Assignment | Discussion on Listening

COMMUNICATION

What Great Listeners Actually Do by Jack Zenger and Joseph Folkman

JULY 14, 2016

Laura Schneider for HBR

Chances are you think you’re a good listener.  People’s appraisal of their listening ability is

much like their assessment of their driving skills, in that the great bulk of adults think they’re

above average.

In our experience, most people think good listening comes down to doing three things:

Not talking when others are speaking Letting others know you’re listening through facial expressions and verbal sounds (“Mmm- hmm”) Being able to repeat what others have said, practically word-for-word

In fact, much management advice on listening suggests doing these very things – encouraging

listeners to remain quiet, nod and “mm-hmm” encouragingly, and then repeat back to the

talker something like, “So, let me make sure I understand. What you’re saying is…” However,

recent research that we conducted suggests that these behaviors fall far short of describing

good listening skills.

We analyzed data describing the behavior of 3,492 participants in a development program

designed to help managers become better coaches. As part of this program, their coaching

skills were assessed by others in 360-degree assessments. We identified those who were

perceived as being the most effective listeners (the top 5%). We then compared the best

listeners to the average of all other people in the data set and identified the 20 items showing

the largest significant difference.  With those results in hand we identified the differences

between great and average listeners and analyzed the data to determine what characteristics

their colleagues identified as the behaviors that made them outstanding listeners.

We found some surprising conclusions, along with some qualities we expected to hear. We

grouped them into four main findings:

Good listening is much more than being silent while the other person talks. To the contrary, people perceive the best listeners to be those who periodically ask questions that promote discovery and insight. These questions gently challenge old assumptions, but do so in a constructive way. Sitting there silently nodding does not provide sure evidence that a person is listening, but asking a good question tells the speaker the listener has not only heard what was said, but that they comprehended it well enough to  want additional information. Good listening was consistently seen as a two-way dialog, rather than a one-

way “speaker versus hearer” interaction. The best conversations were active. Good listening included interactions that build a person’s self-esteem. The best listeners made the conversation a positive experience for the other party, which doesn’t happen when the listener is passive (or, for that matter, critical!). Good listeners made the other person feel supported and conveyed confidence in them. Good listening was characterized by the creation of a safe environment in which issues and differences could be discussed openly. Good listening was seen as a cooperative conversation. In these interactions, feedback flowed smoothly in both directions with neither party becoming defensive about comments the other made. By contrast, poor listeners were seen as competitive — as listening only to identify errors in reasoning or logic, using their silence as a chance to prepare their next response. That might make you an excellent debater, but it doesn’t make you a good listener. Good listeners may challenge assumptions and disagree, but the person being listened to feels the listener is trying to help, not wanting to win an argument. Good listeners tended to make suggestions. Good listening invariably included some feedback provided in a way others would accept and that opened up alternative paths to consider. This finding somewhat surprised us, since it’s not uncommon to hear complaints that “So-and-so didn’t listen, he just jumped in and tried to solve the problem.” Perhaps what the data is telling us is that making suggestions is not itself the problem; it may be the skill with which those suggestions are made. Another possibility is that we’re more likely to accept suggestions from people we already think are good listeners. (Someone who is silent for the whole conversation and then jumps in with a suggestion may not be seen as credible. Someone who seems combative or critical and then tries to give advice may not be seen as trustworthy.)

While many of us have thought of being a good listener being like a sponge that accurately

absorbs what the other person is saying, instead, what these findings show is that good

listeners are like trampolines. They are someone you can bounce ideas off of — and rather

than absorbing your ideas and energy, they amplify, energize, and clarify your thinking. They

make you feel better not merely passively absorbing, but by actively supporting. This lets you

gain energy and height, just like someone jumping on a trampoline.

Of course, there are different levels of listening. Not every conversation requires the highest

levels of listening, but many conversations would benefit from greater focus and listening

skill. Consider which level of listening you’d like to aim for:

Level 1: The listener creates a safe environment in which difficult, complex, or emotional

issues can be discussed.

Level 2: The listener clears away distractions like phones and laptops, focusing attention on

the other person and making appropriate eye-contact.  (This  behavior not only affects how

you are perceived as the listener; it immediately influences the listener’s own attitudes and

inner feelings.  Acting the part changes how you feel inside. This in turn makes you a better

listener.)

Level 3: The listener seeks to understand the substance of what the other person is saying. 

They capture ideas, ask questions, and restate issues to confirm that their understanding is

correct.

Level 4: The listener observes nonbverbal cues, such as facial expressions, perspiration,

respiration rates, gestures, posture, and numerous other subtle body language signals.  It is

estimated that 80% of what we communicate comes from these signals. It sounds strange to

some, but you listen with your eyes as well as your ears.

Level 5: The listener increasingly understands the other person’s emotions and feelings about

the topic at hand, and identifies and acknowledges them. The listener empathizes with and

validates those feelings in a supportive, nonjudgmental way.

Level 6: The listener asks questions that clarify assumptions the other person holds and helps

the other person to see the issue in a new light.  This could include the listener injecting some

thoughts and ideas about the topic that could be useful to the other person.  However, good

listeners never highjack the conversation so that they or their issues become the subject of the

discussion.

Each of the levels builds on the others; thus, if you’ve been criticized (for example) for

offering solutions rather than listening, it may mean you need to attend to some of the other

levels (such as clearing away distractions or empathizing) before your proffered suggestions

can be appreciated.

We suspect that in being a good listener, most of us are more likely to stop short rather than

go too far. Our hope is that this research will help by providing a new perspective on

listening.  We hope those who labor under an illusion of superiority about their listening skills

will see where they really stand. We also hope the common perception that good listening is

mainly about acting like an absorbent sponge will wane.  Finally, we hope all will see that the

highest and best form of listening comes in playing the same role for the other person that a

trampoline plays for a child. It gives energy, acceleration, height and amplification. These are

the hallmarks of great listening.

Jack Zenger is the CEO of Zenger/Folkman, a leadership development consultancy. He is a coauthor of the October 2011 HBR article “Making Yourself Indispensable” and the

book Speed: How Leaders Accelerate Successful Execution (McGraw Hill, 2016). Connect with

Jack at twitter.com/jhzenger.

Joseph Folkman is the president of Zenger/Folkman, a leadership development consultancy. He is a coauthor of the October 2011 HBR article “Making Yourself Indispensable” and the book Speed: How Leaders

Accelerate Successful Execution (McGraw Hill, 2016). Connect with Joe at twitter.com/joefolkman.

This article is about COMMUNICATION

 FOLLOW THIS TOPIC

Comments

Comments

Leave a Comment

P O S T

REPLY 0  0 

55 COMMENTS

sehwag Kumar  9 months ago

You can easily change the formatting of selected text in the document text by choosing a look for the selected

text from the Quick Styles gallery on the Home tab. You can also format text directly by using the other

controls on the Home tab. Most controls database sql books offer a choice of using the look from the current

theme or using a format that you specify directly.

POSTING GUIDELINES

We hope the conversations that take place on HBR.org will be energetic, constructive, and thought-provoking. To comment, readers must sign

in or register. And to ensure the quality of the discussion, our moderating team will review all comments and may edit them for clarity, length,

and relevance. Comments that are overly promotional, mean-spirited, or off-topic may be deleted per the moderators' judgment. All postings

become the property of Harvard Business Publishing.

 JOIN THE CONVERSATION