Ethnology of Africa
odohj83
WhyAmIHereMbembeSAfrica1.pdf
A T R I S K
A C H I L L E M B E M B E
W x E x E I G x E w u P
a n y political signification. T
h u s it c
o u l d declare a
state After t
h e S e c o n d W o r l d W a r , t h e r e e m e r g e d i n t h e
o f e x c e p t i o n precisely to o
v e r c o m e t h e resistance
b y
m a i n u r b a n c e n t r e s o f m y c o u n t r y a n anticolonialist
extra legal m e a n s . T h e n a m e s o f t h e nationalist m
o v e -
m o v e m e n t that d
e m a n d e d i m m e d i a t e i n d e p e n d e n c e .
m e n t ' s principle protagonists w
e r e b a n n e d f r o m public
I d e a s o f liberty, self-constitution
a n d s e l f - g o v e r n m e n t
discourse i n o r d e r to e
x p u n g e f r o m t h e nation's m
e m -
swiftly s p r e a d to
all layers o f society, at least in
t h e
o r y all e
v e n t s associated w
i t h t h e i n d e p e n d e n c e strug-
s o u t h e r n a n d w e s t e r n parts o
f t h e territory. A
s colonial
gle. L o n g after their e
x e c u t i o n s , it w
a s f o r b i d d e n to
repression intensified d u r i n g t h e c o u r s e o f 1 9 5 5 , t h e
m e n t i o n t h e m i n public, to refer to their teachings, o
r i n d e p e n d e n c e m o v e m e n t w a s f o r c e d into
a n a r m e d
to h a v e their writings in o
n e ' s possession. E
v e r y t h i n g
struggle f o r w h i c h it w
a s hardly p
r e p a r e d . It w
a s d e f e a t e d
o p e r a t e d as if t
h e y h a d n e v e r existed, a
n d as if their
b y F r a n c e , w h i c h t h e n u s e d this victory to its a
d v a n t a g e
struggle h a d b e e n n o m o r e t h a n s o m e b a n a l c r i m i n a l
w h e n , at t
h e t i m e o f decolonisation, it h
a n d e d its p
o w e r
enterprise. I n this
w a y t h e n e w l y i n d e p e n d e n t state
o v e r to its native collaborators.
a t t e m p t e d to e
s c a p e t h e i n j u n c t i o n l o n g a g o delivered
S o m e o f t h e l e a d i n g figures o
f t h e struggle f
o r i n d e -
to G a i n : ̀ C a i n , w h e r e is y
o u r b r o t h e r A b e l ? '
p e n d e n c e w e r e e x e c u t e d . T h e i r m o r t a l r e m a i n s w e r e
C o n j o i n e d to
t h e birth
o f t h e i n d e p e n d e n t state
d i s h o n o u r e d a n d hastily b
u r i e d , as if t
h e y b e l o n g e d to
w e r e t h u s t h e coffins a
n d t h e skulls o
f t h o s e w h o h a d
s o m e small-time h
i g h w a y bandits. T
h i s w a s n o t a b l y s o
h u m e d l y b e e n laid to rest, b
u t d e n i e d a p r o p e r funeral.
w i t h R u b e n U m N y o b e , w h o s e assassination p
r e f i g u r e d
I t h i n k that if t
o d a y I f i n d m y s e l f s o spiritually r
e m o t e
s o m a n y o t h e r s — P a t r i c e L u m u m b a , A m i l c a r C a b r a l ,
f r o m m y native c
o u n t r y w i t h o u t e v e r c e a s i n g to w
o r r y
E d u a r d o M o n d l a n e
—
o n that l
o n g list o
f A f r i c a n m a r -
a b o u t it —
w i t h o u t it e
v e r c e a s i n g t o p r e o c c u p y m e
—
it tyrs o
f i n d e p e n d e n c e . T h o s e a m o n g t h e m w h o t o o k to
is in large p a r t b e c a u s e o f its refusal to r
e c o g n i s e its
t h e r o a d o f exile w
e r e , largely, h
u n t e d d o w n a n d m u r -
birth at t h e e d g e o f t h e grave.
d e r e d , as w
a s t h e case with Felix M
o u m i e . Still o
t h e r s
T h i s refusal to c
a r e f o r t h e fallen d
e a d o f t h e strug-
p u r s u e d a r m e d struggle d
u r i n g t h e first d
e c a d e o f i n d e -
gles f o r i n d e p e n d e n c e a n d self-determination
— t h a t
p e n d e n c e . T h e y w e r e all a
p p r e h e n d e d . S o m e o f t h e m ,
p r i m a l act o
f cruelty against t
h e ̀ brother' —
a l l o f this
s u c h as O
s e n d e A f a n a , w e r e b e h e a d e d . O t h e r s , like
b e c a m e , early o
n , n o t o n l y t h e principal object o
f m y
E r n e s t O u a n d i e , w e r e t h e victims o
f a public e
x e c u t i o n
intellectual life, b u t also t
h e p r i s m t h r o u g h w h i c h , I
f o l l o w i n g a judicial m
a s q u e r a d e .
realise today, I d
e v e l o p e d m y critique o
f Africa as a
T h i s a r m e d struggle —initially against t
h e colonial
p l a c e that h
a r b o u r s t h e skull o
f t h e d e c e a s e d f a m i l y
p o w e r b u t later a
s s u m i n g t h e f o r m o f a civil w
a r after
m e m b e r .
f o r m a l i n d e p e n d e n c e w a s d e c l a r e d — o u r g o v e r n m e n t
B y i n a u g u r a t i n g its life a
m o n g n a t i o n s t h r o u g h a
s a d d l e d w i t h t h e t e r m ̀ terrorism' in o
r d e r to d
e n y it
refusal to c a r e f o r its o
w n d e c e a s e d relatives, m
y native
1 4 6
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A z R i s x
A C H I L L E M B E M B E
c o u n t r y d i d n o t j u s t s h o w its willingness to f
o u n d a
political o r d e r o n t h e radical d
e n i a l o f t h e h u m a n i t y o f
political adversaries. It also m a r k e d its p
r e f e r e n c e f o r
a politics o
f cruelty o
v e r a politics o
f fraternity a
n d
c o m m u n i t y . It sacrificed t
h e i d e a o f f r e e d o m b o r n o f
struggle f o r a n i n d e p e n d e n c e that t
h e master, i
n his
m a g n a n i m i t y , w a s k i n d e n o u g h c o n c e d e to his slave.
O r at least, that is h
o w things s
e e m to m
e today. I
n m y y o u t h , t h e official discourse o
n l y s p o k e o f ̀ o r d e r
a n d discipline',
`self-centreed d e v e l o p m e n t ' , `self-
sufficiency', a n d ̀ p e a c e a n d national unity.' T
h e r e w e r e
various t e c h n i q u e s to
assimilate u s to
this doxa. F
o r
e x a m p l e , s c h o o l c h i l d r e n w e r e r e q u i r e d t o s i n g t h e
national a n t h e m e v e r y m o r n i n g . W e l e a r n e d to s
i n g it
with fervour, w i t h r o u n d e d torso a
n d clear t
o n e , w h i l e
f a c i n g t h e w a v i n g , tricoloured flag. W
e k n e w that o
t h e r
countries h a d their o
w n flags. B
u t o u r s , w i t h its blazing
g r e e n , r e d a n d yellow, w
a s t h e o n l y o n e that w
e really
n e e d e d to h
o n o u r . E v e r y y e a r t h e national h
o l i d a y w a s
c e l e b r a t e d w i t h g r e a t patriotism. W
e w o u l d eagerly par-
ticipate i n t h e p a r a d e . It w
a s u n d e r s t o o d that, w
h e n
passing i n f r o n t o f t h e official
p l a t f o r m , w e w o u l d
m a r c h i n step like s
o m a n y little soldiers, o
u r b a n n e r s
h e l d h i g h , s i n g i n g t h e praises o
f t h e potentate.
T h e fact is that, in o
u r country, t
h e nation a
n d t h e
potentate h a v e always b
e e n o n e a n d t h e s a m e . T h e p o t e n -
tate e n g e n d e r e d t h e nation, a
n d t h e nation w
a s o n l y sus-
tained b y t h e g r a c e o f its potentate. H
e w a s , all at o
n c e ,
t h e ̀ Father o
f t h e Nation', t
h e ̀ E n l i g h t e n e d L e a d e r ' , t h e
`Tireless Builder', t h e ̀ G r e a t H e l m s m a n ' , t h e ̀ F o r e m o s t
F a r m e r ' a n d t h e ` F o r e m o s t S p o r t s m a n ' . ̀ O n e P e o p l e ,
O n e Party, O
n e Leader,' p
r o c l a i m e d t h e official slogan.
H e h a d s u c h a n e e d to b
e l o v e d , o u r potentate. A
n d
t h e entire p
o p u l a c e , w e l o v e d h i m as m
u c h as possible.
H i s i m a g e , f o r e x a m p l e , d e c o r a t e d e v e r y public s
p a c e .
O f t e n it a
c c o m p a n i e d u s into o
u r private h
o m e s . E v e r y
large public place, e v e r y m a j o r intersection, e
v e r y m a i n
a v e n u e a n d b o u l e v a r d , t h e national football s
t a d i u m —
a n y t h i n g that c
o u n t e d f o r a n y t h i n g i n o u r c o u n t r y auto-
matically carried his n a m e . H i s face g
r a c e d o u r national
c u r r e n c y , s e e m i n g l y b e s t o w i n g it w
i t h a v a l u e it w
o u l d
scarcely h a v e carried otherwise. O
n t h e e v e o f e v e r y
presidential election, t h e ` E n l i g h t e n e d G u i d e ' w o u l d
receive, f r o m all o
f t h e country's vital forces, countless
` m o t i o n s o f support'. T
h r o u g h this ̀
s p o n t a n e o u s ' action,
w e w o u l d a g a i n i m p l o r e h i m to b
e c o m e o u r sole elec-
tion c a n d i d a t e . A n d e v e r y five years, at t
h e c o n c l u s i o n
o f o u r single
party's c o n g r e s s , i n a s t r o n g voice
h e
w o u l d declare, a
m i d s t t h e a c c l a m a t i o n s o f t h e p e o p l e :
`All right, I a c c e p t ! I accept!'
H e a c c e p t e d s o m a n y t i m e s that, for m
o r e t h a n twenty
years, m y g e n e r a t i o n o n l y k n e w o n e parry
a n d o n e
l e a d e r ̀ regularly elected' with results a
p p r o a c h i n g 9 9
p e r c e n t o f t h e vote.
T h u s w e r e w e d e c o l o n i s e d w i t h o u t truly b
e i n g free.
I n d e p e n d e n c e w i t h o u t f r e e d o m , f r e e d o m endlessly
p o s t p o n e d — s u c h w a s , I later discovered, t
h e u n i q u e
h a l l m a r k o f t h e postcolony, t
h e true l
e g a c y o f t h e trav-
estythat w a s colonisation. T
h o u g h it is n
o t always r
e c o g -
n i s e d today, o
n t h e w h o l e Africa d
i d n o t , f o r all its years
u n d e r colonialism, inherit very m
u c h . I n m y o w n c o u n -
try t h e r e w a s a l m o s t n o h e a v y infrastructure. T
w o o r
t h r e e b r i d g e s built b
y t h e G e r m a n s . A f e w scattered
schools, dispensaries a n d hospitals. Scarcely a
n y r o a d s ,
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A T R I S K
A C H I L L E M B E M B E
railroads o r airfields. O
n e o r t w o seaports f
o r e x p o r t i n g
tropical p r o d u c t s to t
h e metropolis. N
o national m
u s e u m .
N o t a single national theatre. N
o t a single university. A
s m a l l elite.
N o w o n d e r o u r g o v e r n m e n t n e v e r s t o p p e d r e m i n d -
i n g u s that w
e w e r e starting f
r o m practically n
o t h i n g ;
that w e w e r e b o u n d to build e
v e r y t h i n g f r o m scratch,
a n d that w
e t h u s r e q u i r e d p e a c e , o r d e r a n d discipline.
I n d e e d , w e h a d o u r five-year p
l a n - a true fairy tale.
E v e r y five years t
h e ̀ B e l o v e d G u i d e ' t o o k g r e a t c a r e to
tell u s h o w m a n y t o n s o f c o c o a , coffee, c
o t t o n , b a n a n a s ,
tea a n d p a l m oil t
h e n a t i o n p l a n n e d to harvest; h
o w
m a n y k i l o m e t e r s o f r o a d s w o u l d b e p a v e d ; h o w m a n y
factories w o u l d b e built; h
o w m a n y c h i l d r e n w o u l d b e
vaccinated; w h a t t h e n e w s c h o o l e n r o l m e n t rate w
o u l d
b e ; h o w m a n y n e w j o b s w o u l d b e created, a
n d s o forth.
W e n e e d e d o r d e r , p e a c e a n d discipline. A
s a result
everything, o r a l m o s t everything, h
a d t o b e multiplied
b y o n e . T h i s o b s e s s i o n with o
n e n e s s - u n i t y at all cost -
w a s t h e rule. W
e w e r e told w
e h a d n o n e e d f o r several
political parties. O
n e sufficed, o
t h e r w i s e `tribal
w a r '
w o u l d e n s u e . Similarly with civic organisations, u
n i o n s ,
t h e radio, t
h e university, t
h e m e d i a - o n e daily n
e w s -
p a p e r , e a c h m o r n i n g w i t h t h e i n s e t f a c e o f t h e
` E n l i g h t e n e d G u i d e ' a n d a ̀ t h o u g h t o f t h e d a y ' - a n
e x c e r p t f r o m o n e o f his countless s
p e e c h e s . A n y real o
r p r e s u m e d dissidence w
a s c o n s i d e r e d ̀ subversion'. A
n d
`subversion' i n c u r r e d t h e h i g h e s t cost. W
e h a d o u r o w n
R o b b e n Islands -
M a n t o u m a n d Tchollire f
o r instance,
w h e r e m a n y s p e n t t w o o r e v e n t h r e e d e c a d e s in total
a n o n y m i t y . D r a c o n i a n l a w s d a t i n g f r o m t h e colonial era.
a l l o w e d o u r g o v e r n m e n t to ̀
nip in t h e b u d ' a n y a t t e m p t
at rebellion. It w a s well u
n d e r s t o o d : h o w e v e r m u c h w e
w e r e i n d e p e n d e n t , w e c o u l d n o t entirely d
e c o l o n i s e at
t h e s a m e t i m e .
I c a n n o t say t
o d a y h o w it w
a s that, f
r o m this pathetic
theatre o f p o w e r , w e m a n a g e d to
p r o d u c e a n y t h i n g
m o r e t h a n w o r d s . W h a t I r
e m e m b e r m o s t f r o m t h e
i m m e d i a t e p o s t - i n d e p e n d e n c e e r a is
t h e
name
- t h e
s u d d e n l y a c q u i r e d p o w e r to
say `I';
t h e s u d d e n l y
o p e n e d possibility
o f giving
o n e s e l f a p r o p e r n a m e
w h e n , b e f o r e , o u r p a r e n t s h a d b e e n either
w i t h o u t
their o w n n a m e o r s a d d l e d w i t h t h e n a m e o f others. W
e
h a d a n a m e t o h o n o u r , o u r s - a n a m e to w
h i c h w e
w o u l d n o w n e e d to give a
f a c e a n d a f o r m . T h e r e w a s
also a c o u n t r y t o w h i c h w e all b
e l o n g e d , a n d w h i c h
b e l o n g e d t o u s all. W
e w o u l d h a v e to s
h a r e it. T
h i s
`politics o f s h a r i n g ' w a s referred to b
y o u r g o v e r n m e n t
as t h e ̀ policy o
f r e g i o n a l equilibrium'. It w
a s s u p p o s e d
to t h w a r t t h e possibility o
f h e g e m o n y b y a n y particular
e t h n i c g r o u p . T h a t w a s , i n a n y case, t
h e spirit o
f t h e
times. I t h u s b e l o n g to that g
e n e r a t i o n o f Africans that h
a s
n e v e r h a d a n y o t h e r n a m e to h
o n o u r b u t o u r o w n . T h e
spirit o f t h e t i m e s m a d e u s feel a
c c o u n t a b l e to o
u r c o m -
m o n n a m e . It m
a y b e h a r d to u
n d e r s t a n d today, b
u t this
n a m e p l a y e d a n e n o r m o u s role in h
o w w e i m a g i n e d o u r
place in t h e w o r l d . B e c a u s e w e h a d a n a m e o f o u r o w n ,
w e w e n t o u t into t
h e w o r l d w i t h o u t t h e least bit o
f s h a m e .
Instead w e s t o o d tall a
n d s u r e o f ourselves. F
o r after a11,
i n t h o s e days, at least in m
y native country, w
e d i d n o t
d e p e n d o n ̀ d e v e l o p m e n t aid'. I
n s c h o o l c u m c u l a , w e
w o u l d r e a d o u r o w n novelists alongside F
r e n c h litera-
ture. W e w o u l d learn
o u r history a
n d o u r g e o g r a p h y
1 5 0
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A T R I S K
A C H I L L E M B E M B E
alongside t h e history a
n d g e o g r a p h y o f t h e rest o
f t h e
w o r l d . O n t h e radio, w
e listened to o
u r national m
u s i c
a l o n g with t
h e rest o
f t h e world's m
u s i c . A t t h e table, w
e ate o
u r o w n delicacies. N
o - o n e e v e r really d
r e a m e d o f
leaving t h e c o u n t r y for g
o o d . S o m e w o u l d leave to s
t u d y
a b r o a d , b u t always with t
h e f i r m intention o
f r e t u r n i n g
to w o r k at h
o m e . Failure consisted o
f n o t b e i n g in a
position to r e t u r n to t
h e native c
o u n t r y . W e d i d n o t
h a v e , at that t
i m e , a single illegal i
m m i g r a n t i n a n y
c o u n t r y i n t h e w o r l d .
U n l i k e m a n y S o u t h Africans, m
y g e n e r a t i o n g r e w u p
in a n e n v i r o n m e n t w h e r e t h e h u m a n i t y o f a b l a c k per-
s o n w a s n o t e v e n r e m o t e l y called i
n t o q u e s t i o n . W e d i d
n o t h a v e to
r e s p o n d directly
to t h e prejudice
that d e e m e d B l a c k s inferior b
e i n g s , a p e o p l e w i t h o u t his-
tory. I g r e w u p k n o w i n g that s
u c h p r e j u d i c e c o u l d o n l y
b e g e n e r a t e d b y a sick a
n d t r o u b l e d m i n d . H a v i n g n o
direct e x p e r i e n c e o f colonial rule, f
o r a l o n g w h i l e I d i d
n o t u n d e r s t a n d w h a t ̀ race' w
a s a b o u t . W e h a d always
b e e n g o v e r n e d b y b l a c k Africans. T
h e r e w e r e s o m e
W h i t e s w h o lived a
m o n g u s a n d w o r k e d in o
u r c o u n t r y .
B u t t h e y c o u l d n e v e r a c t as t
h o u g h t h e y w e r e o u r m a s -
ters a n d w e n e v e r a l l o w e d t h e m to act as if t
h e y w e r e .
T h i s is w
h y S o u t h Africa r
e p r e s e n t e d , i n t h e e y e s o f
j u s t a b o u t e v e r y o n e , s u c h a s c a n d a l .
I truly c
a n n o t recall a
single w e e k o f m y y o u t h i n
w h i c h t h e g o v e r n m e n t o f m y c o u n t r y d i d n o t issue a
c o n d e m n a t i o n o f t h e ̀ colonial, minority, fascist, racist
a n d i m m o r a l r e g i m e o f Pretoria'.
G r a n t e d , w h e n it c
a m e to i
m m o r a l r e g i m e s t h e r e w e r e
certainly others. T
h e `fascist'
version o f P o r t u g u e s e
colonialism in A n g o l a , G u i n e a - B i s s a u a n d M o z a m b i q u e ,
I a n S m i t h ' s ̀ racist a
n d minority' r
e g i m e in Z
i m b a b w e —
o u r g o v e r n m e n t t a u g h t u s to despise t
h e m all. B
u t t h e
m o s t visceral loathing, t
h e m o s t i m p l a c a b l e h a t e , w e
w e r e e x p e c t e d t o reserve that f
o r t h e ̀ colonial, m
i n o r i -
ty, fascist, racist a n d i m m o r a l r e g i m e o f Pretoria'. T
h u s
it w a s that S
o u t h Africa in g
e n e r a l a n d Pretoria in par-
ticular w e r e t h e c o n s u m m a t e political
S o d o m a n d
G o m o r r a h o f m y y o u t h — p l a c e s o f m o r a l c o r r u p t i o n
a n d u t m o s t abjection.
It w a s t h o u g h t t h a t w h a t w a s h a p p e n i n g in
that c o u n t r y w a s intrinsically
p e r v e r s e , p r o f o u n d l y vile,
t h o r o u g h l y o b s c e n e . W e w e r e c o n v i n c e d that w
h a t t o o k
p l a c e t h e r e constituted a
terrible injury to h u m a n dig-
niry a n d that n
o h u m a n l a n g u a g e w a s a d e q u a t e to c
o n -
d e m n it. M
y g e n e r a t i o n g r e w u p — o r a t a n y rate I
d i d —
i n t h e s h a d o w o f this m
a p o f t h e w o r l d w h e r e S o u t h
Africa r e p r e s e n t e d , f r o m start to finish, t
h e absolute
m a r k o f i n f a m y . O n e c a n u n d e r s t a n d h o w , u n d e r these
c o n d i t i o n s , t h e t h e m e o f ̀ the
continent's c o m p l e t e
liberation f r o m colonialism a
n d r a c i s m ' h a d s u c h reso-
n a n c e a n d s o p r o f o u n d l y m a r k e d o u r i m a g i n a t i o n .
I L E F T M Y C O U N T R Y E A R L Y O N
A n d yet I
left m y c o u n t r y early o
n , a n d I h a v e n e v e r
r e t u r n e d — a t least n
o t to live a
n d w o r k .
I d i d n o t h a t e m y country. B
u t I always h
a d a n u n -
c o m f o r t a b l e relationship with t
h e c o u n t r y w h e r e I w
a s
b o r n . F o r instance, I
d i d n o t k n o w h o w to s
p e a k t h e
street l a n g u a g e w i t h o u t w h i c h o n e c o u l d n o t g a i n full
m e m b e r s h i p i n t o o n e ' s a g e g r o u p . I w
a s i n c a p a b l e o f
t h e p r o p e r m a c h i s m o , w h i c h r e q u i r e d a c o n s t a n t strut-
1 5 2
1 5 3
A r R i s x
A C H I L L E M B E M B E
t i n g i n f r o n t o f t h e girls; or, w
h e n a m o n g t h e g u y s , a r g u -
i n g e n d l e s s l y a b o u t w h o a m o n g y o u p o s s e s s e d t h e h a r d -
est a n d m o s t w e l l- e n d o w e d c o c k . T h e n t h e r e w a s all t
h e
b l u s t e r — c o m i n g t o b l o w s o v e r n o t h i n g , i n a flash, ju
s t
t o b e s e e n ; o r c h a s i n g after trivialities like c
l o t h i n g style,
t h e taste f
o r b l i n d i n g c o l o u r s o r s h i n y s h o e s . I w a s a w k -
w a r d a t e v e r y t h i n g t h a t r e q u i r e d a n y u s e o f t h e h a n d s .
M a n u a l w o r k w a s h a r d f o r m e . T r a d i t i o n a l A f r i c a n
m u s i c a l w a y s p u l l e d m e i n t o a t r a n c e , like o
t h e r s w h o
s m o k e d h a s h i s h . I n m y m i n d , it w
a s t h e l a n g u a g e o f a
t r a g e d y t h e n a m e o f w h i c h I c o u l d n ' t g r a s p . B u t d e s p i t e
this p o w e r , I w a s i n c a p a b l e o f d a n c i n g ̀ A f r i c a n style',
w i t h its
lubricity a n d e n d l e s s c o n t o r t i o n s , t h e b o d y
entirely f l o a t i n g a n d l i m b -free. I
w o u l d a l w a y s attract
sarcastic c o m m e n t s : ̀ O h , d o e s h e e v e r d a n c e like
a w h i t e g u y ! '
'
H a v i n g b e e n e d u c a t e d i n a C a t h o l i c s c h o o l , I f o u n d
it i n s u r m o u n t a b l y difficult
t o r e c o n c i l e m y s e l f t o
a s p e c t s o f political
society a n d official
c u l t u r e t h a t
s t r u c k m e , e v e n t h e n , a s s o e x c e s s i v e : t h e centrality o
f t h e p h a l l u s i n t h e p r o c e s s o f s y m b o l i s i n g life, p
o w e r
a n d p l e a s u r e ; t h e i d e a a c c o r d i n g t o w h i c h t o b e a
` c h i e f i s t o i n d u l g e i n u t t e r e x c e s s w i t h o u t r e s e r v e o r
h i n d r a n c e ; t h e w i d e s p r e a d d e f e r e n c e t o fetishes; sor-
c e r y beliefs t
h a t t e n d e d t o m a k e h u m a n s f o r e v e r t h e
p l a y t h i n g s o f f o r c e s b e y o n d t h e m ; t h e p r o p e n s i t y t o for-
g e t s o m u c h , t h e i n c a p a c i t y t o g e n e r a t e a collective
m e m o r y a n d t h e d i s d a i n a t t a c h e d t o t h e v e r y i d e a o f
t h e f u t u r e , t o s a y n o t h i n g o f t h e d e a d ; a c e r t a i n n a t i v e
spirit o f m a t e r i a l i s m , particularly d
e s t r u c t i v e b e c a u s e it
f l o w e d directly f
r o m t h e p r i n c i p l e o f u n r e s t r a i n e d ,
r a d i c a l e x p e n d i t u r e r a t h e r t h a n p r o d u c t i o n ; t h e oscilla-
t i o n b e t w e e n c o m p a s s i o n o n o n e s i d e a n d proclivities
t o w a r d s cruelty, t
h e s p e c t a c l e a n d e x c e s s o n t h e o t h e r .
B u t I also lived i
n a society t
h a t s h o w e d o t h e r attrib-
utes: a n u n f a t h o m a b l e s e n s e o f c o m p a s s i o n , conviviality
a n d frugality; e
n d u r a n c e i n t h e f a c e o f a n y h a r d s h i p ,
a n d t h e c a p a c i t y t o m a k e t h e b e s t o f v e r y little; t
h e
e x t r a o r d i n a r y s t r e n g t h o f familial f
o r m s o f solidarity;
t h e virtues o
f o p e n n e s s a n d hospitality; all t
h o s e s m a l l
acts o f e v e r y d a y life t
h a t s h o w e d t h e d e g r e e t o w h i c h
p e o p l e w e r e r e a d y t o t a k e c a r e o f e a c h o t h e r i n t h e i r
n o r m a l c o m m u n i t i e s ; t h e vitality o
f intellectual reflec-
t i o n , a n d t h a t k i n d o f p r i d e a n d n a t u r a l self-respect t
h a t
reflected a s e l f - p r e s e n c e t h a t c o l o n i a l i s m w a s n e v e r a b l e
t o destroy.
L e a v i n g a l l o w e d m e t o g a i n s o m e d i s t a n c e o n t h e
c o n t r a d i c t i o n s a n d logics d
e s c r i b e d a b o v e . I h a d left —
b y p u r e c o i n c i d e n c e — i n t h e s a m e m o n t h i n w h i c h o u r
` B e l o v e d G u i d e ' finally d
e c i d e d t o s t e p d o w n .
I c o m p l e t e d m y university s
t u d i e s i n Paris, like o
t h -
e r s w h o g o o f f t o O ~ o r d a n d C a m b r i d g e . I a r r i v e d i n a
city t h a t h a d successfully p
u s h e d t h e w o r k i n g p o p u l a -
t i o n f r o m t h e c e n t r e t o w a r d s t h e e x t r e m i t i e s . T h e
d e p r i v e d classes
— a m o n g w h o m t h e r e w a s a sizable
n u m b e r f r o m t h e f o r m e r c o l o n i e s — f o r m e d a n i m -
m e n s e c o r d o n a r o u n d t h e w e l l off. T
h i s w a s a city w
h e r e
t h e art o
f u t o p i a n t h o u g h t w a s still
alive t o a certain
e x t e n t — t h e c u l t u r e o f strikes a
n d i n s u r r e c t i o n t o o .
C a f e s w e r e still m
a j o r c e n t r e s o f sociality a
n d c o n v e r s a -
t i o n . T h e intellectual w
o r l d a n d cultural life w
e r e still
d o m i n a t e d b y p o w e r f u l f i g u r e s s u c h a s M i c h e l F o u -
cault, J a c q u e s D e r r i d a , P i e r r e B o u r d i e u , C l a u d e L e v i-
S t r a u s s , F e r n a n d B r a u d e l , S i m o n e d e B e a u v o i r ,
1 5 4
1 5 5
E S T R I S K
A C H I L L E M B E M B E
R a y m o n d A r o n . R i c h o r p o o r , P a r i s i a n s still k
n e w h o w
t o p u r s u e t h e i r p l e a s u r e s . T h i s w a s a v e r y c o m p e t i t i v e
city w h e r e t h e arts w
e r e v i b r a n t , a c h i e v e m e n t s w e r e cel-
e b r a t e d a n d e v e r y m a r k o f distinction c
o u n t e d .
T h r o u g h close c
o n t a c t w i t h p e o p l e , travel a
n d , a b o v e
all, r e a d i n g , I d i s c o v e r e d F r a n c e , a n o l d c o u n t r y t h a t w a s
s o a w a r e o f its history —
w h i c h it t
e n d e d t o glorify c
o n -
s t a n d y — a n d s o j e a l o u s o f its traditions. M
y Parisian y
e a r s
also a l l o w e d m e t o s e e t h a t b e h i n d e v e r y e s t a b l i s h e d cul-
t u r e — a n d especially t
h e e s t a b l i s h e d c o l o n i a l c u l t u r e s —
t h e r e is a
l w a y s a n o c t u r n a l s i d e h i d i n g b e h i n d a m a s k o f
r e a s o n a n d civility. F
r a n c e ' s n o c t u r n a l s i d e — I w a s a w a r e
o f it e
v e n b e f o r e I arrived. A
t t h e t i m e o f m y c o u n t r y ' s
struggles f o r i n d e p e n d e n c e a n d s e l f - d e t e r m i n a t i o n , h a d
I; F r a n c e n o t p l a y e d a p r o m i n e n t r o l e i n r e f u s i n g burial
for, a n d b r i n g i n g a b o u t t h e b a n i s h m e n t of, t
h e d e a d ?
D i d its A
f r i c a policy n
o t t h o r o u g h l y d e m o n s t r a t e t h a t t o
g r a n t f o r m a l i n d e p e n d e n c e t o f o r m e r c o l o n i e s is o
n e
t h i n g a n d f o r t h e f o r m e r c o l o n i a l e m p i r e t o truly d
e -
~` c o l o n i s e itself is a
n o t h e r ? D i d its tradition o
f abstract u
n i -
versalism n o t p a r a d o ~ c a l l y c o n t r a d i c t its faith
i n t h e
r e p u b l i c a n d o g m a o f u n i v e r s a l equality?
W h e r e P a r i s a n d F r a n c e w e r e c o n c e r n e d , I t h u s al-
w a y s c o n s i d e r e d m y s e l f a f o r e i g n e r , o r t o b e p r e c i s e ,
s o m e o n e o n t h e w a y t o s o m e p l a c e else, a
p a s s e r - b y . B u t
a t t h e s a m e t i m e , b y virtue o
f a c c u l t u r a t i o n i n t o t h e
c o u n t r y ' s l a n g u a g e , tastes a
n d m o r e s , a n d b y socialisa-
t i o n i n t o m a j o r a s p e c t s o f its literary a
n d a c a d e m i c cul-
t u r e I e n d e d u p b e c o m i n g a n i n h a b i t a n t — a n heir.
W h o l e a r c h i v e s o f k n o w l e d g e a n d h u m a n t h o u g h t w e r e
o p e n e d t o m e . I d e v o u r e d t h e m t o s u c h a p o i n t t h a t
t o d a y , I c o n c e i v e o f m y s e l f a s a l e g i t i m a t e c l a i m a n t t o its
h e r i t a g e . D i d F a n o n n o t s a y t h a t w e w o u l d i n h e r i t t h e
e n t i r e w o r l d ?
I a r r i v e d i n N e w Y o r k after m
y d o c t o r a t e t o t a k e u p
a t e a c h i n g p o s i t i o n i n a n Ivy L
e a g u e university. N
e w
Y o r k is n
o t j u s t t h e m e t r o p o l i s t h a t m a r k e d m y e n t r y
i n t o t h e U n i t e d States. It is also t
h e p l a c e w h e r e I b e -
g a n , f o r t h e first t
i m e , t o d e v e l o p a s e n s e o f t h e g l o b a l
w o r l d — t h e g l o b a l e c u m e n e . It w
a s i n N e w Y o r k t h a t I
w a s a b l e , f o r t h e first t
i m e , t o c o n t e m p l a t e c o n c r e t e l y
t h e f a c e o f t h e u n i v e r s a l a s c e l e b r a t e d b y t h e S e n e g a l e s e
p o e t L S S e n g h o r . I s p e n t h o u r s w a l k i n g i n C e n t r a l P a r k
a s w e l l a s i n o l d e t h n i c n e i g h b o r h o o d s , i n c l u d i n g s o m e
a r e a s w i t h l a r g e c o n c e n t r a t i o n s o f B l a c k s . I t o o k t ~ i -
c a b s a n d t h e s u b w a y a n d w a l k e d f r o m h o m e t o w o r k . I
w e n t t o r e s t a u r a n t s i n ̀ global' n
e i g h b o u r h o o d s i n w h i c h
d i v e r s e n a t i v e - b o r n m i n o r i t y g r o u p s lived s
i d e b y s i d e
w i t h n e w i m m i g r a n t s o f d i f f e r e n t n a t i o n a l origins.
O n l y i n N e w Y o r k d i d I realise h
o w t h e F r e n c h ver-
s i o n o f universality e
x p r e s s e d itself i
n a l a n g u a g e t h a t
w a s , i n t h e e n d , q u i t e narcissistic, m
o n o c o l o u r e d a n d
provincial. I n N e w Y o r k , f o r t h e first t
i m e I d i s c o v e r e d a
m e t r o p o l i s f o u n d e d o n a s i m p l e i d e a — t h e i d e a o f h o s -
pitality — a n d a c o n t r a d i c t i o n — s e g r e g a t i o n a l o n g t h e
` c o l o u r line'. L
a r g e n u m b e r s o f s o u t h e r n a n d e a s t e r n
E u r o p e a n i m m i g r a n t s ( i n c l u d i n g Italians, G
r e e k s , R u s -
sians, A u s t r i a n s , R o m a n i a n J e w s ) h a d c o m e h e r e i n t h e
late n i n e t e e n t h a n d early t
w e n t i e t h c e n t u r i e s . E n g l i s h ,
Irish a n d G e r m a n i m m i g r a n t s h a d a r r i v e d earlier.
A f r i c a n- A m e r i c a n s h a d b e e n h e r e until t
h e d r a f t riots
o f 1 8 6 3 w h e n w o r k i n g - c l a s s Irish
r a m p a g e d t h r o u g h
t h e i r s m a l l n e i g h b o u r h o o d s , f o r c i n g t h e m t o flee t
o t h e
city o f B r o o k l y n . T h e y started c
o m i n g b a c k a r o u n d t h e
1 5 6
1 5 7
A T R I S K
A C H I I . L E M B E M B E
1 8 6 0 s , m o s t l y f r o m t h e S o u t h ; t h e n in large n
u m b e r s i n
t h e 1 9 1 0 s , w i t h a n influx f
r o m t h e W e s t Indies. B
y that
t i m e , H a r l e m w a s well o
n its w
a y to b
e c o m i n g t h e capi-
tal o f global b
l a c k m o d e r n i t y . D u r i n g m y t i m e i n N e w
Y o r k , I w o u l d g o t o H a r l e m t o b u y b l a c k radical litera-
ture a n d b l a c k m u s i c , to listen to street p
r e a c h e r s o r to
w a t c h a m u s i c a l p e r f o r m a n c e . I n d e e d , it
is at
t h e
A p o l l o T h e a t r e i n H a r l e m that I first s
a w a p e r f o r m -
a n c e b y F e l a A n i k u l a p o - K u t i .
B y t h e t i m e I arrived in N
e w Y o r k , a sizable p
r o p o r -
tion o f A f r i c a n - A m e r i c a n s still lived in highly segregated,
inner-city g h e t t o s a l t h o u g h m a n y h a d m o v e d t o
A f r i c a n- A m e r i c a n c o n c e n t r a t e d residential settings i
n t h e s u b u r b s . Nevertheless, h
e r e w a s a n e x t r a o r d i n a r y
juxtaposition o f cultures that m
a d e t h e city a
quintes- sential m
e t r o p o l i s o f o p t i m i s m , o f faith in o
n e s e l f a n d
i n w h a t w a s yet to c
o m e . I n this city, s
o m e t h i n g n e w w a s
always b e i n g created. E
v e r y t h i n g h e r e s e e m e d to l
e a d
to n e w b e g i n n i n g s — t h e s w a r m s o f p e o p l e s , ethnicities
a n d h u m a n i t i e s , t h e c a c o p h o n y o f voices, t
h e m i x i n g o f
c o l o u r s a n d s o u n d s , b l a c k m u s i c , a b l a c k intelligentsia.
H e r e I e
n c o u n t e r e d , far m
o r e t h a n in Paris, a
n A f r i c a n
c o u n t e r p a r t i n t h e A f r i c a n- A m e r i c a n — a n A f r i c a n pres-
e n c e at t
h e birth o
f m o d e r n i t y o n t h e o n e h a n d a n d o n
t h e o t h e r h a n d t h e figure o
f t h e slave, a
n insurrectional
sign that, i n its radicality, w
a s a c o n s t a n t r e m i n d e r that
w h e r e f r e e d o m is c
o n c e r n e d t h e r e a r e o n l y c l a i m a n t s
a v a n t droits.
S e e i n g it u
p close, this is w
h a t m a d e N e w Y o r k m o r e
t h a n a c h y — a n I d e a . I h a v e to say that, a
s a n I d e a , o r as
a m o v e m e n t o f t h e m i n d , N e w Y o r k literally s
e d u c e d
m e . I w a s p r o f o u n d l y s t i m u l a t e d i n m y intellectual w
o r k
a n d t h e city b
e c a m e a highly creative
a n d reflective
m e d i u m . F o r t h e first t
i m e in m
y life I
c o u l d distinctly
h e a r t h e c l a m o u r i n g o f w o r l d s , t h e rustling e
c h o e s o f
that juxtaposition o f nations,
races a n d ethnicities
w h i c h , o n c e a g a i n , S e n g h o r h a d s p o k e n of. I, t
o o ,
w a n t e d to b
e a full participant in that e
p i p h a n y . T h a t
said, d o I n e e d to specify that I h
a v e n o t f o r g o t t e n that
N e w Y o r k is also o
n e o f t h e m o s t s e g r e g a t e d m e t r o p o l i -
t a n areas w
i t h r e s p e c t to A
f r i c a n - A m e r i c a n s o r B l a c k s i n
t h e U n i t e d States? I
n this s
a m e m e t r o p o l i s , A m a d o u
Diallo c o u l d b e riddled
with 4 0 bullets b
y police f
o r
h a p p e n i n g to b
e at t
h e w r o n g place at t
h e w r o n g t i m e —
a m u c h m o r e c o m m o n p l a c e e v e n t a m o n g p e o p l e o f his
type? A n d that, f
o r h u n d r e d s o f t h o u s a n d s o f slave
d e s c e n d a n t s i n t h e N e w W o r l d , t h e prison s
o o n re-
p l a c e d t h e plantation?
I t a u g h t f o r several years in t
h e U n i t e d States b
e f o r e
r e t u r n i n g to Africa a
s a n adult. F
o r f o u r years I s
e r v e d ,
i n D a k a r , S e n e g a l , as t
h e executive director o
f a n o r g a n -
isation w h o s e official m
i s s i o n w a s t o p r o m o t e social
s c i e n c e r e s e a r c h o n t h e c o n t i n e n t . It w
a s t h e m o s t frus-
trating e x p e r i e n c e o f m y entire life. P
e r h a p s that is w
h y
this city at t h e crossroads, b
o r d e r i n g t h e S a h e l a n d t h e
Atlantic, a n d steps a
w a y f r o m t h e O l d C o n t i n e n t a n d
t h e N e w W o r l d , r e m a i n e d m u t e i n m y soul. I
e n j o y e d its
vibe, its m u s i c ( m b a l a x ) to w
h i c h I d i d n o t k n o w h o w to
d a n c e , t h e d u s t that c
a m e i n f r o m t h e desert w
h e n t h e
h a r m a t t a n w i n d s b l e w , a n d m y seaside h
o u s e n e a r m y
illustrious n e i g h b o u r , t h e f i l m m a k e r a n d novelist,
O u s m a n e S e m b e n e . I w a s f o n d o f D a k a r , b u t it w
o u l d
o n l y b e a p o i n t o f transit f
o r m e .
1 5 8
1 5 9
A z R
► s
x A C H I L L E M B E M B E
C A P E T O W N I N T E R L U D E
I left D
a k a r k n o w i n g that, w
h e r e A f r i c a w a s c o n c e r n e d ,
it w a s b e t t e r t o p l u n g e i n w i t h e y e s w i d e o p e n . I c o u l d
h a v e r e t u r n e d t o F r a n c e o r t h e U n i t e d States a
n d p u r -
s u e d t h e e x p e r i e n c e s o f universality t
h a t P a r i s a n d N e w
Y o r k h a d h i n t e d at. I
n s t e a d I f o u n d m y s e l f i n o n e o f t h e
s t r a n g e s t cities i
n A f r i c a , C a p e T o w n .
T h u s I d i d n o t c o m e t o S o u t h A f r i c a i n t h e m a n n e r
o f t h o s e f r o m a n earlier
e r a w h o d i s e m b a r k e d i n
T a n z a n i a i n s e a r c h o f ̀ A f r i c a n S o c i a l i s m ' . N o r d i d I
arrive i n s e a r c h o f e m p l o y m e n t . I c a m e i n s e v e r a l
stages, s o t o s p e a k , w i t h o u t k n o w i n g t h a t I w o u l d re-
m a i n . It w
a s e n o u g h f o r m e t o j u s t s h a r e t h a t p e r i o d o f
m y life w
i t h a S o u t h A f r i c a n a c a d e m i c w h o m I h a d fall-
e n i n l o v e w i t h w h i l e i n D a k a r a n d w h o w o u l d later
b e c o m e m y w i f e — t o m y u t m o s t d e l i g h t . W h e n I first
a r r i v e d I k n e w ' a l m o s t n o t h i n g a b o u t S o u t h A f r i c a ,
a p a r t f r o m w h a t m y g o v e r n m e n t h a d p r e v i o u s l y t a u g h t
m e . V a r i o u s stereotypical i
m a g e s c o u l d b e a d d e d t o
that: t h e s t r u g g l e a g a i n s t a p a r t h e i d , N e l s o n M a n d e l a ,
S o w e t o , a n d s o o n . I w a s n o t e v e n f a m i l i a r w i t h t h e
T r u t h a n d R e c o n c i l i a t i o n C o m m i s s i o n . O n e v a g u e
p h i l o s o p h i c a l i d e a n e v e r t h e l e s s a n i m a t e d m e : t h e q u e s -
t i o n o f interru~ition. I
w a s d e e p l y i n t r i g u e d b y t h e e v e n t
b y w h i c h a society f
o r m e r l y a t w a r w i t h itself h
a d c o n -
sciously c h o s e n t o e s c a p e t h e d e a d l y l o g i c o f r e p e t i t i o n
a n d d e c i d e d t o start a
n e w , r e n e g o t i a t i n g i n t h e p r o c e s s
t h e t e r m s a n d c o n d i t i o n s o f its
e x i s t e n c e a m o n g
n a t i o n s . T h a t this p
r o f o u n d l y ethical a
n d political g
e s -
t u r e h a d t a k e n p l a c e i n t h e m o s t p o w e r f u l , intricate
a n d c o m p l e x c o u n t r y i n A f r i c a o n l y a d d e d t o m y intel-
lectual curiosity.
Still n o t k n o w i n g w h e t h e r I w a s h e r e t o stay, I
w a s
c o n t e n t f o r a l m o s t t w o y e a r s t o passively a
b s o r b e v e r y -
t h i n g m y s e n s e s e n c o u n t e r e d . Literally b
e f o r e m y e y e s ,
I b e h e l d a f r a c t u r e d c o u n t r y , b e s e t b y t h e m a r k o f t h e
B e a s t , t h e g o d w i t h a goat's h
i n d q u a r t e r s l~ dieu-au-cul-
de-chevre — t h e i d e o l o g y o f w h i t e s u p r e m a c y t h a t m a n y
h a d w o r s h i p p e d h e r e f o r d e c a d e s , if n
o t c e n t u r i e s . I
q u i c k l y realised t
h a t s o m e t h i n g truly a
b j e c t h a d t a k e n
p l a c e h e r e a n d t h a t it h
a d incited a
n e q u a l l y fierce resis-
t a n c e — i n f a c t o n e o f t h e n o b l e s t s t r u g g l e s f o r h u m a n
f r e e d o m i n m o d e r n history. O
n e c o u l d still s
e e t h e
m a r k s o f t h e B e a s t i n t h e l a n d s c a p e , t h e a r c h i t e c t u r e ,
street n a m e s , statues a
n d m o n u m e n t s , w a y s o f s p e a k i n g ,
t h e c o u n t l e s s o d d i t i e s o f e v e r y d a y life
— f o r i n s t a n c e
w h e n o n e f o u n d o n e s e l f t h e o n l y b l a c k i n a r e s t a u r a n t
i n a so-called A
f r i c a n city; or, g
o i n g t o a s h o p , o n e w i t
n e s s e d a t first h
a n d t h e h i e r a r c h i c a l logics o
f y e s t e r d a y :
t h e W h i t e g i v i n g o r d e r s , t h e C o l o u r e d a t t h e c o u n t e r ,
a n d t h e B l a c k a t t h e b o t t o m , lifting h
e a v y l o a d s , c l e a n -
i n g a n d s m i l i n g a t t h e c o u n t l e s s p e t t y h u m i l i a t i o n s h e
o r s h e h a s t o e n d u r e i n o r d e r t o m a k e a living.
I n C a p e T o w n , m y m o r n i n g ritual c
o n s i s t e d o f r e a d -
i n g n e w s p a p e r s a n d listening
t o r a d i o talk
s h o w s . I
c o u l d n ' t b u t n o t i c e t h e e x t r e m e f o r c e a n d intensity w
i t h
w h i c h t h e q u e s t i o n o f t h e ̀ original guilt' —
t h e c r u e l inci-
s i o n r a c i s m h a d b e e n a n d w a s still, t
o a certain e
x t e n t —
w a s still p
o s e d . It l
o o k e d t o m e a s if t
h e d e e p e s t m a r k s
w e r e t h e m e n t a l scarifications
t h a t c o u l d b e s e n s e d
t h r o u g h o u t , a m o n g B l a c k s a n d W h i t e s , C o l o u r e d s a n d
I n d i a n s — i n c l u d i n g t h o s e w h o c l a i m e d t o h a v e e s c a p e d
u n s c a t h e d f r o m t h e insanity. It w
a s c l e a r t h a t i n t h e
m a e l s t r o m t h a t w a s a p a r t h e i d — a n d b e f o r e t h a t ,
1 6 0
1 6 1
A T R I S K
A C H I L L E M B E M B E
t h r o u g h centuries o
f colonial p
a t e r n a l i s m a n d phalloc-
racy — e v e r y o n e h a d lost, to varying d
e g r e e s , m o r e t h a n
a bit o
f d e c e n c y . H e r e , evil h
a d f o u n d a t o n g u e . D e s p i t e
t h e t h o u s a n d little c
o m p a s s i o n a t e gestures c
a r v e d o u t
f r o m d a y to day, i
n t h e relations b
e t w e e n m a s t e r s a n d
servants, i n t h e c h u r c h e s w h e r e B l a c k s a n d W h i t e s u s e d
to w o r s h i p t h e s a m e G o d separately, in t
h e resistance
m o v e m e n t a n d interracial friendships m
a d e fragile b
y material
inequalities a n d t h e repressive
context, a n
o p a q u e wall o
f i g n o r a n c e h a d b e e n e r e c t e d a n d it h
a d
p r e v e n t e d a n y true s
e n s e o f proximity, reciprocity o
r similarity. A
l t h o u g h d e p e n d i n g o n e a c h o t h e r f o r their
daily existence, B l a c k s a n d W h i t e s w e r e c u t off f
r o m all
h u m a n closeness, s
o m u c h s o that t
h e biggest obstacle
to t h e project o
f n o n r a c i a l i s m w a s t h e difficulty —
e x p e -
r i e n c e d b o t h b y B l a c k s a n d W h i t e s — o f s e e i n g in t
h e
o t h e r t h e f a c e o f a fellow h
u m a n , o r o f m e r e l y i m a g i n -
i n g w h a t it w
o u l d m e a n t o b e i n t h e other's place; to
h a v e , s o m e w h e r e , a n y c o m m o n a l i t y .
It w a s precisely this i
d e a o f c o m m o n a l i t y that t
h e ide-
o l o g y a n d practice o
f racial s
e g r e g a t i o n h a d tried to
kill. O n e c o u l d s e e e v e r y w h e r e t h e injuries a
n d h e a p s
o f refuse
resulting f r o m that a
t t e m p t to
m u r d e r a n
I d e a . T h e c o u n t r y w a s littered with r
e m a i n s — t h a t m i x -
ture o f stupefying b
e a u t y a n d ugliness s
o characteristic
o f places w
h e r e t h e d e m o n h a d , at a
g i v e n m o m e n t ,
c h o s e n to dwell.
I s p e n t a g r e a t d e a l o f t i m e listening to
people's s t a t e m e n t s a n d o b s e r v i n g their
b e h a v i o u r in
p u b l i c
places — i n restaurants, at t
h e b a n k , in s
h o p s , cafes,
stores a n d o t h e r p u b l i c places. S
o m e t i m e s it s
e e m e d as
if t h e y h a d j u s t b e e n released f
r o m a n a s y l u m o r a p e n a l
colony. S o m e o f t h e m n o l o n g e r k n e w w h e r e t h e y h a d
b e e n t h r o u g h o u t t h o s e o b s c e n e years. T
h e r e w a s a very
a n c i e n t guilt t
h e y w a n t e d t o f o r g e t b e c a u s e it w
a s giving
rise t o s t r a n g e e m o t i o n a l events. O
t h e r s h a d n o desire
to k n o w a n y t h i n g . N o t e v e n t h e n a m e o f t h e place t
h e y
currently i n h a b i t e d — a n d e v e n less
w h o their
n e w
rulers w e r e . T h e y continually told t
h e m s e l v e s stories —
t h e y lived h
e r e still, b
u t w e r e c o n v i n c e d t h e y truly b
e -
l o n g e d to
a n ` e l s e w h e r e ' a n entire
p e o p l e tried
to
r e p r o d u c e h e r e , a l m o s t w i t h o u t c h a n g e , like t
h e for-
m e r E n g l i s h colonists o
n t h e b a n k s o f t h e P o t o m a c .
O t h e r s , w i t h political p
o w e r h a v i n g b e e n t a k e n f r o m
t h e m , w e r e c a u g h t i n a n infinite state o
f grief, m
e l a n -
cholia a n d s o r r o w . T h e y w e r e l a m e n t i n g a n d d r e a m i n g
a b o u t t h e r e t u r n to t
h e b y g o n e years w
h e n t h e w o r s h i p
o f t h e g o l d e n calf —
r a c i a l s u p r e m a c y — w a s t h e rule.
T h e A d a m i c state o
f i n n o c e n t r a c i s m , w h e n t h e l a w pre-
c l u d e d a n y s e n s e o f guilt, a
n d n o t o u c h o f s c a n d a l w a s
a s s i g n e d to h
a t e — a l l o f this w
a s n o w b u t a n e m p t y pic-
ture f r a m e , t h e insolvency o
f t h e debtor's soul. Still oth-
ers w e r e willing to l
o o k to t
h e future, b
u t h a r d l y k n e w
h o w to locate
t h e m s e l v e s i n relation
to t h e present.
O t h e r s w a n t e d to carry o
n as if n
o t h i n g h a d c h a n g e d ,
as if e v e r y t h i n g h a d stayed t
h e s a m e . T h e y tried to c
o n -
v i n c e t h e m s e l v e s t h a t they, t
o o , h a d stayed t
h e s a m e .
O n l y t i m e h a d fled, passing a
b o v e their h
e a d s , a l m o s t
w i t h o u t their k
n o w l e d g e .
M o r e t h a n o n c e , I felt as if I h
a d f o u n d m y s e l f i n
s o m e f u n e r a l casino. T
h e contrast b
e t w e e n t h e o p u -
l e n c e o f s o m e a n d t h e c h r o n i c sickness, p
r e m a t u r e
d e a t h a n d e x t r a o r d i n a r y m i s e r y o f o t h e r s w a s s o utterly
a s t o u n d i n g . T h e contrast w
a s a p p a r e n t f r o m t h e first
1 6 2
1 6 3
A z R ~ s x
A C H I L L E M B E M B E
e n t r y i n t o t h e city. I
h a d lived i
n m a n y c o u n t r i e s , b u t
n e v e r h a d I b e e n s o i n c l i n e d t o p o u r h a n d - o u t s t o
p a s s e r s - b y t h a n i n S o u t h Africa.
H e r e w a s a society
w h o s e f o u n d i n g v i o l e n c e h a d a l w a y s b e e n m a t e r i a l in-
equality. It w a s a s if t
h e g r a d u a l c o n s u m p t i o n o f t h e life
o f t h e p o o r e s t s e r v e d a s t h e k i n d l i n g t o t h e p l e n t i t u d e
o f t h e w e a l t h y .
O n e o f t h e q u e s t i o n s I c o u l d n o t s t o p w o n d e r i n g
a b o u t h a d t o d o w i t h t h e s h a m e f u l c o l o n i a l w o u n d s
w h i c h stare y
o u i n t h e f a c e , m a k e y o u b l e e d l o n g after
t h e e v e n t , a p e r p e t u a l w i t n e s s t o t h e o b s c e n i t y o f t i m e s
p a s t — t h e n a m e s o f t h e streets, p
u b l i c p l a c e s , a v e n u e s
a n d b o u l e v a r d s , m o u n t a i n s , l a k e s , g a r d e n s , d a m s , m o n -
u m e n t s a n d m u s e u m s . S h o u l d t h e s e s i g n s b e s e e n a s
s y m b o l s o f t h e m e n t a l e x p a t r i a t i o n f r o m w h i c h e v e r y
f o r m o f r a c i s m a n d c o l o n i a l m i m i c r y sustains
itself? W h y s o m u c h resistance t
o c r e a t i n g a n d i n v e n t i n g f o r
o n e s e l f ? W h y h a d a l m o s t all o
f t h e m b e e n left i
n p l a c e
after a p a r t h e i d ? W h y h a d t h e y n o t b e e n r o u n d e d u p , all
o f t h e s e i r o n o r clay-
m o u n t e d statues, all t
h e s e m o n u -
m e n t s a n d s i g n s o f racial insanity, a
n d p u t i n a p a r k o r
a m u s e u m ?
B u t I w a s i n t e r e s t e d i n m o r e t h a n p o s t- a p a r t h e i d
d e l i r i u m , o r t h e c o m p l i c a t e d s t o r y o f e x a c t l y w h a t w a s
r e p r e s s e d , d e s t r o y e d o r c o o p t e d . R i g h t f r o m t h e b e g i n -
n i n g , I w a n t e d t o lift t
h e veil e
n o u g h t o g l i m p s e t h e
c o m p l e x history t
h a t lay b
e h i n d it, its p
a r a d o x e s a n d its
potentialities. T h e S o u t h A f r i c a i n w h i c h I f o u n d m y s e l f
s e e m e d t o b e a society m
a d e u p o f c o u n t l e s s d r a w e r s . I
w a s s t r u c k b y t h e e x t e n t t o w h i c h , h e r e , capitalist f
o r m s
o f a c c u m u l a t i o n h a d r e a c h e d d e e p i n t h e society, a
n d
t h e p r o m i n e n t p l a c e g i v e n t o s t r u c t u r e s o f private p
r o p -
1 6 4
erry a n d t o t h e l e g a l r e g i m e s s e t u p t o e n s u r e their p
e r -
m a n e n c e . I a l s o n o t i c e d t h e e x t e n t t o w h i c h t h e c o u n -
try w a s w o v e n b y a multiplicity o
f h e r i t a g e s a n d political
c u l t u r e s — f r o m t h e r e m n a n t s o f c o l o n i a l liberalism i
n
t h e m a i n u r b a n a g g l o m e r a t i o n s t o t h e d e e p - r o o t e d
r u r a l p a t e r n a l i s m i n t h e f a r m s ; f r o m t h e r e s i d u e s o f t h e
racist o b s c u r a n t i s m t h a t h a d a l w a y s e x i s t e d — o f w h i c h
a p a r t h e i d w a s b u t t h e e x t r e m e m a n i f e s t a t i o n — t o t h e
p o p u l i s m i n h e r i t e d f r o m t h e l u m p e n - p o l i t i c s o f t h e
y e a r s o f resistance; a
n d f r o m t h e m e l a n g e o f c o r r u p -
tion, brutality a n d d e s p o t i s m o f t h e y e a r s o f t h e N a -
t i o n a l P a r t y a n d t h e B a n t u s t a n s t o t h e v e n e e r o f a
c o s m o p o l i t a n a n d t r a n s n a t i o n a l c u l t u r e t h a t h a s n e v e r
b e e n a b l e t o d e f i n e itself a
s s u c h .
T h e r e w e r e also, m
o r e t h a n e l s e w h e r e i n t h e conti-
n e n t , t h e t r a p p i n g s o f m o d e r n i t y — a relatively d
e n s e
n e t w o r k o f i n d u s t r i e s a n d services, a
f u n c t i o n a l u r b a n
i n f r a s t r u c t u r e , g o o d r o a d s , airports a
n d p o s t a l services,
l u x u r i o u s h o t e l s c l e a n a n d s p a c i o u s , c o u n t l e s s m a l l s ,
t h o s e t e m p l e s t o c o m m o d i t i e s t h a t a r e t h e substitute
f o r p u b l i c s p a c e , t h e i r stalls c
r a m m e d w i t h a l m o s t e v e r y -
t h i n g , a n d r i c h p e o p l e w h o s h o p u n t i l t h e y d r o p ,
especially d u r i n g t h e e n d - o f - y e a r festive s
e a s o n . T h e r e
w e r e s h i n y n e w c a r s s p e e d i n g a l o n g t h e h i g h w a y s b e -
f o r e d i s a p p e a r i n g u n d e r t h e trees, b
e h i n d t h e electric
f e n c e s a n d walls o
n w h i c h t h e f a m o u s s i g n w a s unfail-
i n g l y p o s t e d : ̀ A r m e d R e s p o n s e ' . T h e n t h e r e w a s a n
e x c e e d i n g l y l a r g e c a n i n e p o p u l a t i o n , w i t h b r e e d s s p e -
cially t r a i n e d t o p u t S l a c k s b a c k i n their p
l a c e — o r s o
e v e r y o n e t o l d m e .
A n d t h e n t h e r e w e r e s o m e r u d i m e n t s o f a liberal
society — f o u r o r five universities w
o r t h y o f t h e n a m e ; a n
1 6 5
A z R i s K
A C H I L L E M B E M B E
intelligentsia d i s o r i e n t e d i n t h e a f t e r m a t h o f t h e d e m o -
cratic transition a n d n o w s l o w l y r e c o n s t i t u t i n g itself; a
relatively f r e e a n d privately o
w n e d p r e s s o f distressing
intellectual m e d i o c r i t y ; t h e a t r e s , galleries
a n d m u s e -
u m s — if p
o o r l y f i n a n c e d ; a c o h o r t o f n o n g o v e r n m e n t a l
o r g a n i s a t i o n s ; a relatively a
u t o n o m o u s cultural s
p h e r e ,
y e t w i t h v e r y little s
u p p o r t ; a p o p u l a t i o n w h i c h b a r e l y
r e a d s ; t h e b a s i c f o u n d a t i o n s o f t h e r u l e o f l a w ; a relative
d e g r e e o f s o p h i s t i c a t i o n a m o n g t h e b e s t o f t h e elites
a n d , a b o v e all, a
n e n o r m o u s p o t e n t i a l t h a t o n l y a s k e d
t o b e e x p l o i t e d .
T h e o t h e r d r a w e r w a s t h a t o f p e r s o n a l life. P
a r a -
doxically, C a p e T o w n w a s also t
h e p l a c e w h e r e I redis-
c o v e r e d private
h a p p i n e s s , n o t u n l i k e t h e j o y s I h a d
k n o w n d u r i n g m y y e a r s o f i n n o c e n t c h i l d h o o d i n m y
o w n c o u n t r y . I h a d a l w a y s lived m
y a c a d e m i c life a
s a
k i n d o f p r i e s t h o o d . I n this b
e a u t i f u l- u g l y s p a c e , I w a s
d i s c o v e r i n g t h e possibility o
f a d i f f e r e n t k i n d o f rela-
t i o n s h i p b e t w e e n t h e s p h e r e o f w o r k a n d t h e p r o t e c t i v e
s p h e r e o f t h e f a m i l y , a n i n n e r life a
n d a n i n n e r f r e e d o m
t h a t n e e d e d t o b e n u r t u r e d o n c e a g a i n . T h e p e o p l e I
s h a r e d m y life w
i t h ( m y w i f e-to-
b e , h e r f a m i l y , a n d a f e w
f r i e n d s ) i n t r o d u c e d m e t o s o m e o f w h a t lay b
e n e a t h t h e
s u r f a c e o f this
p l a c e a n d its
c h r o n i c disaster z
o n e s .
A l o n g s i d e i m m e n s e possibilities o
f h a r m i n g , alternative
m o d e s o f relating h
a d b e e n d e v e l o p e d . T o a l a r g e e x -
tent, t h e s t r u g g l e t o o v e r c o m e i n d i f f e r e n c e a n d b l i n d -
n e s s h a d b e e n relentless. M
o r a l sensibility h
a d n o t b e e n
totally e r o d e d . W h i l e c a r i n g f o r t h e m s e l v e s , s o m e p e o -
p l e w e r e still c
a p a b l e o f c a r i n g f o r o t h e r s . A f t e r all, t
h e
basis f o r a n e w h u m a n c o m m u n a l i t y w a s t h e r e .
S u c h w e r e m y first i
m p r e s s i o n s after a
l m o s t t w o a n d
a h a l f y e a r s o f i m m e r s i o n . A y e a r after h
a v i n g left D
a k a r
f o r g o o d , I w a s r e c r u i t e d b y a n e w r e s e a r c h institute
b a s e d a t t h e U n i v e r s i t y o f t h e W i t w a t e r s r a n d , o n e w i t h
a p o w e r f u l a n d e v o c a t i v e a c r o n y m — W I S E R — t h e W i t s
Institute f o r S o c i a l a n d E c o n o m i c R e s e a r c h . N e v e r
b e f o r e h a d I f o u n d m y s e l f i n s u c h a c o n g e n i a l a c a d e m i c
s p a c e . T h e d i r e c t o r o f this n
e w institute h
a d c o n c e i v e d
o f it a
s a s p a c e f o r creative f
r e e d o m a n d intellectual
f r i e n d s h i p . T h e institute
h a d a s its
m i s s i o n t o reflect
u p o n t h e t r a n s f o r m a t i o n s t a k i n g p l a c e i n S o u t h A f r i c a
after a p a r t h e i d . A n d t h a t is
h o w I f o u n d m y s e l f i n
J o h a n n e s b u r g . It w
a s o n l y h a v i n g left t
h e G a p e a n d
after w e h a d settled i
n J o h a n n e s b u r g t h a t this c
o u n t r y
really started t o b e c o m e a n o b j e c t o f political a
n d intel-
lectual i n t e r r o g a t i o n f o r m e . T h a t w a s w h e n I b e g a n t o
c o n s c i o u s l y o b s e r v e it a
n d t o s t u d y its history.
J O H A N N E S B U R G A N D T H E I D E A O F S O U T H A F R I C A
It w a s t h e n t h a t I d i s c o v e r e d a n A f r i c a n c o u n t r y t h e v e r y
A f r i c a n n e s s o f w h i c h f o l l o w e d f r o m its transnationality.
H e r e , i n effect, is w
h a t d i s t i n g u i s h e s S o u t h A f r i c a f r o m
o t h e r A f r i c a n n a t i o n s — t h e f a c t t h a t f r o m a n e m p i r i c a l
p o i n t o f v i e w , this n
a t i o n is, strictly s
p e a k i n g , a dias~ioric
nation, a m e e t i n g o f n a t i o n s , a c c i d e n t a l a n d b r u t a l t o b e
s u r e , b u t a m e e t i n g n e v e r t h e l e s s . T h e c o u n t r y ' s s u c c e s -
sive r e g i m e s l o n g tried
t o e f f a c e t h a t A f r i c a n n e s s . A t
t i m e s t h e y d r e a m e d o f m a k i n g S o u t h A f r i c a a n E n g l i s h
c o u n t y a n d , a t o t h e r t i m e s , t h e H o l y L a n d f o r a particu-
lar e t h n i c g r o u p foolish e
n o u g h t o believe i
n its election
b y G o d a n d , i n s o d o i n g , willing t
o w e a r t h e m a s k o f
d e a t h a n d t o s e t i n m o t i o n a n i n c a l c u l a b l e v i o l e n c e — a
f o r c e f o r h a r m , c a r e l e s s n e s s a n d n e g l e c t . I n d e e d , t h e
1 6 6
1 6 7
A T R I S K
A C H I L L E M B E M B E
c o n c e p t o f racial s
u p r e m a c y , l o n g d o m i n a n t i n S o u t h
A f r i c a n life, w
a s n o t j u s t t h e v e r y antithesis o
f liberty. It
w a s t h e m a n i f e s t a t i o n o f a m a l a d y o f t h e m i n d — r a c i s m .
A s w a s t o b e e x p e c t e d , this d
e n i a l o f liberty a
n d rights
f o r t h e m a j o r i t y , all i
n t h e n a m e o f t h e survival o
f a sin-
g l e r a c e , f e d its social struggles. T
h e s e social s
t r u g g l e s
w e r e m o d e r n f r o m start t
o finish b
e c a u s e t h e i r c e n t r a l
s t a k e w a s f r e e d o m .
F o r m e t h e p l a c e t h a t s t a n d s f o r S o u t h Africa's d
e e m s
est potential, i n t h e e y e s o f t h e w o r l d a t a n y rate, is first
a n d f o r e m o s t J o h a n n e s b u r g . Ju s t a s Paris w
a s m y w i n d o w
o n t o a w a y o f t h i n k i n g , a n d N e w Y o r k m y w a t c h t o w e r
o n t o t h e g l o b a l w o r l d , s o t h e S o u t h A f r i c a o f m y political
a n d intellectual reflection is, a
b o v e all, J
o h a n n e s b u r g .
Historically, this city w a s built b
y p e o p l e w h o b y a n d l a r g e
c a m e f r o m e l s e w h e r e (uitlanders) —
w h e t h e r f r o m o v e r -
s e a s o r f r o m o t h e r r e g i o n s o f S o u t h A f r i c a a n d s o u t h e r n
Africa. T o d a y still, m
a n y c o n t i n u e t o arrive f
r o m else-
w h e r e . J o h a n n e s b u r g h a s t h e potential t
o b e c o m e t h e
e q u i v a l e n t o f N e w Y o r k o n a n A f r i c a n scale —
a p l a c e o f
s e d i m e n t a t i o n o f t h e w o r l d ' s c u l t u r e s a n d t h e r i c h n e s s
c a r r i e d b y e a c h o f t h e m . B u t t h e city m
u s t first c
o n c e i v e
o f itself i
n this w
a y , a n d m a k e this its project.
I n J o h a n n e s b u r g , I s a w t h e p r e m i e r industrial m
e t r o -
polis i n t h e c o n t i n e n t . U n l i k e C a p e T o w n , I also s
a w a
city t h a t b o l d l y c l a i m e d its A
f r i c a n n e s s . H e r e , b l a c k p e o -
p l e w e r e n o t r e l e g a t e d t o t h e m a r g i n s . T h e y i n h a b i t e d
t h e c e n t r e o f t h e city. H
e r e , I c o u l d s e e a r a n g e o f possi-
b l e lives f
o r B l a c k s t h a t w e r e n o t l i m i t e d t o t h e dialectics
o f cruelty a
n d m i s e r y I h a d w i t n e s s e d e l s e w h e r e .
I also s
a w a city t
h a t h a d w i t n e s s e d t h e m o s t decisive
a n d i n t e n s e struggles, o
n e s t h a t c h a n g e d t h e f a c e o f
S o u t h Africa. T
h e s e s t r u g g l e s i n v o l v e d t h e definition o
f
t h e t e r m s o f political
b e l o n g i n g . B u t t h e y w e r e also
a b o u t t h e d e f i n i t i o n o f t h e t e r m s o f p r o p e r t y a n d p o s -
s e s s i o n , o f ozunershi~i a
n d e c o n o m i c citizenship. A
t s t a k e
i n this t
w o f o l d s t r u g g l e w a s , a s I h a v e said, t
h e constitu-
t i o n o f a ̀ universal n
a t i o n ' b e c a u s e , c o m i n g f r o m e v e r y -
w h e r e , its i
n h a b i t a n t s f o r m e d n o t o n l y a w o r l d w i t h i n a
w o r l d , b u t w e r e c a l l e d u p o n , a s F a n o n w o u l d say, t
o
b e c o m e h e i r s t o t h e w o r l d i n its entirety.
T h e abolition
o f a p a r t h e i d d i d n o t p u t a n e n d t o
t h e s e struggles. It s
i m p l y shifted
their t e r m s . If S
o u t h
A f r i c a effectively b
e l o n g s t o all w
h o live h
e r e , t h e n o n e
c a n n o l o n g e r b e d e f i n e d b y r a c e , a n d t h e latter s
h o u l d
n o l o n g e r c a r r y a n y privilege. B
u t this w
o u l d also m
e a n
t h a t privileges p
r e v i o u s l y a c c u m u l a t e d precisely o
n t h e
basis o f r a c e m u s t b e s h a r e d a n d e x t e n d e d t o e v e r y o n e .
T h i s is w
h a t is
m e a n t b y deracialisation. I
n o r d e r f o r
t h o s e w h o , fo r c e n t u r i e s o n e n d , b e n e f i t e d f r o m t h e priv-
ileges o f r a c e t o legitimately c
l a i m rights o
f citizenship i
n
this n e w n a t i o n w h e r e r a c e n o l o n g e r c o u n t s , t h e y m u s t
s u b s c r i b e t o a n e w e t h i c o f s h a r i n g a n d conviviality.
T h e g r e a t e s t p o s s i b l e liberty
f o r all
will o n l y b e
o b t a i n e d w h e n m a n y if n
o t all h
a v e s o m e t h i n g t o lose.
T h u s t h e r e c a n b e n o c o m m i t m e n t t o liberty t
h a t is n
o t
a c c o m p a n i e d b y a n e q u a l c o m m i t m e n t t o justice,
r e d r e s s a n d equality. O
n e c a n n o t l e a v e t o m a r k e t f o r c e s
a l o n e t h e t a s k o f s p e a r h e a d i n g t h e triple u
n d e r t a k i n g
o f liberty, justice a
n d equality. F
o r it is a
n intrinsically
political u n d e r t a k i n g . B u t it is also a
c u l t u r a l u n d e r t a k -
i n g . T h i s is w
h y t h e p o s t - a p a r t h e i d state e
r r s i n g r a n t i n g
s o little w
e i g h t t o t h e arts a
n d t h e h u m a n i t i e s i n t h e
p r o j e c t o f t r a n s f o r m i n g this society.
1 6 8
1 6 9
A z R i s x
T o b e c o m e a `universal
n a t i o n ' — s u c h is
S o u t h
Africa's I d e a , its call in t
h e history o
f o u r m o d e r n i t y .
B u t f o r t h e m o m e n t , S o u t h Africa is n
o t c o n s c i o u s o f its
I d e a . T h i s c o u n t r y h a s n o t yet a
w a k e n e d to its I
d e a . F o r
it is still e n c u m b e r e d b y t h e b u r d e n s o f its countless
w o u n d s . It is still rife w
i t h t h e violence inscribed i
n its
social structures — t h e q u e s t i o n o f f o o d , sleep, health,
s c h o o l i n g a n d shelter. A
terrible l o a d is still p
l a c e d o n
t h e s h o u l d e r s o f t h e p o o r . It is still t
o o easy to die f
o r n o
r e a s o n in c
o n t e m p o r a r y S o u t h Africa. T
h e r e is still t
o o
m u c h talk o
f rights a
n d n o t e n o u g h o f responsibility.
F a r t o o m a n y o f its citizens still h
a v e n o t h i n g to lose. Its
elites, b l a c k a n d w h i t e , a r e t o o c o n s u m e d b y g r e e d a n d
t h e pursuit o
f wealth. T
o o m a n y e x c u s e s a r e still m
a n u -
f a c t u r e d f o r its t
o o h i g h levels o
f c r i m e , c o r r u p t i o n a n d
illiteracy. Its society r e m a i n s , in m
a n y respects, a
society o f o n e - w a y corridors, w
i t h t o o f e w crossroads, t
o o f e w
points o f c o n t a c t a n d bifurcation. It n
e e d s to set itself
free f r o m t h e p r i s o n o f ̀ race'. T
h r e a t e n e d b y t h e spirit
o f c o m m e r c i a l i s m a n d t h e cult o
f i n s t r u m e n t a l r e a s o n ,
it m u s t revive t
h e creative forces o
f t h e m i n d a n d reval-
orise artistic a n d cultural creation to its full w
o r t h .
I n spite
o f these
s h o r t c o m i n g s , S o u t h Africa
will r e m a i n t h e c e n t r e o f gravity f
o r m y intellectual w
o r k a s
l o n g a s I k e e p s e e i n g in its past a
n d p r e s e n t t h e u n i q u e
possibility, in t h e history o
f African m
o d e r n i t y , o f a c o u n -
try that m i g h t b e c o m e t h e first truly universal nation.
Achille M b e m b e is a
s e n i o r r e s e a r c h e r a t W I S E R . H e is t
h e a u t h o r ,
m o s t recently, o
f O n the Postcolony, w
h i c h w o n t h e 2 0 0 6 Bill V
e n t e r /
A l t r o n Literary A
w a r d .
Losing M y M i n d
Justice M a l a l a
I k n o w exactly w
h e n I w e n t i n s a n e . It w
a s o n 1 D e c e m -
b e r 2 0 0 6 .
I w a s s h o r t w i t h m y sister a
n d m y d a u g h t e r . I s
c r e a m -
e d at m
y wife. I
c h e c k e d t h e locks o
n t h e h o u s e . T w i c e .
I s c r e a m e d a t m y wife a
g a i n b e c a u s e t h e r e w e r e n o
shutters o n t h e w i n d o w s .
T h e burglax a
l a r m w e n t off twice in t
h e night. I
lay a w a k e , h e a r i n g noises a
n d footsteps a
n d i m a g i n i n g m o n -
sters at t h e d o o r . T h e n e x t day, m
y sister a
s k e d if I w
a s
okay. I a s k e d w h y , a n d s h e said I
h a d a wild l
o o k in m
y eye.
W e w e r e m o v i n g b a c k into o
u r h o u s e i n P a r k v i e w ,
p r o b a b l y t h e m o s t beautiful s
u b u r b in J
o h a n n e s b u r g ,
after living i n a flat n
e a r b y f o r five m
o n t h s w h i l e o u r
h o u s e w a s b e i n g r e n o v a t e d .
M y wife, n
o w e i g h t m o n t h s p r e g n a n t with o
u r sec-
o n d child, h
a d m a n a g e d t h e renovations. I
l o v e d living
in t h e flat. S
h e h a t e d it, a
n d w a n t e d to m
o v e b a c k into
o u r r e n o v a t e d h o u s e as quickly a
s possible. F
o r her, it
w a s five
m o n t h s i n t h e flat a
n d n o m o r e ; it
w a s 1
D e c e m b e r o r n o t h i n g .
It r a i n e d o n 1 D e c e m b e r . S o m e o n e called m
e a n d
w i s h e d m e H a p p y W o r l d A I D S D a y .
1 7 0
171
