'toy'to'your'brother'–'you'need'to'learn'to'share.”'Do'say:'“You'

have'a'choice.'Either'stop'playing'with'your'toy'now'and'give'it'to'your'brother'to'

play'with'for'5'minutes'...'or'you'can'play'with'it'for'5'more'minutes'and'give'it'to'

him'to'play'with'for'10'minutes.”'

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Child$does$not$want$to$take$a$bath.$ Don’t'say:'“Take'off'your'clothes'right'this'minute'and'get'into'the'tub!”'Do'say:'“You'

can'either'take'your'clothes'off'and'get'into'the'tub'...'or'I’m'going'to'have'to'pull'

your'clothes'off'and'put'you'into'the'tub.'This'will'probably'make'you'upset.'What’s'

your'choice?”'

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Child$wants$an$inappropriate$TCshirt.$ Don’t'say:'“You'can’t'buy'that'shirt'–'you’ll'look'like'a'hoodlum'wearing'that!”'Do'

say:'“I’m'sorry'you'cannot'have'that'shirt.'The'choice'is'that'you'can'get'no'shirt'...'

or'pick'out'another'one.”'

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Child’s$room$is$a$mess.$ Don’t'say:'“Your'room'is'such'a'mess,'forget'about'going'out'with'your'friends'this'

weekend!”'Do'say:'“Your'room'is'very'messy.'You'can'clean'it'now'and'go'out'

tonight'...'or'you'can'clean'it'later,'and'stay'home'tonight.”'

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Tips:'

• Make'up'your'mind'in'advance'to'keep'it'brief.'Don’t'allow'your'kid'to'keep' arguing'or'restating'the'obvious'–'and'refrain'from'lectures'yourself.'

• Stick'to'your'original'choices'–'don’t'let'your'kid'suggest'others.' • Giving'in'just'to'end'the'struggle'sends'the'wrong'message'–'and'leads'to'

even'more'arguing'the'next'time!'When'offering'the'choices,'it'can'be'helpful'

to'ask:'“What'do'you'think'would'be'the'best'choice'for'you?”'

Ready,'Set,'Soar'with'SEL—A'DIY'Social'Emotional'Learning'Kit'

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4.!Play!Fingers!Up,'Answers!At!Hand'

Need'to'decide'who’s'going'to'take'out'the'trash,'sit'in'the'front'seat'of'the'car'or'get'

the'last'piece'of'pizza?'Fingers'Up'shows'kids'a'fair'way'to'make'hard'decisions.'

Make!decisions!quickly!with!Fingers!Up'

Tired'of'squabbles?'Try'using'this'fun'trick'called'Fingers'Up'when'it’s'time'to'take'

out'the'trash'and'no'one'wants'to'do'it.'

Gather'family'members'and'tell'them'to'put'up'as'many'fingers'as'they'want,'on'the'

count'of'three.'

Once'everyone'has'their'fingers'up,'count'them'for'a'total.'So'if'your'son'put'up'5,'

your'daughter'put'up'3,'your'husband'put'up'2'and'you'also'put'up'2,'the'total'is'12.'

Count'off'to'12'starting'with'yourself'and'going'to'the'left.'So,'you'are'1,'then'the'

next'person'is'2,'3,'etc.'Go'around'until'you'reach'the'number'12,'and'whoever'you'

land'on'has'to'take'out'the'trash.'(Don’t'always'make'the'chosen'person'the'one'

who'gets'the'dreaded'chore'–'it’s'more'fun'if'sometimes'that’s'the'person'who'

claims'the'piece'of'pizza'everyone'wants!)'

Fingers'Up'helps'minimize'squabbles'but'seizes'the'teachable'moment'to'remind'

kids'what'we'teach'at'WINGS'in'our'Creed'–'“I'want'to'step'inside'their'shoes'and'

see'what'they'are'going'through.”'

Reinforce'the'learning'that'this'is'a'fair'way'to'make'a'hard'decision.'Tell'kids'it’s'

important'to'think'about'how'they'will'react'either'way'–'if'they'“lose”'and'get'the'

trash'chore,'or'if'they'“win”'this'time.'

You'might'say:'“I'know'that'if'you'are'the'one'chosen'to'take'out'the'trash,'you'are'

going'to'be'upset.'But'remember'this'is'a'fair'way'to'make'a'decision,'so'think'now'

about'how'you'are'going'to'react.'Screaming'or'pouting'is'not'going'to'help.'Take'

deep'breaths'or'count'to'10'if'you'need'to.'It'will'be'best'to'say'calmly,'“OK,'I’m'the'

unlucky'one.'I’ll'go'get'my'shoes'on'so'I'can'take'out'the'trash.”'

Be'sure'to'explain'how'to'act'if'they'luck'out'this'time.'“If'you'are'the'lucky'one'and'

do'not'have'to'take'out'the'trash,'remember'to'think'about'how'the'unlucky'one'

feels.'Treat'them'the'way'you'would'want'to'be'treated.'Shouting'and'celebrating'

will'probably'make'them'feel'worse.'Be'happy'you'are'the'lucky'one'but'don’t'rub'it'

in.”'

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Ready,'Set,'Soar'with'SEL—A'DIY'Social'Emotional'Learning'Kit'

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5.!No!Losers!with!WinSWin'

When'kids'get'input'in'decisionAmaking,'they'may'not'get'exactly'what'they'want'

but'they'learn'to'find'solutions'everyone'can'live'with.'Explain'fairness'with'the'

winAwin'grid.'

Using!the!WinSWin!Grid!for!DecisionSmaking'

One'way'to'explain'a'fair,'winAwin'decisionAmaking'process'to'kids'is'to'use'the'

example'of'a'4AyearAold'and'a'6AyearAold'who'both'want'their'mother'to'let'them'

have'the'last'piece'of'candy.'After'discussing'the'grid'below,'ask'kids'to'come'up'

with'some'solutions'where'everyone'wins.'

• Could'you'split'the'candy'in'half?' • Could'one'child'split'the'candy'in'half,'and'the'other'child'choose'one'to'eat?'' • Could'the'4AyearAold'eat'the'candy'now'and'the'6AyearAold'get'two'candies'

when'they'get'home'in'an'hour?''

• Could'the'mother'eat'the'candy'now,'and'the'children'each'get'two'candies' tomorrow?'

What’s'important'is'to'help'kids'develop'the'habit'of'looking'for'solutions'where'

everyone'wins.'Also'they'need'to'understand'that'there'are'going'to'be'decisions'

that'don’t'please'everyone'in'the'group.'When'kids'participate'in'a'process'they'feel'

is'fair,'they'may'still'be'unhappy'about'not'getting'their'first'choice,'but'they'learn'

the'importance'of'winAwin.'

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Ready,'Set,'Soar'with'SEL—A'DIY'Social'Emotional'Learning'Kit'

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Positive'Reinforcement'

Ready,'Set,'Soar'with'SEL—A'DIY'Social'Emotional'Learning'Kit'

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Lessen!the!Stressin’!

The'holidays'are'a'very'exciting'time'for'kids'but'they'can'also'be'a'very'stressful' time'for'parents'F'entertaining'kids'who'are'out'of'school,'shopping,'preparing'

meals,'making'plans,'etc.'

An'easy'way'to'Lessen'the'Stressin’'is'to'set'expectations'early.'By'taking'10'minutes' to'brainstorm'the'challenges'that'lie'ahead,'you'can'set'expectations'with'your'kids' so'they'know'exactly'what'you'need'from'them.'The'key'is'to'think'ahead'before'you' get'into'a'situation'where'your'kids'are'driving'you'bonkers!'

Here'are'some'examples:'

You$are$going$to$a$relative’s$house$where$your$child$will$likely$receive$a$gift$he/she$ does$not$enjoy.$

Before'leaving'or'while'in'the'car'say:'Just'so'you'know,'Aunt'Jesse'will'probably' give'you'a'gift'while'we'are'here.'This'is'extremely'nice'of'Aunt'Jessie.'She'loves'you' very'much.'I'know'she'can'sometimes'buy'things'you'are'not'into,'but'I'expect'you' to:'

• Smile'when'you'open'the'package'' • Say'“thank'you”'to'Aunt'Jessie'like'you'mean'it'(Practice'if'you'have'to)'' • Give'Aunt'Jessie'a'nice'big'hug'' • Avoid'making'any'faces'that'show'you'do'not'like'the'gift.'This'will'hurt'

Aunt'Jessie’s'feelings'and'we'don’t'want'to'do'that'''

The'kids'are'off'from'school'and'you'need'to'bake'cookies'for'a'holiday'party.'''

In$the$morning$when$the$kids$wake$up,$say:$Today$can$be$a$lot$of$fun,$but$I$need$to$ bake$cookies$from$2:00C3:30pm.$During$this$time,$I$expect$you$to:$$

• Have'something'fun'picked'out'to'do'on'your'own,'Please'pick'three' things'so'you'don’t'run'out'of'stuff'to'do'(Brainstorm'with'them)''

• Avoid'complaining'to'me'that'you'are'bored'' • Have'a'snack'and'drink'beforehand'so'you'don’t'need'to'ask'me'' • Stay'out'of'the'kitchen'because'it'will'be'very'messy''

Since'the'kids'are'out'of'school,'they'are'going'to'want'to'stay'up'late'and'may'be' rowdy'with'excitement'when'it’s'time'to'actually'go'to'bed.''At'dinner'say:'I' know'there'is'no'school'tomorrow'so'we'all'get'to'stay'up'late!'We'are'going'to' make'popcorn'and'play'two'board'games.'After'the'games,'you'can'play'in'your' room'for'15'minutes.''

Ready,'Set,'Soar'with'SEL—A'DIY'Social'Emotional'Learning'Kit'

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This'is'going'to'be'a'lot'of'fun,'but'because'we'are'going'to'have'so'much'fun,'when' it'is'time'for'bed'I'expect'you'to:'

• Brush'your'teeth'without'complaining'the'very'first'time'I'ask'' • Put'your'pajamas'on'the'very'first'time'I'ask'' • Turn'off'your'light'the'very'first'time'I'ask'' • Understand'that'we'have'already'had'a'snack'and'that'bedtime'is'not'the'

time''to'ask'for'another'' • Show'me'that'you'are'thankful'by'staying'in'your'bed'and'trying'to'go'to'

'sleep'as'quickly'as'possible''

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Ready,'Set,'Soar'with'SEL—A'DIY'Social'Emotional'Learning'Kit'

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2.!Five!Cents’!Worth!of!Positive!Feedback'

Remind'yourself'to'give'kids'more'of'the'approval'they'crave'by'putting'five'pennies' in'your'pocket'or'on'the'window'sill'each'day.'

Use!Pennies!to!Remember!to!Praise'

The'more'attention'kids'get'for'the'good'things'they'do,'the'more'they'want'to' repeat'the'behavior.'Psychological'research'demonstrates'that'positive'feedback'has' a'huge'impact'on'motivating'behavioral'change.'Yet'we'can'easily'find'ourselves' focusing'instead'on'what'kids'do'wrong.'Commit'yourself'to'giving'your'kid'5'pieces' of'positive'feedback'every'day'for'a'week,'and'see'the'difference'it'makes.'

Here’s'a'useful'way'to'remind'yourself.'

Start'each'day'with'5'pennies'in'your'righthand'pocket'or'on'one'side'of'the'window' sill.'Each'time'you'praise'your'kid,'move'a'penny'to'the'lefthand'pocket'or'the'other' side'of'the'sill.'By'the'end'of'the'days,'all'of'the'pennies'should'move'to'the'other' side.'

Remember'that'effective'feedback'describes'the'behavior,'describes'the'situation' and'states'the'effect.'

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Ready,'Set,'Soar'with'SEL—A'DIY'Social'Emotional'Learning'Kit'

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3.!Reassure!With!Routines!and!Rituals!

The'start'of'school'brings'social'and'emotional'pressures'that'present'enormous' challenges'for'kids.'Try'some'reassuring'rituals'to'create'an'emotional'connection'as'

they'leave'for'school'and'return'home.'

Acknowledge!Feelings,!Create!a!Ritual'

Even'the'most'selfFassured'kids'approach'a'new'school'year'with'worries.'Will'they' make'new'friends'and'keep'the'old'friends?'Will'they'measure'up'to'what’s' expected'in'academics'and'extracurricular'activities?'Where’s'the'new'classroom?' What'if'they'disappoint'their'parents'or'teachers?'How'will'they'sit'still'at'their' desks'after'a'summer'of'freedom?'

Along'with'the'academic'skills'children'acquire'in'school'as'they'grow,'they'are' learning'to'rely'on'themselves'and'develop'confidence.'They'can'use'some'help' from'the'caring'adults'in'their'lives'as'they'build'the'social'and'emotional'smarts' that'foster'selfF'reliance.'

Remember'that'the'routines'and'rituals'of'family'life'are'very'powerful.'They'can'be' very'simple.'Repetition'is'key.'And'why'not'get'your'child'to'participate'in'creating' the'ritual?'

If'you'drop'your'child'off'in'a'carpool'line,'maybe'the'ritual'could'be'unhooking'the' seatbelt'and'offering'each'other'a'special'handshake'or'fist'bump.'Maybe'it’s'as' simple'as'a'kiss'on'the'nose'as'your'child'heads'out'the'door'or'something'you'say' every'single'time.'Stick'with'it,'even'if'your'kids'say,'“Oh,'Dad,”'and'roll'their'eyes.' This'is'the'kind'of'routine'your'kids'will'secretly'love,'so'ignore'their'protests.'

Maybe'the'ritual'can'revolve'around'found'objects'from'a'good'time'you'had' together'this'summer'–'shells'collected'on'the'beach'or'rocks'from'a'hike'through' the'woods.'

Tell'some'stories'of'your'own'school'days'–'especially'with'happy'endings'–'and' help'ease'anxiety'and'stay'connected.'Let'your'child'know'it’s'normal'to'feel' nervous.'

Acknowledge'your'own'feelings'as'well'as'theirs,'and'model'for'your'child'what'will' help.'For'example,'you'might'say,'“When'I'miss'you,'I’m'going'to'touch'this'pebble'in' my'pocket.'You'can'do'the'same.'Let’s'make'sure'there'are'pockets'in'the'clothes' you'wear'to'school.”'

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Ready,'Set,'Soar'with'SEL—A'DIY'Social'Emotional'Learning'Kit'

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4.!Teach!'Em!&!Reach!'Em'

Teaching'kids'how'to'be'responsible,'caring,'polite,'etc.'can'be'tricky,'so'often'times' parents'introduce'job'or'behavior'charts.'The'problem'is'keeping'up'with'charts'can' be'exhausting'and'these'charts'too'often'slowly'disappear'without'making'much'of' an'impact.'Teach''Em'and'Reach''Em'helps'kids'focus'on'very'specific'behaviors'

while'helping'kids'learn'how'to'be'responsible.'

Here's!how!to!do!it:'

1. Pick'2'or'3'behaviors'to'work'on'with'your'child.'' 2. Talk'with'your'child'about'these'behaviors'giving'them'specific'actions'that'

you'will'be'looking'for'and'describing''your'expectations.'' 3. Give'your'child'3'“tickets”'representative'of'each'behavior.'' 4. Watch'for'your'child'to'display'the'skills'you'are'teaching,'and'when'they'do,'

compliment'them'and'ask'that'they''put'a'ticket'in'the'“Reward'Jar”.'' 5. At'the'end'of'the'week,'if'all'3'tickets'are'in'the'jar,'the'child'gets'a'reward.''

' Examples:'

Behavior:'Being'nicer'to'a'younger'sibling.'Action'and'Expectation:'After'dinner,' read'a'book'to'your'sister'without'being'told.'Behavior:'Helping'out'with' dinner'Action'and'Expectation:'Set'the'table'before'5:45'without'being'asked.'

A!few!pointers:'

• The'key'is'to'take'it'slow.'By'focusing'on'one'or'two'specific'behaviors,' kids'can'be'successful'and'understand'what'success'feels'like.''

• After'you'compliment'your'child,'it'is'up'to'them'to'put'the'ticket'in'the' Reward'Jar.'It'is'also'up'to'the'child'to'count'the'tickets'at'the'end'of'the' week.'This'is'part'of'teaching'responsibility.''

• Your'child'should'engage'in'the'behavior'without'reminders,'however'if'a' day'goes'by'where'the'behavior'is'forgotten,'you'can'remind'your'child' that'night'that'they'should'try'to'work'on'it'the'next'day.''

• Pick'an'action'that'can'only'be'done'once'a'day.'' • Change'the'actions'and'expectations'weekly'so'you'are'still'focused'on'

the'behavior,'but'are'showing'your'child'a'variety'of'ways'to'work'on'this' behavior.'

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Talk'That'Improves' Without'Nagging'

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1.!Three!Easy!E’s!

Sometimes'talking'with'a'child'feels'like'talking'to'a'wall!'Kids'have'so'much'going' and'sometimes'they'just'can't'focus'on'what'is'being'told'to'them.'Guess'what?' There'is'an'easier'answer'than'raising'your'voice'or'nagging'the'child'for'not'

listening.' ' Simply'take'a'few'moments'to'teach'them'the'Three'Easy'E's:'' '

• EYES:'Keep'your'eyes'on'the'person'you'are'talking'to'' • EARS:'Block'out'all'extra'noise'and'don't'listen'to'those'around'you;'if'you'

are'talking'to'someone,'you'should'only'hear'what'they'are'saying,'block' everything'else'out''

• ENERGY:'Put'all'your'energy'into'the'person'you'are'dealing'with,'don't' work'on'anything'else'or'try'to'do'two'things'at'once''

' Once'you'have'taught'a'child'this'technique'it'is'time'to'stop'nagging'and'start'being' heard.'' ' For'example:'

1. If'you'are'talking'with'a'child'and'he/she'is'staring'out'the'window,'you' simply'say'"Eyes,'here'please."'

2. If'the'radio'or'TV'is'on'while'you'are'talking,'gently'touch'the'child's'arm'and' say'"Ears'on'me,'please."'

3. If'a'child'is'fiddling'with'a'pencil'while'you'are'talking,'put'your'hand'over' the'pencil'and'say'"Energy'on'me,'not'the'pencil."'

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2.!Dialoguing!

Help'kids'express'emotions'through'dialoguing'

• Mirroring'–'paraphrase'it'back'' • Validation'–'have'I'got'that'right?'' • Empathy'–'express'understanding'''

Dialoguing'is'a'method'we'use'when'kids'are'having'a'hard'time'managing'their' emotions''–'negative'or'positive.'It’s'a'constructive'way'for'them'to'get'their'feelings' out'in'the'open'and'have'them'validated'by'an'adult.'With'practice,'kids'learn'how' to'express'their'emotions'appropriately.'''

Remember'–'you'can'mirror,'validate'and'express'empathy'even'if'you'disagree' with'what'the'child'did'or'why!'''

Here’s!how!it!works!when!you’re!dialoguing!with!a!child:!''

Mirroring:'“So,'you'are'telling'me'that'you'kicked'the'chair'when'you'got'angry'at' Bridget''for'taking'away'your'ball?”''

Validation:'“Have'I'got'that'right?'I'can'see'that'you'are'really'feeling'mad'about'not' being'able'to'play'with'the'basketball.'Is'there'more?''

Empathy:'“I'can'imagine'that'you'must'feel'really'angry'that'you'can’t'play' basketball'when'you’ve'been'waiting'all'day'to'get'outside.'That'must'be'very' frustrating.”'''

Why!it!Works!'Mirroring'is'the'process'of'accurately'reflecting'back'the'content'of'a' message'from'someone'with'whom'you'are'talking.'The'most'common'form'of' mirroring'is'paraphrasing.'A'paraphrase'is'a'statement'in'your'own'words'of'what' the'message'a'child'sends'means'to'you.'''

It'indicates'that'you'are'willing'to'transcend'your'own'thoughts'and'feelings'for'the' moment'and'attempt'to'understand'the'child'from'her/his'point'of'view.'''

Any'response'made'prior'to'mirroring'is'often'an'interpretation'and'may'contain'a' misunderstanding.'Mirroring'allows'a'child'to'send'a'message'and'permits'you'to' paraphrase'until'you'understand.'''

Validation'is'a'communication'that'the'information'being'received'and'mirrored' makes'sense.'It'indicates'that'you'can'see'her/his'point'of'view'and'can'accept'its' validity'–'it'is''true'for'the'child.'Validation'is'a'temporary'suspension'or' transcendence'of'your'point'of'view'that'allows'the'child’s'experience'to'have'his' own'reality.'''

Phrases!to!Use!'Typical'validating'phrases'are,'“I'can'see'that'...”'or'“You'make' sense'to'me'because'....”'Or'“I'can'understand'that'...”'''

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Such'phrases'convey'to'the'child'that'the'subjective'experience'has'its'own'logic'and' is'a'valid'way'of'looking'at'things.'To'validate'a'child’s'message'does'not'mean'that' you'agree'with'her/his'point'or'view'or'that'it'reflects'your'subjective'experience.'It' recognizes'the'fact'that'in'any'communication'between'two'people,'there'are'always' two'points'of'view.'

Empathy'is'the'process'of'reflecting,'imagining'or'participating'in'the'feelings'the' child'is'experiencing'about'the'situation.'This'deep'level'of'communication'attempts' to'recognize,'reach'into'and,'on'some'level,'experience'the'emotions'of'the'child.'

Phrases!to!Use'

Typical'phrases'for'empathic'communication'include:'“And'I'can'imagine'that'you' must'feel'...”'or'“When'you'experience'that,'I'hear'...”'or'“I'understand'that'you'feel'....”' Or'“That'makes'sense'to'me.”'

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Ready,'Set,'Soar'with'SEL—A'DIY'Social'Emotional'Learning'Kit'

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3.!Disregard!&!Divert!

Feel'like'a'broken'record,'giving'the'same'demands'over'and'over'in'order'to' eliminate'negative'behaviors?'"Stop'it!"'"Clean'that'up!"'"Pay'attention!"'"Sit'still!"' Many'times'the'things'we'say'to'our'kids'have'a'negative'tone'and'let's'face'it,'they' have'tuned'us'out.'Believe'it'or'not,'there'are'many'negative'behaviors'that'can'be' ignored.'WINGS'teaches'the'Disregard'and'Divert'technique'to'help'limit'the'focus' on'the'negatives'and'redirect'the'child's'attention'back'to'more'positive'behaviors.'

1. DISREGARD'the'negative'behavior'your'child'is'displaying.'This'might'seem' difficult,'but'it'is'easier'than'it'sounds.'Just'take'a'deep'breath'and'don't'even' acknowledge'the'negative.''

2. DIVERT'the'child's'attention'from'negative'behavior'back'to'something'that' the'child'should'be'doing.'All'this'takes'is'a'little'creativity'and'consistency.' Find'something'that'will'get'your'child'back'on'track'and'interested'in'what' you'want'them'to'do.''

Example'#1:'

Your'child'is'supposed'to'be'doing'their'homework,'but'keeps'getting'up'from'the' table'and'playing'with'the'dog.''

Disregard'the'behavior'you'do'not'like:'Getting'up'from'the'table'and'playing'with' the'dog'

Divert'the'child's'attention'away'from'the'negative'behavior'and'back'to'the'activity' (their'homework).'Say,'"I'm'right'here'to'help.'You've'done'a'great'job'on'the'first'3' problems'so'let's'give'problem'4'a'try'together."''

This'allows'you'to'keep'the'focus'on'the'homework'getting'done'while'avoiding' yelling'at'your'child'to'sit'down,'to'focus,'or'to'stop'playing'with'the'dog.''

Example'#2:'

Your'children'are'fighting'and'arguing'with'each'other,'while'they'are'supposed'to' be'cleaning'their'rooms.''

Disregard'the'behavior'you'do'not'like:'The'yelling'and'arguing'

Divert'the'children's'attention'away'from'the'negative'behavior'and'back'to'the' activity'(cleaning'their'room).'You'could'focus'on'the'positives'saying,'"Wow'you' have'already'put'away'the'clothes'that'were'on'your'bed.'Great'job!'Now'let's'turn' on'the'radio'and'have'a'singgalong'as'we'see'what'we'have'hidden'under'the'bed' that'needs'to'be'put'away."''

Don't'start'giving'out'warnings'or'consequences,'just'ignore'the'fighting,'praise' them'for'some'progress,'turn'on'the'radio,'and'encourage'them'to'sing'along.''

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There'are'many'ways'to'try'to'divert'your'child's'attention'away'from'negative' behaviors.'You'just'need'to'try'and'see'what'works'for'you'and'your'child.'WINGS' has'found'that'the'best'way'to'divert'a'child's'attention'from'something'negative'is' to'try'to'make'things'more'fun'or'interesting.'This'can'be'done'through'a'game,'a' new'task,'or'even'just'offering'to'work'with'the'child'onegongone.'The'more'time' you'spend'thinking'of'positive,'creative'diversions,'the'less'time'you'll'spend' dwelling'on'and'living'in'the'negative.'

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Ready,'Set,'Soar'with'SEL—A'DIY'Social'Emotional'Learning'Kit'

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4.!Giving!Effective!Feedback!

• DESCRIBE'the'situation' • DESCRIBE'the'behavior' • STATE'the'effect'

Staying'Constructive' Effective'feedback'gives'kids'specific'information'about'the'good'and'bad'things' they'do'in'a'constructive,'respectful'way'that'helps'them'improve.'They'will'exhibit' even'more'good'behavior'if'they'understand'clearly'the'cause'and'effect.'It'may' seem'obvious'to'adults,'but'often'the'connection'is'missing'in'their'minds.' ' Keep'it'Clear'

DESCRIBE'the'situation'

DESCRIBE'the'behavior''

STATE'the'effect'

Put'it'into'Action'

Right!Way! Wrong!Way!

When'I'checked'out'your'room'this' morning,'I'saw'that'you'brought'all'the' trash'and'dishes'to'the'kitchen.'I'realize'I' made'the'right'decision'to'let'you'eat'in' your'room.'

Good'job'on'your'room!'

At'the'playground,'you'grabbed'the'jump' rope'from'Nellie.'I'could'see'she'was' mad'and'walked'away.'That'left'you' without'a'friend'to'play'with.'

One'day'you’re'going'to'learn'to'share!'

I'noticed'you'put'the'car'keys'on'the' counter'last'night'–'I'didn’t'have'to'look' around'for'them'this'morning'when'I' was'in'a'hurry'to'get'to'my'meeting.' Thanks.'

It’s'about'time'you'put'the'keys'where' they’re'supposed'to'be!'

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Why'it'Works' The'more'attention'kids'get'for'the'good'things'they'do,'the'more'they'want'to' repeat'the'behavior.'Pointing'out'what'works'and'what'doesn’t'gives'kids'important' information'they'need'to'reinforce'good'habits'and'positive'behavior.'By'using'

Ready,'Set,'Soar'with'SEL—A'DIY'Social'Emotional'Learning'Kit'

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description,'you'focus'on'what'needs'to'be'done'instead'of'focusing'on'blame'and' wrongdoing.' ' Don’t'Forget' Feedback'is'not'just'a'different'word'for'nagging!'Nagging'is'negative,'repetitive,' ineffective.'If'you'find'yourself'saying'the'same'thing'over'and'over'without'results' –'it’s'time'to'try'another'tack.'

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Ready,'Set,'Soar'with'SEL—A'DIY'Social'Emotional'Learning'Kit'

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5.!OpenOEnded!Inquires!

Get'more'than'a'onegword'answer'with'OpengEnded'Inquiries!'

School's'back'in'session—what'an'exciting'time!'Whether'children'are'entering' kindergarten,'middle'school,'high'school,'or'even'college'parents'are'curious'as'to' what'goes'on'inside'classroom'walls.'Unfortunately,'when'it'comes'time'to'ask'kids' about'their'experiences,'parents'are'often'greeted'with'a'shrug'or'"fine."'We'want' more!'

Break'through'the'walls'of'onegword'answers'with'OpengEnded'Inquiries.' Examples:'

Instead!of! Say!

Did'you'have'fun'today?' What'was'the'best'part'of'your'day' today?'

Do'you'like'your'teacher?' What's'the'best'thing'about'your' teacher?'Worst?'

Did'you'make'any'new'friends?' Tell'me'about'2'new'kids'you've'met.' Did'you'behave'today?' Tell'me'about'any'challenges'you'had'

today'with'your'behavior.' Did'you'learn'anything'new?' Tell'me'two'things'you'learned'today.' '

Try'these'at'home'and'let'the'conversation'flow!'