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Chapter  4:   Building  Rela3onships  by   Communica3ng  Suppor3vely  

Developing  Management  Skills  

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Learning  Objec3ves  

1.  Build  suppor8ve  rela8onships  even   when  delivering  nega8ve  feedback  

2.  Avoid  defensiveness  and   disconfirma8on  in  interpersonal   communica8on  

3.  Improve  ability  to  apply  principles  of   suppor8ve  communica8on  

4.  Improve  rela8onships  by  using   personal  management  interviews  

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Posi3ve  Rela3onships  

• Result  in  beFer  physical  and   emo8onal  well-­‐being  

• Help  people  perform  beFer  at  work   and  concentrate  more  on  the  task   at  hand.  

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Frequent  Organiza3onal  Problems  

•  Reliance  on  technology   •  Dominance  of  e-­‐mail   •  Less  face-­‐to-­‐face  communica8on    

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Problems  with  Electronic   Communica3on  

• Too  much  informa8on,  low  quality   • No  content  to  informa8on,  lacks   meaning  

• Interpreta8on  of  informa8on   depends  on  rela8onships  with   sender  

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Focus  on  Accuracy  

The  ability  to  transmit  clear  and   precise  messages.  

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Inconsistent  Pronuncia3ons  

‘We  polish  Polish  Furniture.’   ‘He  could  lead  if  he  would  get  the  lead  out.’   ‘A  farm  can  produce  produce.’   ‘The  dump  was  so  full  it  had  to  refuse  refuse.’   ‘The  present  is  a  good  8me  to  present  a  present.’   ‘The  dove  dove  into  the  bushes.’  

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Rela3onships  Between  Unskillful   Communica3on  and  Interpersonal  

Rela3onships  

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Coaching  and  Counseling  

• Coaching  focuses  on  abili8es:     giving  advice,  direc8on  or  informa8on   to  improve  performance  

• Counseling  focuses  on  aUtudes:   helping  someone  understand  and   resolve  a  problem  him/herself  by   displaying  understanding  

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When  to  Coach  or  Counsel   Coach  

• Lack  of  ability   • Insufficient   informa8on  

• Incompetence   • Subordinate  must   understand  the   problem  

Counsel   • Personality  clashes   • Defensiveness     • Other  factors  8ed   to  emo8ons  

• “I  can  help  you   recognize  that  a   problem  exists”  

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Obstacles  to  Suppor3ve   Communica3on  

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AKributes  of  Suppor3ve   Communica3on  

•  Congruent   •  Descrip8ve   •  Problem-­‐Oriented   •  Valida8ng  

•  Specific   •  Conjunc8ve   •  Owned   •  Suppor8ve   Listening  

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Suppor3ve  Communica3on  

•  Helps  the  sender  communicate   accurately  and  honestly  without   jeopardizing  interpersonal   rela8onships  

•  Based  on  congruence:  a  match   between  what  an  individual  is   thinking  and  feeling  

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Suppor3ve  Communica3on  

Is  descrip,ve  and  reduces  the  tendency   to  evaluate  and  cause  defensiveness.  

1.  Describes  objec8vely  the  event,   behavior,  or  circumstance  

2.  Focus  on  the  behavior  and  your   reac8on  

3.  Focus  on  solu8ons    

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Suppor3ve  Communica3on  

Is  problem-­‐oriented  and  does  not   focus  on  personal  traits  which   cannot  be  changed.  

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Suppor3ve  Communica3on  

Validates  and  helps  others  feel   recognized,  understood,  accepted,   and  valued.  

• Egalitarian   • Flexible   • Two-­‐way   • Based  on  agreement  

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Invalida3ng  Communica3on  

Conveys   • Superiority   • Rigidity   • Indifference   • Imperviousness  

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Suppor3ve  Communica3on  

Is  specific  and  iden8fies  something   that  can  be  understood  and  acted   upon.  

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Global  Communica3on  

Focuses  on  extremes  and  absolutes   which  deny  any  alterna8ves.  “My   way  or  the  highway!”  

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Suppor3ve  Communica3on  

Is  conjunc,ve  and  joined  to  a   previous  message.  

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Disjunc3ve  Communica3on  

Occurs  when  there  is,   1.  Lack  of  opportunity  for  others  to  

speak   2.  Extended  pauses   3.  Topic  control      

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Interac3on  Management  

Creates  conjunc8on  by:   1.  Taking  turns  speaking   2.  Management  of  8ming   3.  Topic  Control  

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Con3nuum  of  Conjunc3ve   Statements  

Insert  figure  4.2  

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Suppor3ve  Communica3on  

Is  owned  and  acknowledges  the   source  of  the  idea.    Ownership   conveys  responsibility.  

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Disowned  Communica3on  

Results  in  the  listener  never  being   sure  of  whose  point  of  view  the   message  represents.  

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Suppor3ve  Communica3on  

Requires  ac,ve  listening  and   responding  effec8vely  to  someone   else’s  statements.  

• In  skills  important  for  managers,   effec8ve  listening  was  ranked   highest.  

• Individuals  usually  understand  about   a  fourth  of  what  is  communicated.  

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Responding  to  Others   Four  Types  of  Responses  

1.  Advising    2.  Deflec8ng   3.  Probing      4.  Reflec8ng    

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Advising  

• Provides  direc8on,  evalua8on,   personal  opinion,  or  instruc8on  

• Creates  listener  control  over  the   topic  

• Can  produce  dependence  

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Deflec3ng  

• Switches  the  focus  from   communicator’s  problem  to  one   selected  by  the  listener  

• Appropriate  if  reassurance  is   needed  

• Imply  that  the  communicator’s   issues  are  not  important  

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Probing  

• Asks  ques8ons  about  what  the   communicator  said  

• Used  to  gather  informa8on   • Can  appear  that  the  communicator   must  jus8fy  what  is  happening  

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Four  Types  of  Probes  

1.  Elabora8on   2.  Clarifica8on   3.  Repe88on   4.  Reflec8on  

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Reflec3ng  

• Mirror  back  to  the  communicator   the  message  that  was  heard  

• Involves  paraphrasing  and   clarifying  

• Could  appear  that  the  listener  isn’t   listening  

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Personal  Management  Interview  

A  regularly  scheduled,  one-­‐on-­‐one   mee8ng  between  management   and  subordinates  

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Personal  Management  Interview  

Step  1:  A  role-­‐nego8a8on  session   which  sets  expecta8ons’  of   employees  and  managers.  

Step  2:  A  set  of  on-­‐going  one  on  one   mee8ngs  to  foster  development   and  improvement.  

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Effects  of  Personal  Management   Interview  

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Culture  and  Communica3on  

• Language  paFern  and  structures   are  drama8cally  different  across   cultures  

• There  are,  however,  universal   principles  that  apply  to   interpersonal  problems  

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Behavioral  Guidelines  

•  Differen8ate  between  coaching  situa8ons   and  counseling  situa8ons  

•  Communicate  congruently.  Match  feelings   and  thoughts.  

•  In  communica8ng  congruently,  avoid   crea8ng  defensiveness  or  disconfirma8on  

•  Use  descrip8ve,  not  evalua8ve,  statements   •  Use  problem-­‐oriented,  not  person-­‐ oriented  statements  

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Behavioral  Guidelines   •  Use  valida8ng  statements  that  acknowledge   the  other  person’s  importance  and   uniqueness  

•  Use  specific  rather  than  global  statements   •  Use  conjunc8ve  statements  that  flow   smoothly  from  what  was  said  previously  

•  Own  your  statements,  and  encourage   others  to  do  likewise    

•  Demonstrate  suppor8ve  listening   •  Implement  a  personal  management   interview  (PMI)  program  

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Copyright  Informa3on  

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